I'm actually so scared of my mind because I have no idea where it's going. I can never tell if I'm going to be a huge mess or if I'm going to be ok and it scares me so much.. I get so scared that I don't even want to think. I hate thinking because I feel that if I do I'll make a decision that will hurt everyone around me and that terrifies me, I hate hurting other people's feeling ex specially if I consider them a friend and I just hate wanting to think for myself cause I feel I can't and then I try making decisions and I'm lost and confused and feel like I just can't and I just feel like one huge mess and all I want to do is runaway and hide just disappear and not have to do anything anymore... I don't want to have to clean, I don't want to go to school, I don't want to leave my bed at the same time I dot even want to stay there, there is no 'safe spot' anymore the only comfortable place is asleep, when I don't have to think when I don't have to do anything at all. I just want to sleep forever... I really just feel alone and that's basically all I really want to be too but I want friends I want to be held onto and never let go but I hate it ;-; why can't I just not be me?