Made a lil self indulgent thing teehee hope everyone enjoys :3
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Prove Me Wrong
(1690 words) [suicidal ideation, BPD jack]
It wasn’t unusual Jack would find himself in a bundle of rage and self-loathing, cursing himself out for a simple mistake that snowballed into the final stake in a crumbling relationship. He was curled beside his bed, gripping his knees, phone laying beside his head as it blew up with notifications.
As it kept lighting up, he couldn’t get the texts out of his head. Everything that led up to this moment.
He was fighting with Niki. Or more so, she was begging him to talk to her, and he was melting down in his own misery, exploding with overwhelming emotion. He was terrified of losing her, so he was pushing her away to lessen the hurt. It’d happened before, he’d get too attached and be too clingy, and then everyone he cared about would abandon him for being too much.
It was such a stupid reason to have such a horrible episode over, all he’d done was slip up and say the wrong thing. Niki was so accepting and apologetic, trying to get him to open up, but it tore him apart to be wrong. He wasn’t meant to be wrong.
The exact details were messy, all Jack knew was he made a terrible mistake, and Niki hated him. She was gone forever.
The urge to check his phone, just in case, overpowered all instincts to ignore Niki forevermore.
Jack shook sobbing as he picked the phone up, anxiously typing in the password. Their messages popped up, and his heart ached at the sight of dozens of gray text bubbles showing, concerned outpourings of affection. It sickened Jack, nobody was meant to care about him. Niki was only lying to him, she didn’t love him. Not after everything he’s done, not after countless slip ups. She just couldn’t.
Jack was completely unlovable. That had always been true from day one. He knew it just as well as everyone else.
The last message, the only one Jack cared to read, said “That’s it, I’m coming over.”
Panic insued, boiling inside his steaming blood, striking straight into his already wet eyes. Entirely distressed, he started spamming to her, begging her to just leave him like he knew she wanted to. Sobbing to her to let him die alone. Pleading with her to tell him the truth, that he was a selfish monster incapable of being a good person or worthy.
She was on her way though, which meant she’d be here soon, and Jack would end up hurting her, like he always did.
Jack dropped his phone, and it probably broke from the impact, but he didn’t care. His limbs sprawled out around him on the cold wooden floor. He stared up at the ceiling, trying to focus on the bumps and scratches that littered the surface, instead of the dead feeling of depression stifled in his chest. He choked from the lack of proper oxygen getting into his body from the heavy panting, and he forfeit his body to whatever the world wanted to do to it.
Jack wished he was dead. Then he couldn’t ruin anything else. Everyone would be happy finally. Without him, there’d be no more hurt, no strong uncontrollable emotions, no lashing out, no Jack burdening every person he’d ever met. It would be a perfect world, if only he wasn’t in it.
He dissociated as the time passed, boiling in hatred as snot and tears stained his face wet, red, and salty.
There was a knock at the door, and Jack screamed in panic, instantly scrambling to his feet. His legs felt wobbly underneath him as Jack tried to steady, making his way over to the bedroom door. At least Niki let him have a chance to let her in. He didn’t want to. He didn’t want to let her in.
Jack opened the door anyway, eyes glued to the floor to avoid her worried eyes as her figure came into sight with the door open.
“Jack,” she breathed out, instantly pulling him into an embrace, “I’m here.”
He felt numb. His mind ached and his eyes hurt. But Niki’s hug felt like the world, a soft blanket of kisses, a bandage to fix it all. She was a saint, perfect, angelic, and overwhelmingly caring. She always was. And Jack was a bad person, he was nothing in comparison. She deserved more.
“I didn’t want you here,” he lied. Jack partially wished she’d take that and go, but at the same time, if she left right now, there might not be a Jack tomorrow. He hated that he was doing this to her. Niki shouldn’t be held hostage by his heart like this, he shouldn’t value her more than his life, but he did.
She was crying, which hurt more, “Jack, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry,” why was she upset? Jack was in the wrong, not her.
Niki hugged him for what might as well have been hours. Eventually, Jack had returned the gesture, shaky hands coming around her back, and gently placed them there. It felt okay, and so he tightened his grip, and held her like she would disappear if they parted.
But eventually they did part, but Niki’s hands stayed holding Jack’s.
“Jack,” she had the most gorgeous image of sympathy shining in her eyes, flicker of light glinting her passionate gaze, “I love you. It’s okay.”
Tears fell down his cheek unwillingly, and he could only stare back, throat unable to muster a response. He didn’t deserve an ounce of this; Niki was too good to a monster like him.
“You’re wasting your time,” his voice croaked.
She sighed, “I’m not. You’re important to me.”
Jack’s eyes squeezed shut, “Stop.”
“How can I prove it to you?” Niki whispered softly. And honestly, Jack had no clue. He was fully convinced he was unworthy. That he was disgusting, and horrible, and dramatic . Nothing she could say could change that.
Moments of silence brought Niki suddenly to a lit face, “Here, can you sit on the edge of the bed?”
He shrugged, too tired to argue or question. Jack did as she said, sitting upright on the pillows and messy sheets, waiting for her next move.
Niki stood in front of him, gave a soft smile, then rested her hands on his shoulders and lifted herself up to straddle Jack’s lap. She laid against his chest, humming softly. Jack felt his breath hitch uncomfortably in his lungs.
Before he could open his mouth, Niki was shrinking down, down, down. Her entire figure shifted until she was around an inch, give or take, tall, sitting on Jack’s lap and looking up smiling. He couldn’t help but return the expression, before biting down on his lip.
She lifted her arms, singling for him to pick her up. Jack obliged, bringing her to eye level. Niki’s miniature figure beamed at him, outstretched arms wishing for a hug. Jack obliged, bringing his palm now to his nose.
Her teeny voice squeaked out, “I’m going to prove I care. Okay?”
Jack’s eyelids lowered. That numbness really bit at him, hurting his brain with racing self-loathing thoughts. He watched cross-eyed to see Niki wrap her hands around his pointed nose. She nuzzled against the skin, humming softly.
“I love you,” she squeaked, then her grip slipped and she slid down. Jack panicked, reaching to catch her, but Niki caught herself on his lower lip.
He realized then she had intentionally dropped down, as her tiny hands pried open his lips, them letting out a pop as they pursed. Niki knocked on Jack’s teeth like a door, asking permission inside. Jack cringed up at the implication, she wasn’t meant to want to get close to him. She wasn’t meant to care or want to show affection.
“I-“ Jack started before Niki stole the opportunity, hopping inside his mouth the instant his teeth had opened. She snuck inside, flopping against Jack’s tongue.
He was suddenly hyperaware of his mouth, Niki’s little form sat on top of the muscle, shifting slightly inside him. The walls of his mouth couldn’t stop salivating, her tasting like sugar on his tongue. Saliva pooled around the appendage, and his teeth hovered awkwardly open.
Niki rubbed his tongue comfortingly, then scooted forward, using it as a slide as she slipped down, the saliva no doubt helping in the decent. She met the back of his throat, and her body paused, shimmying around. Jack wanted to spit her out, it was already terrifying enough to let people into his heart, much less his stomach. Especially Niki. He loved her so much, if he got so attached, he’d lose her. Like everyone else.
But Niki was determined, and she wouldn’t let him give up their friendship. That was plain and obvious. So, reluctantly, Jack swallowed.
It was terrifying. Letting her in, letting himself trust her. Letting the relationship form and stay between them. Niki went above and beyond every time to prove she wouldn’t just abandon Jack, and in a way, he hated it. It wasn’t normal to him, being cared about, so it made it unpredictable and confusing. He knew how to act when someone despised him, not the opposite. Processing it took so much effort.
But Niki did love him, and as she glided down the squishy wet walls of his esophagus, Jack cried.
Niki wanted to make it work, so she was going to make it work.
Soon enough, she met the open area of Jack’s stomach. Jack instinctively grabbed his stomach when her weight entered the organ. His palm rested against his shirt, eyes closed as wet eyelashes dripped.
She laid against the stomach walls, rubbing circles into the organ. Wordless affections were shared through slow movements between them, their hands placed on the same area, wall of flesh between as they pressed against one another.
Jack accepted it at last. Niki was here. She cared.
While before he was petrified of her being anywhere near him, now he wanted to keep her this close forever, never letting go of this. She was the healthiest thing to ever happen to him, and Jack was grateful.
