Used To The Cold, Frozen In Place
Pairing: Gabe Goodman x Reader WC: 1.8k
Summary: In the middle of December, a frankly miserable day leaves you exhausted. You feel stupid, stuck in a stalemate of suffering as the clock only ticks further and further into the morning of a bunch of the same. That is, until you hear an unexpected knock at your window. One that definitely shouldn’t be there at this hour, but one that you can’t even be surprised showed up despite the hard-falling snow outside: Gabe.
Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Sleepy Cuddles, Cuddling & Snuggling, try not the use the ‘Cuddling & Snuggling’ tag but it’s me so it’s level impossible, Sleep Deprived Reader, Author Is Sleep Deprived, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Established Relationship, Gabe Goodman Lives, Fluff, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Kissing, Self-Esteem Issues, Reader Has Specific Struggles, (not any struggles i personally have, the idea just kind of came to me)
A/N: Hi yes I wrote this over the course of a few days but within the hours of 12am-4am (unintentionally). Ohhh I need to start going to bed at consistent AND reasonable times soon, this is not good. This as in my sleep schedule, not the work (I’d hope). Is prob ooc or wtv, just enjoy the sweetness. If you see typos or something, I’ll probably catch them later. I need to go to bed 😭. Hope you enjoy!
-> Crosspost from ao3, read it here!
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A knock at your window has you peeking up out of your zoned out state.
You weren’t having a very good time. You’d had an awful day and wanted nothing more than to sleep, yet here you are. 2:00am blaring on your clock and you’re so exhausted but just can’t sleep.
You pull yourself up from your bed and cross to the window, barely registering who you’d be opening it for until you were face to face with them: Gabe.
You subconsciously knew it was him, but having him actually in front of you sort of brought you out of your dazed state.
“Oh— hey yeah, come in. Aren’t you freezing?” The window had already chilled your hands from its cold metal. It was the middle of December, and you were fairly certain he’d walked here.
He slid off his smaller puffer coat to the hoodie underneath, and which you were also fairly certain was yours.
“Eh, a little,” he says with a smile, rubbing his hands together for some warmth.
You shut and lock the window tight so no more cold air gets in. “What’s got you coming over?” you try to ask with as much ‘not-tired’ tone and overall state you can muster. His quick look over you up and down after you spoke told you that you weren’t very convincing.
“Couldn’t sleep. Saw your lamp on and figured you were up.” You both lived within eyesight of each other’s houses, so this was a fairly common occurrence. Especially with your… eventful home lives.
“Everything ok?” you make sure to briefly ask. He looks fine, and by your usual assessment was probably accurate, but with your sleepy state you just wanted to double check it’s accuracy.
He answered honest though. You could tell from the genuine soft smile on his face, calm speech, and lack of fidgeting. “Yeah, everything’s fine. Great actually. Everything’s pretty peaceful at the moment, I just missed you.”
You smile, and step to give him a soft kiss. He blushes every time you kiss him. You find it really cute.
After pulling away from his still fairly cold form, he goes right on ahead and steals three blankets from your blanket basket and cuddles all up on your bed. “Seems like you’re already settled,” you joke as you move to turn off the lamp.
“I always sleep better in your bed. I don’t make the rules.”
You wished your bed was always as comfy to you as it was for him. Unfortunately, on nights like tonight it felt like a taunting rock. Still, you climb under the covers, and he doesn’t waste any time in including you in his blanket mountain. “Were my three biggest blankets really necessary?”
He looks to you, jokingly taken aback. “It was basically freezing in here, I’m surprised you didn’t have them earlier.”
Oh. You hadn’t noticed how cold it got. Especially now that the blankets warmth has begun to seep into you a little bit. Maybe it’s because your parents hated putting on the heater so you were just used to it. Maybe it’s because you’ve been stuck in this exhausted state so long that your brain just mixed all the miserable factors of the night into one awful feeling. Thoughts whirling in your head of how you were just stuck in that state so long and couldn’t bring yourself to help yourself in any way weigh you down. The thought that you didn’t even know how to help yourself in that miserable of a moment weighs heavier.
All you can really respond with is, “Oh.”
That’s when you can tell he knows something’s wrong, cause you never weirdly stopped conversations like that. You always had something witty to say, teasing him or making a joke about a situation, always so optimistic. So you think he hated this: your awkward out of character sluggishness and awkward short response. You were so rarely anxious, you sometimes hated due to that how obvious it was when you were.
He sits up a little bit from where he laid beside you. “Everything ok?”
Dang he got you good, using your same soft tone of voice and everything. You sometimes can’t believe how easy he gets you to spill.
“I’m sorry. I’m really tired.” You look away, feeling guilty in a way. Of course though, he grabbed your cheek and gently turned your face back to look at his.
“Don’t be sorry. There nothing to be sorry for?”
“No, you probably came over to hang out and I’m just… exhausted.”
He can’t help but laugh a little.
“In all honestly, I came over to sleep in your comfy bed in hopes that included a comfy you. I mean, I wasn’t going to stop you if you were watching tv or something, buttttt…”
Yeah it wouldn’t be the first time he’d come over and nonstop ask you to come sleep, no matter what you were doing or trying to do. The reminder of that brings a small smile to your face. Unfortunately, since you can’t seem to have nice things though, the thought is smothered by reminders of your previous helpless state.
The loss of your smile then smothers his, and you just feel worse.
“I feel so… useless.”
He perks up instantly with concern. You don’t want to say this, make him worry on top of everything else he endured, but the words wouldn’t stop.
“I haven’t even been doing anything since 9:00pm. I’ve just been sitting here, all zoned out and... useless. Sometimes seconds go by but my clock tells me it’s been an hour. Sometimes I feel borderline sick from how upset I am for a long time, but I look over and it’s only been five minutes.”
You feel his eyes burning all of his undivided attention towards you. You fell the burning of his eyes from tears or— wait no, that’s you.
“And… and it’s even worse because I think this used to happen a lot when I was younger. My parents… fought. Fight. Still do. A lot. There’s not a lot of… calm moments I can go and talk to them about my day or anything like that. So I just… end up sitting here. Sulking over the stupidest stuff, just… useless.”
You pull your palms to your eyes to stay and stop the tears threatening to fall. You feel slightly better at saying all that out loud, but then just as bad as before once you remember who you said it to.
“I didn’t mean to put that on you I’m just— I’m so tired, must be like the deprivation talking. I’m sorry. I’m—“
And then he’s kissing you, cutting off not only your words but most of your train of thought. You don’t object though, kissing him back as soon as you register what’s happening.
You feel a lot at once. You feel comforted and loved yet at the same time scared? Maybe relief is the word. You feel tears quietly fall down your cheeks. You feel his few tears fall onto your face.
You think you feel… heard.
When you both part, desperately needing air, he wraps his arms around you in the tightest hug he can. You hug back, but that doesn’t completely stop your anxieties from closing back in on the corners of your mind.
“I’m sorr—“
“Stop.” It’s said quick and soft, not angry, but rather more like pleading.
“It’s just— you can talk to me about what you’re struggling with. You’re not hurting me by telling me, I promise. You tell me that all the time, did you think it didn’t go both ways?”
You swallow down your fears. “Well it’s just… I wouldn’t want to assume and… make things worse for you.”
He squeezes you tighter, which you wasn’t sure was possible until then. He takes a moment to respond, thinking through his answer you guess.
“I… appreciate your thoughtfulness but I always want to help you. If we’re gonna have shitty teenage years we might as well have them together— lighten the load yeah?”
You giggle at that a little bit, relaxing a bit more into his comforting weight and warmth amidst the pile of blankets.
The silence that comes is easy. It’s understanding. It’s the calm you both desperately crave constantly.
It’s nice. So, so nice.
You both stay like that for a long while. You don’t fall asleep just yet, trying to soak up every second of this inevitably fleeting night. You think Gabe may have fallen asleep, until he opens his eyes to look at you and smile before cuddling up somehow closer. You smile.
“You’re such a cuddle bug.”
He perks up partially, opening his eyes to you in more confusion before that familiar glint of something shines in his eyes and entire demeanor.
“Oh nooooo, I hear those are invasive.”
“Invasive?—“ and as you get the word out, he’s tickling you.
“GABE!” You stifled your laughs as much as you could, but he was insistent. You tried pushing him off you. “You’ll wake up my parents!” You say with the biggest smile on your face. He relented not too long after that, dramatically acting defeated as you get him off from tickling you.
“How am I to go on.” He flails, acting as if he’s in one of Shakespeare’s tragedys.
“May as well put me under a cup and let me outside.”
You pinch the bridge of your nose, trying and failing not to laugh.
“You’re so stupid,” you manage between laughs— a phrase you both said all to often. You pull gently at his hoodie, “I’m too lazy to catch and release, so I suppose you can stay,” you sarcastically say, matching his performance.
That’s all it takes to clear him of his faux dramatics, as he assumes the same tight hug as before. You feel any tension left in him dissipate as his breathing finally fully slows to a steady calm, as does yours.
“I don’t ever care if you’re tired,” his half asleep state feels the need to mumble. “‘M like… always tired. ‘s ok. Happens.”
You hum softly to show your listening. He’s silent for a long while, before surprising speaking again, slurred in that way that you know he won’t remember this specific moment in the morning from how close he is to drifting off
“Are you… happy… now?
You feel your eyes able to gently close peacefully as that exhaustion playing you finally creeps in to bring you to slumber. “I’m happy.”
“The three blankets do it?”
Barely awake and still ridiculous. You love him. “If the three blankets by association mean you, then yeah. The three blankets did it.”
A soft yes of victory is the last thing you hear before he finally drifts off. It’s now, in these moments that make every bad moment disappear into forgotten memories. It’s in these moments where you’re thankful for every part of your life, even the hard times, because they’re what brought you here: finally safe, finally heard, and finally loved.
