Someone posted a screenshot of this
Me: "phallocentric communication" meaning he thinks with his bits?
A friend: I read it as more they're sword fighting.
Me: What, like penis fencing in flatworms?
I'm having trouble imagining this. Is it like a lightsabre battle where they make that "wom, wom" noise while they wave them around?
Okay, I probably would pay to watch that, not as porn, more as spectator sport. It would be even better if you were stoned
Somehow I'm sitting here planning this gameshow
Okay, to make it fairer it should probably use strap-ons rather than actual penises, so people without penises could play. (And also keep their clothes on.)
But you would get them in various sizes and so on. And then you'd have some sort of augmented reality system so they appeared on camera like glowy lightsabre penises, and it would add the sound effects
And of course that would mean you could keep the show skipping along by setting a time limit on each joust, so that a few minutes the sabres would slowly start wilting and be less useful for hitting the other guy
And then the clock would hit zero and you'd be eliminated with the screen flashing "I'M SO SORRY, THAT NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE"
Then the other player gets to go on to the bonus round where you win points if you can identify the clitoris on a chart while blindfolded