I am promised myself i would not go back, that i would play heart to get: ignoring, avoiding, and limiting contact. I'm finding it so hard .... Or am i just entertaining that idea to acid the reality that I do still seek our conversations. A part of me wonders, if he ponders the same the thoughts as I do, but is better at playing this game of denile. I want to hold on and let go but than Ill drift amongst thoughts and "if's" .... I know what I felt was factual and there was association of equal emotions. But he would tell me supress them feel them but dont bring them up keep it yrself . What the fuck ? ugh why am i thinking about this if it happen so long ago.