#gender hell

[unbloodiedmartyr]

no its actually embarrassing how invested i am in my singing voice as a person who does nothing but sing in the car tell me why im out here feeling gut-churning dread reading about T side effects

[arian-archivist-11]

Having very little internal sense of race while simultaneously being genderquuer and traumatized is so fucking wild.

I'll associate myself with the gendered vibe of a person or character and even use them as internal persona within my mind and then I'll look into the mirror and realize I am, in fact, not a traumatized Asian girl. Or a quirky golden receiver white boy. Or a toxic sad girl. Or a gruff old man. Or a regal queen. Or a-.

I very much love myself and my body But my five thousand disassociative disorders dictate that I need 1 million different characters to represent every emotional,psychological, and gendered state and my non socialized brain that never interacted with enough people to strictly internalize racial, sexual, and gender concepts/groups so it does not care who im mentally attaching to. As long as you fit the aesthetic and I associate with you, I will parasitically steal your identity.

I've had one too many gender-criciseas over whether I am actually a trans girl because on an genderless day I was feeling rather fem and was kinning a female character heavily and my agander disassociated mind confused that for being proper feminine gender.

I'm so unsocialized im borderline autistic dispite being neuro-typical.

So no, I am not goblin boy denji or prodigal Albedo. I am not Rick and morty and homura akemi.

I am a weird black guy with too many fictional fixations.

End monthly gender/self perception rant.

[fttitv]

[clowniconography]

on fridays i work with a chef who i get along really well with and generally everyone ive worked with at that venue has been good at calling me the right pronouns and everything but today during conversation she called me "sis" and i got nervous for a bit until i realize it she meant it in the gay guy sense and not the girl sense which means she probably sees me as a cis gay dude which makes my heart go 🥺🥺

[starw1sh]

Time to have gender dysphoria about *spins wheel* my hand writing!

[nicktotherescue]

I've been really upset lately. I've been feeling so uncomfortable in my own body. I use They/Them pronouns but a lot of people around me refuse to use them and go with the pronouns of my birth gender. Every time I hear myself being called "she" or "her" I feel myself shrivel up inside. I can't stand it. I'm so uncomfortable with the fact. I'm so uncomfortable with my damn feminine body. I don't know what bathroom to use because I don't identify as either gender. Both bathrooms feel incorrect. No matter what i feel isolated and uncomfortable. Will this go away?

[clowniconography]

*buys a pronoun pin to wear to my living room*

[clowniconography]

my hot take for today

ultimately i personally think that any attempt to say “there are x number of genders in the world” is a pretty useless endeavor. everyone’s gender is their own gender. trying to define each individual gender identity seems so pointless to me. even if two people both identify as men the way they experience their gender identity could be astronomically different. my idea of what it means to be non-binary is so far removed from a cis person’s definition of the word, or even from another non-binary persons definition of their own identity. while i won’t discourage people from finding words for their own personal gender—in fact i think doing so is a good and productive thing—i also think trying to assemble a comprehensive list of gender identities is so pointless and can only really lead to exclusion no matter how inclusive you try to be. your gender is your own and its a part of you that only you have the power to define. ok end of post thanks for reading guys :)