CrackFic Sailor Moon AU
Geralt is Sailor Moon (of course)
Roach as Luna and yes, she can talk now!
Regis as Sailor Mercury (he’s the smartest, most logical one in the group)
Eskel as Sailor Mars (the magically inclined one who can’t seem to motivate our protagonist no matter how hard he tries)
Yennefer as Sailor Jupiter (let’s fight! magical powerful fuck you vibes!)
Triss as Sailor Venus (she’s got the Yearning factor)
Ciri as Chibi Moon (duh)
Jaskier as the one and only Tuxedo Mask (big dumbass energy)
Jaskier: My job here is done!
Geralt, frustrated: BUT YOU DIDN’T EVEN DO ANYTHING!
Jaskier: (cape flourish)
Geralt flying out of the inn with toast sticking out of his mouth while screaming about how Jaskier is making them late
“Holy cow you dumb motherfuckers” - Roach commentary a la Luna/Artemis
“In the name of the Wolf School, I’ll punish you!”
m a g i c a l g i r l transformation sequence, complete with cool new hairstyles for everyone!
MEMORY LOSS TROPE ANYONE? LIKE LITERALLY EVERY SEASON!?
Ciri’s character is introduced when she drops out of the sky with a fucking glock and goes straight for Geralt while he’s on a romantic date with Jaskier (that’s canon Sailor Moon shit btw)
All. The. Buttercups. Jaskier. Throws. As. Tuxedo. Mask.
Monster of the Week trope still applies
But now they’re also from space
Geralt is the Moon Prince so romantic??? big sky castle with a Mom who loves him?? EMOTIONAL FULFILLMENT FOR THE BOY!?
Jaskier very romantically kissing Geralt on a balcony while surrounded by flowers on the goddamn MOON
More amnesia, anyone?