#geriatric millennials

[userdoesnotexistintable]

I just need to complain:

Butterscotch is, like, one of my FAVORITE flavors of all time and it is patently unfair that the only butterscotch coffee creamer out there is a HP Butterbeer branded crossover promo.

I will not waver, I will not buy it, but I am ABSOLUTELY going to pout about it for a moment while drinking my Coconut Cream flavored coffee instead.

Join me next time for a rant on why International Delight brand creamer sucks (hint: it’s the palm oil).

[icarus-suraki]

If you're of a certain age, you know exactly what this child's mother needs.

[krinsyn]

Smells Like Team Spinister

[poppypickle]

Geriatric millennials.

[userdoesnotexistintable]

How do you come back from the void when you're so burnt out inside, so jaded and empty, that you can't appreciate anything anymore?

The kind like when you take a hike out into the woods, and you stand at the edge of a stream, and you watch the water flow between rocks and splash in pools, and you find yourself consumed with thoughts of

"I hate this. I hate everything about this. I hate being here, I hate this air, I hate this ground, I hate this place, I hate being alive, I don't want to keep doing this, and even worse: I know that thinking these thoughts makes me a reprehensibly selfish person, that I should feel LUCKY to have the privilege of standing here in this forest when so many others had that that privilege taken away from them through the violence of others, yet the more I think about and confront that thought, it only fuels my hatred of this place and this air and this water and my very being, it stokes a white-hot fire of anger at the injustice of our reality, and that anger makes me want to choke and vomit and aspirate and cease to be".

Because that's basically what echoes in my head when I try to take a walk, or touch some grass, or breathe in deeply, or rest or take any other action that might make the permanent shaking in my hands subside or might calm the never-ending grinding of my cracked and brittle teeth.

When I try to sit still, I twitch all over, not like a restless leg or an alcoholic tremor (Have those too - This is different) but like a systemic instability, a body at war with itself. When I try to think, it is like angry crackling static and arcing electricity, swirling in a dark indiscernible blur. I cannot hold a thought for more than two or three seconds, often not long enough to grab a pen and write it down, sometimes not long enough to think the thought itself. And I feel as though I am deteriorating daily.

Current events... are not helping. Understatement. Leaving at that.

Being around people makes it worse. Trying to distract with something I enjoy is making it worse. Trying to distract with productivity is making it worse. Trying to stay informed is making it worse. Everything is making it worse. ... That, or perhaps: the world situation is making it worse more rapidly than any self-care or distraction or other countermeasures I can control are able to diffuse it. Regardless: It keeps getting worse.

I don't want to lie - inside my gut, what I hear and feel is: This is just the beginning, it will get so, so, so, so, so much worse than this, and it will never get better in my lifetime. I want to bury it and pretend I don't feel it, but I will be frank: My gut has been batting REALLY well so far on predicting how all this shit has gone down, some of my timing has been a little off but broadly the sequencing and events have been right. (Example: I thought more stuff would pop off July 4th 2025, but I think the Musk Debacle sidelined their momentum and shifted their opportunity window down the road.)

I don't have an optimistic "But wait" to follow that up with. That's what I'm ending on. My gut says "We are so, so fucked, chat." and according to the orange one's angry decree, we have less than 10 hours until we find out how fucked 'fucked' is.

By the way, did anyone see that France just repatriated a WHOLE LOT of gold? (And took a windfall in doing so?) That's what you call "a warning sign".

[userdoesnotexistintable]

I have so goddamn many posts that are stuck in my head, but the combination of ADHD and general language processing dysfunction are making it impossible to do anything with them. As if I want to be analyzed but I cannot spit enough of the data out into the petri dish for you all to see and interact with. Augh! I need some aspiring would-be-journo who wants to, like, interview me and then write the assuredly-epic Tumblr post series that results from it. Except interviewing would be awkward, it doesn't quite work that way, we'd have to .... like, mindmeld first for a few months until i had no filter left. Anyway, that thought process started out with "I swear, there is no place on this earth where I actually fit in and belong, I'm never going to find home."

[userdoesnotexistintable]

The more times I stop to make myself practice reading Tumblr posts en español to try to resurrect any language proficiency which I once had (24 yrs ago?), the more of them it shows me, so that means for once I'm not mad at Tumblr's hyperfixation-in-lieu-of-a-feed-algorithm approach.

I'm remembering that real-life conversational Spanish is a lot harder to deduce than simple textbook passages, you get all that nuance in there... turns of phrases and such.

If I can get my vocab freshened up, then I can think about some Spanish audio feed baseball, or some telenovelas or something as practice ... but since I have poor hearing, I have to give myself opportunity to develop the other competencies without being 'graded on' the verbal/aural portion yet - or else I'll let any failures snowball and sink any momentum that I had built up. Important to identify and isolate the wins so that they aren't completely offset/erased by the losses. And god am I bad at the hearing part. I'm embarrassed trying to communicate in English even - so the idea of trying to jump back in like it's Hard Mode is too scary.

[userdoesnotexistintable]

I wish there was a Autistic Nation of Peace™️somewhere on this globe that folks could choose to migrate to - without the cost as an obstacle or arduous legal processes to navigate to get there - and without any fear of invasion or capture from outside forces once you're there. Like, an unspoken agreement that the entire galaxy would bring its entire might down upon any selfish cabal who set their sights on stealing Autismland from its denizens, for their only want is to exist sans-duress. Not any specific economic doctrine, not a religious cultural alignment, simply a diverse and wonderful place where we all agree to draw the line and say: we are not going to shoot and bomb each other into oblivion because greed and power blind us, we are going to exist and live our damn lives and not feel like we have been in a constant, uninterruptible state of imminent peril for decades on end.

Before you hit me with your "Yeah but"s, please note that I did not propose or encourage or demand -- A bum can wish, making wishes isn't banned yet, so just let me have this, k?