Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, Still Going
Right, so we finished with that ridiculous broom-flying class, and Harry's gonna be on the Quidditch team, and Wood has possibly missed out on vitally important information re: iguanas, and Harry and Ron and Hermione are stuck on a moving staircase (which is an actual moving staircase, and not just an escalator), and I guess they have no other option but to enter the first open door they see, which leads them to the room with the three-headed dog . . .
36. So, if the dog can only barely fit just one of its heads through the door . . . how did the dog even get in that room? Was it raised in there? 'Cause that's . . . a really sad thought.
37. Moving on to the Quidditch lesson . . . what is with the goblin ball? (Am I the only one that is pretty sure the -- what is it, bludger? -- the bludger is housing one of the goblins from Labyrinth? Yes? Oh. I see. Okay then. Awkward . . . )
38. Accents must make magic really complicated. Like, it took me a really long time to hear a difference between what Ron was saying and what Hermione was saying. And I'm not even a feather. How are the feathers supposed to know when it's right? And this means poor Seamus is at a clear disadvantage, so I don't think it's fair that he kinda has this reputation for just being a bit of a screw-up when his accent has to take at least part of the blame . . . Seriously, why is the standard RP "proper British" accent seemingly the only acceptable pronunciation in order to get anything to work? Would American wizards have to drop their rhotic accent to be able to successfully cast a spell? Because we would be pronouncing the hell out of that "r" in "Wingardium". Also, how does this affect students at other wizarding schools, where they maybe don't even speak English? Do they just have completely different spells? It seems only fair . . .
39. Why do they even hire a Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher who's afraid of trolls (and centaurs, too, I guess)? I mean, I get that maybe it's a bit of an act, but isn't that the point? As far as everyone else knows, he really is that spineless, right? Or do they know he's faking, and they hire him anyway, because reasons? I mean, who is in charge of hiring? Don't they run background checks at all? The Hogwarts HR department is in serious need of a review . . .
40. You know, Hogwarts staff, if you kept better track of your students, you would have noticed Hermione was not at dinner, and it would not be up to Ron and Harry to go warn her about the troll . . . Just sayin', a roster or seating plan of some sort might not go entirely amiss . . .
41. So, like, the best indication of how stupid trolls are is that he totally went into the wrong bathroom and didn't even notice, amirite?
42. Um, Harry, you are in a bathroom. Why would you choose to wipe your troll-snot-covered wand on your robe? There are sinks right over there. Gross, dude. Gross.
43. Why do they have to lie about why they were in the bathroom? Why can't Hermione just say, "They knew I was in here and didn't hear about the troll, so they came in here to warn me, but the troll coincidentally happened to come this way, too"? I don't understand what would be awful about that. Why would that get them in more trouble than "Well, I went to fight the troll myself, and they followed along"? This just makes no sense.
44. I just really, really like how McGonagall says "sheer dumb luck." It's great. She's great. We should always take time to remember how awesome Maggie Smith is. (Also, apropos of very little, comparing/contrasting Maggie Smith-Prof. McGonagall to/with Maggie Smith-Miss Jean Brodie is always good times. That is a crossover I would mos def like to see.)
Okay, that's probably a good stopping place for now. We can pick up with the Quidditch game stuff next time. Ah, Quidditch! The game of . . . Quidditch players . . .