#grief.

[mad3lyncline]

𝑴𝑨𝑫𝑬𝑳𝒀𝑵 𝑪𝑳𝑰𝑵𝑬 . Outer Banks ( 2020 – ) .

[grison-in-space]

I keep trying to write an editorial for the McClintock Letters project, which is trying to get as many scientists as possible to write editorials or letters to the editor for mid June explaining the loss to the world that is impending from the current American federal war on knowledge.

I'm just so filled with loss and sorrow that I don't have words. And that's so frightening to me, because I have always had the words before. I have always been able to articulate injustice and screen about it.

But it's the loss and the fear that get me.

The one metaphor I keep thinking of is a tool used to humanely castrate cattle without an incision called a Burdizzo. You use a local anesthetic and then you crush the blood vessels to each testicle, and starved of blood and energy the testicles wither and die.

I am not entirely sure this metaphor belongs in a local paper. But maybe it does. I don't know. Maybe I should write about my grandparents trapping me and telling me that my science was worthless in 2017 before abandoning me in the sprinkling snow. Maybe—

It's like my clever tongue and my baying lungs have all deserted me. I don't know how to beg creatively enough.

And through it all, the pangs of loss.

[heavensickness]

Both I Want to Hold Aono-kun so Badly I Could Die and The Summer Hikaru Died are like. The love of your life is gone, and he will never come back. More accurately, the thing that comes back will never be him. The person you loved is gone and replaced by a distorted and horrible copy of him. You can still see him, hear him, touch him, but this body no longer belongs to your loved one. And you are just a teenager & you have to deal with this loss and accept it.

[waterbee0]

I miss my dad.

I really do.

Losing your dad as a young lady is like... your first line of defense and protection is gone and it's exhausting to be strong all the time.

It all happened so quickly. And one minute he's there, the next he's gone. I'm so perpetually tired.

And it's almost been two years. Still feels like it happened so recently. I try to make jokes about everything but it's still not funny. A coping mechanism, I guess.

Anyways, those are my late night tired thoughts. Hope I didn't bring anyone down but that's how I've been feeling deep inside my chest. Bereavement is heavy and I'm trying my best.

[fearnesbells]

webweaving, for laudna: c3e95

“don’t speak to me about loss ever again.”

artaud, the jet of blood // mary oliver, march // “the anatomy of sword swallowing” // campaign 3, episode 95, gathering of needs // ursula k. le guin, the lathe of heaven // margaret atwood, power politics: poems // campaign 3, episode 78, fractures // nathan noel, forest walker // orivu on tumblr // maddi walker on pinterest

[happylandfill23]

the concert.

[mudblccd]

that scene in squid games where seong gi-hun curled up next to his dead mother ? peyton and avaline . the worst of it isn't even that , peyton was stuck there in agony , begging and crying at her to wake up like a little girl for five days ( keep in mind the rotting that happens in that time : body starts to bloat and blood-containing foam leaks from the mouth and nose ) the instant trauma response to the sight of her mothers corpse is UNCONTROLLED , FORCED REGRESSION .

someone found her in that state ; when the world is in shit and peyton has never took a day off work , yeah there was a SEARCH PARTY lead by realmwatch , and when they found her peyton didn't want to get pulled away ; she fought , screamed and kicked to get back to her . in the end , i truly believe that's dumbledore that snaps peyton back ; its when she gets clumsy , angrier and in turn CAUSED THE EVENTS OF THE REALM WATCH MASSACRE .