I will never forget today.
Soulmate asked if I was free, nothing odd about that, but he asked if I was free for prolonged period. That was odd.
I said of course, because I would drop anything for him.
He called and asked if I’d accompany him on our usual trek, but midday.
I had a sinking feeling in my belly, thinking something happened to his loved ones, and honoured he’d want my company while going through it.
When I saw him, he looked teary eyed. In my decade of knowing this man, I’d never seen anything but a smile, exhaustion and some annoyance.
I knew it was bad, and was thinking I’d be accompanying my friend to his parent’s funeral.
Instead, he tells me it’s his heart.
Now I’m on high alert and concerned but also confused.
We run into people we both know, but no one else matters in these moments.
I hear he has to go to the ER, but is his usual frustrating positive self even amidst his obvious concern. Refusing to take an Uber, or go straight to the ER. I only relent cause his wife is queued up to meet him and take him to the hospital.
He’s trying to figure out what’s wrong. Clearly upset. We talk about what it could be so he is prepared. I offer to pray, and he says not out loud since he’s emotional. Again, I have never heard this and I’m endeared, worried and want to comfort him all at once.
I also want to yell at him, because I have been saying he needs to take care of himself for years! He takes care of everyone but himself and it makes me very annoyed. But I am aware this is not the moment to yell at him.
Knowing he needs a distraction, I let him know he can look forward to it tomorrow. It earns me a smile, as he knows there is hope for tomorrow.
Space between us is minimal, cause he is stressed and I am all about physical touch, I just minimize it because I’m protecting him from stupid, nosy people, but I really don’t care in this moment.
I can tell he is stressed, so I try to distract him by talking about things that don’t matter in this moment, but would normally matter.
He knows what I’m doing, but is going with it and he gets to his bus.
Being dependent on his updates has me stressed so I go to de-stress with Growing Fond.
He is happy Soulmate didn’t trek alone, but being concerned, the big boss, who had offered to drive him to the ER, had gone to the hospital and was now with him. That gave me a lot of comfort. I even thanked him for actually caring about his people.
Now, I reflect, knowing our dynamic is forever changed, we are forever linked together, and honoured he wanted me around in a terrible time.
He keeps thanking me, but until I know he is in the clear, I’m processing here.
Update: stress related heart issues.
I let him know that the yelling will be coming and he should be excited for it.
