#growwritings

[yoyoletsgrow]

Compliments make me shrink, shrink!

Suzie sits in front of her computer. Not a nice tablet or an apple, but a good functioning old laptop that allows her to listen to I-Tunes, to read all the Tumblr blogs and to use Paint whenever she feels like.

Suddenly Suzie starts to write:

When my shrink tells me: Nice job!  for my writing skills I am going down the drain. It tells me about my past. About a life that’s too hard to handle.

I can’t handle the compliment cause my skills where born out of survival. Out of despair that no kid should ever have to feel.

I would give my writing skills back to Life including every letter of the alphabet in every language that I know if that would allow me to live without splitting. Without having DID.

I would give every word I know back to Life and drink a Martini at the pool. And won’t feel bothered. I won’t feel bothered about it.

[yoyoletsgrow]

Just crying 'bout DID stuff ok?

Suzie Needs Comfort

[yoyoletsgrow]

Visit Original Link

Tadadataaaaa: Our first audio blog to connect on a more personal level with you. Just playing with words and sounds! What do you think about it?

With love,

Suzie

[yoyoletsgrow]

There is a place for us

There is a place for us in the world. It feels like fighting every day at times. Fighting to be able to breath. To simply get up, to live. In many of our lives there comes a moment we realize that the fighting made our bodies, mind and souls tired and empty. When we try for to long to fit in a society, a workplace, a world that doesn´t support our needs it drains us. It sucks to feel that empty. 

Than we want to recover. Regenerate. In that process of recovery in where we transform to a new us something interesting happens. First we want to be the one who we used to be: have our old friends back, study, work etc. When the realization sinks in that that isn’t possible right now, because perhaps we need the space to heal, because we grew so much we don’t fit in our old self, resistance can occur. After resistance comes the rest and the peace, the anticipation of a new horizon. Perhaps we don’t have to fight as hard anymore as we used to. Perhaps life offers us something new. Perhaps we can finally admit that we have needs. That we climb mountains everyday but can choose to walk a path that leads to now where or make it a bit easier for ourselves.

In that process we learn to ask for help, to share our thoughts and emotions with others. To be vulnerable. It makes us grow. Love does that with us, we grow from love. We grow so much a whole new us rises. We don’t have to fit in our old life anymore. Its sad to loose friends, jobs or an education. It also creates a chance for something new, that might fit us better in the moment. We already fight our own world wars every day, lets make that fight as easy as possible, by making sure we take care of ourselves. By allowing help, by accepting love from others. By admitting that we can’t take on the weight of the world, by admitting our symptoms and being open about our mental health. Step by step, one day at a time life can get a bit easier. Lets take of our bag pack and get some water from a water fall. Look around, take a deep breath. Put your feet under the cold streaming water. Rest. Take a nap and feel the sun on your face. Here you can chill a bit. We can do it. We can allow a new future by being kind for ourselves and each other in the now. There is a place for us.

[yoyoletsgrow]

Being awesome

Being a kick ass tired chick with backpain and just my phone for distraction sitting in my hoodie in bed listening to birds while cat keeps me company and with a water belly while Im like: no idea how Im going to get where I want to be but than realizing there is nowwhere to go to other than chilling in my sweater being on painkillers and meds, being like this is the life. Achievements mean nothing, goals are lame just go with the ride. Just chill. Yeah but but this and that and work and stuff. Yeah but your butt. Sit on it. So yeah my life is going great when you love another existential crisis or two. So no news here. Business as usual. Wahaa.

[yoyoletsgrow]

‘Think happy thoughts’ is great when it works for you but doesn’t need to be used as an insult against people with depression if it doesn’t work for them. Since when does creating and taking responsibility for your own life becomes a reason to blame others for their illnesses? For me that is the definition of cruelty. You can’t think your way out of a broken arm. Somehow there is such a taboo on mental illnesses and many seem to think that thinking differently will change depression etc. Instead of just repeating affirmations like feeding ´healthy´ cereal full of sugar as breakfast to kids and blaming others disguised under the fake empowering word 'creator-ship’, solutions are needed. Blankets are needed. Our arms want to heal. We want casts for our souls. Not to be buried in self help books and Oprah and ´you can do it´s´ and ´you can be who you want to be´ while all we can see is the evening, knowing it will get darker soon. Do a hand stand they say. If only you try harder. Says nobody ever to a person with a broken arm. Here. Read this book. Overcome your broken bones. Go beyond the pain. It´s in your head. It´s the chemicals. It´s the body. Let me wrap you in love. Here you don´t need to think happy thoughts or be something else than you are. It´s ok. You are you. That is more than enough. I am me. And together we sit here for a while. And breath. Love, M.