You were the sunshine to Matt's grump. He was the moon to your sun. You were total opposites but that's what drew you to him. The day you met Matt Sturniolo, your life changed.
The fans loved Matt's grumpy side, his Mattitude, his toughness. Everyone knew Matt was a softie as well, especially when it came to you.
You, Nick, Matt and Chris had planned to go shopping for the day. You picked out a pair of light blue jeans and a white t-shirt. Matt on the other hand, wore a black t-shirt with black jeans. He hadn't shaved in a few days either, so his scruffy beard was coming back.
"Morning babe." He called as saw you in the kitchen.
"Morning hun." You replied, kissing his cheek.
Matt wrapped his arms around your waist, resting his head on your shoulder to take in the smell of your perfume. He instantly seemed to relax as Nick and Chris soon joined you.
"Let's go shopping!" Chris shouted.
"Shut up." Matt grumbled, glaring at the youngest male.
"Aww grumpy Matt." Nick teased, Matt was about to hit him, but you stopped him.
"Let's go." You said, giving Matt a sweet smile.
Matt nodded as you all went to the car. Chris went to jump in the front, but Matt gave him a glare, making him whine and climb in the back with Nick. You giggled and got in the front with Matt.
"Why do I have to sit in the back!" Chris whined.
"Because I want my girl up front." Matt responded.
You gave Chris a smile and reached for his phone, letting him have the AUX still, which made him feel better. Matt then drove to the mall, you making him feel calmer.
When you all arrived and started walking in, Matt's hand was wrapped around yours, holding it tightly. You smiled and listened to Nick rant about someone on TikTok as you browsed.
You walked around for a while, walking in and out of some stores with nothing any of you liked or wanted. You all then decided to go grab some drinks.
"What would you like, sweetheart?" Matt asked.
"Umm, pink lemonade please." You replied.
Matt nodded and told Nick, who was ordering for all of you. Nick got an iced coffee whilst Chris and Matt both got normal lemonades. You all then went to find a place to sit, opting to do your favourite sport, people watching.
"Woah look at her shoes." Chris commented, pointing to one girl who walked past with light up shoes.
You laugh but then notice a young guy walking over, probably mid twenties. It confused you slightly as he didn't seem like a fan of the guys, but you weren't going to judge.
"Hey." He called as he got to your table.
"Uh, hey." Nick replied first.
"You single?" He blurted out, looking at you with a smirk.
"No." Matt bluntly responded.
"Well good thing I wasn't asking you, I was asking her." The guys replied.
Matt chuckled and stood up, standing right in front of the stranger. He took a step back, obviously feeling intimated by Matt.
"I answered for her. She's my girlfriend. So no she's not single. She's mine. Now fuck off." Matt growled, making the guy run off quickly.
"Damn I thought you were about to have a real fight." Chris muttered as Matt sat down again, wrapping his arm around your shoulder.
"Next time." He responded.
"We should go get our nails done." You said cheerfully, changing the subject.
"Anything for you, sweetheart." Matt replied, kissing your cheek.
CONTENT: matt and dotty have the house to themselves, forcing them to talk.
WARNINGS: tense relationship, mentions of matt sleeping with other girls (not cheating), matt picturing dotty instead of the girls he sleeps with, crying, bickering, selective mutism (she speaks in this once).
โ this was supposed to be a smut fic but uh I didnt go that way </3
WC: 1.3k
The fear in her eyes turned into a lump of guilt in Matt's throat.
"We'll be back late tonight." Chris reassured, getting tired of the feud between dotty and Matt.
"I'm not gonna bother you." Matt stated gently, failing to hide the smirk behind his words.
She gave him a glare - that wasย farย beyond his capabilities.ย
Nick shut the door behind them, not daring to look back and face Dotty's betrayed expression. it soon turned to frustration, motivating her to storm to the kitchen and pull out ingredients.
"c'mon, I've annoyed you already?"
That got Matt another glare.ย
Dotty reached up high in the cupboard for the tub of sugar, only to feel like throwing everything to the ground from the empty state of it.ย
he felt even worse. desperate for her affections again, but even more hating seeing her upset.
"I got it."ย
Matt searched around for his keys and wallet, not missing the sympathetic and grateful look dotty gave him as he left the house.ย
he came back with more than was needed. snacks too and anything he hoped would ease the hatred she felt towards him.
the kitchen was cleared up, only indication of Dotty's presence was the faint sound of the TV in the distance. she was cozied up on the couch, small lights highlighting her softly.
Matt took a second to admire her, wishing both that he could never disturb her so she could live peacefully and simultaneously desperately wanting to snuggle up with her.
"Hey." his voice broke the quiet gently.
she was clearly tired, looking up and not finding anger in the sight of him for once. Matt discarded the shopping onto the kitchen table, walking over to crouch in front of dotty.
"Don't wanna bake anymore?"
she blinked slowly, not caring enough to even answer. her eyelashes fluttered, bordering on the line of sleep. working up the little effort she had, she sat up slightly, inviting Matt to settle beside her.ย
desperate to take the opportunity while he had the chance, he rushed into the space, letting dotty settle her head on his lap.ย
he wasn't sure why she wanted him, even just for that split moment. Matt was desperate not to ruin it, letting her cling onto his arm as she drifted into sleep.
the peace didn't stay.
when dotty woke up, realising the way she'd let her guard down, she sat back up in a grump away from Matt.
he didn't fight back, mind trying to focus on the memory of the moments before.
Matt watched her rub her tired eyes, heart yearning deeper and deeper every time he remembered how badly he had fucked everything up.
"Can we talk about it?" his voice was gentle once again.
dotty only looked over, eyes revealing her true heartbreak for a second before she looked down at her lap to avoid Matt's heavy gaze.
"I wantย youย back, i wantย usย back. i know i don't deserve it but i just," he sighed deeply, rubbing his face with frustration.
she picked herself, leaving the room. Matt couldn't and would never blame her; but he wasย lost.ย
Matt's head shot up in realisation that she was coming back, a whiteboard in hand.
he mentally prepared himself to be interrogated, trying to settle down the overly optimistic side of his brain that was gonna jinx his chances at fixing things.
dotty hurriedly scribbled down her question, eyebrows furrowed in a mix of anger and concentration. despite the months passed now, it was still raw.
'why did you leave me there?'
Matt breathed deeply, the guilt in his throat growing. "i, i was drunk."
her frown only deepened.
"I was drunk, i brought a girl over and i was fucking embarrassed. the last time i fucked everything up was because of a girl and i risked us again anyway."
dotty finally met his eyes, mind conflicted on how to feel.
"i didn't think about the fact you didn't have anywhere to go. shit, I'm just sorry, i didn't think at all and it got you hurt." Matt's eyes pleaded.
she cleaned away her previous question, frustration shifting to regret - regret that she let herself care this much about him.
'why do you want those girls?'
Matt's head tilted as he sighed, heart racing with regret and hatred for himself.ย
Dotty breathed heavily, pushing down her bodies desperation to let out tears.
"Because i cant haveย you."
she didn't know whether to feel flattered or completely and utterly pissed off.
he took a deep breath before continuing. "i just want you. i don't deserve you but i fucking want you.ย all the time."
dotty stared blankly.ย
"i don't want them. i don't want anything but you."
Matt watched her chest rise with her deep breaths, eyes darting to her lips before he tried to force them towards her eyes.ย
his heart ached at the tears brimming her waterline, softening from just the fact he was looking at her.
dotty rushed up suddenly, carelessly leaving the whiteboard and pen on the couch. she wiped her face as she left, gasping out from attempts to try to control her breathing.
Body filled with fear, Matt hurried to follow, hands gentle on her back to lightly stop her.ย
"Wait!"
she pushed him a few steps away, enough for space for her hands to be able to sign.
'is that what i am to you?'
"What? No! you're so much more than that and that's the problem!"
dotty could only roll her eyes, feet shifting in an attempt to leave the room again.
"Please!"
Matt held onto her waist, rotating her to face him. he was confronted by tears streaming down her face now, hands motivated to reach up to cradle her cheeks and wipe them away.
head shaking, she used little force to nudge him away again - her desperation to be comforted stopped her.
dotty wanted to believe him but she was sick of being naive and forgiving.
"i love you." he broke the quiet. "i love you so much that I'm fucking scared to touch you."
dotty met his eyes more lovingly than before.
"We've done some things before but when i knew for sure you wanted it. i want you to want me even though i don't deserve you. thats all im trying to say, but you're so much more than that."
she broke down, looking to the floor as she let Matt pull her into his chest. dotty let out her cries, head spinning of thoughts of how much he confused her.
"I'll stop all of it for you. iย wantย to stop all of it." his head titled up as he breathed out, desperate for his tears not to fall.ย
Matt removed his hands, hiding his own face in embarrassment. watching this, dotty took action. she grabbed his wrists, forcing him to see her words.
'last chance. i mean it.'
he breathed out quickly feeling relief flood his body. "a-are we-"
'No. prove you mean it all. I'm not gonna ignore you anymore.'
despite his partial undeserving disappointment, he couldn't hold back a smile and breathy laugh.
Matt reached out for dotty, resting his head on her shoulder.ย he relaxed himself, the gesture between them no longer tense and only comfort.
she paid attention to his breathing, feeling him melt into her. dotty laughed at the concept, words reaching her lips for the first time in a while.
"Big baby." she giggled.
ยฉmi-co-uk
โ comment ๐ฅ to be added to this aus taglist if ur not on it already and wanna be !!
CONTENT: matt needs to make it up to dotty, with every attempt failing, he loses a fight on purpose.
au masterlist // navigation // all aus // taglist
(โ line dividers by @chrisssiren )
WARNINGS: implied past physically and emotionally abusive relationship, social anxiety, tension between reader and matt, very lightly implied taking advantage of reader sexually while intoxicated (by the ex), fighting, punching, blood, arguing, intoxication, matts paying for letting reader down but also yearning a lot :>
โ set after this fic !!
WC: 2.2k
He was used to you not talking to him.
Not even looking at him cut a level deeper he didn't think it could.
It wasnt like matt had a good excuse either; needing a certain kind of release but not wanting to upset you the same way he had before.
Matt replayed the way you clung to Chris, trusting him to provide you comfort rather than Matt.
He still didn't know you turned to someone who had hurt you, all because you were pushed away - because he gave you no choice.
Matt wasn't entirely sure where he thought you'd go. he just assumed it would be okay because it had to be - but you ended up so far from okay.
Yet again, it was entirely his fault.
Matt hated that you were glued to his brothersโ side, especially from knowing heโd practically stuck you there himself.
He woke up early to cook breakfast, food he was sure you would like and appreciate. You stumbled out of Nick's room just as Matt was finishing up - just as he hoped. But the split second you met his eyes, you forced them away and tried to head back the way you came.
โHey, wait, please, I made this for you.โ
You didn't like appearing ungrateful.
Every meal you had was one someone else couldn't, every dollar in your pocket was one that couldn't be in someone else's. Matt knew you were this way, using it now against you.
Begrudgingly, you almost stomped your way to the kitchen table, still avoiding Matt's heavy gaze. He set the plate in front of you, while you realised it was the first time youโd seen him somewhat proud of himself after god knows how long.
You started to scoff it down, not caring for how you looked out of desperation for having to be in Matt's company to end.
โI know you dont wanna be here but,โ to that you rolled your eyes - whose fault was that again? โI wanna say sorry and I want us to be good again. I didn't want any of that to happen like it did-โ
Upon realising you had more options than you at first realised, you stood up from the seat, taking the plate with you to Nickโs room.
Matt just sighed. He knew he deserved all of it, but he still wanted to fix it.
Nick had woken up by the time you had returned, sat up and on his phone. He took note of the plate of food, taking only a second of time to think and realise where it came from.
โMatt make that?โ you nodded, chewing down more food as you walked to settle yourself beside Nick. โiโm only saying this because heโs my brother, but he really does feel like shit.โ
โI feel worse.โ you signed in response.
It was easy to be away from Matt until you realised you needed him.
The party was bad enough - desperately trying to stay by Nick and Chrisโ side as they seemed to endlessly socialise.
If Matt had come with you, he wouldn't have wanted to speak to barely anyone. He would've faked annoyance but held you close to him protectively.
He would flirt meaninglessly with girls when you weren't around, but when you were there, you were his priority.
You weren't sure of how you were supposed to feel about him anymore.
Anxiety wasn't the sole reason you needed him. Youโd learnt partially how to cope with that yourself. It wasn't just people - it was one specific person that made your heart race in the most negative of ways.
The two brothers you were using for support had never seen him before. With the incapability to verbalise the personified risk in the room and hands too shaky to try and explain, you were left completely silent.
Trapped knowing someone who wanted to hurt you was in the same place.
You were surprised to realise you breathed a sigh of relief when Matt called.
โWhere the fuck are you guys?โ
โAt a party Matt. We invited you ages ago.โ Chris rolled his eyes at his brotherโs irritation.
โBecause I knew Dotty wouldn't wanna go, where is she? Is she with you?โ his voice grew increasingly nervous as he spoke.
โWell, yeah-โ
โAre you serious? Is she okay?โ
Matt was clearly angry, raising his voice down the phone to the point you could make out everyone despite the loud music echoing throughout the whole bar.
Chris looked over to you, a hint of worry in his own eye that he was the one who fucked up this time. โSheโs fine matt, weโre just-โ
โSend me the address.โ
โShe won't want you-โ you frantically shook your head, tugging at Chris' clothes to tell him he was wrong.
You need someone who knew. It was partially your fault for relying on Matt so heavily to the point no one else understood you as well.
Right now, the grudge didn't matter. You weren't sure what would happen if Joey saw you.
Chris was resistant, but sent Matt the details.
The whole time waiting for him to turn up, your head flicking to the exit of the room constantly, waiting to meet Matt's eyes despite how much youโd avoided it for the past few weeks.
You knew youโd be glad to see him, but seeing him hold the jumper you needed for comfort in his hands too, you could have forgiven him entirely then and there.
Seeing the desperation in your eyes, he wrapped it around you, letting you push your arms through the sleeves to get comfortable. You zipped it up as high as you could, pulling the hood over your head and finally taking a somewhat helpful breath.
He was here now when you needed him, but it was hard to forget how much he hadn't been there for you so many times before.
Matt wasn't forgiven.
Heโd messed up too extremely to let your grudge slip away just from the comfort of a jumper. Maybe just that night you could pretend - let him do the job you needed him to do, then go back to waiting for him to convince you he deserved forgiving.
He wasn't sure why you clung to him so desperately, not taking a moment to wonder if it meant you had forgiven him - regardless of everything, that was of second importance.
Matt knew you struggled in places like this, but there was genuine fear in your eyes.
You were not happy and he needed to fix it.
You nodded, ignoring Nick and Chris' burning gaze out of their confusion.
โYou don't have to stay, I can take you home.โ he held your shoulder gently, trying to transfer some warmth to your shaky frame.
โYou can go back to being mad too, I just want you to be comfortable, okay?โ
You laughed lightly at his joke, quickly getting shoved back down when you came down to reality. You spotted joey out of the corner of your eye.
โHey! You left quick the other day, i didnt get to say goodbye.โ he had a tight lipped smile that didn't meet his eyes, sending pure rage up Matt's spine and fear up yours.
Joey had a drink in hand and what looked like bodyguards either side of him, clearly knowing the truth of the awkwardness but finding it amusing.
Matt looked to you quickly, eyes sparkling with guilt from now knowing the truth - now knowing truly why you were so upset with him.
So many versions couldโve played out and he realised now he was lucky that the only consequence was your anger towards him.
Any other option couldโve been so much worse, especially with Joey involved.
Matt shielded your body with his. โWalk away, Joey.โ
โDid I do something?โ he spoke with a shitty faux innocence, making Matt roll his eyes.
You shook your head, refusing, and you knew Matt could tell why.
He fished through his pockets, retrieving car keys and half turning to you. โYou go get in my car, I won't be long.โ
Matt's eyes were gentle, trying to calm you but the idea of walking on your own in the dark to a car you didn't know where it was felt almost as bad as staying there.
โIโm just being friendly, I don't understand.โ Joey chuckled quietly, rallying his friends to laugh with him - at Matt, at dotty, at the anxiety they were inducing.
โOh, you know full well you piece of shit.โ
He was mocking him. You knew how much Matt hated being mocked. You were surprised he didn't punch him the second the drink spilt.
Joey stepped closer, your eyes widening at the sight. You knew what happened when he had that look in his eyes.
He shoved his drink into Matt's chest, some drips spilling out the sides and onto Mattโs clothes. โDrink this, and fucking lighten up. Okay?โ
โGet her drunk too. It's the only way she lets someone fuck her-โ
That's when Matt swung - you hated fights and blood and anger but the sight of joey weak and paying the price of being cruel was something you were grateful for. Until he wouldn't stop hitting.
You were still partially convinced it was your fault every time he hurt you. He didn't know how to cope and you were a punching bag.
Matt knew almost everything Joey had done.
He knew every way it still affected you daily. Worst of all, he knew that a part of you felt sorry for having left him. Memories of holding joey in your arms as he cried, taking care of him when he was weak.
You tolerated it for so long until you couldn't, until Matt turned into your personal shield and kept you safe.
As blood seemed to spread over every inch of Joey's face, you felt guilty. You felt like it would come back to bite you - you felt like you'd have to take care of Joey all over again.
Matt's eyes flicked to you, seeing panic, no sign of relief. He knew a part of you wanted Matt to go too far so youโd never have the chance of seeing Joey ever again. He also knew there was a part of you too terrified heโd still find a way to haunt you, worse than he already did.
There was more than one advantage to losing, if he ignored the embarrassment of losing the fight he started.
Then his mind turned selfish.
Matt couldn't bear the idea you would have sympathy for Joey. Maybe it would work better for him if your sympathy was for Matt.
Matt tried to push him off, not as much as he was capable. He dodged certain blows but not all the ones he could've. His eyes searched for Chris - as much as he now needed to lose, he didn't think dying in front of you was the right decision either.
He was forced to choose quickly when Joey gained initiative to tackle Matt down and start his own attack.
Joey was thrown off Matt, and his brother helped him to his feet. Matt felt the blood running down his face and the pulsing that tried to escape his skin.
Joeyโs friends helped him up, laughing at the sight of Matt which Joey tried to take part in but the cut in his lip partially prohibited him.
Matt didn't take note of any of this, staring directly at you as he walked over.
You tried to cradle his face, removing your hands when Matt winced but he placed his hands over yours to keep them there, soaking in the feeling of your touch and finding relief in it.
He relished in every touch you gave to him - letting him lean on you in the car, holding his hand as you walked him to the bathroom when you got home so you could clean him up.
Matt could ignore the sharp pain as you wiped the blood away, shoving down the guilt from knowing he twisted the nightโs event into his favor - creating sympathy in your heart for him. Partly, he knew he should feel more guilty, but it was hard too.
You stared intently at him, like you were making up for lost time.
โYoure not staying?โ he whispered, feeling your hand retreat away from his.
When you were satisfied with the state of his face, you took his hand and walked him to his room. Letting him settle into his bed, Matt expected you to cuddle up to him.
Maybe he was hoping too extremely.
You placed a kiss to his cheek - all the thanks he was getting from you.
You walked away from him again. The way he deserved, the way heโd forced you to. He knew he was going to have to get used to the fact he didn't deserve you, but he didn't want to stop trying to.
Door closed behind you, but despite the meters you were putting between you and him, he felt closer.
Heโd take a million punches if it meant having you close, even for those small moments. Matt just had to prove it to you, as many times as you wanted him to.
ยฉmi-co-uk
- comment ๐ฅ to be added this aus taglist if ur not on it already and wanna be !! :>
mute reader has to turn to someone she has a dark history with for help when matt abandons her.
warnings.
loneliness, abandonment, panic attacks, implied and descriptions of emotionally and physically abusive relationships (parental and romantic), gaslighting? manipulation, implied previous SA, lack of privacy, controlling behaviour, running away, arguing, lots of crying, unwilling hugs, NO COMFORT.
- includes text messages that I've posted before !
wc. 1.9k
(โ line dividers by @chrisssiren )
|| .au masterlist . navigation . all aus. ||
She'd learnt how to be alone.
Of course, no ones born desperately craving solitude; but growing up with it makes you dependent on it. Dotty needed it to remind herself of the ways life had always been, and was always supposed to be.
It took courage to be in public alone. it had a different kind of vulnerability to it.
She got a bus into town, fed up of matts fed up responses - as if shed even done anything to warrant it.
She paid for her coffee and food at self checkout; less quality than actual cafรฉs, but the lump in her throat prevented it from being an option. The bench wasn't comfortable either. She crossed her legs, fixing her skirt to cover everything and layed out her goodies to the side of herself.
Dotty had grown to realise that her idea of โpeacefulโ was a warped one. It wasnt supposed to mean feeling like ghost wandering through the land of the living. It was supposed to remind you that you are living - work, noise and conflict for once seperate to you. She was never given that memo.
She'd like to just be a ghost. More likely to enjoy it all with no risk of embarrassment or having to cope with the debilitating fear of eyes all over her.
She walked round the park till dark, feeling like the little kid that waited till night to walk round the house - anger was a faint smell in the air rather than actively yelling and spitting in her face. She felt opposite now, the living among the dead.
She held off texting matt until the chill was too sharp to handle.
The rapid increase in anxiety warmed her up at the very least, but the twitching of her nerves brought on a cold sweat.
matt had promised so many things, so many fucking empty rehearsed lines and she'd fallen for every single one.
He'd never let her down so easily before, completely willing to leave her alone in the cold for who knows how long. Did he want her to suffer? Did he want someone to kill her?
She couldnt figure out any reasoning to do this, no matter how annoyed, tired or preoccupied he could be - leaving her stranded was an unnecessary low. He would always pick her up, he would always make sure she was at least safe.
Matt was all she had left but now maybe she really was dead to the world.
She couldnt go to her home - if she was still supposed to call it that. There was no one left there for her. Bonnie left for college, now hours away and blissfully unaware of every conflict. her father was being far too much himself for dottys safety and sanity.
Dotty sat back down on the bench sheโd earlier found little comfort in, now the loneliness far too evident to enjoy it at all.
Her hands pressed against her face, not covering her eyes knowing the need to stay aware of her surroundings. It didnt help as much as she needed it to, breaths stuttering and rivers running down her face.
Dotty covered her mouth to hide the noise from both herself and anyone else who she hoped wasnt but might be nearby. She only had one option, it made her cry even more when she processed it.
The dial tone didnt help the anxious rush up her spine.
โHello?โ his voice was slightly crackly from lack of signal.
her body closed in on itself out of recognition of his voice. She thought she could handle it, she thought she was prepared.
โDotty?โ
Her throat closed further if that was even possible. It felt like it was trying to choke her, tell her what a bad decision this was.
She sobbed into the floor, trying to let out words. He wouldnt listen otherwise. โI..โ she only sobbed more.
Joeyโs sigh had a mix of emotions: irritation, disappointment, only slight sympathy.
โSend me your location.โ
Dotty brought her knees up to her chest, cries slowly softening and she rest her head against them.
โJesus.โ
She flinched at the sound of his voice, head whipping around before she panicked over her appearance and wiped at her ruined makeup.
โWho left you like this?โ
He gently pulled her hand away from her face, stopping her fusses. She sniffled and frowned, hoping he wouldnt get mad that she wouldnt talk.
Joey knelt down to the floor in front of the bench, looking up at her.
โStill doing this stuff, huh? No words for me?โ she didnt know how she found the effort to roll her eyes but she did, sniffling at the same time. Dotty was relieved when a small smile formed on his face, a genuine one.
She signed mattโs name, knowing he wouldnt understand but it was all she could do.
โThats new. You sign now?โ she nodded. He let out a hum.
โNeed a place to stay?โ she formed an involuntary frown but nodded. She didnt have a choice. It was this or freeze.
โCmon.โ he called for her to stand up, pushing off his knees to stand at full height himself.
In a familiar gesture from almost a couple years before, he brought his jacket over her shoulder, holding it up for dotty to put her arms through the sleeves.
She froze in fear from the feeling of his arms so close. Guilt flashed across his eyes.
โListen. You dont need to be scared okay? Alright, i was an asshole before. I get it. But ive worked on it. I dont want anything out of this other than knowing youโre okay. You believe me?โ she nodded. Lying.
Joey let her roam free of the house as soon as they got there. She felt almost like a pet, an ignored one - treated like moving decoration. The space was still appreciated.
He'd offered her any clothes she could find, but she wasnt comfortable for a single second to fully strip down and change. So she didnt.
It was hard to remember everything joey had done. It had just never been what she wanted. She remembered the comparisons to other girls. The flirting with them right in front of her as if she was supposed to pounce like a rabid animal to keep him as hers.
She was never that kind of person. She couldnt be - not when she saw herself as deserving to be everyones last choice; if she was even a choice at all.
He was always angry. Maybe dotty wasnt perfect but he treated everything she did as if it had underlying messages of hatred towards him. She always felt that he used her as an excuse to be angry, someone to blame and hate and claim control over.
Dotty needed matt to call.
She couldnt stay there long, memories creeping back in her mind after being buried deep down. Why had joey always broken everything? Glass bottles, the walls, anything she had an attachment to.
Later, her hand skimmed across the wall as she walked down to the kitchen. She focused on the street-lightsโ reflection into the house, highlighting enough that she could walk without needing the main light. Anxiety had re-eaten the food she'd had earlier, making endless noises of complaints that forced her to leave the room she felt securest in.
She shut the refrigerator, irritated at its refusal to cooperate and make food appear out of thin air.
He stood there in the dim light. Panic rushed through her system.
โFuck you doing?โ his tone wasnt angry but he clearly was. She pointed back to where she had been searching.
โYou couldve asked.โ he tried to laugh it off.
If having a somehow even more terrifying lack of emotion whenever he was angry was his idea of 'improvement', then she didnt like it at all.
โGo back upstairs.โ his tone returned back to monotone, realising dotty didnt see through his shitty attempt at warming the air between them.
Her eyes flicked towards the front door, close enough that dotty now knew what he was worried about. She cautiously walked the long way round the kitchen table to avoid him and scurried quickly up the stairs.
She slammed the door behind her, running around the room, dragging anything with weight to barricade the door with. She hoped he wasnt going to storm in - but either way, she needed to remove that risk.
she didnt want him to do it again, not today. she was already weak enough.
She buried herself under the covers hyperventilating, wiping frantically at her tears when they fell.
matt still hadnt called. she wished she hadn't expected him to.
she gathered her things as soon at the sun had slightly risen, the complete lack of sleep had left weights under her eyes.
dotty didnt bother being quiet when she ran down the stairs and stormed out the house. she heard joey's door rush open and his heavy footsteps follow which only hurried her more.
she kept her pace down the street, not daring to look back.
โdotty? what-โ
she pushed forwards into their house, ignoring chrisโ confusion and beelining towards matts room. she knocked hard.
when he didnt respond, she opened the door.
he was spread out lazily on his bed, empty bottles, trash, some girl's thong on the floor.
she felt her tears streaming before she'd even stepped into the room. With very little balance, she climbed over the mess to tug and push at his shirt.
matt groaned and ignored her efforts, remaining face down on his sheets. she doubled the strength she bothered him with, trying to hold back loud sobs that were threatening to escape.
โchris, get the fuck-โ he'd siezed her wrist, finally turning to face her. she wasn't who he expected. โI..โ
he watched another tear fall down her face. watched. he let it happen just like he let every bad thing happen to her.
dotty attempted to pull her wrist back and matt let her. she cradled her face, sobbing into her hands and falling to the floor.
matt knelt down next to dotty, hands hesistant but attempting to hold her close to his chest. she shook her head in disapproval, somewhat pushing and failing to keep him away.
โim sorry, im sorry.โ
she then punched at his chest despite her body's desperation for an embrace. it used to fill her with comfort and its what she needed - but matt couldnt give her that anymore.
โI know. I need you to breathe- ow- please.โ
he cupped her face in his hands, trying to ignore the pain of her fists against his chest. she continued to refuse, almost hoping she lose all movements of her lungs just so she could die and he could be at fault and unable to be forgiven.
she was so sick of it; forgiving people.
he persisted his shitty attempts at comforting her.
โmatt, let her go.โ
he relaxed his limbs a little, enough for dotty to crawl away from him on the floor. she let out a louder sob as she got back on her feet and ran to chrisโ arms instead.
he held her almost as tightly as she held him.
chris shushed her gently, enough to calm her breaths steadily.
he glared at matt in disgust, trying to hold back from saying a word towards matt in fear of upsetting dotty.
she blinded herself against his torso, attempting to shut the world out.
โlet me talk to her.โ matt tried to talk his way out, as per usual.
โleave her alone.โ
โIts not what you think, it wasn't that bad, I just-โ
โmatt.โ chris interrupted his rambling. โyou need to get your priorities straight and get a fucking grip.โ
