I am thirteen years old and have just realized that my friend is incredibly toxic and not good for my well-being. Trouble is, I can’t find the courage to tell her that I don’t want to be friends, and I’m afraid she’ll try to guilt-trip me like she’s done in the past. How can I find the courage to let go?
Hey lovely,
I think it’s really good that you’ve had this realisation! That’s the first step, so well done!
You’re right that it can be really scary to talk to her about this. It does take a lot of courage, but I believe in you! What can really help is to prepare for different scenarios. You’re worried that she’ll try to guilt-trip you as she’s done so in the past. How could you respond if she were to do this? If you can think of this beforehand then it can be a little easier if it does happen.
You can also consider if there are ways that you can avoid her responding that way. For example, if you were to write it all down in a letter and hand this letter to her, would that help? Or perhaps sending it to her (through mail or email).
Is there something you can include when you talk to her (or write down in your letter) that would prevent her from trying to guilt-trip you, or that help you to stand your ground? For example, if you tell her beforehand that you won’t listen to her if she tries to turn this around and make it about you, then she might not do so and if she does you can repeat that you won’t listen to it. Or something like that!
Remember that you are your first priority. You are worthy of being in friendships that are good for your well-being, not the opposite. You do not owe her to stay in this friendship. You have every right to choose for yourself. We’ve got your back!
Sometimes what seems impossible, is just hard.Love Pauline
