Paris Guilt Trip
So I am doing something awful, something terrible, something that I feel so guilty about that it is over taking my excitement..... I am going on Holiday without my Baby!
I have wanted to go to Paris for as long as I can remember, I have booked flights to go twice but due to Snow and Pregnancy both ended up Cancelled! I wanted to wait to go with the love of my life, but she’s here now and I’m not taking her! And as much as I am so excited to see all the amazing and beautiful things that I have planned to see forever, I am riddled with guilt for leaving Ivy behind!!
There were a few reasons for me going without her, in my head they go:
1. I’m a terrible Mother!
2. I’m a terrible Mother!!
3. I’m a terrible Mother!!!
But in reality, the thought of flying with her, packing everything she needs, her causing a commotion on the Plane, and travelling around an unknown city with a 10 Month old Ivy, just terrifies me!!! Maybe as a couple it would be easier, but as a single Mum, it’s bloody scary!
It also falls on a weekend that she will be with her Dad, so if I took her then she wouldn’t see him for a Month! I know she’ll be fine with him but it’s daunting to know that I’m not local if anything happened or if she just wouldn’t settle for him.
Then there’s the fact that I really didn’t want to spoil it for my Darling friend Rowena, who I am going with. She is lush and of course, was more than happy for Ivy to come with us, but I know I’d spend the whole time apologising and stressing and well, ruining it for myself as well as her!
And finally, the part I feel extra guilty about, I need a break! Just a couple of days away, being the old pre-baby me, not having a million chores to do while the baby is out of the house with her Dad, just a couple of days enjoying adult things that I love like art and wine! I haven’t had a holiday for 18 months which is a long time for me, I need to explore and see new things!!!
I know that they are all rational reasons, so why can’t I shift this damn guilt?! Am I really doing something wrong? Will she be upset to know I went without her, when she’s older? Am I super selfish spending money on a trip for me when I am a single Mum?
I am really hoping that after an eve of planning tonight that I will feel more excited as it’s been on my wish list for a very long time! Wish me luck!!