Its funny how I can pinpoint exactly whats wrong with me but it all goes out the window during everyday life, like as soon as have a Eureka moment i zone out and suddenly its been a month and ive been doing the same shit over and over. I forget the dishes, I dont let the dogs out long enough, I forget to clean my room. Its always something with me and if I had a kid I had to remind to constantly do shit, I'd hate them too. No matter what I do to improve I just end up in the same fucking hole I tried to crawl out of.
Pretty sure my mom's sick of me . Shes the one that takes most the bitching from my step dad, and tonight he just said "fuck you" to all the camping plans my mom made because of me. I feel like the worst daughter in the world, her only kid and constantly disappointing her. This weekend was my one fucking chance to prove that I can be a decent human being but I fucked that up before they even left.
I dont hate my parents though, I love them a lot. im more often mad at myself cuz its so fucking hard just to force myself to get out of bed. I know I need help but I hate the fact that I cant just power though, I wish I could wake up and all this shit would go away. I need fuckin therapy or something.
God if you're real just make me fucking normal, I dont know what kind of sick fucking joke this is but im so goddamn tired.
My nose is runny and my head hurts. I'm just gonna pass out for the night and hope my step dad miraculously changes his mind tomorrow.
