Cat-calling CoD men because I'm definitely a little sick and crave the sweet release of death
Cw: None? I'm pretty sure it's just gn!reader teasing these guys.
Y'all this is so ass. I got lazy towards the end. Someone else can make this better, I'm gonna pass out for three years...
John Price:
It's pretty common for poor Price to get bullied by you. But this? This might be his least favorite... He dropped something, barely even thinking as he bends over. What he isn't prepared for? You, slapping his ass like it owed you money, and letting out the loudest wolf whistle he had ever heard.
To say he bolted upright would be an understatement.
"Darling."
"Yes, my handsome captain?" Pretending to be innocent, blinking at him like you hadn't just sent his soul to the shadow realm.
"Christ," he rubbed his temples, "you're gonna be the death of me, luv..."
It's not like that would stop you though, not when he looked so cute while blushing.
Simon "Ghost" Riley:
Really it was his fault, strutting around in those pants. They were small, tight, and definitely deserving of what you were about to do.
He visibly froze when you whistled at him, turning around slowly. With the most deadpan voice he could manage:
"What."
Honestly he sounded baffled, completely unprepared for this. You? Whistling at *him*??
And of course, when you don't respond, he simply stalks off. Confused and defeated, forever wondering why you do this to him...
Johnny "Soap" MacTavish:
Oh you think he's confused? Surprised?
Hell no. Bro is smiling like an idiot, wiggling his hips slightly.
"Yeah? Y' think so?"
You were trying to fluster him, you ended up bright red as he tries to get you to repeat yourself. He will also be bragging about this for the next week, constantly on about how "he got cat called" and how "everyone wants him" (you literally whistled at him once)
Kyle "Gaz" Garrick:
Oh my poor baby...
Despite being undoubtedly handsome, bordering supermodel territory, he still ends up looking around all confused like.
"Me?" He says while pointing at himself, confused and slightly embarrassed.
Like- obviously??? Who else would you be whistling at? It's pretty clear you meant him, and the fact he can't realize it only makes him cuter.
Just... Whatever you do, don't slap his ass, alright? He makes the sound of a startled kitten, literally shaking as he whips around. He is not prepared for this type of interaction, please be gentle with him 😔
Nikolai:
Ooh, another overconfident bastard... Obviously the second you see Nik strutting around in that silly little jumpsuit, you're making a plan.
Find him, smack his ass, then run so he doesn't find and kill you. Simple, yeah?
Nope.
He turns much faster than you expected, grabbing you (very gently), and grinning.
"Hah! And what was that for, Маленькая мышка?"
Turns out, this man has experience in getting dat thang slapped (you know it jiggle) and therefore practically smelt your intentions when you came into the room. You're never gonna be able to get the jump on him, he's gonna be pouncing on you the second you even try to form a whistle. Don't worry though- he loves the attention...
Alejandro Vargas:
A mix of cocky and flustered- aka very entertaining to mess with.
He bends over to pick something up, not even pausing the story he was telling as he does so. He doesn't expect to hear you letting out the loudest whistle, then a sharp pain. Poor guy shoots up like a rocket,
"¡¡¡JODER, QUÉ COÑO-!!!"
Then he sees your face, laughing. He has no choice but to take a deep breath and push his hair back, straightening his shirt like he hadn't just felt his soul leave his body.
"You think you're funny, ¿Querido?"
Be prepared, he will not let this go for at least a week. Every time you even think about bending over, he's gonna materialize out of nowhere to whistle and holler. Normally he'd pride himself on being a gentleman, but this? Well you started it, he's just getting a little payback.
Rodolfo "Rudy" Parra:
Dead silent.
He doesn't even twitch when you smack his ass, he simply slowly stands up.
And turns.
Yeah, you don't even need any words to know that you need to run.
Phillip Graves:
This cocky bastard- he could absolutely be a drag queen in another life with the amount of sass he pulls. (Also he walks surprisingly good in heels...)
The kinda guy who responds to your whistle with a "You're damn right!" And then saunters away with an extra sway in his hips. He doesn't act surprised, he doesn't try to get you back- heck he doesn't even seem to remember the next time he sees you!
He simply rolls with it. He's hot and he knows it, he's just happy you're finally noticing >:3
König:
Hadir Karim:
Oh this poor man...
You whistle at him, pulling a "Damn Boy!!" while you're at it, and he turns bright red. Sure he laughs it off, playfully glaring, but y'know what? He'll be kept awake for the next few nights thinking about it...
Eventually he tries to get you back, barely even getting through his awful pickup line before he regrets anything. Of course that's when Farah would walk in, and of course she'd slap him in the back of the head and lecture him about not being a creep to people.
Take pity on him and don't even try, it'll only end poorly...
He literally falls over.
You didn't mean to hurt him! You just gave him a *little* smack. How were you supposed to know that he would go tumbling forward, curses in German and English alike filling the room.
It only gets worse from there though.
Obviously you check in, right? Leaning over him, making sure he didn't hit his head. Well that only makes it worse! Poor guy almost passes out- not from the injury, but from how quickly fear turned into admiration. You just look so nice overtop him, worried for his well being...
Y'know when in anime the character gets the bloody nose and passes out? Yeah. That's König.
You learn your lesson while sitting with him in the infirmary. *Don't* try to catcall König...