The Way It Ends (Final Moments) - Han Jisang, Kim Junsu
An exceedingly rare audio of The Way It Ends with Han Jisang from the 2017 Korean production of the Death Note Musical. I don’t think a lot of people have heard this before. Enjoy!
Han Jisung x reader
angst, this is just angst from beginning to end
Word Count : 2192 (kinda long)
Summary : How did it end up like this? Where did it all go wrong? As Jisung stared at you through blurred eyes, all those questions he’d been asking himself for so long were silently, painfully answered.
a/n : inspired by ‘If You Do’ by GOT7, my best friend helped creating this
Everything started out fine between the two of you. All your friends could have sworn they had never seen two people love each more than you and Jisung. You were happy, so was he. Everything started out fine. Although you did argue sometimes, it was nothing too serious and you both always tried to show patience and tolerance towards each other.
But sometimes you felt like you were trying too hard. Jisung loved you, you had never doubted that. But, as much as you hated to think about it, it was sometimes as if he didn’t love you the way you wanted him to. You weren’t the type to be in constant need of attention, but you still required a minimum of care, and you weren’t satisfied. You understood that, besides you, Jisung had his own life on which you didn’t want to encroach too much, because he hated that. You understood you had to give him space to grow and blossom, but you couldn’t deny you felt relegated to the background sometimes. You had tried telling him, but he didn’t understand. He couldn’t understand why it was so hard for you to give him the space he needed.
That was, perhaps, Jisung’s biggest flaw: he sometimes acted selfish. You didn’t know if it was due to his young age or if it was just who he was, but sometimes everything was always about him. It annoyed you to the highest point, but you still tried to be patient with him, at first, and let it flow. However, as time passed, you gradually ran out of patience and understanding, and the tension grew bigger and bigger between you two. All your built-up frustration showed itself through cold replies, hurtful sarcasm and silent treatment and he hated that.
- “Okay, what’s wrong with you today Y/N?” he asked, his brows furrowed and arms crossed.
- “Nothing you’d care about”, you simply replied, eyes never leaving your phone.
- “Are you implying that I don’t care?”
His stare was hard, and you found it difficult to keep your composure when all you wanted to do was cave in again and apologize, but you didn’t. You needed to stand up for yourself. You looked him dead in the eyes and replied with the same tone:
- “Do you care, though?”
That was it for him, and that’s how your first serious argument started.
- “I barely even see you, I bet JYP’s janitor has seen you more often than I’ve ever seen you all my life!”
- “Look, we talked about this, you agreed to this, what are you attacking me for?”
- “Yes, we talked about this and I remember telling you I needed more attention! Jisung, I’m not asking for the moon here, is it so hard to text me back, to just call me sometimes, heck, to just be there when I need you! Is that so hard to do?”
- “Okay but what about you? You don’t even respect me enough to just tell me what’s wrong instead of ignoring me. You know how much I hate that, yet you keep doing it, and then have the nerve to fucking tell me what to do!”
His voice rose a notch, and you were taken aback for a split second. Jisung had never talked to you like that. But the worst part was that he was right. Yes, Jisung was not perfect, but neither were you. And your biggest flaw was your stubbornness. You were fully aware of how petty you were being, but you didn’t care. Your pride took the best of you, and soon enough you were both throwing rocks at each other, saying things you knew you’d both regret later, relentlessly trying to put the blame on each other. And the fight kept going until late at night, until both your hearts were broken from the hurtful words, until you were crying on the floor and he was standing across the room, avoiding to look at you, fighting back his own tears.
The next day, you promised each other you would never fight like that again, but it wasn’t long until that promise broke because one week later, he stood you up. He was supposed to take you out on a date, you were supposed to spend time together to recover from what’d happened and start over fresh, but he cancelled last minute because of an important dinner with some Twice members to talk about a collaboration. You were beyond upset, and when he came home that night, you two fought again, harder than before, words harsher, tears more bitter.
- “It’s up to you if you want to break up, I don’t care. Just do whatever you want, it doesn’t matter to me. I’ll just go to sleep” you said, turning away and locking yourself into your room, completely numb from the pain.
This time, you had started a vicious cycle that neither of you could break. Your heart ached because you loved Jisung more than anything in the world, but he’d been doing a great job ignoring you for days. You were desperate, insecure, yet too proud to make the first step back to him. That was until your resolve broke a few days later and, you finally decided to put your pride aside to try and make things right. But when you opened the door to Stray Kids’ practice room, a bag full of handmade food, and found him laughing along with Yeji, you felt your heart sink deeper than it ever did.
It was a habit for Jisung to become all flirty and touchy with you whenever he was upset about something. It was his strange way of coping with stress, and it was all innocent poking and playing around. You knew he’d been friends with her for a long time, but it still hurt to see him acting like that towards another girl. Especially seeing how easy it was for him when all you ever did for the past few days was stressing out and wondering if he still loved you. Thankfully, they were too busy laughing together to notice your presence, so you just turned away and left before your anger took over.
The next day, Jisung’s eyes grew darker and darker as he watched you and Minho from the other side of the room. You had stepped by to bring food for the boys, since you hadn’t seen them in a while. You had initially planned to check up on Jisung, knowing neither of you would start any drama in front of the boys. But you couldn’t help it, every time you looked at him, it reminded you of him and Yeji, and of how bad he had treated you, and it pissed you off again. And when you were pissed, you acted reckless. So here you were, fooling around with Minho, lingering your hand on his shoulder a little bit longer than you should, smiling at him a little brighter than you should. You had noticed Jisung’s burning stare, and your mind screamed at you to stop this mess and go talk to him, but part of you was satisfied. He was mad, so he still cared.
That night, he came into your apartment and slammed the door loud enough to make you jump in your seat.
- “What do you think you were doing with Minho today?” he said, his eyes full of anger.
- “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
- “Don’t play dumb with me, Y/N. I know exactly what game you’re playing. You really thought it was a good idea, flirting with my best friend like that?”
- “I could say the same for you, you know. I saw you with Yeji yesterday. You seemed to have a lot of fun.”
Your words were as sharp as razor blades, except it was cutting into your own heart. Jisung noticed how your voice faltered at the end, and he seemed to genuinely feel bad for a second, before attacking again.
- “Y-yes but it wasn’t on purpose. I was frustrated, I had no one to talk to, and unlike you, she was there.”
You scoffed. Here we go again, you thought to yourself.
- “But you, what you did with Minho today, you didn’t have the right to do that.” he continued.
- “I have the right to do whatever I want Jisung, especially when I barely have a boyfriend anymore these days. I can’t believe you’re really standing in front of me, comparing me to Yeji, and then claiming me as yours and trying to control me when you’ve been ignoring me for days.”
- “And whose fault is that, huh? You could’ve just talked to me about it and we could have worked things out, but you never learn from your mistakes, Y/N.”
- “Actually I did make a move towards you but you were too busy flirting with somebody else!” you practically screamed, your hands balled into tight fists.
- “I wasn’t flirting, I wasn’t doing what you did with Minho.”
- “How come when it’s you, it’s always as if you did nothing wrong? How come when it’s you, it’s suddenly no big deal and I can never win against you, but when it’s me it becomes the world’s biggest mistake? Whenever I do something wrong, you turn into someone else, I barely even recognize you anymore, Jisung.”
- “Stop playing the victim Y/N, it’s not working with me. You’re always trying to win over me, turning my slightest mistake into a big fight and then blaming me for not considering your feelings. Just what kind of girlfriend are you?”
- “You see, that’s the big difference between you and me” you said as you choked out a sob. “I would never say such a thing to you. I really wish you didn’t go this far with your words but you can never stop yourself. I put up with you because I still love you, but I’m so tired of trying when I already know how it’s going to end.”
Jisung immediately fell silent. Your words echoed into his brain like a siren.
- “Yeji might be just a friend to you, but you were actually flirting with her just as much as I was with Minho. But again, when it’s you, it’s fine, but when it’s me, I’m a bad girlfriend. Do you know how it makes me feel?”
Jisung didn’t say anything. Instead, he reflected on the situation again. How did it end up like this? Where did it all go wrong?
- “Actually, that’s what’s been wrong since the beginning of this relationship” you continued, a bitter laugh escaping your lips. “You not making enough time for me, you not understanding why I’m upset, you acting the way you did with other girls, and then calling me a bad girlfriend… I keep trying, but in the end, I feel like I’m never good enough. It almost-”
Your voice broke into a loud sob as tears flowed freely from your eyes.
- “It’s almost as if I’ve always loved you more than you’ve ever loved me.”
Your words hit Jisung like a ton of bricks. He didn’t know you felt that way, because he just never tried to see things from your perspective, too driven by his own ego to see just how unhappy you were. Your reactions weren’t certainly the best, but you’d been trying to call out for his help this whole time time, and he ignored you, making you feel unwanted and worthless. Yet, you meant so much to him, and the fact that you thought he didn’t love you broke his heart. He still loved you so much, but he hated how you acted towards him when you were upset, he hated how you would turn cold and distant, how you would try and hurt him as a revenge. How did it end up like this? Where did it all go wrong? As Jisung stared at you through blurred eyes, all those questions he’d been asking himself for so long were silently, painfully answered. He wiped a tear with the back of his sleeve and said:
- “This isn’t going to work.”
Although it killed you inside, you couldn’t contradict him. He was right. You and Jisung weren’t meant to be from the very start. No matter how hard you’d try to find a solution to this, you wouldn’t be able to, because there wasn’t any. If you stayed with Jisung, you were bound to tear each other apart like this forever. You couldn’t let that happen.
- “No, it isn’t.”
- “So what do we do now?” he asked.
You just shrugged, not knowing what to say. You just sat there on the couch, and he sat next to you and held you tight until you both fell asleep. When you woke up the next morning, he was gone, and although it was for the best, you felt a weight on your heart that you knew you would have to carry for the rest of your life.
