#handmadeorganicpost

[lokilysolbitch]

peter nureyev putting on the same cologne for every disguise: a thief thinks of everything and Never misses a detail

juno steel, bloodhound: that dude forty miles away smells exactly like nureyev

[lokilysolbitch]

okay i wasnt seeing any christian takes on sinners before but ive been seeing a couple now and OHHHHHH MY FUCKING GODDDDDDDDDDDDD. oh my god

'this is a movie about spiritual warfare' this is a movie about colonialism and white supremacy. and how black ancestral spirituality was demonised and still demonised by christians of all colors today as a result !!!! its about christianity being used as a tool to subdue black people and irish people !!!!!

'remmick knows the our father prayer bc the devil knows the bible' REMMICK KNOWS THE VERSE BC HE WAS A VICTIM OF CHRISTIANITY !!!!!! BOTH SAMMIE AND REMMICK WERE VICTIMS OF CHRISTIANITY !!!!! THATS WHY THEY BOTH KNOW IT !!!!!!!! THATS WHY IT DOESNT WORK !!!!! using an abusers tool on another abuser whos seen that trick already isnt gonna do shit

'the our father prayer actually did save sammie bc smoke protected him' hey okay so . im going to lose it. did we not all see sammie bash remmicks head in w the GUITAR. the SILVER and WOODEN guitar ?? that one. and i believed he also stabbed him with the WOOD of the guitar.

lets put two and two together here. so we see sammie sing and play guitar and it summons the ancestors and descendents. right. so. if the guitar represents ancestors. okay. and sammie kills remmick with the guitar. stay with me now. sammie kills remmick (a symbol of assimilation to whiteness) with his guitar (his connection to his ancestors). do you see. what im saying.

heres another one. annie is the one who spotted and identified the danger (vampires which are colonialism, assimilation, etc), the one who mobilized everyone and knew what to do, because of her understanding of her ancestral spirituality.

this is not about fucking. god versus the devil. this is not about them. this is about colonization vs knowing your goddamn roots. and this is about your history, where you come from, who you are, being what saves you. this is about joy and art and community being what saves you and being what makes life worth living. this is about colonization being something that is forcefully and violently spread. if you want to survive it, you need to know who the fuck you are and where you come from.

SO STOP MAKING IT ABOUT SATAN THIS IS NOT ABOUT HIM

and DO NOT let no goddamn vampires into your house

anyways. as beyonce says, if you know who you are and where you came from say i slay (i slay)

[lokilysolbitch]

a tip i don't think i've seen:

do you want to know what non-intuition (like getting spiritual information wrong) feels like. just tell a lie

like. say something verifiably untrue, something you fully don't believe. observe how your body feels internally. now say something you can prove is true and fully believe. observe again. you could try a half truth too. or a deceiving truth that leaves out vital information. idk go crazy. i'm not your mom

ex) i have a cat. i have no cats. i have two cats.

at least for me, an intuitive no, or "wrong" feels like telling a lie. intuitive truth feels like saying something true. this will make you uncomfortably aware of when you're lying to yourself sometimes though lmao

but yes get in tune with your body. know how it feels in your body when you lie.

protip, you can do this anytime too. "is that loki's energy im feeling? my name is [lie]. loki is here. my name is [your name]. loki is here. okay yeah loki is here"

[lokilysolbitch]

i've said it already probably but ppl who don't use mobility aids. especially doctors. stop trying to get rid of other ppls mobility aid. stop making that a priority. stop it with the "we gotta get you off that [mobility aid]" "you shouldn't need to be using a [mobility aid]" "let's focus on getting you to where you don't need [mobility aid]" "a [mobility aid]? but have you tried [herb]/[medicine]/ [exercise]/[facebook hack]/[pseudoscience]/[meditation] instead?" "but you look old/cringe/weak/sick". shut up

i don't know why so many of y'all think my end goal is to stop using the thing that helps me. and i KNOW most of y'all wear glasses or contacts but you're not running around trying to find the solution to make you stop needing them. so quit doing it with every other aid just because it reminds you of old or sick people.

especially bc most of y'all don't want to have that reaction when it comes to chronic pain, fatigue or discomfort. i say "my joints hurt" you say "oh well :/". i say "i feel lightheaded all the time" you say "just push through it". i say "my stomach is at least a 7/10 on the pain scale every day" you say "are you sure it's actually that bad? maybe you're exaggerating".

but as soon as i pull out a cane, or a shower chair, or a spinny chair for when im cooking in the kitchen, and i say "finally, im getting really good help!" . that's when you care. and all you want to do is take that away as soon as possible.

you just don't want to fucking see disabled ppl be disabled.

you don't want to have to look at it. you don't want to have to listen to it. you don't want to have to be reminded of it.

but too fucking bad !! i don't care !! im naming and decorating my canes !! they will be the loudest part of my outfits !! the same will go for a rollator if i'll still need one in the future !! i'm going to talk about how i'm disabled regardless of if anyone else can hear me !! because i am !! why should i hide just because YOU don't like it !! close your eyes !!!!!!

[lokilysolbitch]

i think it's just the DID but no one talks about how fucking insane healing feels

the DID part is the feeling like your identity is melting as you learn you're safe

like hmm. maybe things will be alright......wait what who am i....do i even like [interest] anymore.....is this really my hair.....how long have i lived here.......have i always thought about these things......what emotion is this i'm not used to it.....everything is not okay......no it's okay now....this is the most dissociated i've been in a while.....no nvm i feel strangely grounded.....what..gender am i.....😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫--🧍‼️. wait. okay i'm normal now. why do i feel like me but two inches to the left tho

except it lasts a few days. it feels Weird. i felt like a section of myself yesterday. but i'm better now

but the less DID part that comes with feeling ur feelings is. feeling feelings feels (lol) erratic when you spent the past however long suppressing them. ALSO. practicing new habits, especially indulging or being open when you weren't before feels like. it literally just feels like out of character. so then you're like "why am i reacting to things now??? why am i making all these choices i wouldn't before. what if i'm fucking MANIC😰" <-person who has no personal or family history of bipolar.

on top of this once you learn to feel feelings you can actually FEEL panic attacks and flashbacks. so like yeah you do feel insane. maybe because of the mental illness perhaps

also. ironically i can't remember if i did this before but the DID blackouts are really blackouting. i keep feeling like i've been asleep for the duration of what i was doing before. like i'm on one app and th--i'm opening the same app.....wait what. how am i opening the app i was just in. what was i doing before this? how has it been thirty minutes

like. it's all net positive but goddddddddddd it's just weird all the time and i have feelings about things all the time now and my anxiety doesn't hold me back as much but at the same time i still get anxious so like im doing things i've wanted to do but im panicking as i do it. but not as bad as i did before. so i must be losing it? the ocd doesn't help

[lokilysolbitch]

working w loki as your first deity really gives you a certain mindset that follows your whole practice

like you stop blindly trusting any rule no matter how reasonable is seems bc that rule never worked w loki and/or loki actively stopped you from following it

like you just stop assuming what gods want bc loki broke every stereotype

"okay i'm unfamiliar with this deity umm should i maybe put up a nice candle and formally introduce myse--wait but when i first met loki he very loudly claimed an itty bitty sample candle and liked it most when i played him my favorite vocaloid songs.........maybe i should be informal and genuine then????? ykw lemme just straight up ask the new deity actually..........right okay so the deity straight up called me kiddo in our first ever interaction so i guess we're going informal"

loki really makes you feel safe enough to fuck around find out😭and every time the outcome isn't as scary as i thought it would be. except for maybe the spider jumpscares

i wonder if gods pick that based off the person's needs? like did loki reach out to me bc he knew an unstructured practiced would work better for me? if someone works better w structure do they get approached by/feel pulled to a more structured god first so they can build that skill? if someone will need to remember communicative skills (physical and/or psychic ones) do they end up reaching out to/being reached out to by hermes first?

i can feel loki's vibe saying yes lol

but that's just a theory....

[lokilysolbitch]

sometimes the godspouse tag has those posts calling it hubris bc "a god would never _____ a human"

and god does it make me so mad and sad bc the implications behind it are so ??????

like to believe that being in a relationship with a god, be it platonic/romantic/sexual, (i never really see familial or teacher/mentor get shit on) is hubris implies that:

-humans are so lowly that the idea of a human being close to a god somehow dirties the god

-platonic relationships are the lowest tier of of relationships. those posts that are like "gods are not your friends" are always saying friends like it's a slur and it makes me so fucking mad. how do you view your friends????

-that sex is dirty, that lust is dirty, and beneath a god to experience esp with a human

-that marriage/romance is a higher tier relationship than familial, platonic, etc

like those posts almost seem to portray their gods with a sneer every fucking time. like it comes off like they think their god is handling them like a dirty dish they don't want to touch. like "sure i GUESS help you with your craft, human, but i don't want to be your friend" "i suppose i'll teach you to love yourself, human, but don't think that means i want to know you" "i'll tolerate hearing about your deepest traumas, human, but don't you dare tell me about your day"

it's sad to view your gods that way and it's maddening to see that rhetoric pushed onto others

like. i want to ask the people who post anti-godspouse posts "have you considered their god just loves them?? have you considered your god just loves you????? do you realise your god does more than tolerate you????? do you understand your god is not holding you like a bug they think is gross, they're not holding you out gingerly pinched between two fingers, they don't run away when they see you, they like you. they want to be close with you. they want to sit with you at the lunch table. they like you. they like you. they like you. okay???"

and sometimes a deity will wanna kiss you about it. and it's fine. it doesn't mean you're better than anyone else. it's just means they fucking like you. bc they don't like you because you're gods favorite princess and the most interesting girl in the world/ref. nothing changes about you when a god loves you. they love you because you are you. because of who you are now. they love you so much they feel it's safe to assume they will love you forever. that what godspousal is. it's different flavors of i love you forever except with a more formal agreement.

okay ? so chill!

tldr be normal about godspousual and be normal to godspouses bc ur god loves you and does not see you as dirt

[lokilysolbitch]

calling jax wholly evil, while an understandable impulse, also ignores like. every other influence and disregards how difficult healing is and how much time it can take. and how influenced healing is by like. everything all the time

ive been thinking about this a lot. bc people are very mad about jax which i get but im also. sooooooooooooo sad

like. jax just wants to be a girl and to be loved. that isnt much. look how difficult it was to get that in her upbringing. goddddd im sick. and then on top of that she gets trapped in a virtual world forced to do fuckass adventures by a pair of dentures which im sure isnt helpful but like anyways--

and it is true that all jax has to do in the digital circus is just try to be loved again. try being seen again. but if youve been hurt over and over for wanting to be loved, it really is not as easy as it sounds. thats like having to put your hand in a dogs mouth to recover from when you got bitten by a dog REPEATEDLY. REGULARLY THROUGHOUT YOUR LIFE

like i cant lie i really do understand the resistance

but also to add to the tragedy, jax clearly had it in her to keep trying. the scene right before jax's abstraction, (the one where she almost talks to pomni) KILLS ME bc she had it in her to approach, even if she wasnt able to follow through. that is genuine progress. that is what healing looks like, theres a lot of failed attempts before it works.

also that bow scene w ribbit. that would have been so vulnerable for jax, and when you first start trying to heal it really doesnt take much to get spooked out of it and revert. like. at all. that was just a really really inopportune knock😭

im so sad over this bunny yall. shes not mean for no reason. she really did have it in her to change. all she wanted was to be a girl and to be loved and she was so scared about it im sick im sick oh my god. im gonna faint like those victorian ladies. crying in the club. i cant do this

istg if any of you interpret this as me excusing jax's actions im gonna put evil sadistic caine in your house and hes gonna sing a threatening song at you and make you cancan to it. you think im joking but im dead serious. ive got him on speed dial rn siri call up Evil Sadistic Caine--

but anyways shout out to anyone healing from anything, it is very hard but its not worth it to stay unhealed