summary: the hanks take it upon themselves to find the biggest pumpkin in the patch.
word count: 1.2 k
a/n: OKAY FINALLY IT WORKS
(original caption: i have tried to post this so many times and it keeps failing for some reason?? i'll try again in the morning, but for now i'll test it with no images and hope it works)
The wind whistles through the trees, scattering fallen leaves around in gusts as the hayride passes by, carting its cargo — you — to the pumpkin patch.
It’s a little chilly, and the hay is a bit scratchy under your fingers, but that’s hard to notice because of the five men crammed into the cart with you, talking and laughing with each other. All of them are dressed in their typical Hank attire, the only visible difference being that they’re also wearing scarves — an addition you’d requested because of the drop in temperature.
‘So, house homie —‘ Hank 4 starts, jolting you back into the conversation before a confused look appears on his face. ‘— wait, we’re not in the house right now…’
‘Yeah, you totally need another H name. Happy?’ Hank 1 suggests.
‘Hot?’ Hank 3 follows, leaned back against the haybale and the trademark smirk on his face.
‘None of those are really relevant to the situation at hand, bros…’ Hank 2 intervenes. ‘What about… hayride homie?’
‘Sure, that works,’ you chuckle, adjusting your position. ‘What was it, 4?’
‘Hayride homie…’ Hank 4 resumes, lying down on his side, little bits of straw sticking to his uniform. ‘Like, what do you do with the pumpkins again? Once you pick them.’
‘I mean, anything, really. You can carve them or cook them or simply keep them around for fun. I was planning on carving mine and putting it on the porch.’
‘Woah, so we can show them off to other people!’ Hank 3 says, eyes sparkling. ‘Sounds kickass.’
‘I bet we can get the biggest pumpkin at the patch today,’ Hank 1 asserts.
‘Absolutely!’ 2 agrees.
You laugh at their enthusiasm. ‘Well, try not to get more than you can handle.’
Five pairs of eyes lock onto you in an instant, smelling a challenge in the air, and you get the feeling you’ve said something that’ll come back to haunt you later in the day.
‘Is that a dare?’ Hank 5 asks, eyes narrowed.
You shrug, a slow smile appearing on your face. ‘If you’re taking it as a dare, then…’
‘We are!’ they say in unison, loud and clear. They never really were ones to shy away from danger, and you resolve to just make sure they don’t die.
A bump in the road jostles you together and knocks hay all around, sending Hank 3’s head into the middle of the haybale. His straw-stunned face, reminiscent of a scarecrows’s sends you into peals of laughter, with the five of them following suit.
——
Shortly afterwards, you arrive at the pumpkin patch — a half-acre plot of rows and rows and, shockingly, more rows of pumpkins, all waiting to be appraised and taken home by eager children and adults alike. The Hanks immediately jump out of the cart and start running around, inspecting pumpkins and trying to see how many they can fit in their arms without them spilling over or tripping on vines. Their record so far for the latter option has not been very high.
‘Hey, gourd-geous, look over here!’ Hank 3 calls, windmilling his arms at you cheerily from across the patch — you wave back, of course.
‘Get it?’ he yells as a followup, a little embarrassingly loud for a public setting. ‘Because this is a gourd. And you’re looking fine as hell today.’
Hank 1 gets a pained look on his face. ‘Bro, don’t even.’
‘Good job, guys!’ you yell back, returning to weighing your options — both aesthetically and literally — in your hands. Do you go for the round one on the left, which promises a smooth, even cut, but is slightly spotty, or the misshapen one on the right, which sticks out slightly at the side but whose skin is practically glowing with how flawless it is? Decisions, decisions…
‘Hey, enjoying yourself?’
You turn — Hank 5 is walking up one of the dirt rows, alternately looking at the pumpkins that line either side of him and at the others.
‘Yeah!’ You decide to go for the misshapen pumpkin and turn it over in your hands, setting the round one down. ‘It’s nice having others to go with. I haven’t done it in a while.’
‘Well, we’re all really happy you wanted to show us this place.’ He bends down to pick up a tiny little pumpkin, smiling at it wistfully When Hank 0 comes, I think they’d like to share this tradition.’
You smile back, placing a hand on his shoulder. ‘That’d be really cute. I bet you could even find them a little pumpkin onesie.’
Hank 5’s eyes go misty as he contemplates the thought, clutching the pumpkin to his chest. ‘Yeah, that would be awesome, wouldn’t it?’
Hank 4’s voice, giddy with excitement, suddenly rings across the patch. ‘Bros, check it out!!’
Impossibly, a pumpkin the size of a hay bale itself is standing imposingly in its own little patch of soil; if properly hollowed, it could serve as its own little pumpkin carriage for you to ride in, complete with dining car and all.
You and Hank 5 jog over to join the rest of the hangermen; they’re standing in awe, having to try and contemplate how they’re supposed to even approach it.
Hank 1 turns to the others, gleam in his eye. ‘This is it, bros. What we’ve been doing all our training for. The motherlode.’
‘I bet you could deadlift it,’ Hank 4 says.
‘I bet you could deadlift it.’
‘I bet hayride homie could —‘
’No,’ you interrupt. ‘I didn’t think you’d get something bigger than all of you. You’re not made of plastic and metal anymore. You could get hurt moving this!’
‘Nah, we’ll be fine,' Hank 3
‘They’ve got a point, dudes,’ Hank 2 says, frowning as he takes it in. ‘We do have extremely soft flesh and organs to protect now. We can’t get crushed by something without planning ahead.’
They all put their hands in, stacking them on top of the other (in number order, of course), and lift them up with a resounding ‘WE’RE THE HANKS!’. Then, they proceed to try and lift the pumpkin, huffing and puffing to no avail.
‘Guys, there’s no way we’ll be able to bring this back. You can’t even lift it.’
‘C’mon, homie.’ Five pairs of knees hit the dirt and they look back at you pleadingly. ‘Please?’
As we all know the Hanks move as a group, you are weak to their puppy eyes and relent, smiling at their desperation. ‘Alright, but we’re getting more people to help us lift it.’
‘AWESOME!!’ they yell.
‘Imagine what we’ll do with this thing! We can have Stefan make so much pie!’
‘Dudes, imagine if we carved our numbers into it!’
‘Kickass!’
‘Or go bowling on a hill with it and let its guts explode everywhere!’
‘Woah. Dark, bro.’
And, again impossibly, you do manage to roll it out to the hayride with the power of teamwork (and five more people) and convince the driver to let you ride after it in shifts. And you manage to roll it up back the way you came to the parking lot.
But there are some things that even the Suspension of Disbelief can’t fix.
‘…Dudes,’ Hank 2 says. ‘How’s this going to fit in the car?’
a/n: i love them but their alignment is Not easy to fit in the header
A/N: SO Hiiii I NEEDED TO WRITE THIS OUT OF PURE COMFORT because atp I should make it a series of my fav characters dating people with tics (JUST FOR ME NGL) because I needed more comfort okay I need my shit and I wanted to write it LET A PERSON BE *sobs*
Summary: The hanks love their house homie alot so what about if you had tics? and what they do to help out!
━━━ ．°˖✧ 🪂 ˚₊ ⊹ The Hanks do not care one bit about your Tourette’s in a negative way they just immediately adapt to it like it’s the most natural thing in the world. You tic? Okay, that’s just part of you, their favorite person.
━━━ ．°˖✧ 🪂 ˚₊ ⊹ They normalize it constantly. If you tic mid-conversation, they don’t act awkward, they’ll just flow with it
━━━ ．°˖✧ 🪂 ˚₊ ⊹ If it’s a curse word tic, Hank 4 might shout it back jokingly and make everyone laugh, while Hank 2 scolds him lightly so you don’t feel bad
━━━ ．°˖✧ 🪂 ˚₊ ⊹ They have no shame about making accommodations for you
━━━ ．°˖✧ 🪂 ˚₊ ⊹ If you’re in a place where loud tics get stares, the Hanks will be as loud and chaotic as possible so all eyes are on them instead. “Oops, sorry, we’re just five dudes yelling about parachutes nothing to see here!”
━━━ ．°˖✧ 🪂 ˚₊ ⊹ Tic attacks scare them at first (because you’re moving a lot and they’re worried you’ll hurt yourself), but once they learn what’s happening, they become the best support team
━━━ ．°˖✧ 🪂 ˚₊ ⊹ They’ll make sure you’re somewhere safe to ride it out, Hank 5 rubbing your back while Hank 1 keeps everyone else calm
━━━ ．°˖✧ Hank One ˚₊ ⊹
━━━ ．°˖✧ 🪂 ˚₊ ⊹ He tries to act like it doesn’t faze him, but inside he’s cataloguing all your tics so he can recognize when you’re tired or stressed
━━━ ．°˖✧ 🪂 ˚₊ ⊹ Calls out to you a lot “You go through more in a day than most people do in a month. And you still keep up with us? You’re rad house homie!”
━━━ ．°˖✧ 🪂 ˚₊ ⊹ Tries to keep your confidence up by encouraging you to embrace your tics plus it fits right in with the Hanks’ vibe anyway.
━━━ ．°˖✧ Hank Two ˚₊ ⊹
━━━ ．°˖✧ 🪂 ˚₊ ⊹ The most protective. If you have a big body movement tic, he’ll subtly step into position to block you from hitting something sharp or falling
━━━ ．°˖✧ 🪂 ˚₊ ⊹ If you feel bad about your tics, he’s the first to gently say, “Don’t apologize. You’re not doing anything wrong.”
━━━ ．°˖✧ 🪂 ˚₊ ⊹ When you’re exhausted from a tic attack, he insists on water breaks and snacks. He will baby you if you let him
━━━ ．°˖✧ Hank Three ˚₊ ⊹
━━━ ．°˖✧ 🪂 ˚₊ ⊹ Teases you lightly in ways that make you laugh instead of embarrassed. For example, if you tic a curse word, he’ll wink and say, “Wow, talk dirty to me again, babe,” just to make you smile
━━━ ．°˖✧ 🪂 ˚₊ ⊹ Also the one to turn your tics into inside jokes. If you say something funny mid-tic, he’ll immortalize it as your couple’s catchphrase
━━━ ．°˖✧ 🪂 ˚₊ ⊹ If anyone stares at you rudely, Hank 3 immediately flips it into a flirt “Jealous, huh? Of course you are, look at this hottie with the spiciest vocabulary.”
━━━ ．°˖✧ 🪂 ˚₊ ⊹ One time tried to touch you mid tic attack and you hit him in the face. Hank 1 and 5 tried not to laugh
━━━ ．°˖✧ Hank Four ˚₊ ⊹
━━━ ．°˖✧ 🪂˚₊ ⊹ Honestly, he thinks your Tourette’s is hilarious in a good way. He’ll laugh with you, not at you, and if you ever feel insecure, he’s the first to say “Nope, you’re awesome. Period. Next subject.”
━━━ ．°˖✧ 🪂˚₊ ⊹ If your tic is yelling something random, he’ll echo it back at full volume like you’re starting a hype chant.
━━━ ．°˖✧ 🪂˚₊ ⊹ Once started a tic echo battle with you, which ended with both of you crying laughing while Hank 2 begged you to stop before someone passed out
━━━ ．°˖✧ Hank Five ˚₊ ⊹
━━━ ．°˖✧ 🪂˚₊ ⊹ LITERALLY IS AMAZING this is why you should make him a dad. If a tic attack leaves you drained, he’s tucking a weighted blanket around you and telling the others to quiet down
━━━ ．°˖✧ 🪂˚₊ ⊹ Calls your tics “little fireworks” because they’re sudden and unpredictable, but to him they’re a part of your beauty
━━━ ．°˖✧ 🪂˚₊ ⊹ Secretly proud of you whenever you handle tough situations with Tourette’s. He sees you as strong, resilient, and someone he wants to take care of
hi mootie >_< somewhat out of commission rn and in need of some good old hanks pep! think you could do one of the hanks caring for g/n reader after a surgery?
(Yes I cannn!! I hope you’re feeling better as well moot <333)
Anesthesia is Kickass!
CHARACTERS: The Hanks
WARNINGS: Surgery mentions
(G/n reader :)!)
——————-
You’d just gotten out of surgery recently, and though you were relived it was over,
Honestly? You felt like absolute shit. You were in constant pain, so much that it almost felt like the surgery had made everything worse. Worse enough that you had a feeling in the back of your mind that just popsicles and soup wouldn’t exactly fix it. You knew, obviously, you’d get better, but that was the frustrating thing: you had to keep waiting.
You didn’t like waiting all that much. You wouldn’t consider yourself impatient, per se, but…
It was probably just The Hanks rubbing off on you. Their constant go-go attitude had you feeling that itch of needing to do something, go somewhere, all the time.
It didn’t help that all five of them were sprawled out across your room in various positions while you were sat in your bed, H1nk sitting back against the closet doors, H2nk sitting on the edge of the bed next to you, H3nk on your other side, lying down on his stomach, H4nk on the dresser with his legs swinging, and finally, H5nk next to the doorway, leaning against the wall. They all looked somewhat bored, but none of them outwardly vocalized it. You couldn’t help a small pool of guilt forming in the pit of your stomach.
“Guys, you know you can leave if you want? I don’t want to force you to stay.”
All of them instantly perked up, and H4nk cheered from the dresser.
“Yo, fire!! The giggle juice wore off, bros!!”
There was a collective exclamation of joy from the other four, all of them instantly shifting once they realized you weren’t under the effects of the anesthesia anymore. You couldn’t help but crack a small smile at their happiness over something that simple, but that small bit of guilt still tugged at you.
“I was serious, by the—“
“Finally, dude! We’ve been waiting forever for it to wear off, babe.”
“Yeah, like forever!”
“Ooh!” H1nk suddenly sat up straight, holding up a very colorful-looking card.
“We made this for you! Hank #2 helped us with all the spelling.”
He proudly held out the card to you, beaming from ear to ear. You took it in hand, opening the homemade get-well card carefully. You squinted at what they had drawn and written.
“Aww, wait this is so cute— okay, Get well soon, house homie, we miss hour honorary Hank!! (P.s: don’t watch any animal documentaries before surgery again— wait, what?”
“Ohhh yeahhh..” H2nk said with a bashful grin. “You kinda started making a bunch of animal noises, but you’d like lean really close and keep saying ‘wanna hear my impersonation of a giraffe’?”
“None of you stopped me??”
”It was a really good giraffe impression.”
You groaned, putting your face in your hands as the Hanks giggled around you. H3nk grinned at you, rolling over so his head sat upside down in your lap.
“Hell yeah it was! Hottest giraffe I’ve ever met.”
“I don’t know how to take that.”
“With love.”
You snickered at him, taking a hand through his hair which earned a hum of approval from him, his eyes closing. The other Hanks smiled at the scene before H5nk suddenly piped up, as if he’d just remembered something.
“Oh! Yeah, we also made you hot chocolate!”
He pointed to the beside table, where sure enough, there lay a steaming mug of hot chocolate. And shockingly, they’d remembered coasters existed, and actually used one.
“We didn’t know if you had any allergies so we made it with like- no cow milk or peanuts or uh..pollen, or—“
“Or mangos.” H1nk cut in with a playful grin on his face, glancing back at H5nk knowingly. H5nk snorted, turning away in embarrassment.
“…shut up, dude.”
“Anyway!” H2nk said, reaching over and handing you the cup, careful not to spill anything. “Here, tell us what you think! We all helped make it.”
You were mildly concerned about the current state of your kitchen now, but you didn’t have the energy to ask or find out the answer, so you just took a sip of the cocoa, pausing.
It was a little bit thick for hot chocolate—they must’ve not put in enough liquid. But, besides that, it was a genuinely good cup of hot chocolate. You looked up from the cup curiously.
“Is there cinnamon in here?”
“YEAH!!” They all shouted, clearly glad you guessed the little secret ingredient they put in there.
“Kopi told us that cinnamon might as well be medicine, so we put a lot in!”
“Yeah! Do you feel any better, babe??”
“You know what?” You said, setting the mug down on your lap, nodding. “I do. This really means a lot to me that you’d take the time to do this for me, guys.”
”Aw, don’t sweat it!” H1nk assured you, squeezing your shoulder. “You’re our partner, dude! Anything we can do to make you happy is our duty!”
“Yeah! Anything and everything, homie.”H3nk smirked, raising an eyebrow. “And we mean everything.”
“Cringe, bro.”
“Hey!”
“Uh, speaking of…” H4nk said, shifting himself off the dresser. “You think a Hank pile would help you feel better too, homie?”
Ive been brainstorming ideas for pt2 of my Hanks fic and so far all I have is:
1️⃣Is worried that being into it will change the way you and the other hand view him. He has to be coaxed into it by you and the other Hanks.
2️⃣ is smart enough to know that sex can lead to some gnarly shit if not done properly, but isn’t smart enough to know why it happens or how to avoid it. As nervous as he is, he trusts in his fellow Hanks and house homie. You will have to constantly reassure him that you know what you’re doing.
3️⃣ pulls out all the stops to romance you, his flirting and innuendos have increased by a factor of 10. Sweet words, teasing touches, even flower petals if that’s your style. You don’t realize he doesn’t know what he’s doing until you’re inside him.
4️⃣ “wouldn’t it be radical if we fucked right now?”
5️⃣ seems a lot less interested compared to the others, don’t be fooled! He is just as interested as his fellow Hanks, he is just the only one capable of being normal/casual about it.
Characters: The Hanks (ALSO FT. MATEO BC I LOVE HIMM <3)
Pairing: Hanks x Reader/Player
Warnings: None
The Hanks were basically just balls of endless energy.
Think like- race car on crack.
Boundless energy.
They went hang gliding, skydiving, hiking onto cliffs just to jump off of them, bungee jumping, jet skiing, and even things as simple as causing chaos at your local pool by holding a cannonball contest that drenched you.
And you were on the chairs at least seven feet away.
Yet, you followed them everywhere, always right behind them on every adventure.
Except today.
You refused to go on any adventures with them. You’d just stayed in bed, curled up in a ball, clutching a pillow to your stomach and throwing a blanket over your head.
Something wasn’t right.
All the Hanks stood in the doorway, peering in with curious eyes at you. They didn’t know what was wrong, you wouldn’t tell them! You just stared at them with a pout on your face before you muttered at them to get out.
Hank 4 spoke up after a long while of silence.
“…House homie…we were gonna go-“
“No.”
All five Hanks jumped in surprise at the harshness in your words. Hank 3 whispered, “Bros, House Homie’s never been this tired before.”
Hank 1 walked in tentatively, pausing halfway to look at his bros, mouthing the words “what do I do”. They just shooed him over to you without a word.
Hank 1 walked over and carefully pulled the blanket back. You were curled up underneath it with a water bottle pressed onto your stomach.
What?
Hank 1 frowned in confusion, taking the water bottle from you. You protested with a pained whine, but let him take it.
It was hot.
HUH?
Why was your water hot? It was the middle of summer!
Hank 1 put the water bottle on your bedside table and tilted his head. “Why is your water warm, House Homie? Oh— do you want us to get you cold water? Are you grumpy because your water is like— hot?”
You almost laughed at his conclusion, but the pain in your lower belly stopped your from it. You turned over, burying your face in a pillow and mumbling.
“S’my period.”
Five pairs of eyes met each other, all looking for any knowledge in the other’s eyes as to what exactly was going on. Hank 3 shrugged.
Hank 4 spoke up. “…like…like the dot you put on paper?”
Hank 5 nodded. “I never liked those either.”
“No-“ You let out a sigh, rubbing your face. “Blood’s coming out my vagina.”
Instantly, you regretted wording it that way.
All five himbos immediately started talking all at once, staring at you with matching expressions of pure, unbridled horror.
“Dude, WHAT?!”
“OH MY GOD HOUSE HOMIE’S HAVING A HEART ATTACK!!!”
“No-“
“BABE, DO YOU SEE THE LIGHT?!?!”
“DONT GO TOWARDS THE LIGHT!!”
“Guys-“
“YOU’RE TOO YOUNG TO GET CURRSSSEEEDD NOOOOOOOO”
It was only when you yelled at them all to shut up did they stop, each standing up straight in a line like you were some kind of drill sergeant.
You took a breath.
“Look, it’s a normal thing people go through. Ask Phoenicia. It’s when you bleed down there because your body goes through puberty, and then it sticks with you until you’re like- 60. And it’s really painful. Like- your stomach cramps up.”
Silence.
“Ohhhh…”
“So you’re okay?”
“I’ve been a lot better. But I’m not dying.”
There was a collective sigh of relief amongst them, but they still weren’t off edge yet. Hank 2 raised his hand.
“Um…how bad is the cramping pain?”
You paused.
“Well- uh-“
Hank 3 suddenly piped up. “Dude, wait, I know!!”
You didn’t have any time to stop him from kicking Hank 4 right in the balls.
“OWWW!!”
“Dudeeee…”
“What?? I heard that was what it felt like!”
You chuckled, but hid it behind your hand as Hank 4 shot you a look.
“Yeah- actually that’s pretty accurate. Except it’s all day. For like- a week.”
“A WHOLE WEEK?!” Five voices yelled out, all in absolute shock.
“We gotta help! Tell us what helps, casa babe!!”
You blinked at their enthusiasm, and opened your mouth to answer, but you were cut off.
“Bro, I’ll go get Phoenicia, she can like, give us tips about it!”
“Do you need a blanket??”
Mateo blinked from where he was next to you.
“I’m right here-“
The Hanks didn’t hear him.
“I can get Farya! You can get like uhhhh…um…”
“Advil, Hank 4. And maybe some nausea medication.”
“ON IT!!”
Hank 2 stood there quietly, next to Hank 5, both of them not really knowing how to act. Hank 5 paused.
“Do you want us to distract you from the pain?”
You snorted. “How? You gonna be like my court jesters, do a little dance for me?”
“…I mean-“
“No, guys, I was joking. It’s fine.”
Hank 1 ran back in.
“She said ginger tea works!”
The Hanks perked up.
"Ginger tea?" Hank 2 repeated. "I can do that. Where’s the-“
Hank 3 waved him off. "I’ve got it, bro. I know EXACTLY where we keep the ginger tea." He turned to Mateo and whispered, “Do we even have ginger?”
Mateo gave a slow nod and pointed toward the door.
“Top shelf on the cabinet riiight above the sink. The red bowl holds it.”
Hank 5 blinked. “…Wait. Red Bowl has ginger now? Since when?”
The room fell silent for half a beat—then all five Hanks groaned in unison.
“Ughhh, not this again,” Hank 3 whined.
“You know they just sponsor us ‘cause they think we’re disposable,” Hank 4 muttered bitterly under his breath.
You had to refrain from snickering again, shaking your head. “Guys it’s not actually the-“
“You know what, bros?” Hank 5 said, interrupting you. “For House Homie? We’ll brew with their cursed ginger… but only ‘cause we care.”
You didn’t care enough to correct them, but it was alright. Despite how loud and clueless they were, they clearly cared a lot about your well being, and were trying their best to help.
You sighed comfortably, and lay back on the bed, letting yourself relax for a minute, grateful that they were helping.
About five minutes later, you heard a crash from the kitchen, followed by a muffled “HOUSE HOMIE, YOU DIDN’T LOVE THAT BOWL, RIGHT??”
MY WONDERFUL PERSON!! CAN WE PLS GET YANDERE HANKS IF YOU DO THEM!!
SURE YOU CAN DUDE <33!!
im sorry if this one's a lil sloppy, the hanks are just so precious i cant imagine them being yanderes :.)
Yandere! Hanks and How I Think They'd Act:
(NOTE: I do think an AU where the player has all the objects obsessed w/them from the start is rlly interesting, so this is kinda based off that idea)
CHARACTERS: The Hanks! (obv), mentioned Volt, mentioned Johnny Splash, mentioned Dirk, mentioned Ben Hwa, mentioned Hector
Pairing: Hanks x Reader/Player
TW: Possessive behavior, mentions of stalking, kinda hector slander (?), slight nsfw on Hank #3's part (hes jorkin it), suggestive
Hank #1:
Oh, this was epic and hell.
You'd finally put on those dateviators and shone those beams towards him and his bros. He'd been waiting forever to meet you, and so had the rest of them.
All the other objects in the house seemed just- so down bad for you. It was kinda weird, to be honest, but he was so stoked for you! Good for you, house homie, with your little uh....gang of 30 babes!!
He had a full intention of just becoming best friends with you. You were super cool, fun, and you got him and his bros. Seemed great!
Well, that was it. You were all those things and more. So much more.
It was weird, really. You were so great. Like- really, really great. And yet, all the people you've romanced just seemed mid compared to you. Why were you letting these people get to call themselves your lovers?
They hardly deserved to look at you. And yet, you still showed them you cared, and you genuinely were nice and loving to them.
That's what made you even more perfect.
But Hank 1 couldn't deny his patience with those objects who got to have you hanging on their arms like they deserved you got thinner and thinner as the days went by with you coming by his and the other Hank's little corner of the closet.
It wouldn't be rash to just...make sure a few of them know how much you're really worth, right?
Hank 1 wouldn't say he scared them away from you. He wasn't scary. His bros had told him so every time he'd tried to jump out of nowhere and make them scream. If he wasn't scary, he wasn't scaring them, so he wasn't in the wrong.
He just wants the best for you. He may be Hank #1, but you're #1 in the entire world.
Hank #2:
Oh, who could really pin any blame to him??
He wasn't being weird, dude. He WASN'T. Weird people were those creeps he'd heard Phoenicia and Telly talk about on the news, who followed guys and girls home with hopes of hurting them. He didn't want to hurt you!! Of course he didn't want to hurt you!! He was just...making sure you slept alright. Making sure you weren't bothered while you slept.
It wasn't his fault that Hector wouldn't let you be. Well- yeah, he wasn't doing anything harmful, but Hank 2 didn't like the way he stared at you from behind that cold metal grate, hands clasping the bars like some damn animal in a zoo. Hank 2 didn't hate Hector- of course not!! But Hector was staring at you.
That was his job.
Maybe he was a little jealous...but who could blame him?? I mean, it's not like Hector even KNEW you! Not like he did, anyway. Hank 2 knew you so well. He practically knew you better than you did. He watched. He listened. He didn't go up to you and try to win your affections that way, like the rest of his bros had.
He only watched.
He said hi to you a few times. You'd smiled.
Smiled. At him.
Gnarliest moment of his whole life.
Hector hadn't done that. He wasn't even your friend.
Hank 2 watches, an eye barely visible from the small crack in the closet door he's observing from. The night is dark, and you've been asleep for hours. You're practically shining under the moonlight. Your hair is messy, and you're drooling, but do you look rad as hell. His eyes flit up to narrow at the grate in the wall.
You're sleeping. He won't disturb you.
Hector will get what's coming in the morning, anyway.
Hank #3:
Down bad.
That was the joke his bros teased him with every time you came around.
He was a simp.
Sure, he was. He'd admit that. But at least he was upfront about it, instead of trying to hide it like his bros did.
He'd seen the way Hank 1's broad grin tightened whenever you brought up other objects. He hadn't missed how Hank 4 always found ways to touch you whenever you were around, or butt into conversations you were having with others.
His behavior was nothing compared to whatever Hank 2 was doing staring at you in the dark.
This was normal, dude.
Or- at least- that's what Ben Hwa had told him when they'd caught him in the act.
It had been embarrassing enough having to go up to Dirk and ask him for a pair of your underwear. Like- maybe he wouldn't question it! He was a pants hanger after all, bro, this was normal enough!
Dirk had given him a sideways glance, and said something about Harper- Hank 3 didn't really care. He was listening only for conformation. And when Dirk had lazily held up a pair, he'd grabbed it and ran off with a "THANKS BROSKI, ILL GIVE IT BACK LATERRRRR".
Oh, like he'd ever.
Hank #3 didn't think it was that bad at all. It wasn't you, so he wasn't doing anything to you without your consent. And he NEVER would!! That's just uncool!!
But- this was different. This was like...if he'd borrowed a comb and broke it. It wouldn't be hurting you, so it's okay! Even if you get a little upset at him...
That's what he kept in mind as he jerked himself off with that same pair of underwear held firmly in his right hand. He'd skipped out on an outing with his bros-- said he lost his mouthguard or something, he didn't remember.
He knew all of them didn't believe him. He didn't care. (not that he didn't care about his bros. They were some of the only ones he could stand you being around besides him)
Sweat dripped down his face, but he'd be damned if he stopped.
Hell, he'd actually give this back to Dirk. That stupid laundry got to touch your body all day. Maybe staining a pair of underwear or two would get him to back off.
Hank #4:
Hank 4 was chill. The chillest. He knew it, he always did. Usually, it was because whatever was going on was always kinda going over his head. He didn't mind, though. He never liked fighting, so if that worked, it was rad!
Hank 4 learned another thing he didn't like shortly after you showed up.
He didn't like sharing.
Sure, he didn't mind when Hank 5 sat with you for hours on end, or Hank 3 practically exploded every time you looked at him a certain way.
But he didn't really like the idea of you getting comfy with anyone else.
And- he was chill, dude. Super chill. This was just a matter of making sure his homie was safe. Safety is mad important, he says so every time he and his bros pull one of their epic stunts.
Like- Volt was sketchy. Totally. He's literally electricity, bro. Him trying to touch you all the time was soo totally a trick.
And Johnny calling you all those silly names when you'd just met him?? Bro, that sounds like something a creep would do!
So can you really be mad when he wraps his arms around you from behind and drag you away from them?
You laugh every time. You must like it. You must like him.
He's glad you're too busy chuckling to see the look he shoots whomever it is you were talking to from his position, with his nose buried in your shoulder blade.
They start leaving, eventually. Not talking to you anymore. You always look sad.
But he's there! He's always there. He grabs you by the hand and tugs you off somewhere else, ad you're always smiling again.
He'll just have to keep doing this until you know that the only one good enough for your touch is him.
Hank #5:
Hank 5's been sitting on your bed for a while now, as you talked and talked incessantly about who-knows-what. Hank 5 never had that big of an attention span. None of the Hanks did. But he was more focused on your expressions. Big, and honest. Never bothering to hide anything from sight.
You loved talking about your dreams. You spoke like you had no shame about them. No limits to achieving them. It was enthralling.
His eyes flitted around your room as you yapped. He'd never bothered to look too closely around the house-- he lived fast and gnarly! But what caught his eye was a picture near your bed. He pointed to it halfway through your sentence.
"Who's that?" He asked. "In the picture- that girl you're holding."
You'd blinked and looked over at the same picture. He remembered your words.
"Oh- that's a picture from when I used to babysit."
"You like kids, dude?"
"Yeah, I do!"
He'd said nothing for a while before speaking again.
"You uh-...ever thought about having one of your own?"
The next words you'd spoken had just- sparked something in him. He didn't know why.
"Well, it's a pretty big change- I'd basically be tied to someone else entirely with a baby-"
Tied to someone.
Of course.
This was wonderful.
He hadn't made any advances on you for months. Just being friendly. Talking. Inviting you to do extreme sports with him and his bros. Eventually, you came back to him and the others with exciting news-- you could Realize them!!
No sooner had you recovered from the shine of bright, white light when a pair of strong, light brown arms dotted with moles gave you a light shove onto your bed. You stumbled in surprise, and looked up to find all five Hanks standing over you with wide grins-- Hank #5 practically directly over you.
You blinked and tried to get up. "Guys- what's-"
"Nuh-uh, house homie." Hank #4 piped up, as Hank 5 put a hand on your shoulder to stop you.
"You're staying here for a while. Well, more like forever. With us."
Hank 2 said with a smile. You paused.
"You guys- you guys are staying?? That's great! I can get more beds if y-"
"No. One'll do. We're gonna need just one tonight, anyway." Hank 3 said, cutting you off.
"Mhm." Hank 1 agreed, looking at you enthusiastically. "Hank 5 over here wants to be a dad, remember?"
You blinked. "Oh, yeah, no, I remember. Which is why I thought you'd wanna go out in the world and find a partner-"
"I already have." Hank 5 interrupted. "We already have. You've just- you've been so cool to us, house homie. You've gone with us on every adventure, and you listened to our dreams, and now, you made us all real and stuff, so we can make our dreams come true."
He leaned in close, eyes never leaving yours. "So...what do you say, casa babe? You wanna make our dream come true....and stay with us forever?"
