Since I left home I've been married, divorced, in love twice, severely abused to the point of mental illness, I've moved states twice, actual homes 4 times, I've been on the cusp of killing myself 7 times (probably more but who's counting anymore), I've been to a number of concerts for bands I love (and bands I've hated), I've met unforgettable people, had lots of sex, skated down ridiculous hills, I've hiked, I've cried (mostly from sadness, but also often from laughter), I've made friendships that will last my life, I've drank a lot of incredible beer, and I've been intensely lonely.
Coming home has been strange. I'm from the Big Island, born and raised. I'm more local than some of the people that say they're local (I had a bully growing up that had only lived on the Island for a year but was Filipino, so he was local), my roots are here. I grew up deep in a ranching town, amongst paniolos, branding, barbecues, the whole bit. This is my home. I'm not much for the ocean, but having Mauna Kea in my periphery is familiar.
Being here on the homestead is odd. I hated it here. I wanted to leave so fucking bad. I hated the small mindset, I hated the lack of activities that the mainland promised. I hated and hated and hated. But...
The older I get, the longer I'm away, the more I appreciate where I grew up. I've been homesick for so long it's surreal to be home. And I'm seeing why I left.
The things I hate about Hawaii:
The tourists are so fucking rude. Mostly the european tourists. They don't know what the fuck a sign that says "Kane - stay out" means. There's no respect for one of my most beautiful places on Earth. This ecosystem needs to be protected.
Much of the time the locals are the same. That's particularly annoying.
The crowds at Costco. The crowds in Kona Town in general.
The prices of everything but Musubi
The things I love about Hawaii:
The sky. I've been saying for years to everyone that says the night sky is "so clear" or "so beautiful". This is what I missed most.
The speech. I haven't been home in 6 years and I fall back into it. People smile and look at me now and say "mele Kalikimaka", "aloha", "Mahalo nui".
The welcome. People talk to me and my pale skin with welcome and reserve and a little bit through say "oh yeah you from here, you seem local". It's almost like I never left. But it's not just for locals, most places the spirit of Aloha is strong.
The bump of local music is so familiar coming out of ridiculous lowered Japanese cars and lifted Toyotas, it's like a call. I heard Pepper from a car in Hilo and almost cried.
The fashion hasnt changed in years.
The history. Hawaii is marked badly by decades of oppression, it is marked by imperialism, but it never hides from its history. Hawaii keeps its culture and it assimilates newcomers.
The people. People that just meet you treat you like an old friend. People that I haven't seen in years act like I just saw them yesterday. Locals usually not curtly and say "howz it", it's not disingenuous like I stupidly thought as a kid. The people here welcome. That's the way.
I used to hate it here. Even now I don't fit into the prevailing culture. But now I appreciate it. I love it. I've missed it so fucking much. This is where my roots are, I'm a local boy and I hate that it's taken me so long to appreciate where I'm from. This is my home. With the sunshine on one coast and the fog and rain on the other. I'm from smack in the middle where it's rainy and hilly and my family has pounded hundred of miles of fence post. I don't want to leave again, but I know I have to. My mom keeps pushing me to stay, she knows how depressed I am, maybe I'm meant to be here, doing it Island Style, from the mountains to the ocean from the windward to the leward side.
