#harrypotter textposts

[hippo-pottermus]

sirius, livid: some hufflepuff replaced all the mirrors with “don’t worry, you look beautiful” signs.

remus: what’s wrong with that?

sirius: i know i look beautiful. that’s why i want to look in the mirror.

[hippo-pottermus]

the marauders but during corona

mcgonagall: james, sirius, what have i told you two about safety during this-

sirius, interrupting: no, minnie, we were social distancing! you see, atoms don’t technically touch. so i wasn’t technically touching anyone. technically.

——————

james, holding his mask to his chin in the mirror: i think id look good with a beard. i can kinda see it.

lily: james, put your bloody mask on.

——————

someone in the great hall: *sneezes*

peter: *transforms into a rat and runs away*

——————

snape: this mask thing is bullshit

lily, to james: i think it’s so nice when people properly wear their masks

snape:

snape: i love masks they’re amazing like so cool

——————

james sick in the hospital wing with covid: hey, lily?

lily, groaning: yes?

james: i think i heard that there’s a possible cure for covid

lily: really, i haven’t heard that

james: yeah, apparently a kiss from a pretty redhead can actually heal me completely

lily: *walks out*

[hippo-pottermus]

james, running into the great hall: sirius, did you hear about that new shovel!

sirius: yeah, it’s ground breaking!

lily, rolling her eyes: do you two plan this out ahead of time or something?

james: haha no what pshhh never

the night before at 3 am-

james, sitting on sirius’s bed: so i’m gonna run in and be like “the new shovel!” and you’ll say “it’s ground breaking” cuz it’s a shovel! get it!

[hippo-pottermus]

draco as a therapist

client: my husband passed away

draco: *coughs*

draco: uh, i think you mean ex husband

[hippo-pottermus]

sirius: the funniest thing happened today

james: well i spent it in the hospital wing

sirius: wait why

james: someone hit me in the head with a bludger

sirius: oh

sirius: i was gonna tell u i hit some idiot on the head with a bludger

[hippo-pottermus]

honestly my favorite headcanon is that even in the middle of the war, the marauders era teens still acted like teens. like mulciber being dared to ask out a gryffindor and rolling his eyes but doing it anyway. or james being dragged to a slytherin party and only pretending to not want to go (cuz we know they throw the best parties). or a game of spin the bottle with the whole year group where avery has to kiss mary macdonald and pretends he hasn’t been crushing on her for a year. sirius reluctantly smoking in the astronomy tower with severus at 12 am. remus making some sarcastic comment and some slytherins coughing to hide their laughs. peter feeling bad for regulus and secretly playing quidditch with him without sirius knowing. i feel like we forget that these kids are still teens. and that just makes it so much worse that they had to fight and kill each other.

[hippo-pottermus]

Lily *searching for a fork*: if you keep stealing my kitchen utensils, I’m leaving.

James, who has waited his whole life for this: that’s a whisk I’m willing to take :)

Lily: can’t you be serious for once?!?

Sirius *busting through a wall*: that’s identity theft.

[hippo-pottermus]

sirius, pulling out a fish tank: there’s plenty of fish in the sea, but do you see this fish? *points to fish* that’s you. that’s my fish and I don’t want any other fish.

james, tearing up: bro.

sirius, nodding: bro.