harry potter

[honeylemonntea]

Marlene: That shirt looks good on you

James: Thanks

Marlene: But it would look better on Regulus’ floor

Regulus: Are you flirting with him for me?

Marlene: Someone has to help

[honeylemonntea]

Remus: Regulus is attracted to this bloke

James, disappointed: Oh? Who?

Remus: He wears glasses, a Gryffindor and plays quidditch

Remus: His name’s James

James:

James: His name’s James too?! HOW WOULD I EVER COMPETE?

[wolvesandshine]

Sirius: Momma didn’t raise no quitter

Regulus: Actually our mother didn’t raise us at all so I am in fact, a quitter

[propussyslayer]

harry: tell me about my parents, professor. did you and my father get along?

remus:

remus, who shared his first kiss with james while high: well we weren't that close but

[bonkenfloppen]

If an animagus potion requires the brewer to hold a mandrake leaf in their mouths for a month, imagine James, Sirius, and Peter…going silent for a MONTH.

After a week alone all of the students at Hogwarts would be SO on edge.

[redadidassneakers]

Wolfstar raising Harry

Harry: *watching Remus pour Coca-Cola down the sink* what are you doing?

Remus: I’m using this to dissolve whatever gunk is clogging the drain

Harry: cool, do you think it will dissolve the screwdriver that’s down there?

Remus: the fucking what?

[b0wi3sgir1]

[texting]

Sirius: WHERE ARE YOU AND MY BROTHER??

James: WE’RE FUCKING

James: GETTING [not delivered]

James: DRINKS [not delivered]

Sirius: IM SORRY WHAT

James: WAIT [not delivered]

Sirius: YOU BROTHERFUCKER YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU JUST STARTED

[daddiesdrarryy]

Draco: Seriously, Potter, how many of you freaks do I have to fight?

Harry: Oh, I’m the only one that matters, Malfoy. See, you messed with my friends, and now I’m going to fuck you

Everyone: …

Ron: It’s “fuck you up,” Harry

Harry: Wait, what did I say?

[breathingdisaster08]

Regulus at Starbucks: I'd like a venti latte with uhm, seven espresso shots

Sirius, in line behind him: Jesus Christ, just do cocaine

[honeylemonntea]

Remus: “They’re just so frustrating.”

Remus: “Regulus has been dropping obvious hints that he likes James and he still doesn’t get it!”

Sirius: *wearing a ‘PLEASE SNOG ME, MOONY’ hat* “Wow that’s crazy”

[stargazedmoony]

james: we’ve been friends for so long, sirius, that i can’t even remember which one of us is the bad influence

sirius: let’s just call it teamwork

[hippo-pottermus]

sirius, livid: some hufflepuff replaced all the mirrors with “don’t worry, you look beautiful” signs.

remus: what’s wrong with that?

sirius: i know i look beautiful. that’s why i want to look in the mirror.

[hippo-pottermus]

i’m eight years old. i tilt my book toward the window of my mom’s car, thin strips of streetlight filtering through the window. i catch glimpses of words as my head vibrates on the glass. my eyes drift shut, and i wake to my dad’s arms tucking me into my bed. i go to sleep, stories filling my dreams. i’m eight years old. this moment is fleeting.

[hippo-pottermus]

the marauders but during corona

mcgonagall: james, sirius, what have i told you two about safety during this-

sirius, interrupting: no, minnie, we were social distancing! you see, atoms don’t technically touch. so i wasn’t technically touching anyone. technically.

——————

james, holding his mask to his chin in the mirror: i think id look good with a beard. i can kinda see it.

lily: james, put your bloody mask on.

——————

someone in the great hall: *sneezes*

peter: *transforms into a rat and runs away*

——————

snape: this mask thing is bullshit

lily, to james: i think it’s so nice when people properly wear their masks

snape:

snape: i love masks they’re amazing like so cool

——————

james sick in the hospital wing with covid: hey, lily?

lily, groaning: yes?

james: i think i heard that there’s a possible cure for covid

lily: really, i haven’t heard that

james: yeah, apparently a kiss from a pretty redhead can actually heal me completely

lily: *walks out*

[hippo-pottermus]

james, running into the great hall: sirius, did you hear about that new shovel!

sirius: yeah, it’s ground breaking!

lily, rolling her eyes: do you two plan this out ahead of time or something?

james: haha no what pshhh never

the night before at 3 am-

james, sitting on sirius’s bed: so i’m gonna run in and be like “the new shovel!” and you’ll say “it’s ground breaking” cuz it’s a shovel! get it!

[hippo-pottermus]

honestly my favorite headcanon is that even in the middle of the war, the marauders era teens still acted like teens. like mulciber being dared to ask out a gryffindor and rolling his eyes but doing it anyway. or james being dragged to a slytherin party and only pretending to not want to go (cuz we know they throw the best parties). or a game of spin the bottle with the whole year group where avery has to kiss mary macdonald and pretends he hasn’t been crushing on her for a year. sirius reluctantly smoking in the astronomy tower with severus at 12 am. remus making some sarcastic comment and some slytherins coughing to hide their laughs. peter feeling bad for regulus and secretly playing quidditch with him without sirius knowing. i feel like we forget that these kids are still teens. and that just makes it so much worse that they had to fight and kill each other.

[hippo-pottermus]

sirius: the funniest thing happened today

james: well i spent it in the hospital wing

sirius: wait why

james: someone hit me in the head with a bludger

sirius: oh

sirius: i was gonna tell u i hit some idiot on the head with a bludger