#hattie b

[thedaily-beer]

Jackalope’s Rompo Red Rye Ale on tap at Hattie B’s in Las Vegas. A 2 of 4. Smells of some pine/herbal hop notes, some clear rye spiciness, and caramel malt. Much the same in the body with the malt dominant up front and less rye spiciness than the nose. Finishes dry without a ton of bitterness.

[madisonhshapiro]

more fried chicken here

[notfunnyenoughfortwitter]

[enteradulthood]

Who AM I Anyway?

From now until the end of the year, I will be featuring 20somethings and their journey through adulthood.  Fill out the form for next year. 

Enter: Hattie B. 

It all began in the sales hall of a home equipment store.  As I waited for the picker to round the corner with the inflatable mattress that would become my bed for the foreseeable future, I realised I was in the midst of a crisis.

My jealous, possessive and not so passive aggressive ex-boyfriend had finally moved out of the one-bedroom apartment we moved into together after I had graduated.  We’d taken a six month lease and made it through less than four months living together.  If I’m at all honest, all the warning signs had been there as loud as sirens, months before we lugged all our boxes up the three flights of stairs to our front door.

Despite a bitter break-up, he’d refused to leave the apartment, despite the fact it had been me that had put down the security deposit and had ended up paying almost three-quarters of the rent for.  Eventually, I think he gave up believing things would be reconciled, and one day I came home from work to find him gone, along with the bed – the only piece of his furniture.

Not to put too finer point on it – I was a wreck.  I cried until there were no more tears left to cry.  I don’t think I was crying for him – I was crying for myself. 

How could I have let myself be used, walked over, controlled, manipulated and intimidated by another person; a person who said they loved me?  Why hadn’t I been stronger, more assertive, less willing to acquiesce?  Why did I allow this bad habit of a situation to continue for as long as I had?

Looking back at what marked the beginning of a deep quarter life crisis, I realise now that simply, I’d lost myself in him.  I’d been trying so hard to make him happy; I’d forgotten to invest in myself.  I hadn’t known who I was anymore.  I felt like I was running in someone else’s race.

So much of our young lives are moulded and shaped by our environments, and our identities are very much shaped by the roles we hold within them.  When the structure of University life falls away after we graduate, it’s unsurprising that many of us go on to experience something of an identity crisis.  The questions of “who am I?” and “who and what do I want to be?” can blindside us and send us into a tail spin. 

Sure, that break-up turned out to be the end of that particular love affair.  It also marked the beginning of a whole crap-tonne of soul-searching, personal growth and flourishing, as I tuned into myself and discovered who I was, what I valued in the world, my unique purpose and gifted strengths and how best to put them to good use and benefit others. 

It wasn’t an easy road out of the crisis and I’d be lying if I didn’t confess it took years to call an eventual ceasefire and for me to claim inner peace.  And here’s what I learnt:

No one is more expert, well-versed, and more proficient in the subject of you, than YOU.  You may not know that you know who you are right now; but when you ask yourself the right questions you’ll find your answers and your inner peace.

Trust your instincts and feel the way.  Decisions can’t always be made with a logical right-side brain.  Cultivate mindfulness, sit on decisions, and allow your gut instincts and other physiological reactions to be your compass.

Don’t be tempted to run other people’s races.  It’s easy to get lost as we navigate a path into a new way of living, working, relating, loving, and creating.  When you allow others’ progress, successes or set-backs to steer your course because you just can’t help but compare, measure up, or worse – run their race for them, you move further away from your own true purpose.

***

Hattie B is Quarter Life Crisis Peacemaker and the big sister you never knew you had.  Hattie runs People Like Us, a personal development biz that supports twenty and thirty-something women who are in the midst of their own quarter life crises to create peace in their lives by living their lives on purpose.  Tweet Hattie @hattie_plu