#head heavy

[animatedtext]

requested by theflamboyantstranger

[streamacademe]

Week 71, Day 491.

If I was to honestly describe how I feel most present days it’d be overwhelmed, achy, exhausted, and as if my head is about to explode at all times. At the end of each day, I just want to neck a glass of wine, or when I’m feeling more adventurous, a herbal tea, and crawl into bed. There is also this overwhelming desire within me to escape everything and immerse myself in nature. 

They weren’t lying when they said doing a PhD is challenging. It’s not even difficult in the obvious ways, but in the more subtle, chip-away-at-you sort of ways, whereby you just have to hope that the transformation won’t be into a crumbling human, but instead into a chiselled, stronger, more resilient version of your previous self. I can’t even explain exactly what it is that makes this such a weighty task, but it just is. 

However, I also feel like I am doing something worthwhile; if this were easy, it’d be pointless. I get through the toughest phases by appreciating every little good thing in my life, letting my bones rest, building myself up both mentally and physically, and remembering that there is more to life than work; I let go. I’m so lucky that my life is filled to the brim with love, friendship, and support, so I know I’ll be okay. But more importantly I know I’ll be okay because I have me, and I trust me to keep it together and keep moving forward one step at a time.

I have such a busy year ahead already, and the best thing I can do is take it a day, an hour, a minute at a time. 

Hot chocolate/cold gin also helps.

I guess this is my first proper post on the depths of mental health.

I have a really important meeting tomorrow with my water companies, which, if all goes to plan, will result in a big push forward in the project. Therefore, I don’t want to talk about anything else this week. Out-letting is helping me cope.

P.S. Wearing badass heels and lipstick to a tough meeting is also a win.

Photo: This gets me through every time. Source: Tumblr. 

[lcandthings]

computah how do I make it stop

[cryofthevoid]

Lately, I haven't been doing anything, really. I'm just sinking deeper and deeper into the void. I feel like I've become a zombie. I lie in bed all day. I know I have things to do but I can't seem to move my arms. I know I have places to be but I can't move my legs. I have stopped eating. I feel like I have stopped existing. There is a fog all around my thoughts. There is a dark cloud over my brain. I have become an empty corpse of thoughts.

[badpunning]

i’m so high rn it’s killing my we’re watching cats musical 2019

[cat--girls]

I am so tired today . I managed to get like 2 things done and I took a short nap but I am exhausted . I don't feel like I can stay upright

[castielcommunism]

thinking about how free will to angels as presented in spn probably feels like giving themselves orders rather than how regular people think about it (which is making a decision based off the information you have + emotional state + ideological leanings), which is why it’s so heretical to go against the orders they are given from heaven. angel behaviour isn’t really ideological (in that the orders they carry out aren’t the product of them making moral decisions based on any ideological framework - they are just tools working off a script and do not operate outside of that), so their behaviour is amoral in that sense. but then you take someone like cas, who not only does not follow the script he’s been given but produces a NEW script for himself that he then follows, and the godstiel arc is sort of inevitable. if an angel figured out how to produce original orders for themselves externally and independently from god, then the simplest explanation is that they have figured out how to become god themselves

[whorangecassidy]

.