Writing Advice: Third Person Point of View - The Problem with Head-Hopping
A personal pet peeve in fanfic—and even some published books, unfortunately—is an author head-hopping.
I understand that not everyone learned about writing point of view in primary school, and many fanfic writers are new to writing and might not even realize they're writing head-hopping.
So, this post is an educational means for those who are interested in learning how to improve their writing.
I'm going to give a quick overview of point of view, a breakdown of third person point of view, and how to spot head-hopping in your writing.
What Is Point of View?
Point of view (POV) is the perspective (voice) from which a story is narrated.
There are three POVs.
First person
Second person
Third person
Third Person: Limited vs. Omniscient
In third person POV, the author is narrating the story through third-person pronouns (she, he, they).
Third person POV is subdivided into two categories: third person limited and third person omniscient.
Third Person Limited
In third person limited, the narrator is an external observer who knows the thoughts and feelings of ONE character at a time.
Here's an example from R.F. Kuang's, The Poppy War, page 341:
The Cike were stretched to their limit, especially Rin. Each moment not spent on an operation was spent on patrol. And when she was off duty, she trained with Altan.
Note that this paragraph—the entire book, actually—is from Rin's POV. We have access to Rin's feelings, thoughts, and observations throughout the book, while also seeing how other characters are acting.
But we are only in Rin's head. We do not have access to the thoughts and feelings of other characters. This is third person limited POV.
Third Person Omniscient
In third person omniscient, the narrator is an all-knowing observer who has access to the thoughts, feelings, and experiences of ALL characters in the story.
Here's an example from Jane Austen's, Pride and Prejudice, page 104:
As they drove to Mr. Gardiner’s door, Jane was at a drawing-room window watching their arrival; when they entered the passage she was there to welcome them, and Elizabeth, looking earnestly in her face, was pleased to see it healthful and lovely as ever.
Notice how we have access to both Jane and Elizabeth's 1) physical locations, and 2) thoughts. Even though Elizabeth is in a carriage and Jane is inside a house, the narrator is all-knowing and can narrate both of them at the same time.
The problem I see from many fanfic writers: they attempt to write in third person omniscient when they're actually writing shoddy third person limited, constantly switching between the POVs of multiple characters.
This is called head-hopping.
Head-Hopping vs. Omniscient
Head-hopping is when an author shifts between the POVs of multiple characters without a scene break. Meaning, the author is inside Character A's head but abruptly—and randomly—shares the thoughts, feelings, and/or observations of Character B.
Here's an example:
Kathy arrived at the cafe in hopes of showing Brittany her completed sweater. It was the first time she had knitted and she was eager to share her hard work with her best friend. Brittany took one look at the sweater and cringed. She hated it, but she didn't want to hurt Kathy's feelings. She didn't know what to say.
In this example, we are inside both Kathy and Brittany's heads. Both characters have distinctive voices, and because of this, the narration of the story is inconsistent.
It's jarring to read, and pulls you out of the story.
Here's the same example written through omniscient POV:
Kathy arrived at the cafe with the intent to show Brittany her completed sweater. After hours of hard work, the opinion of her best friend was important. At Kathy's approach, Brittany observed the sweater in her friend's hand and wrinkled her nose. The sweater was hideous.
In this example, we are inside the head of the narrator. The narrator is telling the story through its voice, rather than the individual voices of Kathy and Brittany.
Remember: Omniscient means the reader is inside the NARRATOR's head, not the characters'.
The Scene Break to Denote POV Switch
Back to my definition of head-hopping: Head-hopping occurs when a writer suddenly switches POV without a scene break.
Like the first example of Kathy and Brittany—there is no scene break between their thoughts. If the author wanted to write from both Kathy and Brittany's perspective, the author would have to include a physical break to alert the reader to a switch in POV. See below:
Kathy arrived at the cafe in hopes of showing Brittany her completed sweater. It was the first time she had knitted and she was eager to share her hard work with her best friend. ~~~~~~~~~~ Brittany took one look at the sweater and cringed. She hated it, but she didn't want to hurt Kathy's feelings. She didn't know what to say.
The squiggly lines demonstrate a switch in POV, and the scene would then continue in Brittany's POV. [Please note that a single paragraph space (as seen in the first example of Kathy and Brittany) is not a scene break. It is a paragraph break, and therefore cannot be used to demonstrate a switch in POV.]
You can write multiple POVS throughout a story. These will all be in third person limited POVs.
For example, each chapter in Rick Riordan's Heroes of Olympus series is dedicated to ONE character. Throughout that chapter, the reader is inside the head—reading the thoughts, feelings, and observations—of that singular character.
Individual chapters can also have multiple POVs (again, these are third person limited POVs). These are denoted by a divider or additional paragraph space.
For example, Timothy Zahn's Thrawn switches between the POVs of multiple characters in each chapter. The switch between his characters' POV is shown by an additional paragraph space.
Why Should You Care about Head-Hopping?
If writing head-hopping makes you happy, then keep at it. It's fanfic, and most readers are so desperate for content they don't care.
But, if you're interested in improving your writing, here are a few reasons why head-hopping is problematic:
It's jarring to the reader, and takes them out of the story. Frequent head-hopping can confuse readers as they struggle to keep track of whose perspective they are currently experiencing. It disrupts the flow of the narrative and can make it challenging for readers to form a strong connection with any one character.
It makes it harder for readers to truly immerse themselves in your story. Consistent use of a single POV allows readers to immerse themselves in the story's world through the eyes of a specific character. Head-hopping disrupts this immersion by constantly pulling readers out of one character's perspective and into another's.
It hinders character development. When the narrative constantly shifts between characters, there may not be enough time or focus on any one character's growth and development.
It takes away the emotional impact of the scene. Head-hopping can prevent readers from fully empathizing with or understanding any particular character's emotions, motivations, and inner conflicts.
Even well-established authors struggle to write omniscient without head-hopping. It's a nuanced subject that can be confusing to understand and difficult to overcome.
Again, this post is simply to inform writers about third person point of view and the subtle differences between its subdivisions. It’s not an attack on fanfic writers.
