soohwa does tries his best to pretend that the sex tape wasn’t a thing. as much as he wants to just curl up on his bed (preferentially with hyunki) and just wait this out, he knows he can’t. after all, the toseong student has just been given a second chance as the head student, his professor didn’t give him much of a scolding as he thought he’d receive saying that soohwa has always been a good kid, an exceptional ta and it’d be too weird if he didn’t slip up at least once — even if soohwa is almost sure that his professor didn’t mean a sex tape when he mentioned slip ups — so he needs to prove to them that he’s still worthy of being a head student and a ta, that they’re not wrong in putting those responsibilities on his back and that he’s going to go through his duties no matter what.
which included, for better or worse, his tutoring sessions.
which included, for better or worse, meeting haeun again.
just like hana and taeyeon, there’s a small hope that maybe haeun hasn’t seen the video, definitely has heard of it of course but hopefully after hyunki deleted the incident or in the worst case scenario, she has clicked the link, saw just enough to realize what it was about and then closed the video and soohwa clings to that hope like a drowning man clings to the few amounts of oxygen that they can get because he needs this to be able to force himself to go to their tutoring session, to get what he planned for their time together and have enough guts to look at haeun in the ends.
he’s finishing setting up the dummy they use for their practice when he hears the door opening. “haeun-sshi,” he doesn’t turn to her quite yet, deciding to finish that first before doing so. “i was thinking we could revisit expelliarmus as a warm up exercise today.”
There’s a lot of things Jules loved to do with Haeun and kissing just so happened to be in the top three, right between having sex and playing his guitar for her while she tended her garden. He enjoyed casual ones the most;—the ones when they had some time together and wanted to enjoy each other’s company, where she was perched beautifully on his lap and the angle needed him to look up at her as if she was the sun itself (and, she was certainly bright enough in his eyes to be one). It was the casual kisses that were the right amount of sweetness and ardor.
Haeun had slipped into his office during the time both of their breaks collided and Jules was already waiting for her, his heart growing big when he was greeted with a smile and pushed him away from where he sat at his desk to climb into his lap. His hands instinctively knew where to go, settling on voluptuous hips to clasp around her lower back and sighed contently as her hands rested on his chest.
“I’ve been thinking about you all day,” Jules admitted while Haeun brushed hair away from his face. His hands smoothed over her ass and massaged it tenderly, gently. Eyes flickered from her eyes to her lips, reclining his head back onto the chair with a small moan. “How could anyone not think about you?”
Jules really had been thinking about her all day, ever since sensual looks were sent his way while he taught a section of transfiguration. He had even tripped over a few words during the lesson once he noticed the lip biting, her legs squirming underneath the table and mouthing carnal desires when his attention was on her. It was frustrating, really, when all he could think about was having Haeun sprawled out naked in front of him and whimpering his name; but had to wait until they were away from prying eyes and had some time to actually be together.
It was even more frustrating when students would ask he was alright in the middle of class since his cheeks would flush with fantasies. So, to calm himself down, Jules would think about when they were on a nice date instead—a day of shopping for plant supplies, him cooking her favorite meal (after convincing the kitchen hall employees to give him some space), sitting outside when the weather was nice with her head on his shoulder as he acoustically provided songs for both her and her plants in between conversation.
You could say that Jules had been thinking a lot of things and sometimes he just needed to be reminded that what they had was real, that it wasn’t another nightmare (or visions) he has been having for years. Everything was perfect, Haeun was perfect but some days he couldn’t help the feeling that everything would end up crashing down. So, he would lean forward to capture her lips with his as if to seal every ounce of love from escaping.
He kissed her with passion but kept it simple, casual enough to show that he missed her, loved her and was one with her. Jules pulled her close and kissed her deeply, soft lips caressing one another and their breaths interweaving that it was hard who was breathing for who, fingers tangling in each other’s hair. He cupped her face between his hands as he reluctantly pulled away, her bottom lip still drawn between his before he let it go with a sigh.
Jules treated every moment with her as if it was his last and if everything did crash down around him before he knew it, then he wanted to relish in every second he had. He traces her lips with a thumb and smiled, masking his fears with optimism.
au: fake dating (because i cannot be silenced w my love for this trope)
cal wished for a lot of things since the start of this arrangement.
when they had started this, he had wished for everyone to fall for the act. he wished that he wouldn’t be seen as a pathetic ex who has yet to move on from hana. so that if she were to ever look in his direction, he would be caught with his arm around the other’s waist and not trying to avoid contact with her.
when his friends had started becoming nosy about the relationship, he had wished that anais would be willing to keep the act going. “please, annie! i don’t want to disappoint them!” he implored her with the puppy eyes that he would often use on her to get what he wants. she’d simply sigh and reply with a exasperated “fine” before he jumps in glee and gives her a big hug for agreeing to it.
he wished that things he’d stop having this weird feeling whenever he saw her with taeyeon. it’s fine if she hangs out with her, he thinks to himself. we’re not anything serious. i don’t have to worry about anything. and yet, no matter how many times he says that, he still can’t help but look at the both of them and feel a rotten feeling that he was not fond of feeling.
and though rumors say that wishes cannot come true if said aloud, cal made one wish aloud to her as they go up to his dorm after making out with each other in the hallways. sure, he won’t deny that he’s sexually attracted to anais. but the thing about that was he didn’t really plan on doing anything with that information. but they drunkenly kiss at a party to continue their “act”, only for the kiss to deepen and their hands to move more adventurously on each other.
“fuck me,” he says breathlessly when she pulls away from the kiss. “please, anais. i’m all yours tonight.”
and thankfully, it does come true.
but things don’t go back to normal like he wanted it to. each passing moment with anais hurts as they continue their “act”. when she calls him babe and lovingly calls him calcifer while holding his hand. when they go out on “dates” and he takes pictures on his phone that he doesn’t really ever think of deleting any time soon.
he wished for something impossible. that it doesn’t end. but even he’s smart enough to know that can’t happen.
so all of a sudden, one day, he stops. whenever he goes out, if he goes out, he usually makes sure that anais is not in the same room. if she is, he avoids eye contact with her at all cost. there were a few moments in which he can hear her call out to him happily. “calcifer!” she’d say, her smile showing in the tone of her voice. but he ignores her every single time and it hurts him to do so.
eventually she’ll forget him. eventually she’ll realize that their arrangement is over and she’s finally free of being “attached” to him. that was his logic when he had become avoidant with her. but haejin pulled him to the side one day and asks him if he’s talked to anais at all recently.
“she’s worried sick about you, minnie,” he said with a concerned look on his face.
“tell her i’m fine. i’ve just been busy,” he answered him, refusing to go more in-depth with his answer.
that should’ve been taken as a caution. because all of a sudden, he hears a loud, stern knocking on his door. “lee kangmin, open the door.”
it’s a tone he doesn’t expect to ever hear from her and he can’t help but feel afraid just from hearing how serious it is. but if anything, that meant he couldn’t avoid her any longer. with his head hung in shame, he walks over to the door and opens it, looking down to see a furious anais looking up at him, arms crossed against her chest but looking ready to knock some sense into him.
“annie-”
“don’t annie me, asshole,” she replies sternly. “you know exactly why i’m here. we need to talk. now.”
he sighs as he steps to the side to let the other girl into his dorm. as she stomps her way in, he closes the door behind her and looks back at.
"what the hell is up with you?” she asks, her tone sounding demanding as if she needed an explanation from him. “you’ve been avoiding me for more than a few weeks. and don’t say you haven’t because i’m not stupid enough to know when you want to talk to me and when you don’t.”
he sighs and runs a hand through his hair, dreading every single moment of this interaction. “i’ve been busy.”
“no you haven’t,” she replies. “that’s the excuse haejin gave me when i asked about you. you’ve been skipping prefect meetings and whenever i try to say hi, you pretend i don’t exist.”
when she recounts all those times to him, he feels guilt. it’s deserved, but it’s not like he can exactly tell her the reason for his actions.
“look, i just want an explanation on why you’ve been like this with me recently. that’s all,” she states, a sigh leaving her lips as her eyes begin to soften when she looks at him. “i’m worried about you. you haven’t been acting yourself recently... did i do something wrong?”
he shakes his head. “no. no you didn’t,” he replies quietly.
“then please tell me what’s up, cal,” she says, walking closer to him to let him look at her. “whatever it is, we can figure it out. i don’t want things to be weird between us.”
it’s that one sentence that manages to set him off. i don’t want things to be weird between us. it’s weird that she says that now when cal had been noticing the difference in their relationship appearing before his eyes. the fact that he was the only one to even take note of that said enough to him and it does nothing else but break his heart.
he can’t do this anymore. he needs to stop this horrible ache in his heart.
“we need to end this.”
there’s a silence after he tells her this and it causes a shift in the mood. he doesn’t have the strength to even face her. he tells her this with his back facing the other girl.
“what do you mean?” she asks, her tone sounding... confused.
"you and me. we need to end it. now,” he responds. “there’s no point in keeping it up at this point. everyone already knows that we were a thing. it’d make sense if we’d just end it here since i’ve been avoiding you.”
there’s a silence that follows afterwards as he looks down at the ground. he doesn’t want to turn around and look at her. he doesn’t want her to see that he was breaking just from saying those words. but it’s obvious that the other wasn’t being completely honest with himself. he knows that even anais knew that, considering they were already good friends before their “fake dating” plan became a thing. so it shouldn’t surprise him when she says that makes him want to crumble at the spot.
“cal, is there something you’re not telling me?”
he hesitates on what to do next. the fact that he even knew she’d say something like this is what makes fall apart. but he couldn’t hide it from her anymore. after all, the pain would subside. as he turns around to face her, anais’s face drops as she sees cal’s face. he never wanted to have her see him crying in general, let alone over her.
“i can’t do this anymore,” he replies with a forced smile, his voice breaking as he lets the truth out. “i can’t keep living this lie that we’ve made. every time you call me calcifer, it makes my heart flutter when it shouldn’t. and whenever you smile, it has this effect on me when i shouldn’t be feeling that at all. and whenever i see you with someone else, i care so much about what you think of me when i shouldn’t even be thinking about it at all.”
“i was able to do everything right at first, but after we slept together that one night...” he laughs as he finds himself crying more. god. he really is pathetic until the end, isn’t he? “i was already too late. and i didn’t want to make things awkward between you and i because i know that this is temporary. you and i made this so that it could be temporary. and all of a sudden, i had myself thinking about it being permanent and i...”
he stops himself from going on, already feeling the air in his lungs give out as he speaks too much in just a short amount of time whilst sobbing. he pauses to take a deep, shaky breath before he continues on.
“ahn sojin, i love you. so much that it pains me to see you continue to continue this act when i’m slowly breaking character,” he says defeatedly. “and i’m so thankful i love you, but not when you and i both agreed that this would be a problem with this happening.”
she’s silent at first. that’s to be expected from a situation like this. after all, the both of them had agreed on a set of rules to prevent something like this from ever happening. so the fact that cal was the one to break it while anais was unaware of it all was probably a shock to her.
finally, she nods. “okay,” she says rather calmly. it felt like such a contrast to how he was feeling and he couldn’t help but feel even more pained by that. “yeah. let’s end it here. as soon as i leave this dorm, we can say that we’re done.”
the way she says it sounds so cold. as if icicles were thrown to pierce at his already breaking heart. but he knew, in reality, that this should feel as if he was ripping off a bandaid. so though he was still distraught, he pulls himself together to agree to that. “good,” he responds.
“wait.” she’s about to turn around but he stops her all of a sudden. in this moment, he wants to say his wish aloud once again to see if it’d come true. “before you go, i want you to do something for me.”
she nods and there’s a look in her eyes that cal himself was not able to identify. a part of him wishes to believe that she was sad about this all occurring, but he feels as if that’d be a stretch.
“lie to me,” he replies. “lie to me and tell me how much you love me. so that when this is all over, i can be able to move on as if this was like any other break-up.”
there’s a clear moment of hesitation when he asks her that and cal already feels embarrassed for asking him that. however, before he takes it back, she nods her head to accept his plea. and he holds his breath as she says it.
“i like how positive you are,” she starts off. “even before this, i took notice of how you were so warm and bright. you were always so optimistic about everything and hardworking because of it. i always admired that about you. and i always felt like i needed to take care of you, but i didn’t mind having to keep an eye on you every now and then.”
“but... spending this time with you...getting closer to you and having the opportunity to be with you made me realize that i can’t imagine my life with you.” she looks up at him and it’s not hard to notice that her eyes were becoming glossy with her own tears as well. “every single day, just spending time with you made me feel like everything was going to go okay. your hugs always made me feel safe and your kisses always felt like little reminders of how lucky i am to have you in my life. to have the opportunity and getting to experience your warmth and love every single day to the point where i got used to it... to the point where you became my home, calcifer.”
home. it’s a word that cal never thought he’d ever hear being used to describe him. who could’ve thought a word so heartwarming could hurt him so much? he doesn’t think before he closes the distance between him and her and pulling her into a slow and deep kiss, all of his emotions pouring into it. he kisses her with all the unspoken words he was unable to say and all the emotions he felt whilst longing for her. and though he touches her every so softly, his thoughts were desperate about how he didn’t want this to end, especially with how she kisses him back with the same passion. how he wished they could last like this forever, only for him to remind himself that this was the end. that this was a longtime coming.
he pulls away and puts his hands to his side, away from her face after cupping it to hold her close. “please leave,” he says brokenly. “leave before i change my mind about this.”
she nods as she slowly makes her way to the door of his dorm silently, the sound of his door opening and closing sounding louder than anything else in this room. it practically felt deafening combined with the pitiful silence that fell onto the room after everything.
he makes his way to his bed when he spots a piece of paper at his bedside. as he walks over to the bedside to look at the page, he reads over it quickly only to crumple it up. it was the official stamp that started off the gig to begin with: a list of rules that the both of them had come up with in this exact space. as he lies down in bed, he recounts the experience, the conversation playing in his head.
“so rule number one is not to tell anyone that this is all fake,” he starts off. “that way, the less people will be able to figure out that this isn’t real.”
“does that include best friends?” she asks.
he quirks his eyebrow. “i have a best friend who can’t keep his mouth shut and another who likes to know everything about what’s going on in my life. if i can’t tell them, you can’t tell your friends either.”
she sighs and rolls her eyes. “fine, fine,” she responds. “can rule number two be not calling each other dumbass pet names whilst we’re together?”
he hums. “define dumbass pet names.” she makes a face. “what? do you not want to say it?”
“you know which ones i’m talking about, calvin,” she glares at him.
“schnookums? pookie? bubs? is that what you were talking about?” he asks with a shit eating grin.
she shudders in response. “if you say any of those around me again, i swear.”
he laughs and shakes his head as he writes that down onto the paper. “well, we need something to differentiate us from other couples. maybe we can give each other nicknames... like i can call you annie. and you can call me...?”
she considers the answer to herself before she answers him. “calcifer,” she responds. “like from howl’s moving castle.”
“the movie?” he asks.
she smiles. “i was thinking of the book, but the movie works.”
“good! i like the idea of being a little fire demon,” he giggles as he scribbles that down, putting their nicknames for each other in parentheses. “okay. obvious final rule: no falling in love with each other. if we do, we’ll get into a situation that gets awkward.”
"duh,” she says while he writes that down, later drawing two lines at the bottom of the page. after he signs his name on one of the lines, he hands the paper to her along with the quill. she reads over the paper quickly before looking up at him with a sure smile. “are you ready for this?”
“ready as i’ll ever be,” he responds, not at all aware of what was to come from the future.
and with that, it became a blur as cal began to weep in his pillow after reminding himself of such a bittersweet beginning.
how did this even happen? why had it happened? he couldn’t even think straight, couldn’t focus on staying calm as he sits there in the dark closet hugging his knees to his chest. his breathing is heavy, quick and he can’t help but squeeze his eyes shut hoping that it will help. it doesn’t. the memories of him having experienced something similar come rushing back to him as he rocks back and forth, the image of his child self watching blurry figures through the closet door, watching the woman ( his mother? ) lying there dying.
who had locked him in here now? another student? why would they do this? not once did he ever do anything to anyone that caused them harm, he didn’t even really associate himself with others because they tend to stay away from him. they all find him ‘boring’ to be around due to his personality so why him?
he feels the tightening feeling in his chest, as if someone were grabbing ahold of his heart and squeezing it. he hated enclosed spaces. it wasn’t the fact that it was dark and he couldn’t see anything, just that being locked up like this paralyzed him with fear, it made him unable to really move or even think properly. yes, he could easily get out with magic, however they had taken that from him before throwing him inside the closet. he was trapped but he couldn’t call out to anyone due to being struck with fear at the moment.
would anyone even be able to find him? would they even want to find him? he wasn’t like hardly any of the other students here. he wasn’t someone who liked to party and have fun, being more of the type to focus on his medical studies and take care of his younger brother while trying to keep the other out of trouble. he was completely harmless yet here he was, locked in the small space, unable to function properly. the tears that he never knew he was even capable of crying start to fall as he continues to panic, thinking of all the possible negative outcomes for the situation that he’s currently in. this was it right? he would be locked in here forever, unable to make his dream come true.
that’s what he thinks at least until he hears a noise outside of the door, squinting against the light when the door finally opens but stays frozen there in place. his eyes couldn’t adjust to the sudden new light pouring into the room, however he does see an outline of a figure approaching. the sounds around him seem muffled, as if he were deaf, and he looks like some lost and scared child who had lost his mother in the store. he raises a shaky hand to rub his eyes, trying to make them adjust quicker as he sits there. he could try and stand up, to walk out at this point, however he doesn’t trust that his legs won’t give out on him and end up making him fall flat on his face. maybe he could ask the figure for help? though he couldn’t even find his voice right now.
