picture: im on the couch watching a movie. my younger siblings simultaneously lean their heads onto my shoulders, gently like leaves covering a tree branch. my fondness for these terrible and brilliant kids bursts through my heart marching band style. so i just stay still and breathe normally even as my eyes tear up and my chest explodes with sunshine and fireworks and a brutal sentimental ache.
the last time we were in that exact position was years ago, when they were younger and smaller and would sometimes mistakenly call me mom.
these two whirlwind teenagers finding comfort in me blows me away sometimes. it's entirely unsurprising, and yet still catches me off guard every now and then. they'll act so independent some days and brush off my advise. the next day im making them breakfast or help find their stuff. i am endlessly endeared and annoyed and endeared and annoyed and then hearing their dumb jokes and laughing with them.
i guess being a big sister will always be this. being overwhelmed by all the love, and hope and gratefulness, i have for them. being amazed by all the love, and hope and gratefulness, i have for them. being scared by all the love, and hope and gratefulness, i have for them. being brave by all the love, and hope and gratefulness, i have for them.
anyways getting older has made me so emotional trust im fighting the embarrassment so hard