Headcanon John Constantine gets hit fucking heavy with food comas, like once he’s taken the last bite of a large meal? He’s dead to the world in the closest thing to a peaceful sleep as he can get. But not only getting a good, filling meal, but having a significant other who loves cooking? Making vegetables he used to hate likable, or having something for him to eat even while gone? He is all yours, but especially showing his gratitude after meals about to fall deep into a food coma.
Drowsy & grumbling praise about how delicious your cooking was as it’s hard to tell if he’s hugging you or using you as support to stay upright with his head resting on your shoulder. Yeah you’re not cleaning up anytime soon, you’re dragged to the nearest comfiest surface for him to sleep on, hogging you more than the covers for once through mumbled praise as he falls asleep in your embrace.
“What would I do without you luv?” He hums his eyes too tired to open.
“Starve.” You smirk brushing some crumbs off the corner of his lip.
“Bloody right I would…”
A/N: I show I love people through cooking for them…& I would love to give John delicious food considering how horrible his self care is.
Constantine has an almost insatiable need to learn everyone's ticks. This is particularly helpful when John wants something, because he doesn't have to ask. He can push the buttons and watch someone move on their own.
And his greatest trick against his enemies is setting the fuel of their own demise and letting them light the match.
John Constantine x MagicUser!Reader relationship hcs
- You both are utter hypocrites when seeing the other one do work, sometimes passing a:
"*cough* That's not how you do it, luv. *cough*" or
"Oh, you wrote that rune wrong, honey."
Getting thrown around whenever either of you is working. But it's all just teasing, mostly to keep the other safe, considering it's saved you both rent and an entirely new home in the past, so it becomes more peer review than nagging later on.
- There is so much enchantment. You two are both between warding the apartment separately, blessing certain areas, you're both surprised the apartment hasn't exploded with all the protection wards put up, or at least punched one demon off the plane of existence, and of it has you two know you'd never see it again. Especially when you pitch a spell idea to him randomly, whatever insane shit you wanna try, you can expect him to be right there alongside you, fueling the flames.
- Or being a chaperone to the chaos, as he loves seeing you work and how unique it is compared to his. Kinda rekindles that familiar love for magic he used to have.
- Guaranteed you two one upping the other with sigils when it comes to the other, between John 'absentmindedly' tracing a sigil onto you're back in the early hours of the morning before he has to leave for some dangerous magical situation, to you slipping a paper sigil into his coat pocket as you're kissing him for 'good luck' on whatever hell he has to deal with that day.
- The apartment smells of incense and cigarettes; it somehow makes the cigarettes more bearable. He's most inclined to floral or warm scents like like rose or cinnamon, he turns his nose up at Frankincense.
"Smelled enough of that shit in churches luv, no need to bring it into our demonic apartment unless we get ourselves another imp problem."
- Depending on what type of magic you dabble in, including closed practice like Voodoo, Santeria, Hoodoo, Taíno spirituality, or Indigenous spiritual practice, he is really amazed and respectful, letting you do your thing and even asking a few questions if you feel comfortable. This is really the only time his nitpicking isn't allowed since you understand your practice.
- John is always cautious when it comes to your magic, but it's pot calling kettle black since this man picked demonology of all things to invest in, so as long as you use protection spells and make sure you're soul is safely locked in your body while practicing, he'll have one less thing to worry about. He may fuck around with his soul, but he'll be damned twice to hell if happens to yours. Even blood magic is fine just as long as you're not hurting yourself or doing it excessively. (once again being a hypocrite)
- He becomes mildly terrified of you if you work with gods or help him angels/devils, obviously, you have curated your own way of working with them that doesn't involve the ungodly amount of lying and scheming John does, but he's just waiting like a ticking time bomb for something to go south. It never does, since you've worked with them before you met John; this only seems to stress him out more.
- It is funny if you call out what magic he used and him just brushing off labels, but the one you can't let go of is the fact that John most likely did siren magic or that magic adjacent when running Mucous Membrane, he refuses to admit it.
"I didn't do no mermaid rubbish magic! My voice was winning us all the cash."
"And you cast a spell literally to mesmerize crowds into getting more of said cash, you're not beating the allegations no matter how hard you try to explain it...little mermaid."
"Oi cut that shit out."
- Mentioned before in another post, John is very superstitious of tarot of all things, somewhat of a skeptic, but also nervous when watching you do you're reading on the table, you've even seen him straight up leave if you pull an unsavory card, which you could use against him in an argument if you felt like it. He'd reel back like a cat reacting to a cucumber.
- Book sharing would honestly just evolve into a messed up occult book club of finding and studying the most eldritch horror contained spellbooks on the market to add to your growing collection. Sometimes date nights are up, just pulling up heists on demons or tricking others just to run away cackling with a new book to study together.
- John would feel that same kinda giddiness he had when he cast magic in his Mucous Membrane days before Newcastle, only it's a deeper feeling with someone equally as passionate starts that familiar fire in his chest that makes him wanna kiss you til his lungs give out.
- He struggles accepting the fact you're gonna stay in his life, since most of his friends those aquatinted end up dead or worse, he doesn't wanna admit how cliche it feels that you'd probably be safer without him. Admitting it drunkenly to you one night and bringing himself to tears in the process of naming everyone he's ever done wrong, including Astra.
- You assure him you'd find some way to weasel yourself out of trouble. You weren't a magic user for nothing, and in knowing him, you've learned more than enough from each other, especially on protection. It would take a lot to get you to leave, especially if you've been with him for years now.
- If you offer a binding spell, John shoots it down immediately. As much as he enjoys the idea of being bound and married magic-wise, he loves you too much to tie you to a miserable man like him. Though he does adore how much you trust him, he's unsure if he can trust himself.
- But he loves you truly with all his wretched messed up soul.
John's world is best compared to a game of chess. He values his friends and their abilities when they suit him, and while he would like to keep as many pieces as he can, he knows that it won't happen. He's willing to sacrifice his pieces when necessary to gain an advantage. But that is not to say that John has no compassion. In Dangerous Habits, he tricks the devil out of his friend Brennan's soul, despite the fact he knows it will cause his own suffering to increase when he dies. In Rake at the Gates of Hell, he saves a girl who is addicted to drugs and forced into prostitution at great risk to himself and others, because it broke his heart to see her that way. He is not without affection for his friends. But if he chooses their company, it's with the knowledge they could be destroyed at any time, simply for being around him. And why he only tends to show up on his friends' doorsteps when his need is great.
I have a list of things John loves but will never admit to and they include: NICK Restraints (not handcuffs those are easy to escape) Being grabbed by the tie Begging Knives Gags (not blindfolds, don't ask me why) Drugs/sedatives He'll cop to anything else, but those, not so much. But the fastest way to John's hard is to be rough, hot, and strong.
