#hellblazer fanfic

[dead-in-dreams]

Give Him Your Cramps

John Constantine x Witch!gn!reader drabble

tags: uterus owner reader but no physical descriptions beyond that so I'm keeping it gn!reader, menstrual cycle, witchcraft, shenanigans, established relationship

A/N: I hate my cramps...so I'm giving them to John. I kinda hate this but I need to get out of writers block somehow so I'm taking all the inspiration I can get.

That time of the month was never a problem in your relationship, sure some plans were cancelled here & there but most of the cancelling was John drowning in his usual sea of problems that you'd help out when you can. Most of it was just a fun case of overwhelming emotions while still having to function as a human being, or the classic isolation episodes due to finding every little thing about people infuriating. Oh and the blood of course.

But sometimes it got on your nerves how nonchalant John would be about it, waving it off or relating it to a hangover stomach ache. You recognized he understood some of the pain you experienced, but it did make a good joke imagining him comparing being terrorized by entities to the aching pains of menstrual cramps.

"I've been through hell I think I'd understand your torment love," He assured you, far too confidently for your liking while you struggled to choose between giving into comfort or continue working.

"That's nice John, but I doubt you go about a day feeling like every movement is a hydraulic press on your insides." You countered trying to ignore the temptation while he leaned over you.

"Oh try me, I've been through any ringer the universe has got to throw me into."

Wasn't a huge problem, but it sure as hell was annoying to have a pain in your ear while your anatomy tortured you...but hey that's what being a witch is for!

If he thought the cramps weren't that bad, you'd just give them to him.

You did hesitate before conducting the spell while he was out, any more time spent being able to feel the bone structure of your pelvis would be happily banished. And you knew John wasn't on a life threatening case at the moment so there wouldn't be any casualties.

So you cast the simple transmutation spell, threw his name in and set it aside before going about your day, soon enough your pain slowly faded and you honestly forgot this was at John's expense.

Until he called you of course.

"Bloody fucking hell are you trying to kill me (Y/N)?!" He prattled over the phone line.

"Just thought you needed the real true 'uterus owning experience' thought you said you'd had worse?" You smirked with some sympathy for your poor boyfriend.

"I did say that shitty nonesense didn't I? Blimey my pricks gonna fall off with all this damn aching in my bones, ya better got a way to fix this little witch."

"Oh just the usual warm bath, lying in the fetal position, painkillers, chocolate & shitty raspberry leaf tea should fix you right up honey."

You wished you could see the utter look of dissapointment and agony on his face at your words instead of hear him groan in defeat.

"If an apology s' what ya lookin for here luv, I'll give ya that n more once I come by the flat."

"Who says I'm looking for an apology John? You said you could handle it."

"Well I'm eating the fucking curb n my words right now so quit ya teasin."

In the end, after some one sided bickering & promising to dismantle the spell, you got some of your usual remedies ready when John practically crawled up the stairs in pain. Collapsing against the door and sliding down to lay on the floor in agony as you loomed over him.

"Ya learnt your lesson Mr. Constantine?" You smile gently rubbing his back, sure you caused this but John wouldn't leave you suffering when you got like this.

"Sod off..." He hissed, making you bite back a laugh.

"Let's get you some painkillers and a warm bath shall we?"

John hated how nice that sounded.

"First ya give me your pain then you turn around n play caretaker? Your a real sadist ain't you?"

"You said there was no ringer the universe had-"

"Oh piss off you! Just get me in the tub before the cramps get to my knees."

[distantlydreamingofwater]

Crawlin' Back to You

── ⋆⋅*⋅⋆ ── ⋆⋅*⋅⋆ ── ⋆⋅*⋅⋆ ──

Pairing | Subby!John Constantine x Incubus!FemReader

Summary | John Constantine; a liar, cheater, mage, and conman. The cons just keep stacking up against him. Why would you ever take him back? But fuck if he isn't pretty on his knees.

Words | 2.3k

tags | crawling kink, true naming, use of "Love" "Darling" "Puppy" "Eris" "Bitch" "Good boy", begging, pathetic men, slight puppy play (reader treats John like a dog), degradation kink, humiliation kink, praise kink, humping, noisy John,

Notes | This trashy bitch would look so pretty on his knees. And we all know he is noisy as fuck in bed; whining, moaning, panting, pleading, the whole nine yards.

Note 2. Whoever said college is easy when you are smart, fucking LIED!!!! Im 10 weeks into OChem at a school that doesn't validate Amnesia for accommodations and let me tell you. My teacher on the first day of class "I don't want you memorizing things, just learn the rules of ochem." Bitch, that's fucking memorizing!

Note 3. History lesson for you. Incubus and succubus are both gender neutral terms that were taken by the church and given gender to vilify women (as per usual). Incubus is simply Latin for "to lie atop" and succubus "to lie beneath". So rather than being male or female, it's actually terms for Dom/Top and Sub/Bottom.

Note 4. For the purpose of Y/N being the readers true name (since this fic focuses around True Naming), her nickname or at least what John calls her, is Eris. He's basically calling her "Little Chaos". Think of it along the same lines as "mistress", "mommy", "my lady" etc.

Kinktober Day 22: Crawling

Masterlist kinktober2025

John Constantine is many things. A liar. A cheater. A conman. A mage. But most of all, John Constantine is pathetic. For a man who has fucked demons, told the Devil himself to shove it, and saved the world, probably more times than he can count, he is pathetic. It's not a secret. He'd tell you himself. He isn't afraid of admitting his faults (that's all he really does, to be honest), and he certainly doesn't play himself out to be better than he is. Unless he's drunk. Which, actually, is usually always.

So it shouldn't have been a surprise to you when you felt the familiar tugging sensation of a summoning on your personal sigil---something you very rarely gave out---in the middle of your dip in a lava pit. Growling quietly, you climbed out of the pit, lava sliding of your skin as you moved, the darkened protective shell on your skin beginning to crack as you allowed the pull to take you.

Rolling your jaw, the very first thing you saw when you landed John's sheepishly playful grin, cigarette hanging loosely from his lips, tossing the chalk away, "What? I'm busy."

His eyes flickered over your form, taking in the way your skin cracked as the shell continued to break, leaving little pieces of lava rock all over his floor, "What, no hello, love?"

You stared at him blankly, rolling your shoulders to let the rest of the crust fall off, leaving you functionally nude, dropping into one of his arm chairs with an unimpressed glare, "Hi. What do you want? I thought I revoked your access to my personal line."

"I...might have made a copy." He admits, his eyes following you as you moved.

"What do you want John?" You snap, your eyes glowing slightly at your annoyance, glaring at him. "Why am I here?"

"I...is it too much to say that I missed you, darling?" He answered coyly, though you knew that tone. That tone where he was avoiding the real answer with half truths.

You stood up, towering over him even from several feet away, making him swallow, your hair glowing the same color as your eyes, like flames licking your skin, "John Rupert Quinton Constantine, Hellblazer, The Laughing Magician, The Constant One, The Cunning Man, answer me, why have you called me here?"

He caves under your glare, a pathetic whine slipping from his throat as he is forced to his knees under the weight of his true name, looking up at you wide eyed, "I..." He squirms, trying to wriggle out of the thrall True Naming has, but even he isn't strong enough for that, "I missed you. I missed your touch. I missed your body. I missed you fucking me. I missed the way you leave me aching for days. I missed-"

"Enough." His mouth snaps shut with another pathetic whine, his gaze fixed on you as you drop back into your seat. Tilting your head, you could practically see the tension in his body, stress coiled tightly throughout him, untouched and practically bursting at the seams. "What's wrong puppy, feeling a little high strung?"

He practically shudders as the word washes over him, the thrall lifting, but doing nothing against keeping him under your spell, "I... Please Eris."

"Please, what, puppy?" You purr, crossing your legs as you leaned back in the chair, a glass of something alcoholic, floating over to your hand when you lift a finger. When he leans forward, like he's going to stand up, you snap and the rug is literally pulled out from under his feet, causing him to crash to his knees once more, "Stay. Dogs don't stand on two feet."

A shiver rolls down his spine, a faint flush dusting over his face, "Please, Eris? I...I was wrong." A faint feeling of surprise washes over you at his words, tilting your head, he continues under the weight of your gaze. "I was wrong, I do need you. I do...I...I ran because I was scared of what of what you made me feel...and I lied. I said it was just because of your powers, but they don't work on me unless I want them too, and I knew that, and I lied."

You had to stifle a sound of amusement, watching him practically fall over himself. Just a few words from you and he was fumbling over himself to answer you. The sight eased your disdain for him slightly. Unfortunately for you, Constantine had always been a weakness to you. Maybe it was something about his pathetic face, or the way he begged so prettily when you broke through his walls that drew you in, but you didn't know for certain.

"Please Eris. Please, I miss you. I...I need you. I...nothing... nothing is the same without you. I can't..." He stumbled over his words, looking up at you like a puppy begging for affection.

"Can't what?" You teased, taking a sip of your drink, eyes locked on him, "Can't relax? Can't feel the same ache? Can't cum without me? Is that it, puppy? Have the other wretches you seek pleasure from not satisfied you?"

His face erupts in a beautiful shade of red, and you know you've hit the nail on the head, practically able to taste his embarrassment and humiliation in the air.

"That's it, isn't it? Poor bitch is frustrated and came crawling back for me to fix it, like a desperate little slut." A smug and hungry look flickers over your face as you smirk down at him, watching him practically tremble beneath your words. "Hmm... now that's an idea. Maybe you should show me, just how much you missed me. How badly you want me to fix it."

A choked sound leaves him, and you can practically see the wheels turning in his head, deciphering what you mean. Glancing down at his hands, he nods shakily, slowly but surely crawling towards you. His beautiful flush spreading over his ears and down his neck with every step.

Flicking a finger towards him, you watch with heated gaze as he shudders, the infamous trench coat practically ripped off of him, settling on the couch behind (you wanted him naked, not angry with you, so you restrained yourself), leaving him in his button down and slacks. He let out a small sound, barely audible, when the coat went flying, his chest heaving with the heaviness of his breaths.

He grew closer, close enough that you could touch him if you wanted to by stretching out your leg, looking up at you wide-eyed, and you could taste his arousal, "Fuck, you're just a messy bitch, aren't you? The only thing that goes through your head is sex, isn't it?"

"Please, Eris? Please, I need you." He whines, stopping beneath your chair, looking up at you with pleading eyes.

A smirk stretched out over your face, leaning down to trail your claws nails down his jaw and throat, feeling him tremble beneath your touch, "But, I'm right here?" You mock teasingly. You were going to make him work for it after the way he had left you, and you intended to have him begging, pleading, and a right mess beneath you when you were done. "Uh-uh, don't touch."

His hands immediately stilled, hovering barely a few centimeters above your legs, his eyes immediately snapping up, and you had to fight the hunger that crawled up your throat seeing that "hand in the cookie jar" face, and the way that he corrected himself with just the slightest guidance.

"Good boy, now, was there something you wanted to ask for?" You question tauntingly, trailing one of your nails along his jaw as you pulled back, relaxing into the chair once more.

He pulled his hands back, resting them in his lap, swallowing thickly as he leaned into the way your nails trailed his jaw, "I...I need you to...to touch me, please?"

"I am touching you, puppy." You murmur quietly, watching his eyes flutter as your nails scratched near his eyes, giving him an almost dreamy laden look.

He whines, all but nuzzling into your hand, disregarding the way you forced your fingers wide to avoid stabbing his eye out, "You know what I mean. Please Eris? I need you to touch me."

Running your tongue over your teeth, you ignored the way your fangs had lengthened slightly at the scent of his arousal, "Do you think you deserve my touch? After the way you treated me?"

His jaw trembles, and you wonder for a moment if he was going to start crying, before he shook his head, lowering his gaze, "N-no... I'm sorry, Eris, I am. Please believe me? I'm sorry, I won't do it again."

Your thumb comes up, tugging on his bottom lip slightly, as you watched his eyes become glossy, and this overwhelming need to see him sob washed over you, "I don't believe you. So I expect you to prove it. Can you do that puppy? Can you prove you won't lie to me again?"

He nodded vehemently, his lips parting as you tug, "I will. I will. I'll prove it everyday. As many times as you want. I won't do it again."

You knew he wouldn't. He was a compulsive liar, and nothing was going to stop him from lying to you again. It might take a few days, maybe even a few weeks if he was lucky, before he lied again, and you would be right back here. But fuck if he wasn't so pathetically gorgeous on his knees, tears in his eyes, begging you to do anything you wanted to him.

"You are lucky I am hungry." It was a half truth. You were starving, that part was true. But John's pretty tears were your weakness, and you would have caved even if you weren't starving.

He nodded gratefully, letting out a whimper when you grabbed him by the tie, dragging him into your lap, smashing your lips together. Nails tearing through the fabric of his shirt, leaving it in tatters as it fell to the floor. His belt undoing itself with a loud *snap* of the leather that had him trembling beneath his hands.

"Now, be a good boy and feed me." You whisper against his lips, eyes flashing pink for a moment, watching little pink rings settle around his iris as he all but vanished his slacks and shoes. His hips rutting against you immediately, straddling your abdomen and clutching your shoulders for stability.

A shudder ran through you as you inhaled, practically drunk on his arousal, causing your form to ripple. When you were starving, as you were, your form tended to look to human. It was a defense and hunting mechanism that made you "more appealing" to the human eye. But as you feasted on people's lust, the more "monstrous" and demonic your form became. Your claws and fangs already at the surface, becoming sharper, to needle like points.

The noises he made were sinful. John had always been a noisy lover, especially with you, especially when he allowed your magic to settle over him and set his blood ablaze with desire. A near pornographic moan ripping through him when your tail wrapped around his waist like a leash, the arrow-headed tip toying with his happy trail, just barely above the waistband of his boxers.

Inhaling again, you let out a groan, head tipping back as your fingers dug into his thighs, carefully avoiding any major arteries as the needle like claws sank into his skin, making him keen and his hips jolt. His head dropping against your shoulder, clutching you tightly, like he was afraid you'd disappear right out from underneath him, as his hips sped up. Shifting his weight the best he could under your grasp, whimpers leaving his lips as the new angle provided more pressure against his cock, adding to the friction caused by his rutting hips.

"Eris, Eris, Eris," He babbled against your skin, both of your eyes flashing bright pink when he came with a shout, though his hips didn't stop. If anything, they sped up again. John, never the one to be satisfied with just one orgasm, kept rutting and grinding. The steadily growing wet spot in his boxers clinging to his skin in just the right way to cause a weak sting with every pull of his hips that had him seeing stars.

"Come on puppy, show me what you've got." You growled, form rippling again as you buried your nose in the side of his neck, inhaling deep, your horns flickering into existence.

Gods, you were drowning in his scent as it saturated through the room, clinging to the walls and furniture. His noises echoing in your ear, growing more needy and whinier the faster he rutted against your abdomen. His fingers digging into your shoulders, clutching you tighter as he shook his head, eyes squeezed shut as he fought the way his hips twitched, forcing himself to keep rutting.

"Eris, E-Eris p-please. Please, please, please..." He didn't know what he was begging for. Maybe for you to touch him, for you to take control, for you to fuck him, he didn't know. But he knew he couldn't think of anything but your name. Mind empty and thoughts gone, leaving only your name blinking in flashing lights in the empty of his mind.

Growling once more, your fingers dug deeper into his skin, causing he to cry out as the needle-like nails dug further into his thighs. His head tipping back as your fangs sank into his neck, a scream ripping from his lungs as he came a second time. The sting in his neck disappearing seconds after it appeared, your venom taking care of it, filling him with overwhelming heat and pleasure that only soothed when and where you touched him.

"That's it puppy. I'll make an honest man of you yet. I'll just have to train you a little." You murmur, licking the bleeding wound once before biting down again, his hips starting up shakily once more.

[glimmerfics]

Ticket to Midnight | John Constantine x Reader

🖊️ by @lywinis 🏷️ NSFW Choose-Your-Own-Adventure CW: explicit themes, violence, stalking: predator/prey, haunting

Every time the clock strikes midnight on The Holiday Spirit Express, you wake up back in your seat. This New Year’s, Constantine thinks he’s finally found a way to break the spell—but it’s going to cost someone more than a ticket.

🔗 READ/PLAY HERE 📖 Episode 1 of 8 ❄️ A Winter Tales submission! (˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶)

[myveryownfanfiction]

18+ MINORS AND THOSE WITHOUT AGE IN BIO DNI

tags: @illiana-mystery, @iobsessoverfictionalmen

warnings: swearing, smut, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it kids), threesome, demon Dean

I crossed my arms as I looked at Dean tied to the chair. He smirked back at me and I turned away.

"You know that isn't gonna hold him." I said to Sam as I walked out of the room. "He's going to get free. And he's going to come after you." I pointed at him as Sam nodded.

"I know. That's why Cas is here." Sam said. Cas had been holed up in the war room looking over books for something to free Dean from the demon Crowley put in him.

"And you think Cas is going to be able to hurt Dean?" I asked, raising my eyebrows at him. "I don't think so. Dean is going to come for you and there is nothing anyone is going to be able to do to help you."

"Well then what do you suggest?" Sam asked, throwing his hands up. I sighed and pulled out my phone.

"I know a guy." I said, already dialing the number. "He's a little brash but honestly, he's exactly what I need. We're going to have to clear the bunker though. He doesn't trust Crowley and he will not take kindly to Cas being here." Sam nodded as the man in question picked up. "John! Hey."

"What do I owe the honor of hearing your pretty voice luv?" John asked, clearly having just wrapped up an exorcism. "Getting tired of working with those brothers? You know you never were able to replicate the times you had with me. Said they were the best you ever had." I chuckled and shook my head as Sam watched me.

"I never said that. You did." I teased. "I'll cut to the chase John. I got a problem. With a demon. That won't...vacate." John sighed.

"Dean Winchester. Yeah Crowley told me what he did." John said. I heard the click of a lighter and ran a hand down my face.

"What were you doing talking to that fucker?" I asked. John was quiet while he took a drag.

"He came to find me. Something about what he could do to remove the mark of Cain." I swore under my breath and John sighed. "Yeah. I told him he couldn't do it. But apparently he did anyway."

"Yeah and now we're trapped in the bunker with him. I told Sam he would get out..." I leaned against the wall and looked down the hall at the door Dean was locked behind.

"But the big lug wouldn't listen." John finished. "Figures." He huffed and the flap of his trench coat fluttered through the phone. “I’ll be right there luv. We’ll get this sorted. Just make sure the angel and Sam are gone by the time I get there.”

“That I can do.” I laughed. “Be seeing you John.” The line went dead and I gave Sam a look. “Get out. You and cas. Demonologists orders.” I smiled at him as he stared at me.

“but dean…” he started.

“is going to be taken care of. We need to leave Sam.” Cas said, appearing by my side. I smirked at Sam as cas grabbed his arm and practically dragged him out of the bunker. As the door to the bunker slammed shut, a spark appeared next to me. It opened and John stepped through.

“they’re gone.” I said as I turned towards him. John kissed my cheek in greeting. “Just left. What do we need to do?”

“let’s go see him.” John shrugged off his coat and tossed it into my room. “And we’re probably going to visit that once we’re done.” He jabbed a finger over his shoulder as he realized what the room was.

“we’ll see.” I laughed.

“well we never did discuss the payment for this little endeavor.” John teased, leaning towards me.

“if you can pull it off.” I shot back. “Cas couldn’t find anything in any of the literature to suggest that we could even…” John smirked at me. “What? What do you know that a literal angel couldn’t find?”

“he’s not a demon possessing a body luv.” He said. I paused outside the door and stared at John. “He turned dean into a knight of hell. No different from Crowley. Not a demon. Not a human. Something in between.” I stared at him in shock. “You can’t exorcise what isn’t there.” John winked at me before pushing the door open. “Dean Winchester. Never had the pleasure. Heard good things of course.” John jerked his head towards me as I walked in, locking the door behind us.

“John Constantine. Demonologist, exorcist and master of the dark arts." Dean said. John's mouth twitched.

"They still calling me that down there?" John asked, shoving his hands in his pockets. Dean smirked and pretended to think for a minute while I leaned against the wall.

"Just Crowley." Dean said, finally looking at John. The two men started a staring contest and I pushed off the wall.

"We doing this or not?" I asked. John's eyes flickered over to me. Dean took his time looking me over.

"Yeah. We're doing this." John grumbled. He took off his trench coat and tossed it on the table in the corner.

“oh good. I thought I’d have to endure more of that.” Dean muttered as he snapped his restraints.

“crap.” I hissed as I backed towards the door. John started muttering in Latin as dean made a bee line for me. “A little help here John!” I called as dean grabbed my throat. John's eyes rolled back and I screamed. "NO!"

"Relax sweetheart." Dean chuckled. "He's just trying to get rid of me." I gripped his wrist as he tightened his grip on my throat. "It isn't going to work Johnny boy. Better stop before I do something we both regret." John paused, eyes meeting mine as I looked between the two men. "Good boy." John bristled slightly at the praise.

"So what now?" John asked, slowly making his way to the wall Dean had me pinned against. His eyes flicked down to my hand that was pressed against the wall. I flexed my fingers and John nodded. "You kill them. Then me. Then what? You can't die. The mark won't let you. Crowley keeps you on a short leash. So what can you really do?" I felt the cold handle of a knife against my palm and curled my fingers around it. John's shoulders sagged in relief as he watched.

"Easy. Get out. Kill the angel and demon. Play with the brother a little. Then take over Hell." Dean turned his head slightly to look at John over his shoulder. I moved my hand from Dean's wrist to his chest, slipping my foot between his. With a sharp shove, I managed to spin us around while putting the knife to Dean's neck. He chuckled darkly as his hand dropped from my throat. "Well well well." He smirked at me as his hands came to rest on my hips. "Go ahead. Do it." His eyes darkened as he watched me.

"Do it (Y/N)." John urged. "Buy us time." I stared Dean down, lips curling into a snarl as he smirked at me. My nose twitched as I watched him. "What are you waiting for?" John practically yelled.

"No." I said, backing away slightly. "It's what he wants." I tilted my head at Dean, smirking when he realized he was once again trapped against the wall. A small sigil was holding his hand to the wall. I turned back to John and tightened my grip on the knife. "What do we do? You can't exorcise him. Whatever you were trying to do before didn't work. We can't kill him because it'll just free him. Now what?" John looked over at Dean and chewed on his lip.

"Well..." John fidgeted in place. "He's basically feral right?" I nodded. "What if we got that energy out another way?"

"What? Like fuck it out of him?" I asked. "John I don't think he's gonna let you top him." John blushed and gently shoved me.

"They're right you know." Dean called out from his place on the wall. "Besides you're not really my type. Sorry handsome." John turned a deeper shade of red as he turned back to me, pulling me a little further away from Dean.

"No. But..." John played with his tie as he looked me over. "There is a chance that he'll fuck you. You said Dean was a womanizer right? We get him worked up enough and there is a chance he'll play into our little game."

"You just want an excuse to fuck me with him watching." I teased John. He rolled his eyes at me.

"This isn't some voyeurism kink (Y/N). This is trying to literally suck the demon out of Dean." John explained. "But if he is any inch the macho asshole you described, he's not going to let you just do it."

"Play into his ego." I said, shooting him a glance as he smirked at me. "Make him think that I don't give a shit about him. That someone else is better and he has to prove his worth." John nodded, pointing at me.

"Bingo." John confirmed. I put a hand on his chest and gulped.

"But wouldn't that mean the demon will possess me?" I asked, worry clear on my face. John curled his hand over mine and squeezed.

"Yeah." He confirmed. My eyes darted over his face. "I'll get it out though. It won't be the same demon. Right now its emboldened by the mark. With you, it'll be a run of the mill demon. Easy exorcism."

"John..." I whispered, moving closer to him. John wrapped his arms around me. "I'm scared."

"I know luv." He whispered as he rubbed my back. "I am too. But we've got this. Yeah?"

"Yeah." I nodded. "Let's do this. Scared or not." John pulled back with a tight smile. He cupped my cheek before looking around.

"Sorry luv but the table is really our only option here. And I am too. Don't think you'd wanna call back the angel and brother just to do the trick."

"Its fine." I shrugged. "And you're right. I'd much rather it be you than anyone else." John smiled softly at me. He stepped forward and cupped my cheeks. "I trust you."

"A terrible idea really." John chuckled, kissing me with a smirk. I hummed as I reached up to wrap my hand around his tie. John chuckled as he pulled away, hands falling to my hips. "Hmm...minx." I laughed as John gently pulled me back towards the table as I pulled him back into another kiss.

"Says you." I whispered against his lips. Dean had gone suspiciously quiet in the corner. "You know you're going to have to wipe that little sigil away right?" John nodded as he spun us around and pinned me against the table. He kissed me deeply, slowly bending me backwards until I was laying down. He gently helped me get situated as my hands made quick work of ridding him of his tie.

"When he's ready to join, I'll do it." John confirmed. His hands slipped under my shirt and pushed it up slightly. I went to work on the buttons on John's shirt as he started to kiss along my neck. I stifled a moan as he sucked on my skin. "Oh now don't do that luv. You know how hard it makes me when I can hear you." My breathy chuckle turned into a moan when John gently bit down on my shoulder. "Oh there we are." I pushed John's shirt off as he changed paths and worked on my pants. Sitting up, I looked over my shoulder at Dean before peeling my shirt off. John's eyes widened slightly as I tossed my shirt in the corner. He licked his lips as I giggled.

"Nothing you haven't seen before Johnny." I teased as he crawled his way over me, having let my pants drop to the floor. My hands slipped to his belt buckle as his hips bucked. "Easy big boy." I warned as I slipped my hand into John's boxers as he worked to ride himself of his trousers. He moaned as his eyes fluttered closed, hips bucking with each pass of my hand over his cock.

"(Y/N), quit teasing." John said, trying to sound forceful but just sounding blissed out.

"Its called foreplay John." I teased as I let go of him to push his boxers off. "Maybe you should learn how to do it sometime." John scoffed as he pumped himself a few times.

"Ready luv?" He asked. I nodded, shooting Dean one last look before focusing on John. "Not too long now." John whispered as he eased into me. I moaned as I wrapped my arms around his neck. My nails dug into his back as John bottomed out. "Fuck. Never gonna get used to that. You taking me so well."

"Me neither." I whimpered as John kissed my cheek. Dean groaned in the background as John started thrusting into me slowly. He kissed my neck as I moaned at the stretch. "Fuck John." I moaned as he set a pace. John smiled against my neck and I felt his hand move at my side.

"He's on his way over." John whispered as he lifted his head.

"Such a naughty show for such a pristine hunter." Dean mused as he unzipped his pants, belt discarded on the way over. "Didn't know you had it in you." I stared up at him. He had his hand down his pants and was stroking himself as he looked me over. "You on the other hand...Crowley has stories." Dean nodded at John who winked at him.

"Sounds like I give you a run for your money." He teased, watching as Dean pulled himself out and lined himself up with my mouth. I tilted my head back further after a nod from John. Dean slid into my mouth and I immediately started running my tongue along his length. Dean moaned as John raised an eyebrow, smirking at the bigger man. I hollowed my cheeks and sucked, making Dean almost sag against the table my head was almost hanging off of. John chuckled. "But seems like they have us both beat."

"Oh fuck me." Dean moaned. John laughed as I continued to suck on Dean's cock. "Did you know how good they are at this?"

"Of course I do." John teased, watching as my face contorted as he angled his hips. "I would have thought you would have already known." I moaned around Dean's length as John brought me to my orgasm. He kept thrusting, chasing his climax. Dean gripped the table as his knees buckled. John ran a hand down my side as he came with a grunt. My eyes flicked down to his and he nodded, placing a hand on my chest as I continued to blow Dean.

"Oh shit." Dean moaned as he finally collapsed against the table, cumming in my mouth. He pulled out and fell to his knees. I groaned as I swallowed, gripping John's arm as I felt the demon take over. My eyes rolled back as I went slack.

"Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus, omnis satanica potestas, omnis incursio infernalis adversarii, omnis legio, omnis congregatio et secta diabolica. Ergo, omnis legio diabolica, adiuramus te." John started, pressing against my chest as he hurried to get the demon out of me as quickly as possible. With his other hand, he made the sign of the cross and started repeating the exorcism as I started to shake.

"You have..." Dean looked up at John. "Prayer...We need..."

"I'm not letting no bloody angel touch them!" John roared. "Its your fault they're in this mess. They called me in to protect them and your sorry ass. I am going to protect them." His eyes rolled back as he changed tactics. With a gasp, my head fell back and a black cloud came out of my mouth. I panted as I turned my head against the cold table.

"John..." I murmured. John let his head fall to my chest as he sighed with relief. "Its over isn't it?" John lifted his head to look at me, eyes shining as he slowly pulled out and stood up. He offered me his hand to help me off the table.

"Its over." He confirmed, grabbing my clothes and helping me dress before doing the same. He kept a hand on me to keep me steady, shooting a glance at Dean still kneeling on the floor. "He's still got the mark but the demon is gone." I turned to look at Dean, moving around the table to run my fingers through his hair. Dean moved to rest his head against my leg as I did. John looked on wearily, draping his tie around his neck but not tying it.

"I'm sorry." Dean whispered, hugging my leg. I scratched his scalp and sighed.

"I know." I whispered back. "I'll get Sam and Cas back here. They'll keep an eye on you. We've got some unfinished business." I jerked my head back over to John. "Be thankful I could get in touch with him before things got much worse." Dean nodded, looking over at John with shining eyes.

"Consider it on your tab." John said, reaching for my hand. I took it and let him pull me away. "I will come collect one day."

"Come on John." I said as I led him out of the room. We went down the hall to my room. He sat on my bed as I called Sam to let him know it was done. They were about an hour from the bunker and would be back as soon as possible. Cas had somehow found out about a job while they were out. I rolled my eyes as I hung up. "They'll be back soon. On a hunt." John nodded and held his arm out. I climbed onto the bed next to him and let him pull me close. He kissed my temple as I wrapped an arm around his stomach. "I've over."

"Yeah." He murmured. "And you're safe." I nodded as I leaned my head against his. "It wouldn't budge for a moment. He wanted..."

"I know." I said. "You were fast enough. It didn't really take hold." I reached up and cupped his cheek. "You did it John Constantine." He closed his eyes as he leaned into my touch.

"Yeah." He whispered. I gently kissed him and tugged him down so we were laying on the bed. I reached down and grabbed the blanket, pulling it over us. "I'm just glad you're safe." I smiled softly at him.

"Me too."

[naoa-ao3]

I spent my day off working on some new Hellblazer fic! I've got a few ideas cooking so whichever I finish first will probably be posted at the end of this month or beginning of April! I've had several months with zero motivation to write or edit but I've been going through all of The Kinks albums and it's given me some new motivation and inspiration. So I'll say thank you to Ray Davies for getting me back in the saddle lol.

[jayjohnshenanigans]

A Bite of Magic by Veni_Vidi_Amavi

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

[hbosscreations]

Hellblazer #1 Tired

"My name is Noah Ikumelo. Bad things happen to me. A lot. Case in point, I’m currently waiting to be murdered in what I can only assume is some kind of dramatic irony." Noah is apprenticeship to John Constantine is far more dangerous than he'd initially expected, and he struggles with the man's selfishness as he makes it his mission to save a kidnapped little girl. An AU Hellblazer story written in comic script format entirely for the love of the game.

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

[copperplatebeech]

Three Fics Tag Game

@totallysilvergirl tagged me in this: name your most popular fic and two “hidden gems” that haven’t circulated as much.

Most Popular: by hits and subscriptions, it’s hands down this one: 

Lift Me Up, O Lord (rated E, 37K words)  lived for a long time in my slush document as the first two scenes and a few sketches for an AU that embodied my love of strength training (Aziraphale) and roadwork (Crowley). I wasn’t sure exactly how they’d get together or what their human-AU stories were, so I just let it simmer there on my hard drive until they told me that Crowley was bisexual, had moderately pronounced ADHD (like many of the runners in my bodywork practice), was still stinging from a failed marriage and had cultivated a cantankerous demeanor that discouraged further relationships. Aziraphale turned out to be Polish-British, gregarious, and unexpectedly literary for a man whose life is invested in lifting heavy things (author admits to being that person, kinda). There’s a charity bike race, an Arrangement that turns into a bromance that... well, you know where this goes. Dame Marjorie Potts as the titled board member of a sports charity, Young Shadwell as a bad-boy football star, Pollution as a Channel swimmer, Gabriel as... well, an asshole.

Crowley hated gyms. They reminded him of secondary school, where dressing out was always a prelude to being bashed on the playing field (once, in a post-race newsclip that had flown around the Internet for five seconds or so, he’d said that was when he learned to run fast). They all smelled like a barrel-aged jockstrap and, as if it weren’t bad enough to be in the presence of dozens of people you’d prefer not to meet, were lined with mirrors that reflected them all back at you. 

I’m going to cheat a little on the 3-fic rubric here because by kudos, a niche fic from my first year on AO3 has consistently remained at the top of the heap almost since it was posted, and I’ve never been sure why. Funny Old World is a short (under 2000 words), T-rated narrative of an awkward encounter between Aziraphale and John Constantine, the working-class demonologist who appears in several DC Vertigo Comics including Sandman, and was gender-swapped in the TV series. It’s curious.

Hidden Gems:

There’s no shipping or romance in Don’t Run (rated G, ~4500 words), a parallel story of what Aziraphale and Crowley did on the Sunday after the Crucifixion -- encountering Mary and Judas, respectively. Serious cold-open Flood/Golgotha energy. 

"We’re all supposed to just do our jobs, they never give you a reason, never say well done, here’s why we asked you. He gave you a job. You did it. It hurt. Welcome to the Great Ineffable Bloody Plan. Don’t run now. That’s what cowards do.”

Our Man Crowley (rated G, ~6000 words) is another crossover, this time with Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, in which Crowley’s canon journey through the London telephone system runs into a trans-temporal computer glitch and lands him on the space station in the middle of a holosuite malfunction. Crowley and Julian both get to play James Bond games, the holosuite program seems determined to produce an actual Armageddon of sorts, and all the characters in the immersive drama look strangely familiar. The comments spawned a multichapter sequel, which was an absolute rip to write.

“In a very few minuteszzz,” said Dr. Musca, “my master computer will initiate the sequence that launches a nuclear Apocalypse. Silos around the world are already under its control. Meet my most beloved brain-child, the world’s first self-aware computer –  ADAM, Assured Destruction of All Mortality. Say Hello, ADAM.”

“Hello,” echoed a tinny voice with an oddly childlike timbre, coming from all directions at once.

Tagging @twilightcitysky, @hasturswig, @feraltuxedo​ and @breadcrumbsandstars !