Happy pride month to the heathens, the maenads, the men with fingers suited to a lyre, the women who find themselves carrying Sapphoās legacy, the children of Bacchus who need no definition, the androgynous & the Achillian, the followers of Hermaphroditus. May you breathe easily.
but i do want to reconnect with Hestia. everything that i do in devotion to Her never ended but the intention definitely did. itās more like iāve been going through the motions of a habit rather than intentionally dedicating what iām doing to her.
iām not articulating this well let me explain.
Hestia being of the hearth. historically this would have been the heart of the home the life blood of the family the fire providing nourishment and warmth and light. this is not a common fixture now so in my interpretation, which may not be yours, devotion is not the upkeep of the flame but of the concept of providing for the home and for family.
when we moved i chose my path. iām a 24/7 carer and a house spouse. i make sure my family has a clean, warm, comfortable home and, i provide care around the clock. i chose this path as a devotion to Hestia. iāve always been a nurturing person and i felt a strong connection with Her.
then life happened. i started online school full time on top of everything i do, because realistically my life will have to change when my care obligations ends. and my health took itself on its own rollercoaster. and while i never stopped the tasks that had been devotion my head wasnāt in the game. it wasnāt purposeful anymore it was habitual. and i donāt want that.
so iām going to try to restructure my routines to give myself the breathing room to be intentional.
i have a new set of tarot cards on the way in hopes i can open a dialogue with Her.
Every day Iām like āI want to preach. I want to stand in the town square & recount the glory of Apollo. I want to write holy poetry, I want to offer comfort, I want to care for a temple.ā & Iām reminded thatā¦I simply cannot. That brings me great sorrow.
I suppose this is my little altar I offer to the gods. This collection of pixels. I do not have gold or marble or an oracle. Iām sorry.