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hmmm. i'm constantly nauseous lately and i started getting dizzy today. i also will have to drink tomorrow because it's my friend's birthday but it feels like i actually might die from it

#or at least blackout and possibly ruin the day and hit my head on something hard #hhhhmmmm

i was about to write, "sorry for not posting much lately" [implicit completion: i have a life]. but it's not really the message i am trying to convey: i feel some kind of way about not posting more, feeling more nostalgic than sorry for anyone, either whoever reads my posts or myself. and that's because posting on tumblr, whether it's shitposts or longer, more detailed diary-like entries, is something that i've grown accustomed to and fond of in all these years i've spent on the site: sharing in comfortable anonimity and relative facelessness is truly a pillar of this site and one of the things that i think keeps people coming back lastingly. maybe this is a love letter (post?) to posting. i've resorted to posting to vent out my feelings or just write something funny throughout my adolescence, honing my grasp on the english language, and carried the habit through early adulthood, and now i'm here, just past the threshold of my mid-twenties. sitting down at my pc and taking a moment to write down a post like i've done countless times. without the ever-expanding anguish pit in my stomach requiring sacrifices. i still have to ponder whether i am losing a part of myself, or just evolving my relationship with it, and whether it's a matter of grief, acceptance or change. maybe it's everything and maybe it's nothing.

#hhhhmmmm #posting #hello mutuals #all of this over not being chronically online? maybs.