#hitting bottom

[splinterswerve]

[momentsbeforemass]

It couldn’t hurt more

A Moment Before the 5th Sunday in Lent

We all have things that we never want to think of again.

Whether it’s something that happened to us, or something we did. There are somethings in life that hurt just to think about now. Because they hurt us so much at the time.

If we’re honest with ourselves, too often those things are self-inflicted.

Maybe we didn’t realize it at the time. Or didn’t want to realize it at the time. But all too often, the choices we made set things in motion.

But it’s that awful moment of clarity, when we admit the truth to ourselves. That we have met the enemy, and he is us. That’s what makes it hurt the most.

That moment. When you hit bottom. When it couldn’t hurt more.

That’s the moment we see in Sunday’s Gospel, for the woman caught in the act of adultery.

That’s the moment she never wants to think of again.

Made even worse. By being turned into a public spectacle. It’s the 1st century version of having her worst moment go viral on YouTube.

And it’s at exactly that moment that Jesus shows up.

The way that He always shows up. When things couldn’t get any worse.

When everyone else is too busy enjoying watching you burn. Or bolstering their own fragile egos by blaming. Jesus is running into your fire.

That is the true nature of God’s love.

God meets you where you are. God loves you too much to leave you there.

Sunday’s Readings

[fbismostunwanted1158]

Why am I happier locked in my imagination than existing in the real world?

[writtenatthebarr]

James immediately recognized the silhouette of the figure that stood in the doorway and he started to cry. He’d cowered at Desperation’s feet before. It was what seemed like countless millennia and infinite lifetimes ago, yet the despair that burned in his heart was a reflex he’d never grown accustomed to. He was a boy again and eyes that hadn’t cried in centuries started to well up. 

He need not see the face of the darkness in the doorway to know that it was smiling. The shadow’s grin bore teeth and James’ hands started to shake.

“Hello, old friend,” a delighted voice bellowed. The sound resonated and echoed in James’ head, unspoken from the shadow, its grin never breaking. 

“How did you find me?” A tear landed on James’ hand and cleaned a trail down to the wrist through six layers of grime. 

“Easy,” the Grin replied, “I just dug until I hit bottom...” He straightened, walked a few paces forward, and knelt down by his old acquaintance. Oblivion’s presence radiated darkness, and he smelled of ancient battery acid. “...and here you are.” 

He grabbed James’ chin and stared through him with those black eyes. James did all he could to look away, but it was too late. The bottom. 

[ehzracer]

Weekends At the Winward

Are you like I was a card-carrying member of the Freedom Loving Society. Anything goes was our motto and we tested its limits daily for years in every imaginable way. We often came out looking and feeling like fools but that was just fine. The price for being free. And one benefit was no one was offended.

So, you enjoy going to the 2 AM show at the Winward Lounge because after the show the drag queens fight each other, whipping each other silly with wire-hangers because one of them always ruined the other's wig or scarf? No problem. The little faggots were amazing. Better than a prize fight at the Miami Jai Alai. No one was offended you enjoyed watching drag queens tear into each other and no was taken. You paid to get in and see the show as EL&P once sang.

You really went because it was a sure thing you'd get tail that night in more ways than you imagined and as many little Brazilian or French or little Southern Bell local Barbizon Agency High Fashion Model debutants as you could put on a queen size bed at the same time in a room at the Castaways or the Waikiki or the Shelbourne or the DiLido. They were all signed and expecting to be in Paris, France for Fashion Week by the end of the week (though most of them ended up somewhere else) and they had nothing better to do anyway and they too enjoyed the bloodlust. Yay! Freedom! But along the way freedom became bondage. And it turns our the old saying that you got to serve somebody is true. So you searched to find who was the better Master since you certainly were no Master at all… Enter Jesus.

In Jesus we have a real Master who understands our weaknesses and sympathizes with our flaws and wants to show us a better way that will not ultimately demand our demise but that will in fact lead to our aggrandizement and exaltation if we only come to terms with the fact that we are dust and humble ourselves before His mercy seat and ask Him to change us and forgive us we follow Him. If we allow ourselves this epiphany and metamorphosis out of love for a Benevolent Master such as Christ who does not judge us for our depraved and reprobate failures in life He will give us eternal life in immortal bliss as Heirs to His Kingdom of Love and Light where we will delight in the abundance of goodness and peace and not have to be concerned about those weekends at the Winward coming back to haunt us anymore. Now you might say, "Well surely there are other ways to achieve a life of abundant goodness and peace." The answer to that is not if you want it forever and as God intended when He created our kind. Look to Jesus. Only He can exalt you and fulfill you with exceeding riches you never even dreamed of or knew you wanted and could have.

Hard to believe? Give yourself a break and close your eyes, bow your head and ask Jesus to give you the faith to believe from the bottom of your heart. He likes that. He wants you to get real with Him. No one has to know you asked Him unless He gives you what you asked for.

[telling-it-square]

I’m a poet writing flash memoir to tell a big story in small bits. You can read these in any order. My goal is to reframe and transform my experience. My anonymity is my freedom.

[alexandria1448]

End of the road

“Some looked at him as they passed, at the man sitting quietly behind the wheel of a small car, with his invisible life ravelled out about him like a wornout sock, and went on.”

From The Sound and the Fury, by William Faulkner (1929).

[lif3as1t1s]

I need a new start. A new perspective. I have been drowning in misery for, I can’t even remember how long it has been anymore, but one thing is for sure I need to let myself hit the floor of this ocean so I can push my way back up to the surface. So I can begin to swim again. I don’t know how much longer it will take to sink but I feel myself so close to the bottom. I just need to touch.