Dear Sebastian
Masterlist
Pairing: Modern!Sebastian Sallow x f!reader
Word count: 8k
Warnings: NSFW, MDNI, characters are 18+, explicit sexual content, military, breakups, alcohol, fingering, unprotected sex, cockwarming
A/N: Hello! My military knowledge is US based so that’s where this leans! I know I always say this but this is up there for one of my favorite things I’ve ever written (no one can replace you farmhand Seb)
Also huge thank you to @authorellasallow and @moonlitmuggle for helping me figure stuff out with this :)
Summary: At eighteen, love wasn’t enough to keep you together. At twenty-two, you’re given one last chance to find out if it still can be.
Your days had been looking different lately. Ever since graduating high school, there were no more late nights filled with homework and early mornings walking through the bright lights of your school hallways.
Summer was passing by slowly, which you didn’t mind as you were starting school back up in the fall to study nursing and you weren’t looking forward to those study sessions you heard so much about.
You only had wished it hurried up a little more as your boyfriend of one year was away at tech school for the Air Force and you missed him terribly. You’d never forget the look on Sebastian’s face when he told you his plans of enlisting. No one had ever looked so broken but proud at the same time.
And later on this evening, he was flying back after graduation. He had been through basic training and was coming back after his security forces school. It had been a long three months since he had left—filled with lots of letters and the scarce phone call.
But he was coming back and that’s all that mattered.
You paced your room over and over again, trying to pick out the perfect outfit to see him at the airport. What could possibly be cute enough to wrap up the last few months into a piece of clothing? You weren’t even sure something as such could exist.
You settled on a simple white dress you had worn to your own graduation and curled your hair. After swiping on a pink shade of gloss, you admired your work and kissed your parents goodbye as you headed off to the airport.
His car had been parked in your driveway after you dropped him off. Some nights you’d go out there and sit in the passenger seat and remember him—all the kisses you had shared over the console. It still smelled of him.
This time though, you sat in the driver’s seat as you prepared to pick him up. Every mile the car got closer, more nerves filled your belly. At one point you were sure you’d be sick from the butterflies swarming around at an alarming rate.
As you pulled into the lot, your heart was racing as your palms began sweating against the steering wheel.
About ten minutes from now, you’d be in his arms again and your body would feel anew.
The trip inside of the airport felt longer than it should’ve, but the minutes dragged by as you waited outside his gate. Passengers started pouring out of the long terminal, one by one finding their families or leaving alone.
And then you saw a familiar head of tousled brown hair above the crowd. Even from far away, his freckles were still a stark contrast against his skin, illuminated even more after being under the Texas sun.
A breath hitched in your throat as your feet started running before your mind could decide what to do. Step by step, you weaved between the crowd of people heading into the airport until you saw him standing there with a duffel bag slung over his shoulder.
He was adorned in his service blues—deep blue trousers with the matching jacket. His silver name tag stood out against the navy color, with “Sallow” engraved across the metal.
You stopped for a moment to drink him in. He did the same as he stared you down, not taking his eyes off of you as he placed his bag on the tile floor.
He was too far away to hear but you watched as his mouth formed the words “baby” followed by a breathless smile.
You started running again without stopping this time, not until you were wrapped up in his arms. They surrounded you in the warmest embrace you had felt in a long time, the heat melting the ice wall you had built up ever since he left.
”Sebastian,” you cried into his shoulder.
”Shh, I know, baby, it’s okay,” he cooed into your hair. His hand held your waist tightly against him as the other combed through your hair, cradling your head against him. “I’m here now.”
You shook against him as you sobbed, His hand continued rubbing slow circles against your hips as he held you, with no plans of letting you go.
Your knees gave out beneath you at the sheer intensity of it all and his arms held you as he followed you to the ground. When your legs hit the cool floor, he pulled away to look at you, up close for the first time in months.
His cheeks were strawberry pink and tear stained, his brown eyes glossed over with more tears threatening to escape. He pressed his forehead against yours as he breathed in the same air as you.
“God, I missed you. Your scent,” he said as his lips pressed against yours hastily. “Your lips.”
You pulled him in for another kiss, deeper this time. It was hunger-filled and passionate. The two of you nearly forgot where you were for a moment until he chuckled against your lips.
”I got carried away,” you giggled and sniffled back.
”It’s okay sweetheart, get carried away with me.”
After a few more moments of kneeling with him on the ground, he helped get you back to your feet and walked you out of the airport with his hand woven around yours.
As you stepped into the muggy summer air, he pulled his hat from his pocket and sat it on his head. You knew it was protocol—to wear his hat only outdoors—but he looked too handsome for his own good. Kissing him silly didn’t seem like such a bad idea, no matter where you were.
But you held yourself back and leaned on your tiptoes to give him a quick peck on the cheeks.
”Hey get back here,” he called.
He chased you all the way back to your car until he finally caught up with you and lifted you off the ground.
”No fair! You’re all strong and muscular now,” you squealed as he spun you around.
”Now? What about before?” He teased.
But then he set you down against the door of his car and looked down at you while he tucked a rogue curl behind your ear.
“You look so beautiful,” he whispered.
All that worrying for nothing, of course he was Sebastian and you could’ve shown up in a brown potato sack and hear him say the same thing.
His lips were on yours again as you felt the cool metal behind your back, chilled from the shadows of the parking garage. His hand laced between the strands of your hair as he held you closely against his body as his lips moved on yours.
His lips felt so soft against your own, like two pillows moving against your mouth. He tasted sweet too, of cinnamon gum and cheap airplane coffee. His cologne filled your senses, moving through the quiet breeze of August. You were surrounded by him in every way possible and you felt so at peace.
He was finally home and so were you.
The drive was peaceful. He drove which gave you the perfect opportunity to stare at him the whole way back to your hometown. You hardly noticed as he pulled you into the parking lot of your favorite local restaurant—where you had your first date.
It served Italian and while it wasn’t nearly as good or fancy as places in the city, it was yours. He skipped over to your door and held it open in the slight drizzle, dropping darkening spots on his coat.
The smell of wet pavement filled the air as you stepped out into the evening, illuminated by already-glowing streetlights.
He held your hand the whole way to the front door and even as you were sat.
Neither of you needed menus as many times as you had frequented the place, but you still looked at him over the top of the laminated sheet making eyes at him.
”You know you don’t need that, sweetheart, you’re just going to get the spaghetti,” he quipped.
”You never know, I might switch it up.”
You didn’t, you never did.
Your waitress took your orders and walked away with the menus, leaving the two of you in your own little bubble—tucked in a corner booth.
He looked at you like he had something to say, and he was eager to get it out.
”Okay, Sallow, spill.”
”Am I that obvious?”
”Terribly so,” you laughed.
He laid a hand out on the wooden table, worn with years of use, and you met him in the middle.
His hands weren’t nearly as soft as they used to be either. Though it wasn’t years worth like the table between you, it felt like it. Callouses were driven into his palms from relentless work and they were dried from the heat.
“I’ve been thinking—“
”Oh no,” you teased and you were met with his sweet laughter.
”I know, I know. But really sweetheart, I have. I know it’s quick, and I just got back, but I swear it’s not just because I was gone. Every day, I thought of you, you were what got me through it all, because I knew you were at home waiting for me. And I could never imagine a life where you’re not there on the other side of it all. I-I got my orders. I’m headed to Germany in a week. And I want you to come… as my wife.”
Your heart dropped. Your hearing went out. You loved him, of course you did. A life with him was all you could ever dream of, but you were barely eighteen, you barely lived. You felt the lump form in your throat—a rock you couldn’t swallow.
“Sebastian…” you breathed. Your voice was shaky along with your hand. “I-“
”I know it’s a lot and it’s not ideal, but please baby, will you marry me? We can go to the courthouse tomorrow and—“
”No,” you whispered as you pulled your hand away.
Sebastian’s face contorted in on itself. His chest heaved visibly under his button up.
“I-I can’t, I’m so sorry.”
You slid across the booth as the leather squeaked beneath you.
”Wait!” He called but you were already out the door.
The rain had started to come down harder when you were inside. It began soaking through your dress, dripping water onto the pavement beneath your feet. The door behind you opened with a creak. The rain above you stopped as Sebastian held his jacket over your head.
”Did I do something wrong?” He asked. “Please tell me and I-I’ll fix it I swear it.”
”No Sebastian, you didn’t. I just—“
”Do you not… do you not love me?” He asked as his lip quivered.
”Of course, I do. More than anything.”
”Then why?”
”I-I don’t know…”
”Baby… I asked you to marry me and you said no. I need more than that.”
He was right. You knew he was.
”Sebastian, we-we’re hardly eighteen. I-we haven’t even lived yet and I… I have plans for my life.”
”Without me in them?”
”No, Seb, it’s not like that and you know it.”
”I-I don’t know what to think anymore.”
”I love you, okay? So much it hurts. I ached without you these past few months, but I just can’t uproot my life and move across the ocean. I-I have school coming up, you know how bad I want that.”
”I know,” he replied. “But what did you think would happen when I got back? That I would get to stay here?”
”I don’t know, maybe? I didn’t know you would just up and leave me.”
He scoffed. “Leave you? If you think that’s what is happening then you must not know me very well. I don’t have a choice.”
”You did when you enlisted!” You yelled over the rain, louder than you meant. “You chose that life over me the day you signed your name.”
”I thought it was our life. I thought I was doing what was best for you—best for us!”
”I would never ask you to do that. I don’t want you to leave, why don’t you get that?”
He breathed out a sigh. “Well I have to. And bottom line is if you want to come with me, you have to come as my wife, okay? But if you say no, we’re done here.”
”Sebastian… I-I can’t,” you sobbed.
Tears on his face began running down, mixing with the rain. “So that’s it then? We’re over just like that?”
The way your heart ached you thought it might actually shatter into a thousand pieces. Your hand flew up and you held on tightly to try and hold it together. You could only respond with a small nod, not daring to say the words. Not daring to end everything you had built.
The last year flashed in your mind. From the moment he tugged on your braid in junior math and you turned around to see him grinning, to your first date where he picked you up in his old beater and kissed you on your parents’ porch, to prom where you slow danced under a disco ball, to now: standing in the rain while your world crumbled.
He dropped the coat and pulled you in for a hug, holding you like you might disappear, because he will disappear for who knows how long. You shuddered against him as you choked out a sob. The one person in the world you wanted, the only one who could fix everything, was leaving and you wouldn’t—couldn’t—go with him.
”Promise me you’ll still write me, yeah? I need to know you’re okay,” he said, kissing the top of your wet head.
”I will, I promise I will. You’re my best friend.”
That broke something in him and he began shaking with a cry as he held you. You couldn’t bear to look up at him, so you just huddled against his chest as the rain continued to pour over you, taking everything you had with it.
The drive home was silent as you stared out the window, memories flashing by with each small building. You were soaked to the bone and shivering against his cool leather seats as he pulled in to your driveway.
This was it, the last time you’d see the love of your life. How does one even begin to cope with that feeling? You were numb down to your toes and had cried yourself dry. You turned to look at him one last time, pink nosed and red cheeked. His lips had swollen up from crying too hard, his eyelids were red-rimmed. The sight nearly broke your already torn heart.
”Kiss me one last time?” He asked, without looking at you, scared of what you might say.
”Sebastian…”
”I know, that was stupid of me,” he sniffled and huffed out a laugh.
You leaned over and kissed him anyway, despite how stupid it may have been—despite how hard it wrecked you. It was quick, over before you wanted it to be. It only made you want to kiss him over and over again, but you couldn’t.
”I’m sorry,” you said as you got out of his car, for the last time, and walked up the porch steps.
His car stayed in place until he knew you were safely inside, like always.
After you stepped inside your house, it still took a moment for his car to pull away. As you watched the red taillights become smaller and smaller, you hurt more and more. You sank to the ground inside your mud room and bawled until you woke your mom.
But you didn’t want her comfort, you wanted—needed—his. How could the one person in the world you want be the one person you can’t have?
The next week went by in a blur. You barely spoke to him, except for a few friendly text messages here and there, but it was awkward and tense.
A month went by even slower. But then your first letter from him came, just as he promised.
He spoke of Germany and his job as a security officer, guarding the base day in and day out. He spoke of new foods he got to try and his roommates on base. He seemed happy and that’s all you could ask for.
You had started school, so you told him about that. You told him about a boy in your class who was an even bigger pest than he was, which was saying a lot. You told him how you got a part time job at the library to fill your evenings when you didn’t have class.
Letters were sent back and forth for a while. But the ache never left you. Seeing his scrawly boyish handwriting every couple weeks was starting to get to you. Your wound was too fresh and couldn’t heal as he kept digging in it.
One day, after you received a letter from him, talking about the usual:his job and his friends, you cried yourself to sleep. Normally you’d write back to him right away, but this time took longer. You knew what you had to do, you just couldn’t do it.
Until a few days later, you sat at your desk and with a shaking hand, you put pen to paper.
Dear Sebastian,
I’m sorry.
You crumbled it up and threw it in the trash. You did that several more times until you just let your heart take over.
Dear Sebastian,
I have tried writing this so many times, but no words I can come up with do the right thing. So I just have to come out and say it. Writing to you hurts too much. I miss you more than I ever thought possible and doing this keeps ripping me open. This is the last time I can write to you. I’m sorry. I hope nothing but the best for you.
It sounded so formal, almost too formal for what you were. But if you delved in too much you’d say too much and it needed to be quick—like ripping off a bandaid.
You folded it up and stuck it in an envelope, tasting the bitter glue as you licked the seal. A tear dropped on the paper, crumbling it on contact as you wrote his address on the back.
You never heard from Sebastian again.
Four years later…
It had been a long day in the labor and delivery unit. Your feet were sore from walking around the ward all day, but nothing was more rewarding. It was always a good day when you got to help deliver a baby, but two! That called for a celebration.
”See you at The Beach?” Your coworker asked.
”Obviously,” you replied.
A sex on the beach was calling your name like no other. Nothing could calm your nerves like a good drink.
You finished up charting before clocking out. Your ID badge jingled across your chest as you strolled down the bright white hall. You took a breath of relief as you walked out the double doors and to your car.
It was a short drive home as you had decided to work in your hometown, you actually lived only a few blocks away from your parents now in a place you’ve made home.
You walked in and were greeted by your dog who had been waiting (not so) patiently for your arrival home. You gave him more food and water, pet his fluffy head, and headed towards your room.
Your scrubs were thrown off in haste and tossed into your ever-growing pile of laundry.
”What outfit says ‘I just had an awesome day at work, but I still need a drink after my shift’, Bud?”
Your dog laid on the carpet with a hmph, knowing you were about to leave him again.
”I don’t know either, that’s why I asked you.”
You landed on a white dress, pantyhose, and a denim jacket.
“How do I look?” You asked aloud as you spun in front of your full-length mirror.
Your dog still gave you puppy dog eyes.
”I know, honey, I’ll be back.”
You grabbed your small purse off the dinner table and headed out your back door.
The walk to The Beach wasn’t too far either—perks of living in a small town.
It used to be your favorite restaurant actually, but it had been years since you'd been there. It was recently bought out and turned into a vibrant bar. And Friday nights were karaoke night.
Loud, thumping music was shaking the floor as you stepped inside and found your friends at a table.
”And a sex on the beach for the lovely lady,” one said, handing you the pink drink.
”Oh, you shouldn’t have,” you replied with a smirk.
A few drinks in and you and a couple girls felt bold enough to sign up—for one song.
The DJ showed you his list.
”How about “Don’t Stop Believin’’,” one suggested.
”Boring!” The other chimed in.
”We have to do a classic,” you said. “I vote ‘Super Trouper’.”
Your two friends’ faces lit up instantly.
”We’ll be like Donna and the Dynamos,” one beamed drunkenly.
“Okay hun,” you laughed with a shaking head.
You got a three second countdown and you began singing the intro.
The crowd immediately went crazy, who doesn’t love ABBA?
You were dancing around on stage with your friends. The three of you had silently agreed you’d take the last verse and as you sang “‘Cause somewhere in the crowd there’s you” you dramatically scanned the crowd, that is, until your eyes landed on a familiar body in their military uniform ordering a drink at the bar.
You froze, unable to sing. He looked up and caught your eyes and you felt your chest cave in. Shakily you caught up with the lyrics, that seemed all too fitting. “The sight of you will prove to me I’m still alive.”
You finished the rest of the song in a buzzed haze. You couldn’t get yourself to look towards the bar again, not when he of all people were standing there.
The song ended and you helped bring your friends back to your table. When you went to grab your cup, you realized it was nothing but ice.
”Damn,” you muttered under your breath. “I’ll be back.”
It was like you could hear every footstep as you walked towards the bar. He was sitting on the furthest end of it, but with no people in between you, all you could do was hope he didn’t look up.
”I’ll have a sex on the beach please,” you asked the bartender.
”Is that really you?” you heard that voice ask.
Sebastian Sallow turned to face you. He was wearing a tight fitting beige shirt tucked into his camo uniform pants. It looked like he had just gotten back into town that day. He looked older now, worn by years of military work, but God did he look good. His hair was more managed now than it had been before, but he was still clean shaven. He was still your Sebastian under it all.
”Yeah, it’s me,” you replied.
”Put whatever she got on my tab.”
”You don’t have to do that.”
”Yes I do! Sit sit,” he said, eyeing the barstool next to him. Deep down, you knew your friends were too drunk to even notice your absence, and he did just buy you a drink, so you plopped down on the leather stool beside him.
He even smelled the same, like he still used the same cologne he had in high school—sandalwood. You had told him once that you loved the smell… and you still did.
”So how have you been?” He asked.
”Good!,” you replied as the bartender handed you your drink.
”Are you a nurse now?”
”Yeah, actually a labor and delivery nurse. I just got off my shift and came here with some work friends.” You pointed to where your group was seated. They noticed and started waving and giving thumbs up. “Sorry they’re drunk.”
Sebastian chuckled, deeper than he used to. “It’s okay.” He threw back the amber liquid in his glass—beer presumably—and ordered another.
“Did you just get back? From Germany?”
”Yeah today. My uncle and sister picked me up from the airport. She was a mess,” he laughed. “But I needed a beer, doesn’t compare to the pubs there though.”
”I bet not,” you replied. “Did you notice this used to be—“
”Marco’s? Yeah, sad to see it gone.”
”Me too, but this bar is nice. We needed one, I was tired of going to the next town over.”
”Big drinker are you?” He teased.
”Bold of you to assume.”
He laughed a full belly laugh now. You hated that you missed it.
The conversation began to flow nicely now as he made you laugh harder than you had in a long time.
You were still laughing at a joke he made when he cut through the noise. “So… are you single?” He made eyes at you as he tipped back his beer.
Your laughter ceased. “What?”
”I asked if you were single.”
”But why?”
”Becuase that’s how this works,” he started. “We’re having a nice time and I want to know if I can take you on a date.”
”Sebastian…”
”Is that crazy?”
”Yes! Sebastian we can’t.”
”Why not? Are you not single?”
”No I am, it’s just…”
”Just what?”
You grabbed your purse and headed out of the bar. Sebastian quickly paid his tab and watched you as you walked out of the front door.
It had started to rain when you were inside. You were waiting by a lamp post when the rain suddenly stopped.
Sebastian was standing over you with his jacket hovered above your head.
”Tell me why, please. And I’ll leave you alone.”
“Sebastian…” you breathed. “I just… I’ve moved on. We were kids! Young and stupid. But I’ve grown up. You’ve grown up. We’re different people now.”
”Let me get to know this you. The you that sings ABBA like her life depends on it, the girl who orders a sex on the beach like its water. I want to know that girl.”
You looked at him then, water dripping down his face.
”What if she’s not what she seems?”
”I’m sure she won’t be. We all have secrets, I did things I’m not proud of too.”
You breathed in deeply. “I still can’t.”
”But tell me why!”
You hesitated a moment before blurting out, ”you left me!”
”I left you? You still think that’s what happened? After all these years…”
”You did! I was here and you were gone! I watched your taillights disappear and you never came back!”
”I couldn’t come back! You think after you told me you couldn’t marry me, I wanted to leave? There was nothing more I wanted than to quit and stay here with you. But you know it doesn’t work like that! And when you…” His lip began to shake. “And when you told me that we couldn’t talk anymore, that-that killed me. Your letter wrecked me.”
”You didn’t even fight for me!” You yelled.
”Fight for you? You all but told me to piss off and you wanted me to fight for you?”
”Yes!” You cried. “You don’t know how it feels!”
”I don’t know how it feels? You think I don’t know? I was alone for four years! Four miserable years that I wanted nothing more than to spend with you. And I come back here and can still only think of you, so much so I knew I could only find relief in a drink. And this town only has one damn bar! You think pulling in here I didn’t think of you? The last time I was here?”
You thought of the last time too, every time you found yourself walking in that entrance.
”You think I don’t know how it is when I see the only girl I have ever loved up on stage having the time of her life while I’m still stuck in the past? No, you don’t know how it feels.”
”Sebastian, I-I’m sorry.”
”I just… I just missed you and thought that…”
“You know it hasn’t been easy on me either…”
“It sure as hell seems like it.”
“How dare you!? You really think I didn’t want to go with you? And then have to tell you we can’t talk anymore? Sebastian, I wanted to marry you, so badly. But I couldn’t! I had other dreams too, important ones.”
“More important than me?”
“Yes!” It came out before you could stop it. “I mean… not in the way you’re making it out to be. But yes Sebastian you weren’t my only dream, I wanted the life I’m living so badly. I didn’t want to leave here.”
“Not even for me? For us?”
Tears started stinging your eyes. “It’s more complicated than that.”
“I would have given up everything for you!”
“But I would never ask you to do that! I love you too much!”
He stepped back an inch. “You still love me?” He breathed.
“Fuck!” You spat. “Of course I do. I could never stop loving you no matter how hard I tried. You’re under my skin Sebastian, in all the ways a person can be. I could never scrub you out.”
“Then why did you get so mad at me before? All I did was ask if you were single.”
“I’m scared! Okay? Is that what you want to hear? God I can’t do this! We’re already fighting!” You turned to leave, letting the rain soak you.
“I’m not losing you again, especially here. I can’t stand watching you walk away from me. I will love you until my dying breath, and there’s nothing you can do about that okay? You can’t fight your way out of that one.”
You moved to face him again. His jacket was at his side, dripping water. His shirt clung to his toned body and he was breathing heavy, waiting for your response. He looked so beautiful under the warm streetlight, glowing down on him like the sun.
You cried as your shoulders shook with laughter. “God, we’re a mess.”
He began crying, laughter mixed in too, swiping his hand through his sopping hair.
And then you ran right towards him. Every step pattered with rain. You leapt into his arms and he caught you in a spin. The last four years exploded as your lips caught his in a kiss.
Your mouth moved like a puzzle locking into place against his mouth, like it knew exactly where to go on his lips. His hand trailed into your wet hair and held you against his face as he kissed you back.
“You look as beautiful as the day I left,” he cooed as tears mixed with rain.
You felt your cheeks burn crimson at the compliment as you leaned down to kiss him again.
After a few more moments, he broke the spell. “Let me get you home. Please.”
He set your feet back down on the sidewalk and walked you to his car, all too familiar even in the night.
“You still have it!” You said, referring to his beat up car.
“Sweetheart, I’ve been in Germany for four years, of course I still have it.”
“I just can’t believe it still runs!”
“We’re not that old,” he teased, opening up your car door.
It looked the same on the inside, all leather plush with a black tree freshener dangling from the mirror.
You gave him directions back to your new place.
He stepped out again even in the down pour and opened your door back up, walking you to your front door like teenagers after a first date.
“Maybe I’ll call you?” He asked. “Is your number the same?”
“Why don’t… why don’t you come in?”
“Are you sure?” He asked, as if he wasn’t dying to come inside.
“Yeah, Seb.” You smiled.
You unlocked your front door with a jiggle of your keys and your dog ran to the door. He was attacking you with licks and wagging his tail when he noticed the stranger behind you.
“Who’s this little guy?” Sebastian asked, leaning a hand down to ruffle his head.”
“This is Buddy, he’s my baby,” you replied.
You walked Sebastian further in to your couch.
“Um, you can sit here while I go change. Do you want a towel or something?”
“Yeah, that would be perfect.”
You exited the room and headed towards your bedroom, padding down the carpeted hallway. You towel dried your hair and changed into pajamas when the nerves started setting in.
Sebastian was out there sitting on your couch and you could hardly believe it.
You walked back out with a towel in hand to give to him. Your fingers brushed and it sent electricity shooting down your arm. As you sat next to him on the couch, you watched in a daze as he dried off his hair.
“Now you look a mess,” you laughed.
“Speak for yourself,” he quipped.
You got comfortable next to him, pulling your knees underneath yourself to huddle into a ball.
“So, how was Germany?”
“I hate to say it but it was amazing. It’s beautiful. Oh and the food… it’s to die for. I ate schnitzel almost every day for a week when I first arrived. …You would’ve loved it.”
“It sounds amazing, I-I’m sure I would’ve…” you trailed off. “But—“
“I know,” he interrupted. “I know. Your house is nice, and you have a dog!”
“I do! He’s two.”
As if on cue, Buddy jumped onto your lap and started kissing all over your face. You were a giggling mess when Sebastian spoke up again.
“Sweetheart?”
You looked up at him now. He’d called you that several times by now and each time it broke you more than the last. You moved your dog back to the floor who went off to his bed in the corner. “Yeah?”
“I meant what I said earlier. You look so beautiful, exactly as I remember you.”
“Thank you,” you blushed. “You look the same too.”
“Is that a good thing?”
“Very much.”
You moved closer now, almost touching your knee to his. His arm was on the back of the couch and it nearly brushed your shoulder.”
“Did you mean what you said? That you still love me?”
He was illuminated by your lamp in your living room, the warm glow accentuating his freckles. He looked younger almost. It was like you had been taken back four years.
“Y-yes,” you admitted. “I do, but things are still, things are still complicated you know?”
“They don’t have to be. I-I’m not leaving again. I… I decided to join the reserves instead. There’s people here I couldn’t stand being away from again.”
“That doesn’t mean things can just go back to how they were before. We’re different people now.”
“You kissed me out there, in the rain. And you expect me to sit here on your couch, seeing how beautiful you look completely unraveled, and expect me not to want to kiss you again?”
“I—“
“I won’t, you know I won’t unless you want me to. But God I want to kiss you silly,” he whispered as he moved his hand from the couch to your cheek.
You did too, deep down you knew you did. He looked too pretty not to kiss until his lips were swollen. You nuzzled against his warm hand and turned to press a light kiss to his palm.
He visibly swallowed and took in a deep breath at your touch. And then you felt your body gravitating to his like a magnet pull. Nothing could stop you as you leaned in to him.
“Oh sweetheart,” he murmured right before your lips crash landed on his.
It was a soft kiss at first, unlike the one you shared under the lamp post. It was shy and gentle like you were reexploring each other—as if you’d ever forget what he tasted like.
During the kiss, his other hand fell to your waist, drawing small circles under the hem of your shirt with his thumb.
You let him pull you onto his lap where you straddled your legs on each side of his hips, digging into your couch as you pressed against his chest with your own.
The kiss turned heavier then, he licked across your bottom lip, begging for entrance and you granted it. No one could kiss you like he does, no one could even come close.
He groaned into your mouth before pulling away and resting his forehead against yours. “I missed you so much. Every night I thought of you, I swear it.”
“Kiss me again,” you pleaded.
It took him all but a second to reconnect his lips to yours. It was deeper, hungrier. His hand slid from your cheek and into your hair, intertwining right at the damp roots. His breath caught in his throat at the contact, the passionateness of your kiss.
“If we don’t stop now, I don’t think I’ll be able to hold myself back from you,” he heaved into your mouth.
“Don’t stop,” you replied and kissed him again.
His lips trailed down your mouth to your jawline, where he left hot, open-mouthed kisses along your skin. He continued trailing down until his lips were pressed against the sensitive spot below your ear—the spot he knew you loved best.
He nipped at it until you lurched on his lap and then he soothed the area with his tongue. He did it over and over again until you were melting like putty in his hands.
And then he kissed you once more and in one fell swoop, he gathered you up and lifted you off the couch, not removing his lips from yours for a second, as he carried you down the hall into your bedroom.
You ran into the wall a couple of times from the messiness of your kiss, keeping him off balance as he tried to remove his boots at the same time. There was a trail of clothing like a map leading from the living room down the hall.
Your shirt had been discarded in the chaos and once he laid you on your bed, he took you in. His eyes darkened with lust at the sight of you—bra and pajama shorts with messy hair.
He lifted his shirt off of him, throwing it to the ground before crawling over top of you. He was toned. Where a boy had once stood, was now a man, and the sight made you gulp.
His dog tags tickled your skin as he made out with your chest. His hand massaged your breast over your padded bra, your nipples already sensitive against the cloth. He pulled it down and gasped quietly at the sight.
His mouth was around your nipples in the next moment, sucking and nibbling at your sensitive bud until you arched into his touch. He used his other hand to twist and pinch your other nub until it hardened beneath his fingertips.
“Fuck,” you cried.
You reached down and could feel his erection pressing against his camo pants, urging to be released. His hand laid over top of yours and held it there as he continued sucking your breast into his wet mouth.
That is, until you squeezed your hand around his clothed cock once and he shuddered, resting his head against your chest to take a breath.
“Baby,” he murmured against your skin.
You did it again, but this time you moved your hand along his shaft. He groaned and huffed a laugh.
The sound of his belt unbuckling filled the air. He stood up and pulled down his boxers and pants all at once.
His cock was rock hard against his thigh as he stood there watching you watch him. It made your core ache.
“Is this what you wanted?” He asked as he got back onto the bed.
You nodded your head against your duvet. “Y-yes. Please.”
Your hand was around his cock then, warm and hard to the touch. You could feel as the blood pulsed to his tip, making his veins convulse. Your hand started to move up and down on his length making him moan under his breath.
Your hand was left bare in the next moment as he scooted himself against your headboard. “Come here baby,” he cooed.
You followed his instructions and sat with your back against his chest and his cock was pressed roughly against your bare back. He slid your panties and shorts down at the same time and pooled them on the edge of your bed.
The coolness in the air brushed lightly against your heat, causing you to shiver. Sebastian brought a hand around from behind you and traced down your belly until he was right where you wanted him—where you needed him.
“Four years sweetheart. Four years I dreamt of his moment and you’re not leaving this bed until you’re screaming my name. I need to hear it,” he purred directly into your ear. It sent a chill down your spine.
His middle finger started tracing your clit—teasingly slow at first. He started to build up more pressure as he toyed with your sensitive bud. His other hand came around you and held gently onto your neck, not choking you but holding you there. You lulled your head back against his shoulder as he built up speed.
“Sebastian…” you moaned against his jaw.
“That’s a start,” he replied.
He inserted his finger into you and it ached around his skin. After a few pumps to ease you into it, he put in his ring finger alongside his middle. It stretched you out as he pushed inside of you until he was knuckles deep.
He curled his fingers inside of you and pumped in and out, setting a delicious pace while hitting your sensitive spot over and over again. You arched your back against his chest as you felt your core race towards a high.
“That’s it baby, I can feel you squeezing my fingers. You’re gonna come for me, aren’t you?”
He used his arm to hold you still against him as he fingered you relentlessly. You tried squirming from the feeling but his hold on you was too tight.
You moaned out again, nothing coherent as he picked up his pace.
You were a writhing mess, rubbing skin against skin as he held you as close to him as he could. Already you could feel the winding up in your belly.
“Are you gonna come for me?”
You nodded your head against his shoulder.
“ I wanna hear you,” he replied.
“I-I’m gonna come.”
“Oh yeah? I want you to come all over my fingers. Make me a mess.”
His hand on your throat moved slightly as he began trailing his thumb along your bottom lip, playing with the soft pink skin.
The coil wound too tight and you couldn’t handle it anymore. You released with a loud trembling whimper, filling the quiet room around you. Sebastian watched in awe as you came around his digits as he continued pumping in and out of you, draining you until you slouched against him.
Your eyes landed on his as he reached his fingers up to his mouth and swirled them in his mouth before releasing them with a quiet pop.
A groan was laced with his voice as he said, “you taste even better than I remember.”
Your hands were on his cheeks in an instant and pulling him towards your face and in a hasty scramble. He tasted of your own sweet arousal mixed with the hoppy lager he had drank at the bar.
Keeping your lips on his, you carefully turned around and straddled his lap again, only this time there were no clothes to keep you separated. His cock sprang up and hit your bottom side as you continued kissing him.
Slowly, you started grinding your hips, letting your slit leak all over his cock.
“Don’t tease me, please,” he begged.
You looked at the way his eyes pleaded with you. His face was washed in blue moonlight beaming in from an opening in your curtains. It cut right across his nose and shone solely on one eye, making the honey in his iris glow.
Your lips brushed along his and you cheekily smiled as you reached down and lined his erection up with your entrance. You sat down gradually, seeing the way his eyes rolled to the back of his head as you became completely seated.
You were breathing into each others’ opened mouths for a few moments to allow each other time to adjust. The headboard was cool against your fingers as you moved one hand back to hold yourself steady. Your hips started to rock back and forth across his lap.
Every back thrust had him hitting your spot sending shockwaves radiating to your core. You felt his calloused hands set themselves on each side of your hips as a gentle guide. He held you sweetly and looked up at you as you grinded on him.
“That’s it baby, just like that,” he breathed. “Use me.”
The room was filled with the sound of skin sliding across skin and heavy breaths, mixed with the soft sounds of the crickets chirping outside.
You gained more confidence and increased your speed. His hands wrapped around your back to keep up with the new pace.
“S-Sebastian, fuck you feel so good,” you whined.
“Yeah baby?”
You nodded your head against his lips.
The next thing you felt was being lifted up as Sebastian turned your bodies around so he was hovering over top of you.
He took your legs and hooked his arms under your knees and began pounding into you, at a whole new depth.
You were a moaning mess and you tried to grab a hold of something—anything. They both clung to the pillows on either side of your head and you gave the delicate material a death grip.
“How’s that?” He asked as he rammed into you.
“Good, so fucking good.”
Every thrust had his pelvic bone hitting your clit and alongside with how deep he was hitting you, you were speeding towards another orgasm.
The euphoric feeling made your toes curl and your fingers tighten even harder around your pillows.
“You’re so tight, it’s like you were made for me,” he murmured.
Your hands released the pillows and found their way to his shoulders where you pulled him even closer down to you. As he drilled into you, your nails created moon-shaped divots in his back.
“That’s it sweetheart, mark me.”
His thrusts were starting to become erratic, so you knew he was getting close. And the way you were pulsing around him, you were about to fall apart at the seams.
“Sebastian, I’m so close!”
“Say my name again, louder,” groaned.
“Sebastian!”
You felt your body vibrate around him, sending ripples down your skin. It was electrifying, making your fingers and toes go numb. You closed your eyes and saw stars like fireworks going off behind your lids.
Sebastian grunted and stilled inside of you as he released himself all over your inner walls, painting everything white.
As he started to pull out you stopped him.
“What’s the matter?” He turned his head to glance down at you.
“What if you just… what if you just stayed inside?” You asked shyly.
He smirked and breathed out a small chuckle. “Anything for you my love.”
He laid beside you, spooning you from behind with his cock still buried deep inside of you. You missed his warmth and you weren’t about to let him go that easily.
He pressed light kisses across your bare shoulder blades. “I never thought I’d have this again,” he sighed. “Now I’m never letting you go.”
You settled in against his chest and let sleep find you peacefully, for the first time in a long time.
