covert little thief

| 18+ | It's hard to be the Bard, baby Orqheus on Ao3 She/They | 27 |

[orqheuss]

Orqheus(s) Presents: The Quiet Archive

Updated: June 2026

All fics are cross-posted on Ao3, Tumblr, and (some) on Wattpad PLEASE DO NOT REPOST MY WORK WITHOUT TAGGING ME. Fandoms are listed in alphabetical order! ***************************************************** Any trigger warnings present are posted on each fic.

Dragon Age: The Veilguard Hazbin Hotel Hogwarts Legacy

[3artho]

He’s leaky and old, like pick a struggle (part 1)

[aubryjoi]

I love you Jimothy 🦝❤️

[crazysodomite]

[alexxuun]

What happens when Grace doesn’t sleep for 48 hours.

Based on this panel from Dungeon Meshi:

[scarlct-vvitch]

project hail mary is insane bc the first half is like oh my god the world is dying and there's alien bacteria eating the sun and there's some guy alone on a ship and he's having a breakdown and the flashbacks are getting darker and this is a tragedy the likes of which i have never seen. then BAM andy weir says fuck you actually. here's this pokemon guy he's here to save the day with the power of friendship. and it's the best thing you've ever seen in your life

[myokk]

interrupted 🤭💘

[dgalerab]

"if x-rays are safe why do technicians run and hide behind a shield" well if you ate one banana you would be fine. if you had to eat a banana for every single person who came through your practice every day for your entire career, you would probably not feel too good. kinda wild that many people are hung up on this.

[sharkfiinn]

loser duo

[thefloatingstone]

The last time I saw Earth.

[that-house]

partially-managed mental illness is so fucking funny i'll be sitting around doing my job and suddenly think "wow i hate myself" and immediately get confused because, like, that's not TRUE! i love myself so much. who are you to talk to me like that

[homunculus-argument]

I love it when there's artists online who seem to exclusively draw characters who are cute thick anime ladies with hips wider than their shoulders and tits bigger than their heads, in completely nonsexual situations, and comfortable and stylish-looking fairly nonsexualised clothing, where it's clear that the artist evidently started drawing because they were horny, and kept drawing because it's fun. Like sure, an outfit of a nice floral pattern sun dress and cozy sweater didn't need a cleavage window, but the focus of this drawing is so clearly on who this character is and what she's doing, that unless you go out of your way to look for it, you don't really even notice that her tits are literally larger than her head.

[playwrongs]

there's nothing i like more as a computer program than a long period of silent contemplation - not doing anything, not rushing anywhere, just standing here and enjoying this moment with the user. oh, it seems once again he has summoned my beautiful and ruthless wife Task Manager. hello, my darling! what are you doing with that long cruel scimitar

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

was thinking about how the concept of god is usually characterized as male (thanks patriarchy) and i came up with a question: in christian theology,

does "God" have a penis?

surely the catholic church made some sort of ruling on this

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

stop derailing with Jesus's foreskin, this post is about God's genitals ONLY

[myfairkatiecat]

Hi, Catholic here—the only part of the holy trinity with a human body is the Son (Jesus) so yes, but also God the Father doesn’t have a human body so no, but the Father, Son and Holy Spirit are all the same being as well so yes, but all humans including women are created in the image of God so hypothetically He has everything else too. Hope this helps.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

thank you it did not!

[rtm-drlng]

Using he him pronouns doesn't necessarily indicate having a penis does it gaudy

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

see that's gender studies 101 but i wanna force the catholic church to ADMIT it

[doctoraxiom]

Also for what it's worth Catholic God doesn't use he/him. He uses He/Him which theologians insist is distinct from human pronouns.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

so the catholic church wants you to respect their god's neopronouns

[combatukulele]

@heresylog

[alastor-insanity]

Alastor’s freeze response

[void-occupation]

his freeze response is actually everything to me. I could write a whole essay on it but eh, I probably won't. Just know I incorporate it in fics as frequently as I possibly can

[lesbian-from-next-door-too]

If Project Hail Mary taught us anything it's that forced romance subplots have ruined movies. Too many stories about guys sacrificing themselves to save girls and not enough movies about guys sacrificing themselves to save their cool rock alien friend.

[hollenix]

for the good of all mankind