#holidami

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( this is ANONYMOUS ) Nicki I absolutely love talking to you, both about our muses and normal things! Sending you asks and reading your responses are one of the highlights of my dash, and it's so great seeing you around! Pray for Mina's soul under the reign of Ami's Study Terror

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@holidami for a starter! 

‘ That skirt is scandulously short. Don’t you think. ‘ say what you will, but unfortunately for the young female River is still a fourteen year old boy who can’t help but think the worst. 

[regal-serenitatis-blog1]

@holidami

Mariner Castle.

The castle's orbit around the planet Mercury was a fascinating sight for the Lunarian Queen upon each visit as it was within close proximity to the sun. The sun itself had become a popular topic from astronomers as they observed its anomalies, frequently becoming addressed in the meetings with the Queen.

That afternoon after her duties were completed at the Moon Kingdom, Serenity had decided to pay a visit to Mariner Castle in order to make observations herself. She had just arrived at the castle's gates awaiting for Mercury.

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@holidami { ❥. }

‘ what are you studying for? ’

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✮

if you have an(y) oc(s) what was your inspiration to make them?

I havea few but for the sake of this ask, let me focus on the four that are actually active. That means: @hiemaliis, @vermillionisms, @ohnoitsfriday && @unconditionalisms. These fourare all personification accounts, for February, October, Friday 13thand Mother’s Day, respectively.And well,for inspiration … I don’t even know, actually. I’ve had my October blog for monthsnow, god knows what I was thinking when I first started to develop her — asidefrom ‘what if she is the middle child and doesn’t really like that?’. The rest followednaturally from thereon out, and before someone stopped me, I had four of them. 

[empressblendyarchived]

Fay & Rich & J

   she didnot even remember how they had gotten to this point, what had made her say ‘i NEVER asked anyone to die for me’, butshe had known the moment the words had left her mouth that she had made a fatalmistake — because richard had never been someone to lie for her benefit or to let her get away with a lie.

   it is notreally a lie, she knows, but it is closer to one than it is to the truth. and ifshe knows this, so does he. because this is the way it has always been.

   she nearlywished there was a cruel line around his mouth, that his eyes would be as cold asa january night — but they were not and, really, this made it even worse for her.disdain, she could handle. it was something she dished out quite frequently, andshe did believe in only treating others in ways she could handle herself. and theway he appeared to be utterly nonchalant made her feel at ease, made her believehe understood. 

   then, therewas the cold glint in his eyes and she instantly knew better.

   “isn’tthat exactly the problem?” he asked, his voice light and near casual, sounding likehe was making some pleasant remark rather than he was tearing into her hidden insecurities.“you never have to ask for this, people assume you’re weak and fragile so they takeit upon themselves.”

   “i’m not respon—”

   “oh, stop it,” he snapped, shakinghis head. now, there was the usual frozen fire in his eyes and she knew that shewas going to have to listen to some highly unpleasant truths. “if you really wouldn’t care, you wouldn’t get that defensive.”

   she bristled,her eyes piercing him as her hands wrapped themselves around the edge of the table.a part of her wanted to abandon all pretences, all manners — but there was noway in hell she would grant him that satisfaction, even if he never failed to bringout the worst and the best in her.

   for amoment, she hated the way they could not have a conversation that did not turninto some kind of confrontation, but as both of them were prone to rubbing saltinto old wounds, she should be used to this. by now. 

   at first, she had been nearly convinced that the reasonwhy they kept fighting was that there was too much boredom inside of them and theywere just trying to kill some time, even if this meant to leave daggers in someoneelse’s chest. because backstabbing beneath them was beneath them. they had morehonour than that. 

   “if youtruly think this is me being defensive, i’d love to see what you call it when iactually am being defensive,” she saiddrily, feeling like she was digging herself an even bigger hole. they wereno friends, perhaps because they knew each other too well — && becausebeing friends might compromise their ability to be terrifyingly honest with eachother. and there was no way she would ever bend her rule to be honest to the pointof cruelty with him. 

   ( and shedid not want to give this up. ever. ) 

   but shedid not think that richard understood her side of this, not with the way he scowled.and she could not blame him; their problems and struggles might be similar at times,but january and february were not the same. 

   “so manyyears passed, and you are still the same, vivian,”he said drily and she flinched back, briefly musing why on earth she wasstill listening. perhaps because he was the only one who understood herstruggle, the only one she deemed capable of relating to her life. he was nother friend, not in this life, but he was someone she respected — && really, this was the problem right now.

   if shewould  not respect him, his words wouldnot affect her. if she would not respect him, his opinion would not matter, shewould shrug it off the same way she had when freya had spat at her that theonly thing that ever changed about fay was her hairstyle and the colour of theribbons she wore.

   she wasnot sensitive and she generally did not care much about the opinions of others— but there were a few people she gave a damn about. and she loathed herself for the fact thatrichard was on that list. not that she would ever tell him that.

   but evenif she cared, she would hardly apologise. even when she had had nothing, shehad had her pride and she would rather admit to tolerating auburn than to sacrifice her pride by letting it show thatthis time, richard was very right abouther.

   she did notchange. she never had, she had always been someone who had been frozen. but thiswas the point richard likely did not grasp completely: because she had not changedin her core, she was still capable of caring too much — and covering this up becauseit could quickly turn into a weakness.

   caring in generalwas no weakness, not even in her mind, but caring too much was something that couldbe easily exploited. maintaining a layer of apathy was a rather secure solutionto make sure that no one really figured it out. she keptpeople away, kept herself locked up and made sure that they did not get past herwalls — because she knew that she would not like it if they came any closer. therewere already too many people who knew what made her tick —— && how tomake her feel like she was a terrible person. 

   and shehated that richard who was flawed, who was anything but a shining example couldmake her feel this way. 

   becauseshe did not want him to have this power, the same way she had never wanted to havethe power to pay him back in kind. there was not a single version of any story everwritten where something good had come out of people’s ability to take the otherapart, not as long as there had been no intention to piece them back together afterwards.and she did not think that they were capableof ever fixing the damage they had done, to over patch up the holes they leftin each others’ armours all the damn time. 

   and foronce, she did not bite back, did not snap at him. because he was right, and becauseshe did not know what she could say that she had not said a million times. and eventhe things she had said before had never had the power to sting as much as his wordshad. maybe auburn had been wrong when she had assumed that richard was just a littleboy who was lost and who did not know how cutting his words could be. and if auburnhad been wrong, fay had been right. 

   maybe richardreally did not care about anyone but himself. maybe allthey would ever had would be this, the constant pushing and pulling, never allowingthe other a moment of peace.and maybethe greatest tragedy in this was that she would not even mind this as much as shereally, really should.