"Sorry, I don't, er, believe in soulmates."
"Potter, I never said a thing about—"
"Yes you did! You literally just—"
"I never said we were soulmates, you mouth-breathing halfwit! I said you were my…"
"…Yes?"
"Fuck off."
"No, tell me. What am I?"
"You're a prick, that's what you are."
"Come on, Malfoy."
"You're—ugh! You're my mate."
"Right. And that's different to a soulmate how, exactly?"
"Oh! Well, actually, soulmates are a muggle concept, with origins in folklore and mythology; Plato and Aristophanes—"
"Hermione, I think we should just, uh… leave them to this. Bye, mate. Catch ya, Ferret."
"Get fucked, Weasel."
"…You're so nice to my friends."
"Well, what do you expect? If you want me to be nice, get better friends."
"I know you secretly like them now."
"Unverifiable."
"And you like me."
"Patently untrue. You're the greatest pain in my arse."
"No, I'm your mate."
"There's no need to sound so fucking smug. Gods above, I should have known you'd be completely insufferable about this—"
"Anyway. If we're talking about a literal pain in a literal arse, I think you'll find you're the one who—"
"Yes, well, that's what got us into this whole fucking mess, isn't it? I made the colossal mistake of sticking my dick in the Chosen hole, and look what it got me: a fucking Veela inheritance. Cheers, Potter."
"You're welcome. Now, can we get back to fucking about it?"
"Fine. But only if you let me mark you."
"Let you—what?!"
Expect @drarrymicrofic {250 words + dialogue only, soulmates, veela and humour}
