#hq crack

[alpali]

asking haikyuu boys if you can get them pregnant…?

I made this at like 3 am…I just wanted a little bit of silliness

[barelyalivesstuff]

Tsukki's Girlfriend—⁠☆

Summary: Karasuno’s going through 7 stages of grief after finding out their beloved blocker has a girlfriend, who is surprisingly SWEET!?.

Warnings: Tsukishima Kei x Oblivious!female!reader, reader is oblivious maybe a little too much, chaos and lots of fluff.

Characters: Tsukishima Kei(ft.Karasuno).

A/N: *cries in singleness*(ToT).

The entire Karasuno team had gathered in the gym for evening practice, the sound of sneakers squeaking against the floor and volleyballs thudding in rhythmic chaos. Nishinoya was screaming about rolling-thunder, Kageyama was yelling about sets, and Tsukishima was—

Standing there, glaring at them, as usual.

Except Hinata noticed something different.

“Hey, Tsukishima,” he said as the team broke for water. “You’ve been smiling at your phone a lot lately.”

“I don’t smile.”

“You literally just did!”

Daichi raised an eyebrow from across the room. “You? Smiling? Must be serious.”

The gym quieted. Even Nishinoya stopped bouncing his ball.

Tanaka leaned forward, grinning like a hyena. “Wait. Tsukishima Kei…is that a girlfriend smile?”

Tsukishima froze mid-sip of water. “No.”

“Liar!” Hinata yelled immediately, pointing accusingly. “You totally have a girlfriend!”

“Oi, shrimp, stop talking nonsense—”

“WHO IS SHE?” Nishinoya practically screamed, jumping onto Tanaka’s shoulders. “IS SHE TALL? IS SHE COOL? DOES SHE EXIST?!”

Yamaguchi bit his lip to stifle a laugh. “Um. Actually…she does.”

Tsukishima turned to him slowly. “Yamaguchi.”

“Y-yeah?”

“Don’t.”

Too late.

Kiyoko, of all people, blinked in mild surprise. “You’re dating someone, Tsukishima?”

Even Sugawara’s smile turned dangerously curious. “Well, this is news. She must be someone special if you’re actually putting effort into hiding her.”

Tsukishima rubbed his temples. “You people are exhausting.”

But the damage was done.

Within minutes, the entire gym was buzzing with wild theories about the mysterious girlfriend. Nishinoya was convinced she must be “a cool college girl who likes clubbing.” Hinata thought “a mean girl who is mean to everyone except him .” Tanaka was sure “a tall queen who can handle his sarcasm.”

Daichi finally sighed. “Okay, everyone calm down. Tsukishima doesn’t have to tell us anything.”

But Kageyama squinted. “Then why is Yamaguchi laughing?”

Yamaguchi flinched. “N-no reason!”

Practice ended late that evening, the sky soft orange. Tsukishima was walking out of the gym with his bag slung over his shoulder when his phone buzzed.

[Name]: “I’m outside! Got your favorite strawberry milk :)”

Yamaguchi saw the message flash over his shoulder, eyes widening. “O-oh. She’s here?”

Tsukishima’s ears tinted pink. “Yeah, she wanted to walk home together.”

“Wait—outside the gym??”

Before Tsukishima could respond, the doors burst open and the entire team spilled out like excited puppies.

Nishinoya screamed,“WHERE IS SHE?”

Tanaka screamed joining him,“OUR LITTLE TSUKKI HAS A GIRLFRIEND—OH MY GOD!”

“STINKYSHIMA’S GIRLFRIEND EXISTS!!” Hinata was so shocked that he almost tripped.

While Kageyama was too stunned to speak.

“Kill me,” Tsukishima muttered under his breath.

And then they saw you.

You were standing by the bike racks, a sweet, gentle smile lighting up your face, holding two cartons of strawberry milk in your hands. You waved cheerfully. “Kei! I got the kind you like! Oh, hello!”

You blinked as the Karasuno team collectively froze like they’d just spotted a unicorn—a very cute one.

Tsukishima took the milk from you quickly, muttering something that sounded suspiciously like “thanks, idiot,” but his ears were scarlet.

“...You’re her?” Sugawara whispered.

You tilted your head, confused. “Me?”

“Holy crap, she’s adorable,” Tanaka breathed.

“She called him Kei,” Hinata whispered, awestruck. “She calls him Kei!”

Daichi tried to keep order, but even he couldn’t help but smile. “It’s nice to meet you. I’m Daichi Sawamura, captain of the team. I hope Tsukishima’s treating you well.”

You laughed softly, eyes warm. “It's nice to meet you Daichi-san, I am [Name] and don't worry Kei's very sweet, actually.”

Tsukishima choked on his drink. “Don’t—say things like that in front of them.”

You blinked. “Why? It’s true.”

The team lost it.

Nishinoya fell to his knees. “TSUKISHIMA IS SWEET?! WHAT DIMENSION IS THIS?!”

Hinata’s jaw dropped. “How?? How did you do it?? He yells at me for breathing wrong!!”

Tsukishima pinched the bridge of his nose. “Can we go now?”

But you, ever oblivious and sweet, just smiled at the team. “It’s nice to meet all of you! Kei talks about you a lot!”

Every head snapped toward Tsukishima in slow motion.

Tanaka gasped. “He TALKS about us?!”

Yamaguchi was grinning so hard his cheeks hurt. “Oh, he definitely does.”

You continued innocently, “He said Hinata’s really energetic but dumb, Kageyama’s super serious but also dumb and that Suga-san’s nice but a little scary when angry—”

Tsukishima groaned, turning his face away from the group.

“KEI!! You didn’t tell me they were all so funny!” you laughed, completely missing how he was slowly dying inside. “We should all hang out sometime!”

Hinata clasped your hands dramatically. “Please. Please save us from his sarcasm.”

Tsukishima grabbed your wrist gently, muttering, “We’re leaving.”

“But Kei—”

“Now.”

You pouted but agreed anyway.

After sharing goodbyes the team watched as you and Tsukishima walked away together, your hand swinging lightly in his.

Nishinoya exhaled deeply. “I can’t believe Tsukishima Kei has a girlfriend who smiles like that.”

Tanaka wiped away a fake tear. “Our salty little blocker’s grown up.”

Sugawara folded his arms, smirking. “He’s definitely whipped.”

“Whipped,” Kageyama agreed solemnly.

Hinata nodded. “Absolutely whipped.”

(While making that monk face XD).

Meanwhile, Tsukishima glanced at you beside him—your cheeks lit by the sunset, humming softly, oblivious to everything.

He sighed. “You…have no idea what you just did back there.”

You blinked. “Did I do something wrong?”

“No.” He looked away, ears pink again. “Just… you talk too much sometimes.”

“But they were so nice! I liked them!”

He exhaled slowly, the corner of his mouth twitching up despite himself. “You would.”

You smiled at him, tilting your head. “You’re blushing, Kei.”

“I’m not.”

“You are.”

He groaned. “You’re impossible.”

“And you’re cute,” you said, completely serious.

He tripped over his own foot.

That night, Karasuno’s group chat exploded.

[Yamaguchi]: She’s the sweetest person I ever meet.

[Hinata]: How is he dating her???

[Nishinoya]: SHE CALLED HIM KEI (;-;).

[Tanaka]: The way she smiled at him... bro was about to melt.

[Daichi]: Don’t tease him too much.

[Sugawara]: Oh, I will.

And somewhere across town, Tsukishima was glaring at his phone while you were sitting beside him, happily sharing a pack of strawberry Pocky.

“Why do you look so angry?” you asked.

He sighed, leaning his body against yours quietly. “Because you met my team.”

“Didn’t you want that?”

“No.”

“Really? But they liked me!”

“I know.”

He paused. Then muttered, “Too much.”

You laughed softly, resting your head on his shoulder. “That’s okay. I like them too. But I like you most.”

He froze again, face bright red. “You really don’t know what you’re saying sometimes.”

You blinked up at him, confused. “Why?”

He didn’t answer—just clicked his tongue, turned his head, and hid the smallest smile.

A week later, at practice, the team was still teasing him.

“Hey, Tsukishima, your girlfriend texted you again?” Hinata said in a teasing way.

“Aww, tell her we said hi!” Sugawara appeared behind him.

“I will not.”

But when everyone turned away, Yamaguchi caught it—

That tiny, quiet smile he thought Tsukishima wasn’t capable of.

And yeah, maybe Karasuno had discovered something wild that week—

That behind all the sarcasm and deadpan attitude…

Tsukishima Kei really could be soft—for someone sweet enough, not to even realize how much he loved them.

Especially you.

I love 2D mens<3.LIKES AND REBLOGS ARE APPRECIATED!

Don't steal,copy,edit or use my works in any form without my permission.

Barelyalive out!

[janaasty]

Hiii i love your writing i was wondering if you could do what haikyuu men prefer ass or tits

a/n: hi anon, thank you for the request! Sorry if my vibe is a little off here..I’m very exhausted from this week. But still, I won’t go ghost on you guys, I love this blog so much! Just with my current situation, trying to do side hustles and finding a job that isnt too far from my home and worrying about transportation..I just have a lot on my mind right now. But you guys can still send in some request cause my tiny brain won’t be able to come up with ideas by itself😅 I hope you’re having a good day tho, 🥞 !!

ASS OR TITS?

ASS

⋆ Daichi , coach Ukai, Tanaka, Kageyama, kuroo, ushijima, semi, kindaichi, kyotani. Atsumu

Kuroo who watches you admire and check yourself in the mirror, that nice dress you have on. It’s not red or black, nothing too fancy but it’s a casual color with a soft material that lets you breathe and feels overall comfortable. It stops at your ankles and hugs every. square. Inch of your body. You turn to the side and admire yourself, making funny faces at your body like “damn I look good.” Kuroo sees this and smirks to himself. Getting up and walking towards you, turning you around where you’re facing his chest, he looks down at your reflection in the mirror. Mentally fawning over the plumpness of your ass, the way your thighs compliment them and the dips that take place over every mound. He relishes in your appearance, he appreciates your confidence and sometimes wonder how did he AND you get blessed, especially with an ass like that. His hands travels down from waist to your ass, squeezing it and jiggling it in the palm of his hand. He really doesn’t want you to wear that dress since you two are just walking to the store and maybe going to the park, and he’d be damned if he had to punch someone in their shit because they couldn’t keep their hands to themselves. “Baby you look so good, I don’t think I wanna let you go out in this.” You smile at his comment and giggle at the way he’s playing with your buttocks like it’s a rebranded stress toy. “Are you worried some weirdo might feel on me?” you smirk “they can look but they can’t touch” he smiles at you and gives your ass a playful slap and jiggle “you’re damn right.”

kyotani can never keep his eyes to himself. Even though you don’t mind, you see how badly he gets distracted by you. The way your ass jiggles in any fabric you wear, even fucking blue Jeans. You’re laying down in bed, it’s like every other day when he’s home. He’s using the bathroom in your shared room, the running water suddenly comes to a halt and it becomes painfully silent. You feel him staring but you aren’t 100% sure. So what else could you do? Open your cameras app; lo and behold— you caught him red handed, looking, SCRATCH THAT, GLARING at your ass. You giggle and shake your ass bit before looking over your shoulder. He looked up and saw you, your phone and himself in the camera..he didn’t care about the toothpaste around his lips or how he was still wet, he lunged at you like a madman. “DELETE THAT, NOW Y/N IM NOT PLAYING.”

Bro cannot keep his filthy hands to himself. Atsumu stays poking, grabbing and slapping your ass. He touches it like it’s some living organism made in a lab. He does it to bother you but in all honesty he begs to eat your ass, it gets to a point where he starts biting your buttocks when you aren’t looking & that earns him a pop to the head. He wants you to tattoo his name on your ass, not your thigh but your ASS. On the cheek, so when he’s taking your pants off or giving your despicable backshots he can see his full name or initials ripple with the meat of your ass while he’s loosing himself in the sauce. OR, or..at least let him cum on it? That’s if you don’t want to get his name tatted but I’m pretty sure he’s nutting on your ass anyways.

TITS

⋆ Shoyo, tadashi, Sugawara, Osamu, Aran, kenma, lev, tendou, goshiki, oikawa, kunimi, BOKUTO.

Shoyo clings to you like a saved puppy, it’s cute and sometimes you don’t even feel him there, snuggling into your chest like he trying to find warmth. To him it’s like a natural instinct, something he’s always been doing since he was a kid— but with you? Knowing he could just show up to your house, barge in your room and lay flat on your chest? Potentially suffocating himself between your breast. Yeah, he wouldn’t have it any other way.

Just like Shoyo, tadashi seeks warmth in you, your whole being. But he feels so safe and warm nuzzled into your chest. He can listen to your heartbeat, breathing and the way your chest rises and falls every time you speak to your friends over the phone. It’s even better when he’s sick and you insist on staying and taking care of him, he tries so hard not to get physically close to you when he’s in this state but the cold shivers he has, the puffiness of his eyes and the dizziness he gets— he just cannot help himself and crawls into your arms, resting his check against the fatness of your breast. You feel so warm to him.

kenma usually initiates physical intimacy whenever he’s tired or horny. Which both are rare— but it’s usually because he’s tired. You both sit in silence all the time, the occasional laughter coming from you after seeing something funny online and the occasional cussing from Kenma whenever some kid sells the game by attempting to be a tryhard. So you were ready for whatever when he took his headsets off and shut down his PC, looking tired as always. He climbed onto the bed and laid on you. Literally, put his whole body on you and stayed there for a few good mins. You felt his hand rest on your breast— which you ignore. Nothing to worry about because this is something he tends to do..but what he doesn’t tend to do is circle the center of your boobs where your nipples and areola are, with his index finger. That could only mean ONE thing. He’s bricked or getting bricked by the second, intensely watching your nipples rise through the tank top you got on. You didn’t realize he had easy access until he’s putting his head under your shirt.

Tendou is such a freak (not literally guys..) he’s always playing with a part of your body but it’s ALWAYS and I mean ALWAYS your tits that has his full attention. You’ll be standing in front of him between his legs and he’ll be playing with your breast..clothed or not. He’s making weird voices and mimicking yours as he squishes and fondles your tits around in his hands. You honestly don’t care and sometimes get preoccupied by playing in his hair or scrolling on your phone. That’s until..he ends up grabbing BOTH your nipples and using them as handle bars with his insane commentary “No dr.dingleberry, not my butt! Anything but my butt!” He says in a girlish voice before getting the light slapped outta him.

Kunimi is no different from Kenma, but he’s ALWAYS up under you. In public and in the comfort of your own home. It gets to a point where he has a drawer and basket for his own clothes, a pair of shoes and his cologne in your house. He even has a designated cup to use whenever he comes over and literally nobody uses it BUT him. That’s how fucking clingy he is, which you don’t mind. But you did not expect him to physically crawl inside the hoodie you were wearing (which to be honest was big enough for two people) and SUCK & FONDLE your tits. You didn’t wear a bra, or a t-shirt under that hoodie..you were free balling. It felt nice sure, but the way he was sucking you were positive you have a purple nurple now. He didn’t even need to squeeze your nipple..his mouth and sucking alone is enough to mark you up.

bokuto never expected his schedule to suddenly get so full and busy. He never had time for you and barely had time for himself, his teammates caught him pouting at his phone whenever you texted him, reminding him you love him and to have a good day. Why was he pouting? Well he missed you duh, but it’s because he hadn’t had one of your homemade meals, massages, kisses and scolding’s in sooo long (it’s been a week.) and usually when he gets home he’s EXTREMELY exhausted and you’re already sleep majority of the time. So that one BEAUTIFUL night where got to come home 5 HOURS AHEAD OF TIME?? To see his amazing, perfect, beautiful, glorious, talented and sweet wife he was beyond thrilled. But it was still pretty late for you, considering you’ve been cleaning and running errands all day. You still had some energy left for bokuto but it was short lived when you started yawning and lazily at his jokes. He noticed and didn’t bother to push or pester you to stay awake. The next morning you were still knocked out cold! 30 minutes upon his awakening you were still dead asleep, but this time in a different position? Wow. On your back, your arm over your face..and that shirt. Jesus that fucking shirt, loose and thin. His alarm rang and it was time for him to get going but he did a double take of despair when he saw your tit peeking out your shirt..it was so round and fat. Your nipple and puffy areola just looked so kissable to him. He sighed and looked back again, just once more like a solemn Victorian child walking away from his mother whos about to get prosecuted. This is bokuto.

BOTH

Tsukishima, yaku, Hanamaki, mastukawa, Konoha, Kai, Terushima, kita,

[creamkopi]

2. spaghetti ★ sakusa kiyoomi x f!reader

yn is light mode, omi is dark mode | tw—swearing, smd joke, ooc characters, yn and kageyama plotting

prev ch | next ch

♫⋆- spaghetti by lesserafim | yn's trend (let's imagine the msby4 are behind her while she danced mid practice)

GO! ★ MASTERLIST

fun facts

— akaashi was indeed impressed yn was not fired — sakusa literally frowned while watching her dance, that got the views — hinata called yn miss intern for like two days straight — after sakusa told her, yn hated that she actually went to her michael jackson playlist to listen it — sakusa muttered pest, when yn was filming her silly dancing video

taglist is open | @galaneiaeris @k4ss11333 @raebaebears @wolffmaiden @ottocre @bertqut1 @allyium @tlissablr @risagichi @honeyfewr

[hatsukeii]

ring pop! / bsf!ushijima wakatoshi x reader

genre(s): heavy on the crack and fluff, dumb and dumber, ushiwaka is dense but loveable! childhood bsf to lovers! yay! sunshine! rainbows! candy!

warning(s): nothing, implied fem reader for fluency's sake, but please interpret this as you'd like!! i myself am non-binary, so at the very least you know the person who's writing has you in mind!! i still tried my best to keep everything gender neutral to the best of my ability!!

wc: 1490

tldr; “boyfriend? but i thought we were already dating?”

“Wakatoshi, can I have your second button?”

Petals of blooming sakura flowers replace the grey pavement beneath your shoes with a mosaic of dusty pink as you stand beneath Shiratorizawa’s famous confession tree. It’s a ritual that has been done for many graduations before your own, students would act nonchalant as they drag their romantic prospects beneath this very tree, all to ask for their second shirt button. This year, it’s your turn, your hands clenched behind your back as you rock forward, backward, forward, backward.

“What do you mean? My second button?”

“Yeah, your second button.”

Wakatoshi’s nose twitches in confusion and under the blanket of pollen from the flowers above. What’s so special about his second button, that you’ve dragged him under the Shiratorizawa tree for? His hand shoots up, picking at the thread sewn between each hole in his second uniform button. It doesn’t budge as he picks and pulls, until finally, he rips it off with force, handing it to you between pinched fingers.

“Here.” He reaches for one of your hands, linked with the other in anxiety and anticipation, and pushes your fingers apart, before dropping the button into your palm unceremoniously. You stare blankly at the small round in your hand, then at Wakatoshi’s deadpan expression.

“Toshi, that’s…that’s not how it works.”

He tilts his head in confusion, eyebrows furrowing as if trying to search your head for clues. The petals shuffle beneath your feet as you mindlessly grind your shoe into the ground, not sure what to make of this situation.

“I’m not sure what you mean. I gave you the second button, like you asked. Did I do something wrong?”

“Wakatoshi, I’m asking you to be my boyfriend.”

Boyfriend? Do you hear yourself? What nonsense, what has he been to you for the past six years, if not that?

“Boyfriend? But I thought we were already dating?”

You mind empties its contents as your jaw goes slack, a dumbfounded hum escaping your windpipe. You’re not too sure- no, you have not a single idea when that idea planted itself into his head. You’ve been subtle enough, right? And careful too! No love letters, or secret gifts, or bento boxes, just day to day, regular best friend interactions between the two of you. What could have possibly gone wrong?

“Dating? Where did you get that from??”

Wakatoshi frowns, hands moving to his pockets. A spring breeze whizzes by, filling the stale air between himself and you. That’s not very nice of you. Wakatoshi knows close to nothing about relationships, but he does know one thing: You probably should remember how you got together in the first place.

“You…forgot?” After all these years of tailing behind you at grocery stores, and weekly dinners at your house, and running to your place at a text’s notice, only to end up watching dramas all night and crying with you, and you forgot that you were dating? His voice quivers, a rush of betrayal in the gleam of his eyes stabbing at your chest as he grimaces at your confused expression, then back at the second button he just ripped off his chest that sits in your hand.

“I think I would remember if we‘re dating…but we aren’t.”

“How could you forget? I still have the ring pop from that day!”

What?

“Wakatoshi, the ring pop? From sixth grade?” At the mention of the ring pop, the fuzziness of an afternoon six years ago is wiped clean. You can almost taste the disgustingly artificial grape flavour that tingled and fizzed on your tongue, before sending you into a sugar high for hours, feel the cheap plastic ring that hung a size too big from your ring finger. You’re fairly certain that the company had discontinued that line of ring pops by now, the two pack too costly of a production for the cheap price they sold for in convenience stores.

“Yeah! I asked you to be my girlfriend with the second pop, and you said yes! You even wore the ring on your ring finger!”

His hands leave his pockets now, pointing accusingly at your ring finger that lacks a humorously large plastic ring. You’re not sure whether to be shocked or to laugh hysterically, not when Wakatoshi’s accusations of your…infidelity? are rooted in the sanctity and candour of a discontinued ring pop, until it all hits you at once. All the nights that he would drop off bags of groceries at your doorstep, your mother gleaming at his persistent service, and the afternoons of watching his volleyball trainings, his eyes glancing at you for approval at every legal point he makes, all the little times that led up to your eventual confession weren’t “best friend interactions.”

They were the actions of a boyfriend. A boyfriend, who (rightfully so) thought he was dating his girlfriend.

“Toshi…did it never occur to you that we’ve done absolutely NOTHING in all these years of ‘dating’? I mean, wouldn’t you have wanted to, I dunno, hold my hand? Or like, kiss me?”

Wakatoshi jolts backwards by an inch, hand travelling towards his jaw as he rubs it introspectively, trying to fan off the heat that is crawling from his chest to his neck. You stifle a giggle, before clearing your throat guiltily. No, you shouldn’t laugh at him. He’s trying his best to process the past six years of unrequited ‘dating’, how could you interrupt him? Do you have no heart, or shame?

“W-well, my dad’s always taught me not to do anything with anyone, partner or not, unless they asked for it first… and you never asked to. So, I never did.” He finally responds, as confidently as his stuttering voice could seem. “Besides, I assumed you weren’t the type of person to be into super-romantic dating, so I just never questioned it.”

You shake your head, smiling at the ground as you take a step towards him. Your hand grips his uniform button by your side, afraid that it might get lost in the petals if you drop it. Wakatoshi’s head darts from left to right, as if piecing together red herrings on a cork board, pinning down every interaction from sixth grade to now with thumbtacks as the strings tangle and twist.

“What about our drama nights? Was that also just being best friends?”

“Yes, Wakatoshi. That is what best friends do.”

“The grocery runs?”

“You offered to do them, and I assumed it was because you were always training late and wanted to help a friend out on the way home.”

“And the weekly dinners at your place?”

“We’re neighbours!”

You watch him groan, his face shoved into his now clammy palms. This is information overload, and Wakatoshi’s processor is melting down in front of your very eyes. He shakes his head frantically, his hair becoming disheveled. His hands run through his green locks, and land on his hips as his feet tap at the petal-covered ground.

“So, we have not been dating for six years, but you want to start dating from today onwards?”

"That is exactly what I'm asking."

Finally. He’s finally got it. The button weighs heavy in your hand, and you duck beneath his face to look him in the eye. He glances away, visibly repulsed by his embarrassment. He should've caught the signs...well, earlier. It somehow has never occured to him that a ring pop proposal might not be the most legitimate way to one's heart, and it certainly has never occured to him that it might have come off as an ingenuine attempt at securing a relationship.

"I meant it when I gave you the ring pop though."

Your face morphs into an effortless smile, the towering boy looking more timid than he ever has before. You haven't changed one bit since the day he's 'proposed' to you, from the smile lines that adorn your face, to the little pout of your lips when you grin. And as you look at him, eyes shimmering under the shade of the infamous Shiratorizawa confession tree, Wakatoshi is twleve years old again, missing a canine tooth on the top right side of his toothbed. He's pinching a long discontinued ring pop between both thumbs and index fingers, getting down on one bandaged knee earnestly to pop the big question.

"Will you be my girlfriend?"

And suddenly, you're twelve years old, standing right there, in front of him, tiny hands covering your mouth as you gasp and tell him yes, a million times over and more. Wakatoshi is 5'2 here, a whole foot shorter than his now eighteen year old self, slotting a ring pop that's two sizes too big on your ring finger, the candy diamond shimmering in the sunlight on the walk home. Except now, the ring pop has transformed into the second button of his soon to be forgotten Shiratorizawa shirt, residing in your clenched fist.

"I know. I know you did."

His eyes refocus as he snaps out of his thoughts, and he wonders if you still have the plastic ring from the ring pop, the one that means to him doing groceries for your household before his own, and showing up at your door to watch dramas all night in your bed, and helping your parents with the cooking before your weekly dinners. His eyes soften, the probing frown long gone from his face as he returns your smile with his own, cheeks pink and teeth threatening to show through his suppressed grin.

"Does this mean I get to kiss you now?"

"Yes, Toshi. Yes it does."

His hands spare no time to cup your face, pulling it up to his own as his fingers draw lines across your cheekbones. Wakatoshi's brain bursts in sparks of gold and red, and he genuinely ponders how he has lived until now without ever doing this once. He pulls away, unsure what else to do after, before sneezing in your face.

"Sorry, pollen, gross."

"Let's get out of here then, quick."

You grab his hand in your own, another sensation he isn't sure how he's lived without until now, and pull him away from the tree as you run to the school exit. He jogs behind you, and you turn around, your fingers interlocked with each other's.

"By the way, happy sixth anniversary, Toshi!"

author's note:

@catsoupki here's your long overdue ushiwaka prompt baby i hope you like you like ;P i had so much fun writing this omg i cracked myself AND my sister up like twenty times running her through what my plan was LMAOO

i too need ushiwaka btw i actually love him SO MUCH it's not funny anymore I NEED HIM SBSBSBSBSB the only other fic i have of him is genuinely some of the worst situations i've put any haikyuu character in recently so i have to treat him to a good one here ofc

anyways tags!!

@starlysama @chuuya-brainrot @fiannee @bailey-reeds

ok love u guys see u next fic bye bye

[neeeooon]

Hi bbyyy! I love your works so much, i’ve never requested or talked 2 someone over the inbox or wtv, just wondering if you’d make a haikyuu one shot with Kenma? Anything fluffy and cute. Sorry for the yap sesh, love youuu💖💖

hiii tysm for requestingggg ily n hope you enjoy 💗 fluff!!

kitty co-parents

kozume kenma x gn!reader. fluff, crack

“oh. my. god,” you stated, your words causing the seemingly stoic guy from your class to jump out of his skin as he turned, eyes wide and face flushed after getting caught. you pointed an accusatory finger at him. “you!”

kenma scrambled to his feet, accidentally dropping the small bag of cat treats he’d been holding. “i, um.. me…?”

the kitten jumped up, resting its paws against the side of the blanket-covered cardboard box. you’d been coming to see it every day after school, bringing food and water since you weren’t allowed to bring it home.

recently, you noticed a strange amount of toys and other treats appearing in the box. you had some tutoring sessions and group work that had you leaving later than usual, but still made a point of visiting the kitten. you wondered who could possibly have found the box you’d do expertly hidden (you tucked it beneath the covered awning behind a shutdown bakery).

“okay, look,” you said, propping your hands on your hips as you nodded toward the treats on the floor with your chin. “this just won’t do. we need rules if we’re going to be co-parenting shiki.”

kenma blinked at you. “shi.. who are you?”

you clutched your chest in disbelief—pained disbelief. “y/n? i’ve been in your class since the third grade?”

from the stare kenma had on you, you knew he did not remember sitting behind you the past two years.

ticking your jaw, you settled with propping your hands angrily against your jutted hips. forget the co-partnering scheme. “whatever! what are you doing with my cat?!”

kenma looked genuinely confused as he turned his head between you and the kitten, who was still struggling to pull itself from the box. “your cat?”

“yes, my… shiki!” you called, and the cat’s eyes flicked in your direction, meowing in a way that alerted he was hungry. “see?” you declared, letting your bag drop from your shoulders so you could retrieve the food packets you left inside.

in your peripheral, you noticed kenma staring. then, quietly, “apple.”

immediately, the cat looked at him and gave the same meow you’d received just seconds before. you blinked down at him as kenma shot you a grin that looked oddly painful. “see?”

it was official. your cat was parent-cheating on you.

aghast, you ripped the thin plastic lid off of the food and carefully placed it in the box with shiki. you watched him eat, eyes filled with horror. “you… betrayed me…”

kenma was snickering beside you, still crouching in front of the box with his knees to his chest and arms wrapped securely around them. though you hated him, the quiet sparkle in his eyes as he watched shiki-apple eat made something flutter behind your ribs.

clearing your throat, you straightened your shoulders and stuck a hand out toward him. kenma eyed it suspiciously. “what.”

“i’m striking a deal. we co-parent shapple here since clearly neither of us are allowed to bring pets home.”

kenma’d raised a brow at “shapple” but didn’t interrupt until you finished. he paused for a moment, debating your words, before reaching out and allowing you to clasp his hand. you ignored how warm his skin was against your palm and shook once.

“then, we’ll need to make a schedule,” he began after a moments hesitation, slipping his hand from your grasp. “i have volleyball practice after school on tuesdays and thursdays.”

that matched up with your tutoring surprisingly well. “okay. i tutor mondays and wednesdays. here, give me your number, and we’ll work out a plan for fridays and the weekend. it’s crazy we never ran into each other until just now!”

kenma reluctantly handed over his phone, eyes never straying from the device as you typed your number in and saved your contact with a 🐈 emoji beside your name. he practically snatched it from you when you handed it back.

“okay… i like to play games on the weekends, but i can come friday,” he announced slowly, and you shrugged in agreement since you didn’t live too far away.

“works for me. this will be a temporary relationship until we find a home for shapple, though. it’s getting colder and i don’t want to leave him outside…” you bit the inside of your cheek when you finished.

kenma blinked at you before slowly, awkwardly, placing a hand on your shoulder. “um. we will.”

you rolled your eyes but didn’t brush his hand away, even though it barely touched you. standing, you watched kenma’s hand fall before offering yours to him once again. he didn’t hesitate as long this time to grab it and squeaked when you pulled him to his feet. “upsy-daisy!”

you watched kenma brush himself off before you said, “he’ll be fine until breakfast. see ya in class tomorrow, partner!”

kenma watched you go, cheeks flushed as he recounted the encounter, until you disappeared until tomorrow.

[lintobln]

Ouch!

°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀

Thinking about Pro!Wakatoshi who hears Tobio talking about shaving his legs for Japan's upcoming game in the Olympics.

He overheard Shoyo and Tobio squabble over the idea that it would make you more aerodynamic and so Waka decided to try it out for himself.

He uses a regular mens razor, fresh from the packet though so it's extra sharp.

Wakatoshi walks out of the bathroom into the main space of your hotel room, where your sprawled on the bed scrolling on your phone.

He walks out with a satisfied look on his face, perhaps even proud of himself. What he doesn't notice however, is that the second he turned off the shower his legs started bleeding.

Profusely.

You lift your head up to see your pro player boyfriend all his 6'3 glory, absolutely smothered in blood from the waist down.

"Toshi..."

You spend the next thirty minutes patching up his legs and pointing out spots that he couldn't reach or missed completely.

This man left the back of his thighs entirely unshaven btw.

And yes, it was noticeable. Very noticeable.

Ushijima Wakatoshi competes in the Olympics the next day with bandaids plastered all over his legs. The press goes insane trying to figure out what happened.

You sit, giggling in your front row seat by the court with a stupidly large grin on your face.

°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀

a/n: This man is so silly I cannot

All works are owned by @ lintobln - please do not copy, edit or plagiarize ♡ 

[getoslittlemonkey]

wearing cat ears around akaashi keiji? mhmhm

Keiji Akaashi was seated on the couch, sipping a glass of red wine, reviewing proofs on his tablet with the precision of a man who files his soul into folders. The living room is silent. Soft jazz. City lights outside. Calm. Refined. Controlled. Until you came in.

“Keijiiiiiiii!! LOOK WHAT I GOT!!” You burst out of the bedroom. In cat ears. Fuzzy black ones. With bells. JINGLING with every step. You're practically skipping. Holding the ears like a 5-year-old who found treasure in a cereal box.

“They jingle when I shake my head!!”

Jingle-jingle-jingle.

Akaashi looks up slowly from his tablet. One blink. Two. The corner of his mouth twitches like he’s fighting a war with his own face. “...You're wearing bells.” You nod like it’s the most exciting discovery of the century.

“Jingle bells,” you sing, proudly jingling side to side. And now the corners of his mouth are trembling. He sets the wine glass down like he’s making a business decision.

“I see.”

You hop in front of him and strike a pose. “So? What do you think?”

He stares. The ears. The bells. The delighted chaos in your eyes. He adjusts his glasses. And says, with the calm tone of a man rapidly combusting inside: “I think... ”

“You’re the most absurdly adorable thing I’ve ever seen.” You tilt your head in confusion. “You’re not even gonna boop them?” He raises an eyebrow. “Is that a challenge?”

“Yes.”

He sighs dramatically, sets the tablet aside, and stands. You expect a soft little boop. Instead, he leans down. Slow, deliberate, sleeves rolled up, and cups your face, fingers brushing under the cat ears, bells chiming softly as your breath catches. “I hope you understand,” he murmurs, voice low, eyes dark, “that you’re very lucky I have self-restraint.”

“Oh?”

He straightens his tie, “Because if you jingle like that again...”, he steps closer. "I will show you exactly how much of a mistake it is to tempt a man like me in bells.” You go completely silent. Then, “Jingle-jingle.”

“Get on the couch.” he says with no hesitation. And he said like he’s asking you to review legal documents, not brace yourself for cat-eared consequences. You blink. “Keiji. I was jingling. For joy.”

“And now I’m jingling with restraint.”, he says plainly. “You can't just tell me to get on the couch like this is a performance review!” He sighs, removes his glasses slowly like it’s a ritual before sins are committed, and tosses them onto the side table. “You're in cat ears, my love. And you're jingling. And you bounced.” You're wide eyed at this point, like a deer caught in headlights, “I was excited!” He just calmly says, as if he verbally and mentally didn't just rewire your brain, “So am I. Get on the couch.”

"Did I accidentally pull out Akaashi Keiji's hidden kink?", you try feigning innocence but fail because of the mischievous glint in your eyes. He takes a sharp breath. Reconsiders your entire existence. Then quietly says, “One more sentence from you, and I will flip you over this couch like a book I’m about to annotate in red pen.” You forget to breathe for a second and then finally breathe out, “...I'm suddenly very literate.”

To which he simply adds, “and about to be well read.”