very exciting minor life update
after years of waffling about whether i wanted to go on hormones or not... i finally scheduled an appointment for hrt consultation in March :)
blabbing about details/rationale/goals under cut
I'm nonbinary transmasc/transneutral and while I think (or at least have convinced myself) that I don't have a lot of dysphoria, the biggest source by far has always been my voice. Sometimes I can tolerate it, and sometimes I hear myself speak and just go 😬 especially in recordings lmao.
Obviously hormones would be very effective for that, but I've been hesitant to go on them. It's mostly because I'm a very risk averse person in general, so anything that's like "PERMANENT CHANGE!!" tends to spook me. Also, of course, *gestures at the entirety of my stupid, stupid country* The Horrors.
Then like half a week ago I downloaded a computer program that lets you mess with your voice pitch and other audio effects, pitched my voice down a little bit and was like Oh. I. Actually like how my voice sounds, for once.
Several hours later I had an appointment scheduled for the first available date because apparently, in spite of The Horrors, that was the final push I needed after the aforementioned literal years of waffling.
In terms of hormone effects, obviously voice is my primary motivator, but I feel positive about nearly all of the other effects except for body hair growth (neutral), body odor and oily skin (slightly negative, but should be manageable), and facial hair (strongly negative). (I'm also strongly negative on balding/hair loss, but I have no significant family history and I'm expecting to stop hrt well before the point that would become a concern, so it's a very minimal risk.)
I'm definitely not aiming for full masculinization, just turning the dial more towards androgynous. Also likely not going all the way past a point where I can still "pass" as cis F if necessary (see again: The Horrors). My plan is to microdose until I reach a point I'm happy with and/or start seeing changes I don't want (significant facial hair, mostly), and then discontinue. I'll probably be sad to lose the muscle and fat distribution changes. Periodically cycling on/off T might also be an option in the future, as I've seen at least one person who's had a lot of success with that.
Definitely hoping I can get the gel - it should be doable with our budget, especially on a very low dose. I'm a weenie about needles but if that somehow ends up being my only option, I might still go for it, especially since I can enlist my husband to stab me (don't think I could handle it by myself).
ANYWAYS I"M REALLY EXCITED actually more excited then I thought I would be which is probably a good sign lmao
