"If my end is nothingness, why this existence? Nothingness, you don't exist either; there is being, there is non-being! (Necip Fazıl Kısakürek)
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"If my end is nothingness, why this existence? Nothingness, you don't exist either; there is being, there is non-being! (Necip Fazıl Kısakürek)
When existence and non-existence become equal, life loses its value.
I am plural, and the aspect of it I didn't relate to feels more and more like things I was scared of admitting, realising or discovering.
And I'm still scared.
What if my experience is normal and I'm just storytelling this grand narrative as justification for being awful or this is all maladaptive daydreaming... Or even OCD.
I believe it is naturally me. But I also believe I am desperately clawing for justifications of my existence both positive and negative... And so my own personhood gets swept up, used for a faulty purpose, judged and discarded.
Y'all ever have a moment where you're like "Wtf am I?" Like. As in. Why am I here? What the fuck is this? What is this?! Like... somehow I'm a bald ape poking a piece of glass and other apes understand the result, millions of miles away. What the fuck.
is meaning necessary?
I never know what to post here. Life is…challenging. And weird. And tiring.
Being 18 is ass, I miss being 17