Realising that it has been two years since the Early Man premiere is realising that it's also been just over two years to the day that I decided to do something about my life.
As some of you might know, I spent the first half of the decade seriously ill, becoming almost reclusive as Crohns disease ravaged my body and the resulting depression overwhelmed my mind. I lost friends because I was so anxious about even going out in public or socialising.
I lost myself for a while. But facing my own mortality gave me a kick up the backside to engage more with the things I was passionate about. I’ve always been a bit of a geek about books, films and a few different fandoms. But I used to suppress that side of myself, worried about being laughed at. Looking back, I have no idea why. It wasn’t as if I was ever one of the ‘cool’ kids, anyway!
I've talked about this before, but I'll say it again. Tumblr saved my life. At my lowest point, at my weakest, I discovered a community online. I had a lot of time on my hands back then, being bedridden for extended periods of time after multiple surgeries and setbacks, and days spent in hospital. I couldn't sleep, and so, when I was wide awake at silly o'clock in the morning, I’d look on Tumblr, where there was always someone around - the people we fondly call our pocket friends. We might never have met in person, but we still refer to them as our ‘friend in [insert town or country]’ as if we have. And doing so gave me the confidence to no longer be embarrassed about the things that I liked.
But my resolution for 2018 (which was a pretty huge deal as someone who didn’t even make resolutions) was to do more. To push myself to get out and engage more with the things I was passionate about. The stepping off point was travelling to London for the Early Man premiere. It was a pretty last minute decision, and not guaranteed to even happen until I was sat on that train (if you have IBD, you’ll understand!) But it turned out to be a great way to start the year.
And who knew then what it would lead to? Later that same year I travelled alone to Chicago and met Tom for the first time (as well as the lovely Lee Pace) at my first overseas convention. But more than that, I also finally got to meet two of my Tumblr ‘pocket’ friends in person.
Since then, they’ve come to the UK to stay with me; I’ve met even more of my wonderful friends; i’ve got back into going to the theatre; and last year I finally realised my dream of attending San Diego Comic Con (and the madness that is Hall H on a Saturday!)
So I guess, really, all i’m trying to say is that it's never too late to start living your life the way YOU want to live it. I realise i’m fortunate in that I was able to afford (with a lot of saving up and sacrifices) to travel for my dreams. But it doesn’t have to cost money. And you don’t necessarily have to travel to do it.
But whatever your goals are? Be bold. Be adventurous. But most importantly? Be you! After all, you only get the one life. Make it memorable!
So, I was lucky enough to be able to watch Cyrano de Bergerac at The Playhouse Theatre, starring James McAvoy a few days ago. I’ve been meaning to write about it for a couple of days, because it so unlike any version i’ve ever seen before. Jamie Lloyd’s direction is bold and beautiful, but it’s Martin Crimp’s translation of Rostand that’s the real star. Think performance poetry, cut with beat-boxing, and the competitive air of a rap battle, and you’ll get the tiniest hint of just how energetic and dynamic this adaptation is. The entire ensemble cast is outstanding, and the opening scene setting allows them to establish each of their characters. It’s a diverse cast in every sense and they seem to be having just as much fun as the audience. Ragueneau (played by Michele Austin) is my favourite. But the moment Cyrano (played perfectly - and without prosthetic - by James McAvoy) steps into the limelight the energy on the stage cranks up a notch.
[Spoilers below the cut]
It’s no secret that i’m a fan of James McAvoy and have been for many years, so obviously I was pretty focused on him as he appeared ;) But truthfully? I doubt anyone would be able to take their eyes off him. He’s like a fire-cracker, imposing and bursting with energy and passion.
James plays Cyrano in his own full-on Glaswegian accent. It’s rich and melodic, and as he literally almost kills a man using only his unparalleled skill with prose, he allows his voice to become fierce and menacing. This is where the first real rap battle takes place and it is SO fast, so sharp and James is truly magnificent. He actually slipped up on a couple of words when I was there, but he gave a cheeky little wink to the audience, chuckled as he muttered ‘pardon my words’ and carried right on as if nothing had happened. If anything, it just made it feel more authentic.
Later on, as he meets with Roxanne, his accent becomes sweet and soft, and filled with his love. In stark contrast, when he woos her (on behalf of Christian) he adopts the actor’s south London drawl. It starts off hilarious. Their accents are truly polls apart. But as Cyrano is a master of prose, James is a master of accents and he pulls it off without a hitch.
Speaking of Roxanne, it’s not difficult to see why everyone falls in love with her. Anita-Joy Uwajeh is stunning, just as you would expect of Roxanne. But she plays the character as much more than a pretty face. She’s sassy, and opinionated, yet sweet and hopeful of love.
The staging is stark. There’s no need for anything elaborate. Instead you’re totally focused on the performances on stage, just like the omission of the prosthetic nose. The jokes about the infamous ‘nose’ come thick and fast - and these scenes are hilariously executed - but James is almost more vulnerable without the prosthesis, playing it as a much more internalized struggle of feeling inadequate. There are also some interesting staging choices by Jamie Lloyd (and they reminded me of Betrayal) particularly when two characters are talking about another character, they’re often on the stage as well, particularly during an elaborate game of musical chairs. It’s just as effective here, and particularly poignant in the second half.
I thoroughly enjoyed this adaptation. It might not be for everyone (there was an older couple directly in front of me who didn’t return after the interval!) but if you enjoy theatre that takes risks? This version is definitely for you.
p.s. You see that pic of James with the microphone above? (And this one below?)
Yeah... That was directly in front of me.
I got full on eye contact as he delivered his love speech to Roxanne. Nope. Not even remotely problematic! So if you happen to find yourself mid 4th row? That’s what you have to look forward to. Enjoy!
Sadly I didn’t get a chance to see James at Stage Door afterwards as I was at a matinee performance and he doesn’t come out between shows, but I left very happy all the same.
Hope you are all well and not suffering too badly with the heatwave wherever you are in the world. I got home from San Diego a couple of days ago to find that the temperature here was just as hot as in California (but minus any relief from air conditioning). That, along with an already exhausted body and horrendous jet-lag completely drained me. So sorry I haven’t updated this blog sooner. Today is the first day that i’ve even had the energy to switch on my laptop.
It’s been a week since my dream of sitting in Hall H for a Marvel panel finally came true, and honestly? I’m still pinching myself that it really happened. If you’d told me way back in 2013 - as I sat in a hospital bed watching Tom Hiddleston appear on stage in full Loki gear - that I would one day sit in that very same hall, chanting ‘Loki’ alongside 6,500 other attendees to the obvious delight of Tom; or that i’d be singing Happy Birthday to Benedict Cumberbatch I would never have believed it possible.
I’ve been to a lot of conventions, and even more gigs, but the atmosphere in that room was unlike anything i’ve ever experienced before. It was quite simply electric.
I took a bunch of photos and videos, but truthfully, by now I think everyone must have seen the footage on YouTube anyway. We were seated quite far back (despite having queued for over 26 hours to get in first on Saturday morning! Yes, you read that right... T W E N T Y S I X h o u r s. We started queuing on Friday morning, slept under the stars, made so many wonderful new friends. Oh, and we might just have adopted some wildlife along the way too!) But it was worth the sleep deprivation, sunburn, and aching feet. We got to watch Sir Patrick Stewart make his triumphant return to the Star Trek family, the entire Westworld panel, and also an inspirational ‘Kick Ass Women’ panel.
But it was immediately apparent that the majority of attendees in that room were waiting for one thing, and one thing only. And boy did Marvel deliver. I can say, without any hesitation that it was genuinely one of the most amazing experiences of my life.
Every single cast member, whether new or old got a rousing reception, and the sneak peeks left us all salivating for more. I don’t know if anything has been leaked online but I wasn’t personally able to video any of the exclusives as we had four members of security directly alongside us (apparently I must look really suspicious!) But I will just say this. As someone who absolutely HATED the official Loki series logo when it was first released, it actually makes a ton more sense when you see how they animated it, trust me.
I’m still in awe of the latest additions to the MCU, with some of my absolute favourite actors and actresses now joining it’s illustrious ranks. And I left Hall H on such a high, doffing my own Black Widow cap to Kevin Feige and the entire Marvel Studios creative team. Phase Four and beyond is going to be another wild ride!
I managed to get a last minute ticket to see Betrayal one final time, so I gave myself an early birthday treat.
The play was just as great the third time, and being able to watch from another angle (being sat in a completely different area of the stalls) was really interesting as you spot things you miss on other viewings. Afterwards, I made my way outside to join the queue for stage door - after having been barged, and elbowed out of the way by several extremely rude travelling fans who couldn’t even be bothered to applaud the cast and felt it was perfectly acceptable to push half-way down the row they’d been sat at, while people were still sat.
Despite getting out sooner than either of the other times (simply because my last minute seat was at the end of a row) the line was MUCH bigger than I’d ever stood in. I was joined by my lovely companion @tomkurbikston and our expectations were once again absolutely zero, especially as security (who honestly continue to do an AMAZING job) cut the line and moved our portion way past the entrance to the theatre. But we had nothing else to do, so we had a really good laugh as we waited, talking to other fans in the sunshine. Very, very, very slowly we started to move forward but were still not even remotely close to getting around the corner onto the street where Stage Door is.
Eventually, Charlie came around and was as lovely and sweet as always. He was only able to do autographs and as I’d already had my programme signed by him, I didn’t pester him for another.
Not long after that Zawe came around the corner. This time I asked her to sign my copy of Character Breakdown. She was so sweet and beyond flattered that I had her book. We chatted about the evil incarnate Wash & Go shampoo (if you’ve read the book, you’ll understand!) and the north of England - as you do. I’m pretty sure I offered her a bed if she was ever in my neck of the woods at one point, because I continue to have verbal diarrhea around people, but as she came back from signing the rest of the queue she again thanked me for supporting the book.
We pretty much assumed that we’d missed any chance of even seeing Tom, much less seeing him at Stage Door by this point. I mean, we still hadn’t even reached the corner and it had been almost an hour. But we carried on chatting to our new friends as we waited. We had no idea what was going on around the corner, or if Tom was even still there.
And then suddenly we were being hustled around the corner by our favourite security guard, and Tom was STILL there! He was further up the barrier than usual. The situation seemed to come as much of a surprise to the security guard that we were chatting to as it did to us, as he’d been out for over an hour by this point. He even basically said that Tom does what he wants! I don’t know if he’s aware how pertinent that is, but it made us laugh.
And then Tom was there... Really, really close. I was all fingers and thumbs as I asked him to sign my programme and thanked him for his performance. The icing on the cake was finally being able to give him a customised Funko Pop that i’d made of a painted Dr. Robert Laing earlier this year. I think I spluttered something about loving his performance as another squash loving Robert (but God only knows what actually came out of my mouth!)
Still, Tom was so gracious as he thanked me, and my lovely companion even got to take our photo together, right before I practically collapsed, overheating from the sun and intense blushing.
So basically, yesterday was the perfect farewell to Betrayal. And a pretty epic early birthday present!
( S, I’m still so sorry btw, you know why. I’ll make it up to you <3 )
Yesterday I had the absolute pleasure and privilege of spending the afternoon in the company of this wonderful man. It was a return to the Harold Pinter Theatre (which feels a bit like home now!) And what an absolute joy. It’s honestly hard to believe this man is eighty years old. From Gandalf to Widow Twankey; fond tales of how he became an actor to an absolute masterclass in every single Shakespearean play; it had everything. And there’s a lot of audience participation.
At one point, which I won’t spoil for anyone who might be yet to go, he launches things into the audience. LOTS of weird and wonderful things. I came away with a couple of rather unconventional souvenirs...
His sheer love and passion for theatre, along with many of his cast-mates and contemporaries, is so visible. He moves freely between laughter and frivolity to breathtaking performances of poetry and Shakespeare. And there are also extremely poignant moments. He talks of his early closeted life, and how free he felt once he was able to be completely himself. And he talks of mortality, again fondly remembering friends and contemporaries that are no longer with us.
I believe there are still a few tickets available, so if you enjoy theatre, or any of Sir Ian’s TV or film work i wholeheartedly recommend it. You will laugh. You will cry. But most of all, you will just wish you could be as sprightly at eighty years young!
p.s. There’s no stage door. However, if you happen to be seated in the stalls, you might just meet him in the interval, or may even end up on stage! And for everyone else, straight afterwards, you’ll find him in the foyer collecting for youth theatre. Seriously! He has a yellow bucket at the doors! I got an albeit brief but magical moment where I thanked him, and he thanked me right back!
In the spirit of Pinter’s Betrayal, i’m going to write this rather rambling review in reverse chronological order, with my (potentially spoilery) personal observations of the actual play under the cut at the end. If you don’t want any of it spoiling, please don’t read past that point! Here goes.
Wednesday 13th March 2019
So a rather funny thing happened to me the day AFTER watching the play, as I was making my way back to the hotel ready to leave for my train. I'd been to the cinema (Captain Marvel for the second time if you're at all interested - just as fun. I want a Flerken. I shall call her Goose. I shall kiss her, and love her, and squeeze her, and get her to eat people who piss me off - Hi Tumblr Support!)
Anyway, there I am, minding my own business, trundling along on my short, little legs towards the tube station, when THE human giraffe himself, the man mountain, the 6ft 2 adonis that is the one and only Mr Thomas William Hiddleston strides past me (presumably making his way to work).
I kid you not. What are the odds?
Out of all of the tube stations in London, their multiple entrances, and of any of the possible times of the day, he glided past me as graceful as a gazelle giraffe. Clad in the ubiquitous uniform, pea coat and Airpods, glorious curls only slightly dampened by the drizzle. I guess I could possibly have called out to him of course, and who knows? He might actually have heard me over whatever he was listening to, but I was also acutely aware that this was a man literally just going about his day to day business, on his way to work. I certainly didn't want to alert anyone else to his presence or make him feel uncomfortable. To be fair, I also have a track record of spluttering nonsensical nonsense (trust me, it’s a thing) in front of this man, but that's a whole other story.
So I basically just had a little moment where I grinned to myself at my unexpected - but lovely - little farewell surprise, and carried on with my own business. It’s only as I write this that I now realise it happened on the 13th (which just so happens to be my lucky number!) Anyhoo...
Earlier that same day I’d had a mooch around Leake Street Arches, which was really close to our hotel and where the Betrayal Teaser clip was filmed. If you get the chance, I recommend paying a visit. You could spend hours looking at all of the bold and brilliant graffiti. It’s also lit up in the evenings.
Tuesday 12th March 2019
The Pinter Theatre
So, firstly. I want to give a HUGE shout out to the front of house staff and security at The Pinter Theatre. They were some of the friendliest i’ve ever encountered, clearly VERY busy but calm and collected. The merchandise was also very well priced (unlike some theatres). Programmes are £5 each, A3 posters are £3.
I did find the stalls seating quite cramped, but that’s not unusual, particularly in older London theatres. And the stage is HIGH, so second row might not be the best option if you’re short like me and want to see the bottom half of legs further back on the stage. But it’s a lovely theatre. And there are some distinct highlights of being so close to the stage which i’ll get into later... ;)
Stage Door
On leaving the theatre, myself and my lovely companion @filthyquill decided to attempt Stage Door. We had low expectations (especially given that we were seated in the stalls). We’d heard that Charlie and Zawe had stopped doing stage door a few nights earlier so weren’t really expecting much, to be honest.
As it turned out, we queued for maybe 5-10 minutes (it was bloody freezing so if you’re going over the next few days wrap up warm!) and then first Charlie, and then Zawe appeared and were escorted along the line taking selfies and signing autographs. They were both lovely, though Charlie understandably appeared to be more at ease with the crowds (he’s an absolute sweetheart with the loveliest smile and seemed genuinely humbled when we told him how much we’d enjoyed his performance). We were given the option of a selfie or an autograph. We queued for around another ten minutes, and were then told that Tom had now finished signing (we didn’t get close enough to see him, there were maybe 20-30 people ahead of us).
But honestly? We left that queue still on an absolute high. Here’s why...
(production spoilers below the cut)
The Play
My first view of Tom Hiddleston, live on stage in a theatre production, is now ingrained in both my memory, and my retinas...
Remember how I mentioned that the stage is high? Well, as the curtain rose I was greeted with full-on Hiddles manspreading. At eye level. I’m not entirely sure I ever recovered from there-on in, but i’ll do my best to continue.
As anyone who’s read even a smidgen of the reviews will likely now know, the set is sparse. Three moving walls, a revolving centre, a table, a couple of chairs and a few beer bottles and glasses are the only set decoration. But that only makes the entire play feel more intimate.
I have to say, reading the play alone doesn’t do it justice. The infamous Pinter pauses come alive on stage, and add to the simmering tension as the winding tale of betrayal and repressed emotions begins to unfold. I thought I knew it well enough. But I now have a much deeper appreciation for all of the subtext alluded to.
Zawe is brilliant. She’s flirty, contemplative and melancholic as the role of Emma demands. I loved the chemistry between her and both Jerry and Richard. And I want her blouse!
Charlie is perfect as Jerry. Amiable, cute and passionate, but with the perfect balance of indignation when he starts to realise that he too has been kept in the dark about certain things by his best friend (and lover) for so many years.
And that brings me to Tom.
Let’s be honest, if you follow me and are reading this you probably really want to know about Tom’s portrayal of Richard. To be brutal, I’ve always found Richard to be a bit of a dick on paper. And I say that as someone who’s been cheated on in the past. It’s shit to be lied to. But I struggled to find much sympathy for him in most of the text. He comes across as a bit of a conceited ass.
However, Tom excelled as Richard, managing to bring out emotions which are sometimes only alluded to in the script. He’s at turns smug, conceited and arrogant. But he’s also deeply, deeply vulnerable when he first learns of the affair while he and Emma are in Venice (a point in the staging which feels particularly claustrophobic). It’s really tough to watch. His eyes glisten with tears, and more are shed. I was in tears too. You feel his pain.
But it’s the moment where he cradles his and Emma’s daughter (though if you pick up on all of the hints alluded to in the play you’ll know that’s not quite as it seems) which completely broke me. Jerry and Emma are conversing, while a seated Robert cradles her in his lap and slowly revolves around the stage. Emma’s and Robert’s eyes make contact at pivotal moments in the text. It’s fucking heartbreaking, and a superb piece of both direction and staging.
Conversely, the audience is treated to an absolute masterclass in comedy. On a personal side note: WHAT HAS THIS MAN GOT TO DO TO GET A COMEDY ROLE??!
The scene in the restaurant is just brilliant. It has everything. There’s pissy!Hiddles, sneering!Hiddles, Tipsy!Tom, snarky!Hiddles, even a hint, dare I say it, of Lokiesque knowing smirks. He’s like a ticking time bomb. The manner in which he delivers the lines about modern literature is just sublime. And you can literally see all of Richard’s emotions bubbling up to the surface as he berates the waiter (comically played by Eddie Arnold).
But it’s the way he aggressively spears his melon and prosciutto that damn near killed me. I’ve always had a weakness for angry Hiddles. And a bizarre fascination with the way, unlike a lot of actors, Tom actually eats his food during a scene. I imagine he’ll not want to see another plate of melon and prosciutto for a very, very long time by the end of the run, but he attacks it with such relish! His perfect comedic timing also comes across as he describes his journey to Torcello. There’s noises and hand-gestures and the entire audience were laughing. But then his emotions snap again and we are treated to another heart-wrenching breakdown.
It’s truly breathtaking to watch this man in action.
I could literally go through every single scene at this point but I won’t bore you with my ramblings. Just know that if you are booked to see it, you are in for a treat. If not, I hope very much that they film it and air it in cinemas at some point.
I will just leave you with a few of my most problematic fangirly moments. To be clear, I greatly admire Tom as the magnificently talented actor he is, but i’m also a woman and I have a list as long as his legs of things that make me squirm. (Please don’t judge me!) I swear, there was a second where I wondered whether Jamie Lloyd/Tom Hiddleston had actually read my mind - or perhaps more frighteningly - my fan fiction! You’ll understand as you read:
Manspreading -There’s rather a lot of it. Did I mention I was at eye level?? it’s a not-altogether-unpleasantly-problematic problem. But it’s worth a mention, because it’s a problem all the same.
Sad!Hiddles - Crying Tom makes me cry. Crying Tom with a kid turns me into a blubbering mess of emotions I’m as yet to recover from. It also gives me daddy!Hiddles feels.The wedding ring doesn’t help. At all. It’s a big problem.
Peekage - There’s a rather passionate but ultimately heartbreaking embrace between Richard and Emma, where a (very) good TWO inches or more of belly peekage is exposed for probably close to three minutes. If you know me or my writing, you’ll know that peekage is my weakness. And belly peekage is my most problematic peekage weakness. So I had to bite my lip so as not to moan. It’s now burnt into my retinas. As is the accompanying boob grab. It’s a fucking HUGE problem.
Glass holding ~ On first glance? Not problematic, I hear you say. But a stationary Tom at the rear of the stage for probably close to ten minutes, effortlessly cradling not one, but two wide-bottomed whisky tumblers in his large palms? Trust me. It’s a problem.
Drinking Hiddles - Drinking means throat nonsense. Ergo, It’s a problem.
Eating Hiddles - See above. Also a problem.
Eyelashes - I could see them from the second row! I have eyelash envy. It’s an ongoing problem.
Brooding Hiddles - Do I really need to explain this one? That tensed jaw? Those eyes? The pissy stare? It’s a problem.
Veinage/hands/forearms - Also an ongoing problem. Hands. Neck. A particularly problematic problem. There’s also a considerable amount of forearm flexing. Also a problem.
Hair, Beardage and wardrobe - The curls are fucking majestic. They bounce. There’s beard stroking - and not just by Tom. His minimal wardrobe looks almost sprayed on. I think it must be a little chilly on stage. There’s ahem... some pointing. It’s all a bloody huge problem!
So yeah. Imagine Humm’s most problematic Hiddles Nonsense. On a stage. Right in front of her greedy eyes. It’s a great big, 6ft 2″ man-size problem.
To sum up, I absolutely cannot wait to watch it again in May. Theatre is a whole new interpretation every single night. The energy is always changing and I can’t wait to be part of it again. Bring it on!
Hey everyone! Just a heads up that this lil’ birdy is flying west to San Diego today so will probably only be around sporadically for the next week or so. Please keep your fingers and toes crossed that we somehow manage to get into Hall H on Saturday - i’ve genuinely heard people are camping out N O W so not particularly holding out hope, but God loves a tryer, right? 🤞🏻
