#i larfed

[ahagisborn]

SO my dad is in the beginning stages of launching a furniture business (let me know if u need a coffee table) and for some reason me and my brothers are part of his brainstorming sessions (I’m getting drunk and listening to them talk about google analytics) and my brother just passed me a note that said “dad has a note on his computer that says ‘pinterest: what is it?’”

[momdusa]

Last week my kid was laying around in our room, wrapped in her Monster High blanket cause it was cold as shit, and my bf tells her she has a face on her butt. (insert buttface joke hur hur). So I asked what character it was (I’m genuinely curious to see if he’s picked up any of their names during my years of MH mania), and he says “I don’t fucking know!”

So I was like “come on you have to know some of their names by now...?”

And he says “I don’t know... Megan?”

And of course we crack up, but then I asked what does she look like.. like what features does she have, and he says “I just said.. she looks like a Megan!”

So we just laughed about how Frankie is now “Megan”.

Fast forward to Christmas day. We’re driving to get the kid and head home. We have our presents to each other waiting there and I tell him- "Hey so my presents to you are probably terrible and you’ll probably hate them”.

(this is just how we joke with each other k?)

And he tells me: “Look. I love you and I will love anything you give me. Unless you got me like, a Monster High doll. And even then- I would pretend to like it cause I love you so much. I would be like ‘Awww thanks. You got me .. 

Megan.’”

Oh my silly silly man.

[bluemoonstonesy]

Lmfaooooo https://x.com/centregoals/status/1812179809033671165?s=46&t=Zw95KNXFc104noWwKx779Q

cronald back to back worst player XI of the tournament’s whilst MY forward is on for back to back trophies…and i’m expected to believe he’s the greatest of all time?? 🤭

[aglitchinemotion]

[💋? Hallucination?? Uh...a kitty that looks like him??? I didn't want to leave this empty ;__;]

Darla blinked. Once, twice. As the sensation of lips on hers faded she yawned and stretched, then finally opened her eyes properly. The moment she focused on what was beside her, she started screaming. Flailing she fell out of the bed, and only the sheer ridiculousness of it kept her from descending into true terror. 

Fumes from a chem? Had she been drugged? Some half-awake dream?

Maybe she should get a pet cat?

... Maybe she shouldn’t.

[obstinatecurator]

Something I heard when I was passing the USPS depot;

Mailman: DAMN HECTOR BACK AT IT AGAIN WITH THE WHITE VANS

[zan77]

I feel certain sections of my dash should be told that last night Radio 4 defined 'Canadian' as 'An American that can drink'

[brianbeavers]

[carrieabigstick]

mysterious internet shadow, peterbd, leaves nice e-mails on writers' doorsteps in the middle of the afternoon: 

carrie lorig is superior to these individuals 

jerry seinfeld: because carrie lorig is more entertaining than jerry seinfeld dan brown: because he gave tom hanks the greenlight to play robert langdon in those movies would carrie lorig let tom hanks play any characters from her books. i think not barack obama: for not waving to me when he gave a speech that one time jet li: for not being in more movies  the angel gabriel: because carrie lorig looks better in wings than the angel gabriel  j.k. rowling: for obvious reasons mariah carey: because carrie lorig sings better than mariah carey chuckie from rugrats: for always being so damn scared  kim kardashian: for being kim kardashian and, at the same time, acting like kim kardashian  crispin glover: for thinking he had a chance with carrie lorig