I’m relieved to see that I’m not the only one finding the new album and concerts disappointing… I feel bad for saying this and still gave them the benefit of the doubt after day 1 because of the bad weather but now it’s clear that the rain wasn’t the core problem, the overall production is just extremely underwhelming imo. I didn’t find myself enjoying those concerts as I used to do and now I’m feeling nostalgic. I was really expecting a big show, I guess my expectations were too high. The album still hasn’t grown on me, there’s barely a song I truly love and connect with, which never happened to me. I was so sad that I couldn’t get a ticket for their upcoming concert in my city but now I’m like, maybe that was for the better, so I can keep good memories of their past concerts and move on. I probably sound a bit dramatic but even though I still want to keep on eye on them especially Jimin it truly feels like I’ve the end of my time as a fan and after 7 years it’s a sad feeling. Ha sorry I have no one to share this with and it sounds too dramatic lol sorry for the rant
No you don't sound dramatic at all we are many sharing the same feelings.
I have been going through all the stages of grief these past few weeks as you have seen on this blog (sorry about that, but I think writing about it actually helped me release some emotions)
But you know what. Seeing jikook so happy during these concerts kind of changed my perspective.
Like yes there are a lot of things I do not agree with and do not like about how everything is going. (Not really about the boys themselves but more the whole situation, management, creative decisions ect.) and I have been so sad
BUT
Seeing jikook so happy really makes my heart warm and brings a smile to my face. And it kind of made me think that maybe it is worth it.
Maybe I will have to ignore some things I don't like (and there's quite a lot to ignore) but I also found out that if I cater to my content better I can still find happiness.
Maybe I will have to pick what I engage with or not. And maybe this will make me a bit more far removed from what's going on. But at the same time if it allows me to stay and still have a pleasant fan experience I think it's better for me.
I can find some solutions to still enjoy things and not be angry all the time.
It's a process and will need adjustements over time.
And I have to accept that things might never be as I wish.
But at the same time I do wanna stay in this fandom. (The idea of leaving makes me wanna throw up like I cannot do it at all.)
So I'm thinking I have to be the one to come up with solutions.
I will perhaps need to detach from some aspects and focus on others.
If jikook are happy all year like they were these past few days, I think I'll be able to keep going and focus on the positive.
Like my spirit has been entirely lifted. And now I am much more hopeful.
I am glad many people are really happy with everything and enjoying from the beginning.
But for us who didn't have the same feelings it's been difficult to come to terms with them because it was so foreign to us to feel this way for the first time in 8 years (for me)
As much as I am sorry you've seen me crash out on this blog, at the same time I don't regret it because many people who related contacted me and felt less alone because I talked about it, even if it was not all positive.
I am sorry your fan experience is coming to an end. I honestly struggled with the same idea.
But for me I think I will keep going nonetheless by changing the ways I engage with content.
It might look different and feel different. But if it allows me to stay in this fandom which I LOVE (not the annoying people, but this community and all the people I enjoy interacting with) then it's gonna work and I'll be able to participate on the aspects that make me happy.
So this is my own solution for now.
It was such a process to get there and it's gonna still take time.
But yeah. All the good things (the boys being happy) make it so worth being here.
Like it is so wholesome to see.
It's enough for me.
Thank you for everyone who reached out sharing your difficult feelings.
From now on, on this blog I will focus on having fun with all of you and enjoy what can be enjoyed.
I want to thank you all for your understanding and compassion. I want thank you for being comprehensive and welcoming to people who have different and complicated feelings.
This journey is different for each of us but if we keep supporting each other in our uniqueness even if we don't agree on everything I think this fandom can still grow and go into the right direction.
This tour is just starting and I think many great things are coming our way.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I hope you'll find happiness even if your fan experience might be coming to an end.
To the ones leaving I wish you the best. To the ones staying I am saying fighting!
When Aiden woke up in a hospital his first reaction was to panic. All it did was remind him of his childhood. When he was 13 his parents sent him away to a psych ward after he got diagnosed with depression.
For some reason their first thoughts was that he was a danger to himself. How could he be a danger to himself if he couldn't even get out of bed. All this reminded him of those horrid years in that hospital. All of the workers claimed that they were only trying to help him when all they did was make everything worse. Every single day he woke up in that place he wanted nothing more for it all to end. He wasn't a stranger to a routine, he use to just stay in bed all day, only getting up to use the bathroom. But that routine, that was hell. Maybe it was the lack of control that he had in there. Being forced to do activities with people when he didn't want to. 'It'll help you' they said 'Talking to people who share the same problem with you will help' it didn't.
Did his parents get sick of him again. Was learning about the phantom realm too much. Did they decide it was too much trouble to help him or did they think he truly lost it. Why did he have to be in a fucking hospital again?
His head snapped at the door opening as he backed away in the corner. No he wasn't doing this again.
‘Today's outing was fun,’ I think as I watch my extended family enter into the rental. The kids enjoyed the boat ride and seeing my oldest son get excited when he spotted the manta ray made my heart soar.
The kids were all excited even after we disembarked from the boat, wanting to try and see everything. Even while we were eating, their eyes were taking as much in as they could.
It didn't take much persuasion to get them changed and bedded down so when Drea suggested we test out the hot tub, who was I to refuse? But there was only one problem.
"Pregnant women are advised not to get in one," I tell her but she just smiles that gorgeous smile of hers.
"So," she shrugs. "I won't submerge my whole body. Just me feet…..doesn't stop you all from enjoying it."
I swear the woman has an answer for everything! My heart swells at knowing the mother of my third child is so smart, so knowledgeable and can resolve any problems.
I watch as Gen strips from her clothes and walks across the room in her birthday suit and I have to admit, my wife is sexy as hell! She is exactly who I dreamed of when I thought of who I would marry and spend my life with.
She has given me two handsome sons and I couldn't be more grateful. After Shep was born though and she developed the bleeding disorder, I know she was scared I would leave her, that she was inferior as a woman because part of her was missing.
But that was the furthest thing from the truth. She is the love of my life and I don't think any less of her. We had two sons, who said we needed more?
But of course, after Danneel gave birth to her and Jay's daughter and then Drea gave birth to Jackson, that baby fever bug bit into Genevieve.
Many nights I comforted her cries as she sobbed for another chance, another shot at being a mother.
When Gen had first brought up the idea of asking Drea to be a surrogate for us, I was against it. Yes, we'd have another child but she wouldn't be the one carrying it and nurturing it as he or she grew.
But my wife assured me she didn't have a problem of missing out on those aspects. "Padaleckis are big babies and I really am not going to miss pushing another out of my vagina." She told me.
So we decided to broach the subject with Drea and Jensen. Of course at first he was totally abhorred at the idea until once again, my beautiful wife explained the more clinical side of the procedures of in vitro fertilization.
At that original meeting, none of us were wise to the fact that the injections would fail and now here we are almost a year later, with Drea impregnated by me and the four of us are what is considered swingers.
My, how life can throw curve balls out of nowhere. But I wouldn't change a single thing. I have my gorgeous wife, my best friend and his...well, she might as well be his wife if he'd just man up and ask her, are all in a committed, sexual relationship.
"You ready?" Gen breaks into my train of thought. She dons the same yellow string bikini from a few days ago; the one that makes my dick twitch at the sight. A towel lays over her arm as she opens the bedroom door and sashays out.
"Down boy," I chastise my responsive cock as I watch her hips swing. "Later, we'll pound that pussy good."
The situation in my trunks isn't helped any when we get outside and Drea is sitting there, kicking her feet through the water while talking to Jay.
Have her boobs grown overnight? They look to be almost overflowing the cups of her swimsuit. And that bump! Her one-piece fits snug against it, making evident that she is pregnant. She is carrying my child.
Gen and I both slip into the jacuzzi opposite her and Jay.
"Oh my god." I say as the jets begin drumming against my muscles. "Wow, this is amazing. We need to look into getting one."
Silence follows as we all enjoy the reverberations against our tired and sore bodies.
I lift my head and smirk at Jensen. "So 'cheeseburger'?"
I can tell by his smirk in response that he knows exactly what I'm referring to.
“Like I don’t know where ‘salad’ came from? Yea, that’s right. I know what your safe word is too. Got some Sammy Winchester vibes going on in the bedroom huh?”
“So do you Dean. I can’t believe you picked cheeseburger as a safe word,” Jared shakes his head at the absurdity of the subject.
We all take a moment to laugh and then I remember something I'd been meaning to bring up to my co-star since we filmed the final episode.
“Speaking of the Winchesters, I've been thinking. How are they going to explain that Dean actually killed Death? Death is death, you know." I slide away from Gen and closer to Jay.
We discuss the show for a while when something catches my attention. I look from my friend across the water to see the girls caught up in a sensual kiss.
“Holy shit. Looks like we’re going to get a show.” I say, smacking my hand on Jay's chest.
But before it goes any further, Gen pulls away and turns to stare at me. There is an agitation in her glare.
She turns back to Drea and speaks, “Sorry Drea. Just not in the mood tonight. I’m tired.”
I watch in shock as she climbs out of the water, wraps a towel around her and walks into the bungalow.
“What the fuck was that about? Man, what did you do?” Jay asks, looking at me. “If looks could kill….”
“Nothing that I know of,” I shrug but then it dawns on me. “Shit, what date is it?”
Drea tells me and I nod. “I think it would be almost time for Aunt Flo. She always gets bitchy around then.”
“I’ll go talk to her. Woman to woman," Drea says as she stands up and follows her inside.
"Dude, if I didn't know better, I'd think Gen despised you. Man, the fire in her eyes," Jay says as he shakes his head and chuckles. "I'm just glad I wasn't on the receiving end of that."
"Yea. Since she had Shep and all that happened, her periods are harder on her. Just give her some space for a little while is what I've learned."
"Are we seriously sitting here talking about menstrual cycles?" Jay laughs out. "Want a beer?"
"Sure."
Gen is sitting up in bed when I walk into the room. She's changed into her pjs but still looking sexy and beautiful.
Her dark hair is loose around her shoulders and is just a picture of perfection in my eyes.
I, as well as the monster in my shorts, am really hoping she doesn't refuse me like she did Drea.
"Hey baby," I say as I pull my swim trunks off, my hard cock slapping against my belly. I've always slept in the nude so I climb into bed and go to cuddle against her.
Gen moves and slips out of bed before I can get a good grip on her lithe body.
Ok, surprising but maybe she's cramping. But when she turns toward me I can tell something is bothering her.
"Babe, what's wrong?"
"Why don't you just go kick Jensen out of bed and fuck Drea? She's who you want!"
"What?!" I am dazed. Where is this coming from? "What are you talking about?"
"Don't play dumb Jared Tristan!" She yells. "I'm not stupid. You want Drea! You've always wanted Drea. Man, I should've seen it. You were so willing to fuck a kid into her. Maybe I am the idiot. I played right into it.
"Oh I bet you just loved that threesome we had. You had her and me there willing to let you fuck us both."
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?" I yelled, pissed that she was not only belittling herself but making what we were doing into some torrid affair. "YOU WANTED DREA TOO ! I take a breathe and lower my voice, although I'm still radiating with anger. “If anyone should be upset, it’s me! You fucking Drea isn’t a means to an end! No, that is just for your pleasure!
"You wanted another baby and you were the one to choose Drea, not me. When we started this, it was the only way to get her pregnant Nothing else was working so I fucked a baby into her, FOR YOU!
“Sex with Drea was just to give you what you wanted, what you desired. IT had to happen to get a baby. But you and her fucking didn’t have to happen. Rubbing your pussies together isn’t going to put a baby in her. Not that was for your gratification.This-" I point to my now flaccid dick. "-was needed. "
She opens her mouth to respond but there is a knock on the door. Gen moves to open the door and I jump into the ensuite to pull on a pair of shorts. Sure Drea has seen me naked and I'm positive Jensen has but right now didn't call for that.
Zipping them up over my now completely flaccid member, I can hear Jay's voice. "It is her business, he said. "You guys are fighting and her name was brought up so I think it the fuck is her-our- business.
"Now what the hell is going on?" The tone of his voice tells me there is no getting out of this. What was once an argument between two people now involves four.
I walk back into the room and step up behind Gen.
"Let's take it outside so we don't wake the kids."
I follow as Drea, Jensen then Gen head toward the back patio. I can't help but stare at the back of Gen's head, trying to figure out how in the world I'd want Drea over her.
As soon as everyone is settled around the table, Jay runs his hands through his hair.
"So this isn't going to work. I thought we were all in agreement; no one would feel betrayed or left out. What happened?"
All eyes turn toward me and I shrug. I glance Gen's way and she is sitting there silently scowling at the whole situation.
"We each said that feelings wouldn't get hurt and no one would feel betrayed and left out when we starting fucking each other separately. So, I don't understand what happened. Can someone please explain it?" Drea pleads.
That's all it takes for Gen to explode. She is practically vibrating as she sneers. "What happened?! Like you don't fucking know!"
Drea looks taken aback and hurt by Gen's accusation. "What are you talking about?" I ask, honestly confused. "What did I do?"
But what Gen accuses of happening leaves me speechless. And when she pulls out her phone and shows us the social media post, I am appalled.
Gen knows that the media and some fans like to stir up conflict and we've always known not to take anything that is put online to heart. No one knows our lives, they can only speculate and guess.
It is Jensen who speaks and reminds her not to pay attention to the shit put on the internet. He reminds her that he himself has hugged on her in public.
He also gives his point of view on how I acted today, treating Drea with kid gloves.
I take her hand and thankfully she doesn't pull away.
"He's right babe," I tell her, gently squeezing her hand. "I love you so much. I would never do anything to ruin what we've worked so hard for. You are my wife and I love that you are the one I get to grow old with."
Gen looks around the table at each of us and the sighs. "I just think we all need to consider everyone's feelings when we're out in public. But I'm done with this. I'm going to bed."
Once again I watch as my wife leaves me behind with our friends as I try to figure out what she means by being 'done with this'.
Is she calling the whole swinging relationship off? Are we supposed to go back to just being friends? What about the baby in Drea's womb?
Jay and Drea head off to bed not long after and leave me on the back patio, contemplating how life got so fucked up.
This week’s music recommendation: The way things change - Yellow Days
“keep going, you keep going, yeah you have to keep going”
as always i blame outbursts of emotional turmoil on The Moon Sickness (periods) but there’s probably some reason for those emotional turmoil otherwise where did my brain find all that material to fuzz over? but yeah...times are though mentally especially because i don’t have any people to get me out of it you know? Like yea i have friends online and text and call those at home but ughhhh I’m so alone. And it’s all natural to feel this way in these unnatural circumstances and i knew i’d be homesick before i left but still, the feelings are here now wtih all the doubts and feeling lost, being afraid of change. And so this song finds me at a good time. I just have to keep going.
It’s one i found long ago like 3 years maybe and is just a perfect good vibe song with funky relatable lyrics that don’t have to make much sense but then sometimes it’s the most simple things that can settle your mind. It’s slow beat, synth keyboards and then an emotional but soothing voice that at times sounds like they’re just about to fall asleep. It’s a song that has the energy of lying on the floor of your best friends messy room when you’re just chilling talking about nothing, soaking in all the familiar things of that friend, absolute comfort and worry free...
