#i'm doing ok

[spoookybunny]

i'm beginning to feel a bit better, trying hard to keep busy and not isolate myself too much so the summer seasonal depression doesn't sneak up on me early

[monstersandmaw]

Please take extra care today, UK folks, and to those across the Channel, my heart goes out to you if you’ve been evacuated or are at risk because of wildfires.

[2063april5]

That sweet un-vulcan vulcan, who knows his lifespan is supposed to be longer than a full human's and is starting to allow himself to think of his human co-workers as tentative friends, and who thinks the worst part of immortality must be the loss of those you love

[bluecoolr]

Hi Blue sweetheart,

i know we don't interact much but i wanted to tell you that i missed ya and that you are very dear to me. I hope you're doing fine 💖

Rose my beloved! 💖 (can I call you Rose? or would you prefer Star? <3) You're very dear to me too! It means a lot to me when you interact with me/my posts and I love how you appreciate the things I share here.

[artsymeeshee]

sometimes I forget how much words can affect me, even after just a little bit

[zanzaflux]

Hi Zanza! How are you? :)

I'm doing okay. Thanks for asking 😊

[sailoreuterpe]

Me: I'm terrified to leave the apartment because I'm anxious about COVID, even though I know that I'm unlikely to get exposed in the outdoors on a nice day when the wind is blowing.

My Roommate: You're insane.

Me: Yes, I know that. But you and everyone else telling me that doesn't make me not have symptoms of anxiety and OCD whenever I leave the apartment.

MR: Well, it should.

Me: *looks into the camera like I'm on The Office*

[formlessvoidbeast]

update on the state of the TS:

The times we live in are not kind to the anxious and depressed, but I’m doing ok -- the kind of ‘ok’ that is code for ‘spending most of my time on escapist fanfic reading’.

One bright point is that the fleeting and tenuous nature of existence, as highlighted by a global pandemic that’s hitting my country far harder than it should thanks to governmental evil and incompetence, made the need to transition hit extra hard. Life is fleeting, and I have been waiting for the ‘perfect time’ for way too long. There will never be a perfect time, and I really don’t want to die with my body all wrong.

(not that I think I’m going to die in this pandemic. I have doubled down on my hermit existence to avoid contact with humans, and also I’m 85% sure I survived the ‘rona with mild symptoms back in March when there was no local testing available.)

Anyway. The burning need to make progress gave me one day when I was actually capable of making phone calls? Which usually my anxiety prevents. So I used it to call the nearest clinic that offers Informed Consent care for trans folks, got a telemedicine appointment, and on tuesday this week I gave myself the first shot of low-dose T.

(Planned Parenthood is so wonderful! I have literally never had a bad experience going to them for any type of care.)

I don’t think I can express the amount of joy and relief I feel, now that I finally have T. Also, a little fear. Change is scary, but way, way less scary than the status-quo, which was unbearable, and had been so for years.

I, obviously, haven’t been on it long enough for any changes. Those should start to appear in like 4-6 months, and I’m excited for them.

The worst part of it, really, is how bad I am at giving myself a shot. Luckily, I get to do subcutaneous injections rather than the more-painful intermuscular ones, so the needle is very tiny and thin and not very scary. Unfortunately, all the guides are like “pinch up a bit of fat and inject it there, it shouldn’t hurt at all” and I’m just looking at my horrible twig body with the skin shrink-wrapped on like bad paleo art going “...oh, sure, because that’s possible.” But I will persevere, and get better at it, despite the challenges.

So there is good going on in my life, despite all the bad in general. And AO3 has not yet run out of fanfic for me to disappear into.