Dating the doctor for your medicine
Doctor!ichimatsu matsuno x patient(?)!reader
note: i was always a sucker for clichés. Umm reader knows ichi from high school? yea. Even though tagged degradation kink this isn't a smut, and is about the ending. purple text is his dialogue for the smart readers out there
tags: 3.6k words, degradation kink, marriage mention, themes of depression, comfort fic(?), ventfic(?), drinking, dead dove do not eat, begging
...
When he became a doctor, you really didn't know what to believe. At first you thought nothing of it, until it came to his checkups.
Out of six sons, one is working? Ouch. Even you didn't wanna believe it when you heard about it.
And the glances, and the cheap medicine. And the sheer abundance of it, that medicine became. He was worried for you, for a while now- but what the fuck? You felt like a sugar baby. Not like you couldn't afford your own medicine. You didn't know to take pride that people wanted to spoil you, or to be upset over him thinking he had any right to hold this responsibility with you. For you. That just wasn't his role to choose, and you never asked him for help. You didn't. Who said he had any right to step into your life like this? You didn't want to be indebted to him. It wasn't kindness. You guys barely spoke. It was embarrassing.
Can he just stop?
"I'm sorry?" *Oh, did I say that out loud?*
Looking at him, he looked unsettled. Like he wasn't used to you being mad. Like he wasn't used to *you*. You guys dated a bit in high school, and sort of kept in contact after. You lived in the same town, so running into him was evident in nature. He knows you're a little.. snappy, I guess.
"..nevermind. My mind was off somewhere else." "Everything okay?" "Yes."
You've been less active recently, never heading out or running into him. Over the holidays, you've been alternating between sleeping at home and the occasional hospital visit. Truth was you haven't been well. You couldn't go to work. Hospital was just an excuse, you needed the papers. You didn't know what to think, anymore, and when. One way to escape thinking altogether was to sleep in the hospital, blowing through your money.
He seemed to know you weren't fine. These acts of charity...
He knew you wouldn't deny. Actually, you couldn't speak up. About anything. You just wanted him to buzz off. One more nuisance to..
"Y/n, y/n?" "A-ah, right, yes, s--so..rry."
You bowed your head. Weirding yourself out-- to treat him so formally, respectfully. He knew you thought nothing of him, and barely had any respect left for yourself, too. You dressed yourself in whatever, but had to look presentable nowadays knowing he'd just pry more if you didn't. This bitch-
"Are you.. overwhelmed?" "Huh?" "Your face is red. Do you have a fever? Let's check again." "Ah.. okay."
He placed the apparatus in your ear. Well you did feel faint. He said to rest more, and handed you some water.
Well!! You really couldn't tell him!! That it was none of his business!! Ahh.. you wanted a drink.
He knew you weren't actually sick. It hurt to see someone treat you and your health so seriously, and dance around the subject so carefully. This was all professional, remember? Stop getting all up in my face and do your job.. else I start feeling bad about it, too. Taking away the one thing I don't want to lose, total absence.
"Can.. uh." "Hm?" "Can I.... s." He leaned in closer. "canireducetheamountefconsultations-" "..m?" Did he pretend not to hear you?! No, wait. You spoke too fast.
"Can I.. please.. u-um, leave?" "What? I mean, yes, of course, self admissions are--" "No, n-no.. toilet." "Ah." He paused. Or were you looking too much into it? "Okay. I'll be here."
"Ichimatsu, I'm leaving the hospital," You announced before closing the door, praying it was loud enough for him to hear. You felt off. Just off. You couldn't explain it any other way.
You hated yourself for wasting his time. I mean, it was part of his job, but still. You were so useless you couldn't do a simple thing like a hospital consultation--
No, you couldn't handle a friend. Especially one that showed up unannounced.
You didn't go to that hospital anymore.
The fees were gone, you were just waiting. The day that will come tomorrow, where you'll need to go get paid, go work, go study.
Ah... you wanted to die.
Closing the 7/11, the staff wasn't expecting your late visit. You thought they were open 24/7. Grabbing a few drinks to have at the park, who cared if you'd shown up drunk tomorrow? Who should.. it matter? To..
He was in your face. "What."
Dressed in slacks, he looked.. like shit. He just looked like shit. Under this convenience store lighting, in his shitty dumbass sandals, he looked like he just woke up. Did work do that to a person? His hair was messed up. Or did you just never notice? You were always looking at the floor, after all. Huh? "Ah.. is the store closed?" Apparently it closed early on holidays, looking at the sign he seemed stuck on. What the fuck? He didn't even notice you?
Leaving the convenience store, you looked at your plastic bag. "Hey." He looked back, alert. He knew you by your voice. Your disappearance didn't work at all, huh? "Wanna have a drink?"
You had held up the bag a bit. While he stared, you looked for a good spot. You usually sat at just anywhere, but would that be good? "A..ah. Yeah, sure." At least now you wouldn't feel indebted to him.
Sitting down by the nearest lamp, you put the plastic bag at your lap. It wasn't much, but definitely enough for two. You hadn't been thinking about how much would get you drunk, so you just got whatever felt good for the next few hours. "I won't be at the hospital anymore, so you can rest easy." He nodded, as you handed him a beer. It was cold out, and he was wearing slippers? Seriously? Even you had put on something warm. "Were you glad? To hear it?" Nursing your beer, he asked you if you couldn't sleep. "Mm."
You breathed out, watching the steam dissolve. "And you're out for the cats?" "..yeah."
Taking off your scarf, you thought that if he was cold, you might as well be cold, too. The beer would be fine instead, anyway.
You wanted to cry. "I can't sleep at all.."
Downing a second can, you sighed. It felt better, to know that you'd be off sleeping soon. Drinks knocked you out. That you'd forget this.. you had bad memory for little details like these. When, how, where, whats. You just remembered feelings.
Drinking, you could really get teary. You could do anything. You could blame it on the drinks. Of course you wouldn't do anything, but it just felt nice to remember that could forgive yourself drunk. You could sob, and shake and groan, and all would be forgiven. He wouldn't even remember. "How can you take care of me when you can't even take care of yourself, mm?" You grumbled, wrapping a scarf around him.
"..did you drink anything today?" "What?" "N-no, I mean.. never mind." He murmured, taking his second can as well. You moved onto your third. "If you're worried about me being dehydrated again.. don't. I can't deal with this much, y'know?" "I don't care." "Then don't ask!"
"I just.. it's out of habit." "Well you'll fix it someday." "Yeah.."
"Oy, Ichimatsu." "Hm?" "I'll tell you what. Caring for a girl means you go all the way. Go fill up this can with the water fountain pretty-pretty pleeease..." You dealt an empty can towards him as he leaned away- a scorn on his face. "Not your butler." "Do it!!!"
He brought out a coin. "I'll flip it to decide who goes." "No. No. No." "Let's just go together then.." "..fine."
Somehow, being lazy together makes it easier. Walking over and drinking the filled can, you were surprised by how fast you finished it. So you really were dehydrated.
"Y'know, I can just write you letters." "Huh?!!!" "Yeah. You don't even need to come. It's not like we're that big a clinic." "Holy cow, seriously??" "Yeah. Whatever you want, it's not much for me." "It's okay??" "Said it was." "Serious?? Are you serious?? I feel like I shouldn't do all that though?? Like, am I even allowed to do that?? Morally speaking??" "I don't care. Just do whatever."
He sipped the beer. "Have you been taking the medicine?" "A-ah! No, I haven't.." "They're actually not painkillers. You didn't need them, so I just replaced them with those vitamin candies we gave kids." "Ah. What the fuck?" "Yeah. I'm surprised you don't know." Growing up, you did always love to eat those little vitamin pills the clinic gave when you were sick. You made sure to take them from now on. "Ah! I actually have some on me right now.." You shuffled around it your jacket pocket, and pulled out a packet. "Ooh! You're right, they look just like the ones I got when I was younger!" "Ah, I'm glad you like.."
He watched as you took the entire packet at once. He blinked, and reached for an empty can and filled it with water.
"Y/n, if you take that many with just beer and a can of water in your system, you'll throw up quick." He sounded shocked. In disbelief. "Ah, that so?" You chugged two cans of water. Ahh, it was refreshing. You really needed that water.
About that. You suddenly didn't feel an itch to drink anymore. Did you have enough water already? You felt full.
You looked to the rest of the cans. "What's wrong?" "Well.. it'll take long for me to get anywhere without an empty stomach." "...seriously? Like two cups of water and a packet of vitamin C and you're full?" "Haha, I know right? I have no clue how I do it, either. I'm usually such a fatass with food. Guess it's 'cause I'm sleepy."
You downed another can of beer. You'd pee soon, anyway. Wouldn't hurt to have one more.
"Hey.. can I have tomorrow off?" "Mm? Yeah, sure. Not like I care." "Woohoo!" You cheered, breathing in the midnight air. Suddenly, it didn't feel so stuffy anymore. "Ahh.. shoot. I need to piss." You looked around, holy shit it was far. Or maybe you just felt lazy. "Ichi. Piggyback me." "I'll drag you." You two walked to the bathrooms, with you groaning and muttering the whole way. "I'm siiiiick... of dragging my ass around, god damnit." "I'll cure it.. with paper."
You came out the toilet, and you couldn't see him.
You felt really scared. Like, really scared. It was dark out. There was no wind, just quiet.
"Boo." You screamed.
"Holy shit. I almost pissed myself." "I-- I'm bad with stuff like this, okay?! I can barely even go to the toilet at night!" "Oh.. I know two people who can't, now." "Are you fucking crazy?! Apologise!"
You felt unsteady. You hadn't eaten anything the whole day. He noticed how slow you were walking, and proposed to bring you home. "Don't push yourself." "I hope someone pees on you, fartface." "I don't wanna walk you anymore."
...
You were in his care.
Sitting in the driveway of your own house, you watched him come with a packet of dried fish and medicine. You had fallen ill.
He sat by you and drank some water. "Y'know, I've actually never seen a car here." "Oh.. it's my mom's, she comes and visits sometimes. Maybe you never saw it back in high school because she was always off working." "Right. I don't think I ever met your mom." "I'm... not sure. I don't remember much of anything back then. I just remember the general gist of things.." You blew your nose. "Right," He rummaged around in his bag, giving you anti-inflammatories and some other stuff to take with that protects your stomach lining. It was nice to be taken care of like this. It's like your mom's home.
Mourning the loss of your independence and unset boundaries, you took the medicine and watched the garage wall. "Ah. I forgot the note." "..wanna write it inside?" "Sure."
He was in your room again.
Sitting on the floor, he logged into his account on your computer and printed out a note. You sat on the bed, looking. The process was interesting, and quiet. The clacking and whirring..
"Y/n." "Whuh?"
He placed his hand on your forehead and frowned. Your fever. "I thought you were getting better." "You did say it was gonna take a few days.." "Yeah, with your body. This is bad. Maybe you've been eating too little." "..mm."
You murmured, touching your hair. It was hard to stay awake. "'m gonna take a nap." "Tch.."
Setting a glass of water on your bedside table, you heard his footsteps fade.
You woke up sneezing.
Stepping out of the bedroom, you went to the fridge and threw away your forehead patch. ..was that there before? You weren't sure if you had put one on..
Grabbing at a new one, you closed the fridge, turning around to see.. miso soup!! Right on the table!
Looking around, you began to sit down and eat.
*Delicious!*
...
The snow stopped outside.
"Could you not?" The items on your desk were rearranged. Your pencils were put away. "I got bored."
You had a high fever. He fed you water, and woke you up for food. Which was usually soup. Yum. You couldn't believe you were actually skipping out on work because of sickness. You felt proper, somehow.
He switched out your cooling patch. "I'll be going home soon." "W-wait." You stirred. "I'm cold."
He sighed and brought you a cup of warm water and a hand warmer. "Say ahh." "Aa..."
"I feel like I'm in an elderly care centre..hehe.." "Yeah. I feel like a hell of a nurse." Before he could get up and leave again, you convinced him to stay. You wanted a bedtime story. It was scary being up so late on your own, you had only recently heard a bunch of stories cannibalism related. Everything was scary.
He stayed by your side until you fell back asleep. You didn't hear him leave.
Waking up to the sun, you felt better. Like, spick and span, like never better. Was it the soup? You haven't had anything home cooked in ages. Your legs had gone numb, and you were about to bring your fist down to wake them until you almost punched Ichimatsu square in the face.
Confused for one second, then realising he fell asleep in the next, you slowly slimed your way out of bed and covered him with a blanket.
Could he afford to sleep in, actually? Didn't he have a job to do?
Taking milk out of the fridge, wait, didn't he have a job to do?
Looking back at your room and watching him strut out and towards the main entrance with his eyes closed, you wondered how he took care of you the whole time you were sick. Didn't he have work?
He yelled outside your door, and ran off. Oh. He did have work, didn't he? He forgot to go home and change, too. Did he usually set alarms, here?
Has he been sleeping here?
Did he take days off?
..whatever. Thinking back on it was useless. You were so sick, everything was a blur.
You just hoped you didn't drool too much as you slept.
This feeling won't go away.
As he sat at your desk, and you took your meds, you had not met him at the garage in a while. Purely because you were too lazy. You needed him out. Out. You needed alone time, for what, forever?
He wrote you another slip. "Ichimatsu." "Hm?"
You eyed him. "..nothing."
How could you..? Get the slips.. without..
"..Ichimatsu." "What is it." Eek!
He checked you for a fever. You closed your eyes as his hand reached your forehead again.
"Ichi!" "What." "I'm... fine! So.." Gaze cast around your room, you sounded exasperated. "...........I'll be in your care." Oh, yeah. You couldn't say it. You couldn't live without him. You didn't wanna go to work. You didn't wanna make food. You didn't wanna get out of bed. You didn't wanna think. Ahh, whatever. No decision! The answer always is to do nothing and forget you ever thought! "..okay."
SHIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!
You're stuck with him.
You went back under your covers, staring daggers at the wall, while he typed away at your computer.
The sound was nice.
You fell asleep.
"Y/n?"
You were awake, staring at the ceiling. "Y/n."
"...yes?" "Wanna head out? The plum trees are blooming." "..you should go without me. I'm still sleepy... a little bit." "Okay."
He stalked off, and you got out of bed.
You wanted to watch them too!!!!!!!!!
Walking out the house in your pajamas, you were met with his face, "I thought you'd reconsider."
"I.. don't.. know." "Let's go, before it gets dark."
Your feelings toward him were complicated, and disregarded. You didn't want to worry. So you didn't think it.
One late night, you were laying still on your bed. You felt like a skank. Always letting him in just because he treated you to favors. Because he treated you well. Because he respects you. You needed him, practically used him, this guy who you barely knew. You felt cheap. Easy. This guy who you never cared to.. ahh, forget it.
You were stressed out. Too much to think about.
The next day, he got mad at you. You hurt him, disrespected him. Apparently his patience wasn't limitless, after all. You had gotten fish, that he was in charge of raising. "*You can't even take care of yourself,*" Somehow what he said felt familiar.
You had met up with an old friend, who went to go find fish for the new year with you. It was always auspicious to have fish in the house, and they gave you a bag too after confirming you had a fish tank.
You had forgotten to put the fish in the tank. Ichimatsu was so mad that he stormed out immediately after getting everything ready for the fish. If he had noticed any later..
You were shaking.
He didn't come anymore.
You showered, and went out to the clinic. He wasn't gonna come anymore? That wasn't right, he used to come over every day. Today he didn't even show up.
You waited outside the clinic until closing hours. He didn't even look at you when he left.
You clenched at your chest, taking a deep breath. Was your only option to die?!
I'll do better?! No, no.. I miss you?! *what?!*
He was getting farther and farther away. "I know.. I know, I know, so, I'm sorry.."
Your voice was weak, and you had stood tense at the door. "Ichimatsu.."
Fighting the tears that you knew would only come to be of nuisance, you tried to close the gap between you and him.
Aah. No good. You might just kill yourself.
Running home, you called your friend to take back the fish and never left your bed since.
*I'm horrible*
...
You woke up to him one day. "Afternoon." "Ah.. I keep forgetting you have a spare key." Hair messy, he sat on the floor, and drank some tea.
You got out of bed, and knelt in front of him. "I'm sorry." "Mm." "I.. I.. um.." Clutching at nothing, you evened your breathing. "It's.. I can't.. I can't, um.."
You wanted to cry. "I'll.. I'll.. I don't know how to make you feel better, because I don't know you.. I can't.. remember a single thing.."
You didn't know how to make people feel better because you didn't even know how to make you feel better.
"Please.. don't.. go."
You bowed your head to the floor.
"Stay with me forever..."
Neither of you knew how small your voice was. "Creepy." "E-eh?" "Creepy. It's like you don't care about my life outside you.. what about my future girlfriend? Wife? How do I get a life outside you?" "I.." Your voice caught in your throat.
"Let's get married,"
Peeking out at him, you immediately looked back down. Holy shit you could piss yourself dead. Those dead-fish eyes.. absent from love and compassion.. looked like they wanted to kill you. No; you are already dead. This is an after image.
"Listen," He sounded muffled, and you peeked out again to see he's cupped a hand over his mouth. "I'll let you answer me again. Think properly."
"I'm serious!" "Dude.." "I-- I.. I.." Speaking into the floor, "..I..."
Your voice was wobbling. No; you hated this.. your knees were the ones shaking. You've never been so dumb. This feeling.. that you couldn't do anything. That you can't do anything. You can only pray. For forgiveness. You couldn't imagine a bleaker future. "Think properly." Biting your lip, you blubbered.
"Huh?" "sfgssfsdh" "What. Spit it." "Hfssfdfssfg" "Y/n." "I'll.. show you. I'm not.. asking for too much."
You couldn't even focus your eyes. You couldn't do anything.
"How?" You didn't know.
"Give me one week! I'll prove.. hghck.. I'll prove it.. please.. t..trust me, just one last time.."
You couldn't tell, but he had a hell of a boner.
"Sit up." You responded meek, sitting up with your head bowed.
"...I just wanted you to say you wouldn't do it again. Got it?" Nodding gratefully, tears began to pool at your eyes, "You hurt my feelings. Don't do what you did again. Don't.. stress the small stuff."
Of course that's not what he wanted. But hell if he wasn't in a better mood yet. Hell, he doesn't know if he's ever felt this way. You were, in full spirit and understanding, completely for him like a dog. You shook with his every word. He could reward, or punish you. Your dynamic was so fucked up.
"I'll have the next week off. Let's go see the new cat cafe in town." "Yes! Yes, of course, yes.."
You were sobbing.
He felt horrible. He felt like he was horrible. "Let's get married.."
