#idemromanticism

[freethelgbtqia]

[Image description: A idemromantic pride flag shaped like a peace sign on a gray background]

Idemromantic: someone who can’t distinguish between platonic and romantic attraction but distinguishes between them based on other factors

[freethelgbtqia]

[Image description: paint splatter with the idemromantic pride colors]

Idemromantic: someone who can’t distinguish between platonic and romantic attraction but distinguishes between them based on other factors

[freethelgbtqia]

[Image description: a semicolon with the word Survive under it with the idemromantic pride flag for a background (pic 1), the idemromantic pride flag for the semicolon (pic 2), the idemromantic pride flag for the Survive (pic 3), and the idemromantic pride flag for semicolon and survive (pic 4)]

Idemromantic: someone who can’t distinguish between platonic and romantic attraction but distinguishes between them based on other factors

[freethelgbtqia]

[ID: left a black heartbeat line that forms a heart in the middle with the idem flag for a background, right a black background with the idem flag for the heartbeat]

[freethelgbtqia]

[a-speclove]

Image credit: ♥

[A blue picture with red and white sparkles with text that says “Idemromantic people are extraordinary”]

[idemromanticism]

my attempt at an artsy edit ~ the idemromantic flag made of roses! ~ yay!

Idemromantic ~

“A word signifying romance that is similar to platonic feelings and relationships. The word is meant to spark discussions on the variety of ways romance is expressed.

Some people can categorize their interest in others as romantic instead of platonic simply based on age, personality compatibility, emotional closeness, ease of living together, presence of sexual attraction, or other factors. However, their feelings toward their romantic interests would not be particularly distinguishable from platonic feelings and may be similar to how they feel for a best friend.

Romance can just be a special kind of experience set aside for special bonds. It doesn’t have to be grand, dramatic, gushy, or passionate.

Some people who experience romance this way may go through life never thinking they are out of the ordinary. Others may believe it means there’s something wrong with them. It isn’t unusual; it’s as valid a form of romance as any other.”

“Categorizes relationships and feelings as platonic or romantic but experiences no notable internal differences. They may categorize certain relationships as romantic instead of platonic based on age, personality compatibility, emotional closeness, ease of living together, presence of sexual attraction, or other factors. But their feelings toward their romantic interests would not be particularly distinguishable from platonic feelings and may be similar to how they feel for a best friend or beloved family member. They may pursue platonic, quasiplatonic, romantic, or no relationships.”

[cassiatora]

What I Mean When I Say Idemromantic

I've had one boyfriend. Ever.

It was fourth grade, and he was my best friend. Cody. One of three in our class of thirty. We were both outcasts. I spent too much time reading and not enough time talking about boys and/or fashion and/or NSYNC or whichever boy band had just gotten popular. He didn't like kickball or pokemon.

And of course the school was suffering from an endemic case of the cooties, so boys and girls could not be Friends.

Except for me and Cody. Because no one else cared what we did or who we hung out with, so we were free to be friends off in our own corner of the playground.

Ours was a friendship built on mutual pity--the girls always teased me, the guys always teased him, and we both felt bad for the other without really caring about our own so-called suffering. (No, really, if your worst insult is "Why don't you go read a book?" you're not going to hurt my feelings. You're just giving me permission to have fun in my own way.)

It's not really surprising our friendship only lasted a year before I found friends who liked reading and general dorkiness as much as me.

But for that year, we spent a lot of time together.

And one day, someone teased us about it. "Cody and Mandi sitting in a tree..."

We ignored him and went off to play on the parallel bars. But we were both still thinking about it, and five minutes later he said, "What if you were my girlfriend?"

I thought about that for a minute. "What does that mean?"

"Uhh, I dunno." He put his feet down on the dusty rocks that hadn't yet been declared too dangerous for our playground. "I guess it means we do things together."

"Like play on the bars?"

"Sure, I guess."

"But we're already doing that. Does that mean we're boyfriend-girlfriend?"

He seemed confused. "I don't think so."

"Oh."

"I think you have to say it."

I hooked my knees over the bars and hung upside down, staring at him. "So you wanna?"

"If you do."

"Okay." I flipped over, my braids hitting my nose. "I'm your girlfriend, and you're my boyfriend."

He smiled. "Okay!"

It was only a few minutes before we had a fight. He wanted to play on the monkey bars. I wanted to swing on the swings. He said boyfriends-girlfriends had to do things together. I said it was never that way before and I didn't care if he went to the monkey bars, but I didn't like them.

He came to the swings, but not before one of the other Codys saw him and teased him about having a girlfriend. Maybe I should have stood up for him, but what for? Nothing had changed between us except I swapped out "best" for "boy" in his Friend title.

I think Cody expected something more. The rest of our class certainly did. "Boyfriend" and "Best Friend" were two vastly different things, utterly incompatible. Supposedly.

Twenty minutes later, when recess ended, Cody broke up with me. Asked if we could go back to being "just friends." I said sure, because if anything a best friend sounded more important than a boyfriend.

I know what romance is, more or less. I've experienced it (kind of). But it's never been for me what it seems to be for others.

For me, love isn't a feeling. It's a decision.

(Find out more about the WIMWIS series.)