#iguessicantry

[phanfic]

i'm p sure iguessicantry moved to dannihowell? that's not her main blog, but it has a lot if not all her phanfics

oh my god im so stupid of course. yes that's her new blog 

Dannihowell

[auraorialis]

Yeah, I'm happy for the warm weather and all, but that also means I need to start shaving my legs regularly and I'm just not ready for that.

[subsolars]

can someone please tell me what happened to danni?????

[aadvine]

damn you whoever is running the iguessicantry blog i was in the middle of reading your fanfiction AND NOW I AM DESPERATE FOR CLOSURE BUT YOUR BLOG IS SUDDENLY PASSWORD PROTECECTED I CRY

[thetummyhand]

I was tagged by fancysomenakedhiking (woooo!) to answer some stuff, so here we go! (Insert Phil voice.) The Rules: 1. Always post the rules. 2. Answer the questions of the person who tagged you and write 11 new ones.  3. Tag 11 people and link them. 4. Let them know that they have been tagged

----

1. Who did you watch first, Dan or Phil? - I hate to admit, but it was Dan's video with Jack and Finn

2. What time is it right now where you live? - 2:00 AM exactly O.o

3. What YouTubers do you regularly watch? - AmazingPhil, danisnotonfire, kickthepj, JennaMarbles, smosh, WatchUsLiveAndStuff,Tobuscus, itsGrace, and Zoella.

4. Favorite genre of music? - Oh man. I don't know, whatever you would classify Alkaline Trio as.

5. Favorite song/ album of all time? - Song: Pocahontas - Just Around the River Bend - Album: Alkaline Trio - Good Mourning

6. Relationship status? - Singlee

7. Do you wear any make-up? If so, what are your favorite brands/ products? - I don't wear it daily, only when I'm going somewhere or just feel like it. I don't have favorite brands.

8. How would you describe your clothing style? - Mostly skinny jeans and either a band shirt or a girly top.

9. Have you ever been in love? - No :(

10. Do you know anything about me? ;) - No, but be my friend, friend!

11. What do you want to be when you grow up? - I literally have no idea. I guess some people would argue that I'm already grown up (I'm 21), but I couldn't tell you. When I was little I wanted to be a vet or architect ^.^

Questions:

1. What Dan and Phil video did you watch first?

2. Do you have any pets? If so, what are they and their names?

3. Do you drive? If so, what kind of car?

4. Puppies or Kittens?

5. Today or tomorrow?

6. What is your favorite artist?

7. Socks or barefoot?

8. If you could spend a week anywhere in the world, where would you go?

9. Do you have a favorite piece of jewelry?

10. What is your favorite tradition?

11. Coffee or tea?

People I tag:

iguessicantry

placentaandllamas

utterlyrandomblog

teambullshitsfakefan​

litsy-kalyptica

livsthingy-blog

phantastic-dragons

headbangerkenny

carry-on-my-1967-chevvy-impala

moonpettles

phansticks

[amazingdanielhowell]

i was tagged by acid-lilies-over-the-moon

1 .Where is the strangest place you’ve ever fallen asleep?

the bunk bed prop we used backstage during tech week...oops

2.Who is the last person you spoke to on the phone?

my sister beth

3. What are your summer plans?

*hopefully* get my clinicals done and receive my phlebotomy certification...then warped and momentour ^_^

4. What was your first pet?

a dog named Penguin

5. What did you have for breakfast?

i actually don't eat breakfast but for lunch i had macaroni and cheese :d

6. If you could eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?

bread...or pasta...

7. Who’s one person you can’t live without?

my sister stephanie 

8. What would you do if you couldn’t spend one day on the internet?

i actually do that sometimes...usually because i'm studying but sometimes i see my friends

9. Do you like sports?

i don't really care either way... i don't love them but i don't hate them either

10. What do you do outside of school?

study a lot...play sims, watch netflix, write, read...idk

11. What’s your favorite fruit?

freaking pineapple omg

My Questions

How many hours of sleep do you usually get a night?

Showers or baths?

What's your favorite (weather) season and what makes it so special?

Hotels or camping?

What are your hobbies?

Do you like video games? If yes, which ones are your favorite. 

What's your favorite film (top 5)?

If you could have lunch with any 3 people living or dead, who would they be and why?

The world is under attack! The color of the shirt your wearing + the first item to your left is your super hero name. The first item to your right is your weapon! (How're we lookin'?)

Dogs or cats?

If you could do anything in the world right now, money and consequences aren't a thing, what would you do?

I tag:

discoveringemily (Emily)

iguessicantry (Danni)

phils-ass (Gage)

insertyoutuberquotehere (Sam)

schoopdacoop (Heather)

phanmyass (Justin)

sleepyfoxstar (Kit)

lostinsteroboy (Sam)

brainbowunicorn (Betty)

autumnlesterhowell (Autumn)

phandone (Chrissy)

[amazingdanielhowell]

The ABCs of Phan Masterpost

If any artists out there want to draw a picture for this fic (that's not already credited to someone else), please send the picture to whomever's blog has the posted letter and we'll credit you for your time and talents :)

A is for aftershave

B is for blue

C is for curly hair

D is for dimples

E is for exam

F is for funny

G is for giggles

H is for home

I is for ice cream

J is for Jamaica

K is for kissing

L is for love

M is for markers

N is for nebula

O is for orange juice

P is for piano

Q is for quiet

R is for radio

S is for Skype

T is for train

U is for ugly

V is for video

W is for winning

X is for x-ray

Y is for YouTube

Z is for zzz

[amazingdanielhowell]

Numbers

Two Years Later

“You look like a freak from the sixties.”

“Thanks, Nana.”

“You need to get a haircut. What are your schoolmates going to think of you when they see you?”

“I don’t know.”

“It’s not too late to stop at a salon and get a good trim.”

“No thanks, Nana.”

Dan looks out the window wishing she’d just drop him off already. She complained to him all summer about how long his hair is getting and how he should get it cut so he wouldn’t look like a girl...but that’s exactly how he wanted to look.

“Are you listening Daniel?”

“Huh?”

“I said that I could cut it for you.”

“No, Nana! I like it long.”

“You’re lucky you’re not my son. I would have taken you to get it cut a long while ago.”

“Mum said it looks fine.”

“Mum can’t see.”

“She still said it’s okay,” Dan pouts, pressing his cheek into his hand.

Dan decides to remain silent for the rest of the ride. Once they pull up to his school, Dan hops out and grabs his suitcase, thanking his Nana for driving him out and runs up the pathway to the dorms hoping Phil would be there. He stops outside his door and smears on some of his watermelon lip gloss that he only wore two other times that summer--on his birthday and on a night after a long Skype call with Phil when he found that he missed his best friend more than he thought. He cried himself to sleep that warm summer night tasting a mix of salty tears and sweet watermelon, wishing instead that he could taste Phil’s lips on his again.

“Phil?” Dan calls pushing the door open.

He rubs his lips together so that the watermelon taste covers every inch of his pink, shimmery lips and looks around the room for any signs of Phil moving in.

“Dan!”

Before Dan can turn around, Phil is in the doorway tackling Dan down to the floor.

“When did you get here?” he asks excitedly.

“Just now,” Dan laughs, raising his hand up to grab a piece of Phil’s black locks to push behind his ear.

“Me too,” Phil smiles looking from Dan’s eyes to his lips. “Are you wearing that lip-gloss?”

“Well, yeah, I--”

Dan is cut off by Phil’s lips on his, tasting Phil’s familiar taste with a tiny hint of minty toothpaste still fresh in his mouth from this morning.

“Does it taste like you remember?” Dan asks once Phil pulls away biting his lip.

“Better,” Phil replies. “You grew out your hair too! It looks great. It’s so you.”

“You think so?”

“Yeah.”

“Phil?”

“Yeah?”

“Get off me.”

Phil laughs and bends down for one more kiss before climbing off Dan and reaches his hand out to pull Dan up to his feet.

“How was your summer holiday? Lost my phone and couldn’t text you at all. Sorry about that.”

Dan shrugs. “It was alright I guess. My nana hates my hair but it’s whatever. How was yours?”

Phil walks over to the window where he can see all the other boys and their parents unloading suitcases and boxes. “I need to tell you something and it has to stay between us.”

“Yeah, alright. What is it?”

“My mum and Claire were gone for most of the summer so I stayed with my dad at our house. One morning, I came down stairs to find him. I couldn’t find my old camera and-- Professor Tillman was there in the den with him.”

“What was she doing at your house?”

Phil scoffs. “My father.”

Dan stifles his laughter while his eyes open wide. “Oh my god. Your dad is /with/ Professor Tillman.”

“Yeah. I heard him call her ‘Caitlin’. She’s married too, you know? It’s all so fucked up.”

“Did you tell your mom?”

“What should I tell her, Dan? That her husband doesn’t love her anymore? That her son saw his father destroy the family?”

Dan rests his hand on Phil’s shoulder. “Sorry, Phil.”

“I thought they were so happy. I thought that if I ever had what they had, I’d be alright. Now, I don’t know what to think.”

“You aren’t your father. You’ll be okay. I know it. You wouldn’t do something like that.”

“Yeah. I know I wouldn’t.”

---

Whenever Dan sees Headmaster Lester he keeps his head down. When he see Professor Tillman, the tall blonde beauty that almost every boy admittedly lusts over, he rolls his eyes. He knows there are two sides to this story but both sides are just plain wrong. You don’t have an affair with an employee and you don’t risk two families by doing whatever it is she does. He’s a little judgmental but it’s because Phil doesn’t smile as long as he used to. He’s not as care-free.

They have been roommates since they were six, and this year for the first time they’ll have their own room; just Dan and Phil.

----

Unfortunately, in the second term, Phil is assigned to Professor Tillman’s Latin class. Every weekday morning, at 11:05, she smiles at his class and welcomes them. Phil tries to sleep through the lecture.

In late January, he notices the bracelet on her wrist. He remembers his mother receiving an identical one on Christmas morning. It’s gold; encrusted with a few small diamonds. His sister practically died when she saw it. Now, Professor Tillman’s taken off her blazer and Phil can see it clear as day.

“Mr. Lester, are you alright?”

“Yes, Professor.”

“You looked flushed. Are you sure you wouldn’t like to go to the infirmary?”

“No, my /father/ would tell me to be stronger. Be a /man/. You know a bit about that, don’t you?”

The woman clears her throat before ignoring his last comments. “Everyone please turn in their conjugations worksheets before you leave. You are all dismissed for the lunch hour.”

The class packs up their books and supplies and leaves their work on the desk at the front. As Phil stands up to leave, he hears, “Philip, you will stay here.”

“No. I think I’ll leave.”

“You will stay here or your father will hear about this!”

“What else will he hear, Professor? Just what else are you telling him? What are you saying that is so interesting that you were at my /mother’s/ house, in my father’s arms? Why the hell was he kissing you?!” Phil shouted.

“You will lower your voice this instant!”

Phil takes a deep breath.

“I think you should go see your father. Let him talk to you about this.”

“Goodbye… /Caitlin/,” Phil sneers.

Dan backs away from the door when Phil comes out. “What happened?”

“I told her that I knew.”

“What did she say?”

“To go to my father.”

“Are you going to?”

“He’s only going to say this is a man’s issue. He does that whenever he wants to avoid talking to me.”

“You’re older now. Maybe he’ll say something different.”

---

What Phil hears in his father’s office is not what he was expecting.

“A man has needs. Men will be men. Boys will be boys. You’ll understand when you’re a little older. I think it goes without saying that your mother will not hear about this.”

Phil rolls his eyes and meets his father’s hard gaze. “Why not, Dad?”

“Because do you want to break her heart that way? She’ll hate you for shattering the life she’s worked so hard to build. She thinks she has a great husband, brilliant children, a wonderful career, a lovely home... And everything she could ever ask for, she has.”

“Except honesty. You’re a liar and a cheat.”

“And you’re her son. This is not your place.”

“And who are you to decide that?”

“Listen, I can make your life a living hell--,”

“That ship has sailed.”

“Do not tempt me any further. Now leave. I have a meeting in a few minutes.”

Phil huffs in the chair in front of his father’s desk and then, in a flurry, storms out of the room.

Back in their room, Dan looking in the mirror. He has his hands up his undershirt. “I wonder…” he says while making it appear as if he has cleavage. Phil storms in and crashes on his bed.

“Hey, what are you doing?” he asks when he sees Dan pulls his shirt back on.

“Umm nothing… I thought I saw a bruise or something.”

“Oh.”

Dan sits down on the bed next to Phil. “What happened?”

“He told me not to tell anyone.”

“That’s it? No explanation?”

“Just: ‘Boys will be boys.’”

“Are you okay?”

“No but -- Dan, have you ever thought about what we are?”

“What? Roommates? Friends?”

“I mean I think of you as my boyfriend. I mean, if you want to be. I won’t force you.”

Dan breaks out into a fit of giggles. “Phil Lester, you’ve been my boyfriend since we were ten. I thought you knew!”

Phil joins in the laughter.

“Are you gay, Dan?” he asks, laughter still coming through. They don’t take most things seriously, especially when it’s just to the two of them.

Dan shakes his head, still giggling. “I--I don’t know…”

“It’s okay. I’m not sure either but you’re the only person I’ve ever liked. There was this singer when I was little. Mum still talks about it every Christmas.”

“Who was it?”

“Ryan Greyson.”

“From ‘No Way’, that god awful boy band? That tosser?!”

“Hey, he was cute!”

“Oh, like you would know!”

“And who did you like before me?”

“No one. You were my very first crush, Phil.”

“What about Amanda? She still chases you every year at the picnic.”

“I don’t like girls… I think… I /really/ don’t like her.”

“Her braces are coming off she said. Remember last year?” Phil sits up on the bed and starts batting his eyelashes. “Oh Dan, I just love your smile. It’s so perfect. Your teeth are /so/ straight. And your lips. Oh my god, I love your lips.”

“She didn’t say that thing about my lips!”

“Oh… I must have been thinking it then.”

Dan wants to smile, really he does, but his mind has drifted off. Phil takes his hand and waits for Dan to break the silence.

“I have something to tell you too.”

“What is it?”

“I--I think I am a… Phil, I think…”

“You can tell me, Dan. You can trust me.”

“I feel like a girl. I mean-- I want to be a girl. I don’t feel like a boy. I never have.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“What do you mean ‘you don’t feel like a boy’?”

“Ever since I was little, I’ve felt like I wasn’t meant to be one. I always wanted things that were supposed to be for girls. “Yeah?”

“I feel like I-- I want to look like the girls at the other school and like, wear lip gloss and pretty dresses and heels." Dan almost smiles at the thought of being able to all those things. “It’s more than just that though.”

“Like what?”

“It’s like I’m trapped. This body isn’t for me. I don’t want…” Dan gestures towards his groin. “It’s all wrong. “I want… You know how girls have like… Boobs? Well, yeah.” He sputtered out awkwardly. “I don’t want to shave or do any of the things we’re supposed to do because ‘our bodies are changing,’” he says, mocking the sex education teacher.

“Oh.”

“I’m confusing you, aren’t I?”

“Just surprised,” Phil shrugs. There’s a moment of silence, neither of them knowing what to say. Phil finally breaks the silence. “So erm, Do you have a name you want to be called instead of Dan? Dan’s a boy name, isn’t it?”

Dan looks at Phil and eyed him carefully before answering. “I’ll keep Dan. There’s lot of girls’ names that it can be short for too.”

“Okay.” Phil nods and smiles at the funny look on Dan’s face.

“Wait. So, you don’t think I’m weird?”

“No. Claire has a friend who is transgendered. He’s cool. He came over a few times. Mom and Dad still don’t know that he used to be a girl. She says he’s still the same person he always was.”

“You won’t tell anyone? I’m not ready and other people-- they won’t understand..”

“You can trust me, Dan. Always.”

---

In April, Dan’s hair finally touches her shoulders and that is officially against school code of conduct. Phil threatens his father with exposing the truth and Dan is suddenly no longer in trouble.

In May, the boys in fifth form catch up with Dan in the locker room. They grab her by the hair and her down, shouting profanities about her sexuality. Kyle, a sixteen year old, writes the word ‘Pussy’ across her forehead in red marker. They take her clothes.

Dan is found by the Physical Education teacher and she’s sent home for the rest of the term.

---

“What is that on your lips?”

“Nothing, Nana. Nothing.”

“Come here.”

Dan chews on her lips and walks over to her, looking down so hopefully she wouldn’t notice the makeup Dan has been experimenting with.

“Is that...lipstick?” Dan’s nana asks.

“Um, yeah, I--”

“Why didn’t you tell us you had a girlfriend? Oh my, she must be one hell of a girl to put up with that head of hair you have!”

“Nana, I don’t--”

“Oh! Sorry! A friend who just happens to be a girl then.”

“No, I--”

“Why don’t you invite her over for supper? Your mother would want to meet her. Helen! Did you hear that? Your son has a lady friend!”

“Nana! Listen to me!” Dan whines looking up at her. “I don’t have a girlfriend, or a lady friend or anyone like that.”

“Then why is there lipstick on your lips? And is that eyeliner?”

“Yeah, it is.”

“Why are you wearing makeup? Makeup isn’t for men.”

“I-I don’t feel like a man,” Dan replies sighing. “Nana, I’ve never felt like a male.”

“What are you saying?”

“I...I’m not a boy. I was born in the wrong body--”

“Helen! Helen, we need to talk to your son!” Ruth screams.

“Daughter!” Dan yells to be heard over the shouts.

“What’s going on?” Dan’s mother asks walking into the room, swinging around her cane to be sure she won’t hit a wall or a person.

“Tell her Daniel,” Ruth orders.

“I-I can’t,” Dan half screams sliding down against a wall. “I can’t do this right now.”

“Daniel, please tell me,” Dan’s mum begs.

“He thinks he’s a girl,” Ruth interrupts.

“Nana! Please!” Dan begs.

“What? A girl?” Helen asks unsure if she’s heard correctly. “Daniel James, explain yourself this instant.”

“It’s because he didn’t have a father figure growing up,” Ruth starts. “There’s churches and camps that can help you understand--”

“I do understand! I don’t want to go to churches or camps!” Dan screams feeling physically and emotionally cornered. “I just said that I’m not a--”

“You were born with male parts. It says so on your birth certificate,” Ruth argues.

“It also says I’m eight pounds and three ounces. A lot has changed,” Dan snaps.

“Don’t you talk to your nana like that,” Helen orders. “Go to your room and don’t come out until you’re ready to apologize.”

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