oh my godd poor Atumu..... poor baby ahh
Yeh the part I didn't write about (the roughly TWO years he spends bed bound and restrained, starved and dehydrated and neglected, while not knowing why or what was going on - if he did anything wrong/what he did to deserve this) were literally some of the worst thing moments of Atumu's life. It was SUCH a bad time not just for physical deterioration reasons but also bc of the mental anguish of "why is this happening? What did I do?"
It's so so so fucking miserable.
In the end, it was actually a moment when King was high (sometimes King uses opium to cope with life), and stumbles into Anhar's room and talks to Atumu/Anhar that Atumu is roused out of his comatose state. The really really tragic thing is that he would have been responsive if anyone actually engaged with him. But no one did. Radu and Dani would be the only ones who drip honey water into his mouth, or give him sugar water enemas just to make sure his body was absorbing some water and nutrients. But besides those rare minutes in the day, he had absolutely no interaction with anyone while literally being bound on the bed. If King had come in to talk to him at any point in those many many months, Atumu would have been responsive. But he didn't.
So it was only when King was high out of his mind and goes into the room and rambles, speech slurred, to Anhar that Atumu becomes responsive. He asks for forgiveness. Then he asks for death.
So King is like sloppily making out with barely lucid Atumu, and Atumu is kissing back hard, but just cuz he's so fucking dehydrated that his throat just tastes like metallic blood and King's saliva is just about the only moisture he has gotten all day. King is too high out of his mind to realise that Atumu is actually awake and conscious, and definitely too delirious to understand what's going on and to give Atumu actual water 😭😭😭
So they have a sloppy make out session but it's just King being high and Atumu being so fucking dehydrated. And when Atumu can finally speak, his first words are an apology. "I'm sorry, Master. Whatever I have done, I am sorry." He doesn't know what he has done to deserve this fate, but he knows he must have done something. It's all he can think about, when he can think. King is still way too high to understand what's going on. Doesn't realise these are the first words that Atumu has uttered in almost a year. He just slurs a "Hmmm? Whuh--"
"I understand that I have failed you. You are in good hands with Danica and Radu. If you have no further use for me, I ask that you end my life." And King is still too high out of his mind and just falls asleep on Atumu. Atumu would cry if he had any moisture to spare. He also just like...he doesn't even know if he's still alive. Atumu also goes to sleep again after that bc he basically thinks he is dead.
The next day, King wakes up and is like..?? Oh boy wow that was embarrassing. He wakes up in the arms of his comatose captive slave, who resembles his most beloved life companion, after getting absolutely wasted on opium. How embarrassing. It's not a record low, but still bad enough that he would rather not talk about it. He mutters a soft apology to Anhar just out of reflex of politeness, and here is where Atumu actually responds.
Oh my god wait I just realized it gets so much worse before it gets better holy shit I'm about to break my own heart fuck.
Okay so Atumu responds, but just a soft exhale, mouthing "Master". And that's more movement than King has ever seen from Anhar in the past year or so. So he frantically grabs water to give to Atumu. He has to drip water into Atumu's mouth with his fingers first before Atumu can even properly drink. Atumu downs several glasses easily, but King stops because too much water too fast is also not good.
Okay so uhhhh-- I'm gonna fast forward through this bc it is still too heart breaking for me to deal with rn but I'll post about it later maybe. But uhhh. Okay so Atumu and King actually have a moment to talk. Like for real. Atumu again asks for forgiveness and death. King is entirely confused. He has never heard Anhar speak to him with such reverence. King is the only thing that matters to Atumu in his life, so if King does not want him around anymore - does not need him - he has no reason to continue to be alive. King is honestly confused by all of this.
Then uhhh the beginning of the end. Atumu calls him by his real name, which I won't write here just out of respect for King. King freezes. His mind reels. His body immediately goes into a panic attack. There is only one human being - only one BEING in existence, that he can recall telling his real name to, besides his family. And that was Atumu. King just experiences a whole array of traumatic flashbacks, reliving the pain of losing Atumu, of losing their daughter. Centuries of mourning. He staggers backwards and collapses, heaving from the panic attack.
Atumu is still bed bound at this time. Not only bed bound but literally BOUND TO THE BED. his wrists are bound to each headboard post and his ankles to the end posts of the bed. His body has been bound in this position for months. His limbs, tendons, ligaments, muscles, are dehydrated like beef jerky. But hearing his Master wheezing, sobbing, crying, screaming, wailing, calling out his name - "Atumu" - Atumu fights to move for the first time. He needs to be there for his Master.
King is knelt on the floor, wailing and gasping, trapped in his own memories. The door is locked, so even though Dani and Radu can hear their Master, they can't get in. They desperately search for the skeleton key.
Atumu screams as he rips his arms from the bedposts. The ligaments in his shoulders and elbows tear horribly. But Atumu has tremendous strength when he needs to have it, and hearing his Master in pain like this necessitates this. He pulls his arms with such force that it breaks the wooden bed posts - the rope still tied around each post, and the other end of the ropes still tied around his wrists. Neither of his arms are functional anymore - dislocated either at the shoulders or at the elbows from this horrible action. They hang limply at his side as he throws his body on the ground, crawling like a worm towards his still sobbing Master. The wooden bedposts dragging behind him.
He has no use of his arms, so he can't prop himself up. But when he reaches King, he presses his face into King's lap and whispers "Master, I'm here. I'm here, Master" in response to King wailing his name. King grabs onto Atumu and cradles his head, sobbing still. King is still fully lost in his memories, in his mind. He is not at all present, but having something to hold onto, hearing Atumu's voice, seems to help a bit.
By now, Radu has found the skeleton key, and manages to open the locked door. Radu and Danica see a horrifying scene. Their Master, in horrendous distress, and Anhar - their prisoner ward who had tried to kill them some months ago - escaped from his bindings? The splintered wood of the bed posts still on the ground. The only conclusion they could make was that Anhar had escaped from his bindings and made another attempt on King's life.
They grab their Master to help him out of the room and lock the door behind them.
The next few days are spent with Dani and Radu taking care of King, making sure he is healthy and mentally okay again. Having recovered from his opium bender and emotional breakdown, he has had a bit more time to reflect. But he has work to do, so he plungez himself back into his work. Still, he thinks about that last interaction he had with Anhar. Was it a dream?
Meanwhile, back with Atumu, it gets worse. For three days, he is left on the ground, arms all but shattered from ripping them off the bedpost. No one came to check on him in those 3 days, so he falls back into the comatose state. It's to preserve the energy he doesn't have. His organs are failing and he needs to go into the comatose state to survive. After 3 days, by King's orders, Radu and Danica put him back into bed, tie him up again, and continue caring for him in the bare minimum way that they had before. More time (weeks? months?) elapse while King is on his work trips. Atumu's condition worsens.
Finally, King returns from his work trip. He can't stop thinking about what happened that day. Was it a dream? He knows he was high, so he can't trust himself. But he needs to find out for himself.
Against Radu's warnings, King goes to seek out Anhar again. The boy is so skeletal. Just a pile of bones, barely visible on the bed, arms strung up again. It's such a sad pathetic sight. He feels so bad, partially responsible for Anhar's sad state. He speaks softly to Anhar, which rouses Atumu. Atumu gasps a breath of life when he comes back into consciousness. He tries to whisper another apology.
King has come prepared this time. Prepared with water and honey for Anhar, and prepared with questions. Mostly, he is mentally prepared. Not sure what the answers will be.
"When we last spoke, you called me a name...what was it?"
"I... apologize if I am not permitted to utter your name, Master--" Atumu quickly whispers. His entire body is in so much pain and he wants only death. He is so so so sorry.
"What was the name you said? I have only told this name to one person."
"Was he not I, Master?" Atumu is beginning to doubt himself. It couldn't be him...could it be him? He's only a slave...maybe he is mistaken. His memory seems to have a lot of holes now anyway...
"What was the name, Anhar?" King insists.
"Master *****..." Atumu whispers almost inaudibly, and winces in fear that speaking this name will call upon an sort of punishment. But no punishment comes.
"Where did you hear of this name?" This time King is calm in hearing his name. He is prepared.
"I...I don't... remember..." Atumu is speaking the truth. He doesn't know. He doesn't remember.
In fact, King had told Atumu his real name after their daughter died. It was a heart wrenchingly tragic moment, and he wanted his most beloved companion to know his true name. So that at least one other being in this world would know him.
Atumu remembers...his head hurting. He remembers waking up, as if from a long sleep. Not knowing what was going on. He remembers the attack -- they were under attack. He remembers feeling a hot knife slash his throat -- but King was hurt too. He remembers trying to save King's life. (He would never have thought it was King who slit his throat. He knows his Master would never hurt him. The only logical conclusion he could come to was that they were both under attack). And then he couldn't remember much else. He remembered the servants, Danica and Radu. They are humans. They are looking out for King. He knows he can trust them to take care of King...if he is no longer needed...
Slowly now, King asks... hesitantly... "What is your name?"
"My name is Atumu, Master..." he speaks slowly and deliberately at first...but then interrupts himself quickly, as he has noticed his Master and Radu and Danica using another name with him. "B-but if you should wish my name to be otherwise, I shall know no other name."
King's eyes widen. If he wasn't wearing a veil over his face, Atumu would see his eyes watering. "Atumu....how can this be? You were dead, Atumu. I killed you."
"I am not, Master. As you can see, I am alive and well." (Well, not "well"). "And I know that is not true, Master. You would never hurt me."
"It was an accident...I killed you... I carried your body....for years... I have lived lifetimes without you. I have lived half a millennia in your absence."
Atumu doesn't know what to say in response. He doesn't know any of this. He doesn't remember. He doesn't remember much of anything. He doesn't know what is true and what was a dream. He has no details of any previous life he had lived. "Well, I am here now, Master...in your service....if you will still have me..."
King chokes out a laugh through his tears. "Oh, Atumu, you really are as wonderful as I remember you to be."
And then they make plans for him to get better, etc, and then fun shit happens, yadda yadda yadda
I said I wouldn't get into the details, but I got all caught up with myself and this is one of the most heart wrenching moments and ahhh
Sorry again for the text dump ahhhhhh good bye
