I’m still worrying about him. I’m still thinking about how I hurt him, how it affected him and the guilt I feel. But that’s unhealthy. I need to put myself first. I can’t torture myself forever for my mistakes. A year later and I’m still putting him before me. I need to focus on myself, do things that make ME feel good. I need to let go of the past, let go of my guilt. I hurt him, but now I’m just hurting me too. This isn’t the way to solve things. I can’t try to resolve hurting someone by hurting myself. It’s a whole lot of hurt and it’s just encouraging more hurt to be felt and dealt by me. How is this helping me? I’m not making myself feel better, and I’m certainly not changing the past or how he feels. Hurting is not the solution. Punishment is not the solution. You can’t fight fire with fire. If I want to love others more, I need to love myself more. Compassion breeds compassion. I know for a fact that I’m more likely to be unkind to others when I’m feeling badly about myself. I can’t change the past. It’s done with. I can change my present and my future though, and to do that I need to be kind to both others and myself. I can’t fix old problems. All I can do is fix the now, and to fix and improve the now I need to live in the now, and focus on the now, its beauty and it’s issues. What’s happening right now in my life is going to suffer if I am focusing all my energy on the past. And then I’m just going to make more mistakes now, and accumulate more and more regret in my life. The only way to be better is to be better in my life now. If I want change, I need to make changes now. I need to focus on what’s relevant to my life in this moment. I’m capable. I can think. I care about many things. I can have and be everything I have ever wanted, I only need to direct my energy and potential to the present. The present is the only thing I have control over. What I did before, what I might do in the future, I can’t control that right now. All I can control right now is what I am doing right now.