Negative Emotions and How I’m Coping with them.
My best friend has moved back up North (sounds like Game of Thrones, doesn’t it?!). Laura moved to Surrey six and a half years ago and last May moved to Hampshire. Kristian and I managed to get down to see her three to four times on a good year, or once on a bad year. Either way, I missed her but she’d made a life down there and Kristian and I had planned on moving down there in a few years time. However, since her daughter was born in November, Laura and her husband made the decision to move back up North! I can’t tell you how happy that’s made me. I’m gutted she’s to leave her life behind, but she’s ready to be around her family and friends and wants her daughter to grow up around family too. It’s good to have her back here and she seems and has said she is much happier up here. We’ve seen so much more of each other (of course!) and planning to do things is so much easier; we can even have random days out! We’ve been out a meal, just us (another friend was supposed to come with us but unfortunately she’s still recovering from an operation) which was scrumptious and heartwarmingly enjoyable. She’s just popped around for a coffee, I’ve invited her around for a coffee in a time of need (not my story to tell, so I’ll leave that there) and we’ve had a random morning out to a vegan festival. Laura messaged me the Friday night, which was strange as I was researching how to make “clean treats” and a lot of the ones I was looking at were vegan - great minds! She was wanting to go as she’s intrigued my the lifestyle and wants her daughter to grow up to be as healthy as possible, so we were both going for inspiration, of which there was lots. I’m not vegan and don’t think I ever could be, I’m a foodie I love all food and providing I can afford to buy organic I will. I do, however, buy vegan friendly, non-animal tested make up where possible (Kat von D and Tarte being my favourites at the moment). That may not be enough for some, but it’s enough for me. I love Laura. We just connect, she’s a fantastic friend, wife, mother, daughter, granddaughter, auntie, sister and a fantastic human being. We’ve been friends since we were seven years old, had our ups and downs (we’re both quite strong minded) but we’ve always been drawn back to each other and it’s made us closer than ever.
This week has been full of them for me. I’ll start with anger. I don’t cope very well with anger, I either cry or it turns to rage. It’s something I’m working on though - last Sunday I posted about my disappointment in Kristian’s guise of a compromise and how that angered me, I knew what the underlying emotions were (see previous post) but still struggle with the emotion. Anxiety: my skin has bothered me this week and today feels like it’s getting worse. I put a repeat prescription in at the GP’s for some Zeroderm, two days after picking up my last one. When I went to collect it two days later, I was told by the receptionist that it will have been ignored as I shouldn’t be going through it that quickly and if I am I need to see a doctor about it. I don’t cope well with bureaucracy, I never have. It took all my strength not a yell at her (I know it’s not her fault, but less of the attitude at the time would have helped), so I left and a behaviour surfaced one which never helps me - I refused to go back. If something annoys me, I have a streak of stubbornness which bites the hand that feeds me. So I refused to call up for an appointment, after all, it states on my medical notes I need that cream so why can’t I have access to it? I’ve calmed down now, obviously, so I’ll make an appointment on Monday and hope my stubbornness hasn’t caused my skin too much of a setback. I will also speak to the GP about the attitude of their staff and to someone else, it may have had a much worse reaction.
I’ve also found I’ve been comparing myself to others a lot this last week or so. I’m so worried I’ll be the unfittest and fastest person at the Les Mills training course at the end of the month. However, I was watching Ashy Bines on Snapchat (Ashybines1 - if anyone would like to follow her) who covered this topic and it was a revelation. Amazing, how I was suffering with some self-doubt and the topic was covered totally randomly. She said when she starts suffering with self doubt she thinks of some positive things about myself. So, here we go: 1. One of my friends comes to me for fitness advice, over other people she’s close to because she thinks I’m less judgemental, more open and honest. 2. I am fit, healthy and in a loving, stable relationship. 3. I love my eyes. I have a form hetrochromia, so I have all three colours in my eyes and they change colour depending on the amount of light. They’re brown in the dark, yellow in low light and green in bright light. Self confidence is something I struggle with, slowly but surely I’m building on it. I’m learning that being able to talk to others about my dreams, goals and what I’m good at isn’t being conceited, if done properly.
I’ve managed to get to the gym three times this week; if I go with Kristian tomorrow morning it’ll be four. It feels good to be back there, I still struggle with motivation but it’s anxiety based and once I’m there all is good. I’ve done BodyCombat twice and it’ll be the release I’ll be learning to teach which I’m excited about, it’s an amazing release. I’ve also done an upper body session which included: 1. 2km sprints to warm up 2. Skipping - 30s skips with 30s rest for 3 sets 3. Leaning camels x10 (no weight) for 3 sets 4. Kettlebell side bends x10 each side for 3 sets 5. Reverse crunches x10 for 3 sets 6. Dumbbell hammer curl x15 reps / 3 sets 7. Dumbbell lateral raises x15 reps / 3 sets 8. Tricep dips x15 reps / 3 sets 9. Cable upright rows x15 reps / 3 sets 10. Cable tricep extensions - 21s / 3 sets
My sister in law, Katie, has just called after her third shift being a student nurse. Hearing her speak about how much more interactions with patients and family, dealing with very poorly people and gaining confidence in taking vital signs and getting such positive feedback from her mentor and other auxilleries. It’s heartwarming, really made me smile. I’m so proud of her - chasing her dreams and they’re finally coming true.
